Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Joey missed breakfast.
After a sip of coffee, Grover asked, “Felix, have you seen Joey? I checked the barn. Lightning's stall is empty, and Joey's gone.”
“Did he go check the herd or something?” Felix said. He wondered if Joey had gone to find the little filly he talked about. Deep down inside, he hoped not, but that’s what Joey spoke about, so Felix would put Joey’s desires before his own.
“I checked the herd yesterday,” Grover said. “The cattle are fine.”
Felix shrugged. He ignored Joey so much over the past few days that he had no idea where his former best friend might be.
Thoughts of how he treated Joey turned his stomach.
He left half his breakfast uneaten and grabbed the old Fedora from the hat rack, leaving the new hat Joey gave him untouched, as he had for two weeks.
“I’ll be in the barn caring for the horses. ”
“Felix,” Mabel said, concern in her voice. “You and Joey are each having troubles, but please…if you know where he is…tell him we love him.” Her voice trembled a bit. Felix didn’t remember her ever sounding this concerned.
“Yes, son,” Grover said. “If you find him, make sure he’s not hurt, and come tell us. I don’t want him to think he’s in trouble. He and Jacob used to go camping sometimes, so he’s probably okay. But if he went out and got snake bit or attacked by a wildcat, that’s another thing.”
Felix nodded. “If I find him, I’ll tell him.” He headed out the door. Wildcat? Did the ranch have wildcats? Joey never mentioned it. Pa Sterling mentioned snakes several times, but Felix never saw one.
All morning, he mucked out stalls and fed and watered the horses.
He spent extra time with Sparkle. He never developed a kinship with either Bonner horse like he did with Sparkle.
Joey said Sparkle picked him, and Sparkle's actions proved Joey right. Sparkle became his new best friend. He shuddered at not having Joey as his best friend anymore. Not that it was anyone’s fault but his own.
He pushed Joey away. But Joey wanted a little filly, and Felix must give Joey his freedom, no matter how much it hurt.
Sparkle kept nudging him as if he had something to say, but horses don't talk, so Felix only wondered what Sparkle wanted.
Lunchtime arrived, and Felix went in to eat. Joey's absence and Grover and Mabel’s expressions increased his uneasiness.
“Did Joey say anything to you about camping or riding somewhere else, Felix?” Grover asked. “It’s not like him to disappear without telling us where he’s going.”
“Not to me, Pa Sterling.”
They ate in silence, as they had for the past couple of weeks. Reality hit Felix. He caused problems when he drove Joey away and hurt the whole family. This is not what he wanted. “I think he went to find a girlfriend,” Felix muttered.
Ma Sterling's unexpected, surprised expression flustered Felix. “What makes you think so, Felix?”
Felix shrugged. He did it a lot, but he didn’t have many answers. “On the ride back from the Bowden’s, he said something about finding a little filly and settling down to raise a family.”
Ma Sterling’s face showed a flicker of hope, then confusion. “I don’t think Joey is ready to settle down yet, Felix. He never mentioned wanting a girlfriend. Besides, school is out for the summer, so he's not around the other students. Only you.”
A tiny flicker of hope ignited in Felix. He messed up, and only he can fix it. “I need to go ride fences.” He stood to leave.
“I think I’ll head into town to ask if anyone ran into Joey,” Grover stood, too. “Felix, if you find any sign of Joey, come and tell Mabel.”
Felix nodded and headed out to ride fences.
* * *
Nobody in town remembered seeing Joey for weeks. Midafternoon, Grover sat at the kitchen table sipping a sweet berry drink Mabel made from the last berry crop. “Wherever Joey is, I hope he's okay.”
Mabel sat. “I think those two got closer than we thought."
“Oh? How so?” Grover raised an eyebrow. “Did Joey say something to you to explain his disappearance?”
“Joey came to me a few days ago and asked about love.” She folded cloth napkins as they talked.
“Love? Why did Joey want to know about love?”
“After Felix stopped talking to him, he worried about the cause. He said he loves Felix like a brother and wants to understand his feelings.”
Grover sighed. “Do you think the two are closer than either realizes?”
“What makes you ask?” Mabel huffed. “I made it clear to Joey that men loving other men is unacceptable.”
“We have two young men down in the dumps. Neither of them will talk to the other about their feelings, and now Joey is missing. I bet those events are connected.” Grover blew out a breath. “Do you think Joey ran off because of something you said?”
