Chapter Fifteen
one bed
We get back to the motel room, and at this point I’m ready to just fall asleep and forget how much I just embarrassed myself.
Logan pulls out the key card, swiping it in the door. After a click, the door opens.
He holds it open for me, and I flip a switch, turning the lights in the room on.
I freeze as I look around the room.
“Uh, Logan?”
“Yeah?”
“There's only one bed.”
“What?” He walks in behind me, and when he sees what I see, he runs a hand through his hair, clearly irritated.
“They told me the room had two beds, I’ll go talk to them.”
As he turns to leave, I grab his arm, stopping him.
“Didn't they tell you this was their last room? It’s fine.”
He hesitates, and I can tell he’s irritated by this.“Charlie..” he starts, and I can tell whatever he’s about to say is eating at him.
“What’s wrong?”
“If we're going to sleep in the same bed, there's something you should know.”
I wait, while he tries to figure out his thoughts and how to word whatever it is.
“I sometimes have nightmares. Vivid..nightmares.” he says at last.
I pause, caught off guard.
“Oh. Um..” I start to say, but I’m really not sure how to respond to that.
“They are more like flashbacks, really.” he adds.
Oh
“Ok. Um. Is there anything I need to know? Anything I can do to help you when they happen?”
His eyes meet mine, and there's worry in them.
“Just bring me back to reality.” he says, and my heart cracks a little.
“I can do that.” I tell him, and he smiles softly at me.
“Wait, our bags are still in your truck.” I stop him as he goes to shut the door.
“Shit. Ok. I’ll go grab my truck and drive it over here.”
“Ok. I’ll be here.” I tell him.
After he’s gone, I pull out my phone, and debate calling Cassie. Or my mom. I don’t know.
On one hand, I want to tell someone what happened. But on the other, I don’t want them to know anything just yet. Especially if this ends up being nothing, and that kiss was just a one time thing.
But, God, that kiss. I have never in my life been kissed like that.
With so much passion, and heat and need.
Every inch of my body responded to that kiss.
I put two fingers to my lips, feeling them. They still feel swollen and raw from Logan's lips on mine.
We kissed.
What does that mean? Obviously we crossed the friendship line, but what does he want? Does he want a relationship? Or was he just caught up in the moment?
I’m getting ahead of myself. I need to just stop, and focus on now.
I hear the door lock click, and watch Logan come in with our bags.
I’m glad I’m an overthinker. Or I wouldn't have any of this right now.
“Here you go.” he says, handing me my bag.
“Thank you.”
“You can go freshen up and get ready first.” he points to the bathroom, and I nod.
I hate that I can feel a change between us now, because now that’s all I’ll be able to think about for the rest of the night.
Closing the door behind me, I lean against it, taking deep breaths for a minute.
How can I feel like this about someone I haven't known for that long? It’s like he was a missing piece I didn't know I needed. But what if it's not the same for him?
Turning to the sink, I pull my hair up into a bun, and wash my face and neck with cold water, then brush my teeth. I didn't pack a change of clothes, because I didn't plan on having to sleep anywhere, so I just leave what I have on.
Walking out, Logan looks at me, then says, “You didn't pack any clothes, did you.”
I shake my head and shrug. “I didn't exactly plan on having a sleepover. This is fine.” I look down at my clothes.
“Here.” he says and he digs through his bag. “I packed an extra shirt, just in case, you can sleep in it tonight.”
“Oh, but don’t you need it?” I ask him.
“No, I’m alright in this.”
“If you're sure. Thank you.”
He nods, then sets his things on the table and sits down.
Back in the bathroom, I remove my shirt and pants, then pull his t-shirt over my head. There's a college name on it from somewhere I don't know, and it smells like him. I pull the collar up to my face, relishing in the feeling of him.
The shirt is so large it hangs right above my knees, covering me like a dress. I walk out, and see him taking his shoes and socks off, getting ready to lay in bed.
As his eyes meet mine, he freezes. I watch him swallow as his eyes trail down my body.
“You..you look..um..” he stutters.
“Logan?”
“Sorry,” he clears his throat, “you look comfy.”
I smile and look down at his shirt. “I am. Thank you for the shirt.”
“You're welcome.”
I walk over to the right side of the bed, and pull the covers down.
For a motel, the sheets and blankets are surprisingly soft.
I climb in, turning on my side. I fluff the pillow up under my head, then reach up and turn the light off on my side.
The room is quiet, but I can hear Logan stand, and walk to the bathroom. He’s only in there for a moment, then I hear his bare feet walking towards the bed.
Nerves, or butterflies, I’m not quite sure which one, start to flutter in my chest.
The bed dips down as he climbs in, and I feel the warmth of his body behind me.
“Good night, Charlie.” he whispers, and I can feel his breath on my neck.
“Good night, Logan.” I whisper back.
It takes everything in me not to move my body into him.
Let him wrap his arms around me, and hold me all night.
I know he wouldn't stop me if I did. But I need to figure out what I want before I try anything else with him. Before I act on anything.
It takes a while, but I slowly drift off to sleep.
I’m woken up by Logan jumping up out of bed, yelling.
I panic, and sit up, looking at him. I can barely see him, but he’s breathing heavily, and drenched in sweat.
“Logan? “ I whisper cautiously.
He turns to look at me, and his eyes aren't the gentle deep brown eyes I’ve become so fond of. They are wide, and scared. He was having a nightmare.
I crawl across the bed, then stand in front of him.
Bring me back to reality.
Gently, I put my hands on either side of his face, and make him look at me.
“Logan. Hey, it’s Charlie.”
