Chapter Fourteen
crossing lines
We finish eating our food and start walking back just as the sun is setting.
I don't want to leave. It’s so relaxing and refreshing here.
I look at the large town sign that sits by the road where you pull into the square.
Sage Valley
Even the name makes me feel something.
I see Logan's truck come into view, and feel myself deflate a little. It's not that I don't want to go home; I do. I just don’t want to lose this feeling.
Not yet.
He seems to sense my change in mood, because he turns and looks at me.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
I stop walking, and look around.
“I’m not ready to leave.”
Logan looks at his watch, then back at me, “Then let's stay. It's getting late, and I don’t have the best headlights.”
I look at him confused, “What do you mean, let's stay? Like stay the night?”
He shrugs his shoulders, “Yeah, why not? We can leave first thing after breakfast.”
“Are..are you sure? I don’t want to make you go out of your way to make me more comfortable.”
His eyes fix on mine, “I will always go out of my way to make sure you're comfortable.”
My throat suddenly feels dry, and I feel my face heat. I don’t think he realizes how flirty his words sound.
Or he does, and he does it on purpose.
“Ok. Only if you're sure though.”
“I’m positive. There was a nice motel over there, I’ll go see if they have a room available.”
My stomach drops at the words.
Motel.
Room.
I am an adult. It’s fine.
While he walks over there, I wait on a bench by his truck, and call Cassie.
“Hey, Char. Are you almost home?” she answers.
“About that.” I start.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Oh, no, nothing’s wrong. But..” I pause, knowing she’s about to freak out on me.
“We’re going to stay the night here, and head home in the morning.”
I hear her audibly gasp on the other end of the phone.
“You're staying the night?”
“Yes.”
“With Logan?”
“Yes again.”
She squeals so loud I have to pull the phone away from my ear.
“Charlie! What’s gotten into you?”
I sigh, “I don’t know, Cass. I just didn't want to leave this town yet, and Logan suggested we could stay longer, then leave in the morning. And I agreed.”
She’s quiet for a moment, then says, “Take your time there, have some fun, let loose. We’ll be here when you get back.”
I sigh with relief, “Are you sure? You don’t mind watching Pudding for the night?”
“Pudding and I are besties now.” she laughs, then adds, “He’s fine. Go enjoy this time, and have some fun.”
“Thank you. I’ll call in the morning.”
I hang up the phone, just as Logan is walking back.
“Got us the last room they had.” he says, waving a key. “It’s only 7 p.m though. Do you wanna call it a night, or check out some more of the town?”
“Do you think I’m an old lady? I don’t go to bed this early." I laugh, and he laughs with me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” he holds up his hands in defense.
“I mean I have gone to bed at 7 before, but I’m not tonight.” I say, and Logan throws his head back laughing.
“Come on, let's go see what we can get into here.”
He nods his head telling me to follow him, so I do.
We walk together, side by side, and I ignore how close his arm is to mine with everything in me.
We come up on an ice cream cart.
“Oh stop, I want ice cream!” I squeal.
He laughs, and we walk over to the cart.
“Hi! What can I get for you two?” The man asks.
I bounce my pointer finger on my chin, looking over the different flavors.
“What all do you have?” I ask him.
He starts naming off the flavors, and I stop him when he gets to mint chocolate chip.
“I’ll take that, please. One scoop in a waffle cone.”
He nods, but Logan says, “Only one scoop? No, give her two.”
The man laughs, and nods. I just look over at Logan, my mouth hanging open.
“Excuse me sir. What if I only wanted one scoop?”
He laughs, meeting my eyes. “It's ice cream in a cone, one scoop doesn't do it. One just fills the cone, the second one sits on top.”
“Fine.” I roll my eyes but laugh.
The man hands me my cone, then turns to Logan.
“For you?”
“I'll get the same thing.” he says, and I look at him.
“Are you copying me?” I tease.
He smiles, then says, “No, mint chocolate chip is my favorite.”
Butterflies weasel their way up, and I feel myself blush. I’m not sure why something so simple as sharing a favorite ice cream flavor has such an effect on me, but it does.
He catches me watching him.
“What?” he asks.