Mabel shook her head. “He didn’t act upset.”
“I caught your reaction when Felix mentioned the little filly conversation.” Grover paused. “I assume the reaction somehow ties to your conversation with Joey?”
Mabel nodded. “Yes.”
“What did you tell him about love?”
Mabel sighed. “I said friendship can sometimes seem like love, but two unrelated men should not fall in love.”
“Do you think it happened?”
Mabel shook her head. “I don’t know.” Her eyes widened. “You think Joey loves Felix in a way he doesn't understand?”
“He asked you the question, Mabel. What do you think?”
Mabel crossed her arms and glared. “I think Joey better not love Felix like that."
“That kind of relationship goes against everything and society's thinking in general,” Grover said. “Some say it's a crime against humanity, but would you rather he live his life lonely and unloved?”
Mabel huffed and shook her head. “Lonely and unloved is not an option, either. I want him to, as Felix said, find a little filly and give me grandchildren.”
“Honey, what if he’s not the little filly and grandchildren type? He came to talk to you for a reason.”
Mabel frowned. “Do you think he might have deeper feelings for Felix than he let on?”
“It's obvious both are upset about something. And based on how fast Felix and Joey became close friends, I’m betting they encountered feelings neither admitted.”
Mabel pondered her conversation with Joey.
“I don’t think telling Joey he shouldn’t love another man is wrong.
I only want to spare him the trouble from others.
Men like that are breaking the law if they expose their relationship.
And they are breaking God’s law. I don’t want Joey to be a fugitive.
I don’t want him to burn in hell, either. ”
Grover shook his head. “When did you last see Joey as happy as the first few days after I brought Felix to the ranch?”
“About two years. Since Jacob left for college. Wait, when he realized Jacob would leave, so three years.”
Grover tapped the table with a finger. “And how about the past couple of weeks?”
“I’ve never seen him so down.”
“And Felix?” He opened a palm.
“No better than Joey.”
“Have you talked to Felix?”
“Not since the day the letter arrived from his father.”
Grover pounded a fist on the table. “You’re right. The letter started this whole rift between them.”
“Felix spoke between sobs when I consoled him.
He cried in my arms for ten minutes, and it looked like he'd cried for a couple of hours. And Joey sobbed in his room across the hall. The letter impacted both boys. Felix said his father never called him by name or asked how he liked ranching, but only tried to control him. Felix never mentioned Joey.”
“That tells me the letter is part of the reason Felix pushed Joey away. I suspect his father’s control spans the distance.
When I picked him up, he kept looking to his father for an explanation, but Cornelius said nothing.
Felix tried to act unbothered as we rode to the ranch, but his actions said he dreaded the summer. ”
Mabel nodded. “He stiffened when I pulled him into a hug on his first day. I bet he's never hugged at home. There's no telling what kind of things Cornelius puts into his head.”
“It’s amazing how fast Joey and Felix bonded. I’m guessing Felix experienced friendship for the first time. Joey has been lonely since Jacob left. Putting those two together gave them both something they needed.”
“How did the boys act after the trip to the Bowdens?” Mabel asked. “Any different?”
“They were quiet when they first got back, but as we unloaded the bales, they started joking with each other. It didn’t seem like anything happened on the ride from the Bowden's.”
Mabel picked at a spot on the tablecloth. “I hesitate to ask because I’m digging a hole I’m not sure I want to dig. But do you think those two have some kind of physical relationship?”
Grover shook his head. “I've not seen anything obvious, but Joey's been different since he walked into the kitchen and met Felix. Not immediately, although he enjoys having another guy his age to help with the ranch chores. But something about how he boasts about Felix’s accomplishments makes me think the friendship is more than we see. It’s like Joey took him under his wing.”
Mabel glared at Grover. “Let me make myself clear.” Her turn to pound the table with a fist. She pointed a trembling finger at her husband.
“I do not want Joey to have a physical relationship with Felix. Aside from me finding such things unacceptable, those two face problems if something more develops. While they are close to each other, at least before the letter arrived from Cornelius Bonner, they need to understand that most people are opposed to two young men being more than friends. Plus, it’s against God’s law, and I won’t have it.
” Mabel stood, tossed a dismissive wave, and stomped from the kitchen. “It’s weird for me to even talk about.”
* * *