He blinks once, twice, the fog slowly clearing.
“Come back to me.”
His breathing slows as his eyes meet mine.
“Charlie.”
“I’m here, Logan. It’s ok.”
His hand runs up my arm, chills following in its wake, then his hand lands on mine. He leans his head into my palm, and closes his eyes, then brings my hand to his lips and kisses my fingertips.
When his eyes meet mine, I can tell he’s calmed down.
“Let’s go back to bed.” he whispers into my hand, and pulls me down onto the bed with him.
When he pulls me against his chest, I don’t hesitate, because I know he needs this, and so do I.
His arms envelope me, and the calm that washes over me is like nothing I’ve felt before.
I breathe in his scent, and within minutes, we are both sound asleep.
I wake in the same spot I fell asleep.
Logan's arms wrapped around me, and my back against his chest.
I lay still, trying not to wake him as I feel his low steady breathing. I just lay in his arms, enjoying this moment where there's no pressure to be anything. It’s just us and the early morning light.
What if we don’t get another moment like this? I don’t know where we stand after that kiss, and after last night.
Just as I close my eyes again, Logan starts to stir, waking up. His arms squeeze me gently, and then I feel him tense up. I assume he’s realizing our position.
Before I can say anything, he slowly pulls his arm out from under me, and gets out of bed.
I think he thinks I’m still asleep, so I quickly close my eyes as he grabs his bag and goes into the bathroom. Once I hear the shower start, I open my eyes.
I sigh to myself, not sure what to do now.
I get out of bed, and try to find my pants so I can put them on. As I’m looking around, I remember I left them in the bathroom.
Shit.
I sit back down on the bed, and pull my phone out, sending Cassie a text.
Good morning. How was your night with Pudding? -Charlie
She doesn't reply right away, so I check the time. It’s only 7:30, and she’s not working today, so there's a good chance she’s in bed still.
The shower shuts off, and I try to busy myself so I don't think about a wet, naked Logan just a door away.
My cheeks flush just at the thought of that.
Finally, my phone dings.
We had fun! We watched a movie, and fell asleep in my bed. -Cassie
I roll my eyes and laugh at her, then my phone dings again.
How was your night with Logan? -Cassie
I blow out a breath. I really don't know how to explain my night? It was good? But at the same time weird. After that kiss, the energy between us shifted and I’m not sure why. I mean I do know why, but I don’t know what to do about it.
I keep my text simple, I can explain more in person.
It was good. We’ll talk when I get home. -Charlie
She doesn’t reply, And I’m thankful she doesn't pry any further.
Yet.
I just know I’m in for an earful when I get back.
Speaking of, we need to get back so I can figure out what I’m doing.
In my mind, and my heart, I already know what I want.
I want a fresh start, with a new town. It’s just figuring out the details of how. There's so much that goes into starting over, and I know it won't be an overnight thing, but I at least need to secure the building.
Logan comes out of the bathroom, in the same clothes from yesterday, but his hair is wet, and down, instead of up in a bun.
He notices me sitting on the bed, and smiles, his eyes drifting to my legs for a split second.
“Good morning. How’d you sleep?” he asks me.
“I slept ok. How about you?”
He smiles again, gathering his things and putting them in his bag.
“I slept great.”
“Good, I’m glad.” I say, then add as I stand. “I’m going to go change, then we can get on the road.”
He nods, but doesnt say anything. He just starts putting his shoes on.
Why is he being weird?
I don't know. I’m not going to worry about it too much. If something is bothering him, I’m sure he’ll say something.
After I change and wash my face, we return the room key; grab breakfast from a bakery and then get on the road.
Logan has one hand on the steering wheel, the other on the dog tags around his neck.
He does that a lot; randomly touches them or fidgets with them.
Feeling bold, I ask, “What are they about? The dreams.”
He grips the steering wheel tighter, his knuckles turning white under the pressure.
He doesn't answer for a while, and I don't push him. I know this is a sensitive topic for him, and can’t even begin to imagine what it was like witnessing the things he did. But, when he’s ready to talk, I’ll be here.
Finally, I hear him let out a breath, then say, “Usually..I see my men. Not the men that lived, though.” he pauses, takes another breath, and loosens his grip a little. Then he says, “Last night, I saw Matty. I saw him running towards me, already covered in blood, but not his own.” he stops, and I watch as he swallows.
“Next thing I know, there’s an explosion, and suddenly..Matty isn't Matty anymore. He’s just..gone.”
Before I can say anything, he looks over at me, and I see the pain in his eyes. It nearly breaks my heart in half.
“You talked me down.” he says.
“I did.”
“I’ve never..” he pauses, shaking his head like he’s not sure he should say what he’s about to say.
“I’ve never been able to calm down that fast. Usually, I need to take a walk, or splash cold water on my face.” he pauses, then adds, “But one touch..one touch from you, and all the pain and anger simmered away.”
My stomach floods with butterflies at his words. How is it possible that I’m the one to do that for him? Why me?
“Why?” I ask before I can even think it through.
I watch as his lip quirks up at the corner, then falls, as if he’s realized something.
“You're the calm to my storm, Charlie.” he says flatly. Like he doesn’t want to say it, but he has to.
“I am?”
His eyes meet mine, and this time, all I see is love.
I’ve seen that look, I know that look, and it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest.
He can’t love me–not this soon. Can he?
He doesn't say anything else on the drive home, and neither do I.
When he drops me at Cassie’s he barely says a word before driving off.
“Whoa. What’s wrong with him?” Cassie asks me.
I look at her with tears in my eyes.
“I think he’s in love with me.”