Shaking my head, I say, “Nothing.”
The ice cream man hands Logan his cone, and we start walking.
There’s a gazebo in the middle of a roundabout that's in the center of town, so we make our way over there.
There's twinkly lights strung up everywhere, and soft music playing from who knows where, and I love it so much.
I sit down, Logan sits next to me, and we eat our ice cream in silence.
After a moment, I nudge Logan with my leg.
“Thank you.” I pause, “for this.” I wave a hand, gesturing around me.
I don't have to specify, he knows what I mean.
He nudges me back.
“No need to thank me. I enjoy..this.” he says, his eyes meeting mine.
He doesn't have to specify, either. I know what he means.
“Me too.” I whisper.
We finish our ice cream, then sit in silence for a minute.
Something feels different between us.
Something feels like it's shifted. We’ve spent so much time together these last few days, and as much as I want to keep telling myself he’s a friend, I know in my heart it's so much more than that.
Yes, he’s a friend.
But friends don't wonder what the others' lips would feel like on theirs.
Or what their hands would feel like running up my thighs.
Running through my hair.
Our eyes meet, and my face feels like it’s on fire. I hope he can't tell.
“Logan..” I say, but my voice is barely above a whisper.
He stands, and holds his hand out, willing me to take it.
I stare at his hand a minute, then back up at him.
Slowly, oh so slowly, I set my hand in his, ignoring the sensation it sends through me as he pulls me up.
Leading me into the middle of the gazebo, his hands landing on my waist as he pulls me into him.
I reach my arms up, but they don't quite reach around his neck.
But that's ok. It doesn't matter.
We start to sway to the music, still unsure where it's coming from.
I take a deep breath, and as I let it out, he leans his forehead into mine.
My eyes close instinctively.
I can feel his breath on my lips.
On my cheeks.
He squeezes my sides, as if to restrain himself.
To hold any shred of control he has left.
Goosebumps flood my entire body, and I let out a shaky breath.
“Charlie.” he whispers against my lips, and I lean into it.
Our lips barely brush together, and he squeezes harder.
“Charlie.” he says again, my name a plea on his lips.
My chest rises and falls rapidly, and as I let out a breath, I whisper, “Logan.”
He pulls me closer, even though there's no room between us.
I can feel his heartbeat against mine, racing just as fast.
“Charlie, I can't.” he whispers into my lips.
“You can't what?” I ask him.
“I can't control myself any longer with you. Please..just..” he pauses, “tell me to stop.” he licks his lips, and as he does, his tongue brushes my top lip, and I moan into him.
Something in him snaps.
His restraint.
His composure.
His control.
His lips crash into mine, taking my breath away.
It's hard, and it's passionate, and I don't care at all that we are in the middle of a town.
I moan into him, letting his tongue explore mine.
He groans into my mouth, and I swear I may melt on the floor right here. We stumble back, until my back finds a wooden post.
Hiking my leg up, he kisses me deeper, breathless.
“Charlie.” he groans between kissing me, and my name on his lips has me on the verge of coming undone.
My hands roam over his body, feeling him, memorizing him.
Its been so long since I’ve felt this.
Felt a man's arms under my hands.
Felt warm breath against my lips.
The last time..
Suddenly, everything stops being so..in the moment.
I put a hand on his chest, nudging him slightly.
“Stop.” I whisper.
Without needing me to say anything else, Logan stops, his head falling to my shoulder.
“I’m sorry.” he whispers into my neck. “I’m sorry.” he repeats.
I shake my head, not able to find words.
Logan leans up, looking me over to make sure I’m ok.
“I shouldn't have done that. I’m sorry, Charlie.”
“It’s ok..it's just..” I try. I try to find the words to explain what’s happening in my mind, but I can’t.
How do I tell the guy that I like, and who I was just kissing, that I stopped kissing him because I feel guilty for kissing another man?
I can’t. Because I know I shouldn't, but I do.
“I just need some time to process..” I wave a hand between us, “this.”
He nods, stepping back some.
“I understand. Take all the time you need.”
We stand there for a minute, staring at each other.
That kiss was incredible. But it was someone else. And I loved every second of it.
How is that possible?