Chapter Nineteen
the note
“Two shots of espresso, please.” I groan, leaning on the counter of the coffee shop.
Cassie just laughs at me, “Why so tired?”
I tell her how I went to Sarah's house, we fell asleep watching a movie, and then everything up to me panicking over clothes.
“So, you're going on a date with Logan?” she asks me.
“Yeah, I guess so? He didn't tell me where we are going though. He just said he’d pick me up at 7 tonight.”
She smiles, “I’m happy for you, this will be great.”
I make a face, “Will it? What if I mess up.”
“Mess up? How do you mess up a first date? And I mean, can you really consider this a first date? You two have already hung out, kissed, and slept in bed together.”
Icontemplate what she says for a minute.
“You have a valid point. But it’s still technically a first date . Where flirting is a given and being sweet is to be expected. The other times were just..” I pause, cause I don't know what the other times were.
“The other times were just you being you, and Logan being Logan.” she shrugs her shoulders all nonchalantly.
“Well, what if the pressure of it being a date makes me act weird?”
Cassie laughs, then hands me my coffee.
“Babe, just relax and be yourself. That man is smitten with you, I don't think you being weird would mess that up.”
I exhale, trying to relax.
“You're right. I’m just nervous.”
“When did you decide you wanted to date him?”
“Ok, first of all, we aren't dating. This is just a casual thing.'' I pause, “I’m still not ready for a relationship, but I don't know. There is just something about him that I can’t stay away from.”
She gives me a look, and shakes her head. “Well you better call me tomorrow with all the details. Dirty or not.”
I slap her shoulder jokingly, then tell her I’ll call later.
I have a few hours until I need to get ready, so I head to my shop to pack up some more things. I still need to figure out how I’m going to get everything moved over to the new location, and get that all set up.
It will probably be awhile before I’m up and running again, but that's ok. I want to make the new shop mine, and make it perfect, which takes time.
Charlie's Antiques had so many touches of Sam, and I loved it. But this is my chance to make it my own; put my touch on it. Of course I’ll still have some bits of Sam in it, but it’s still exciting to have something that's completely mine.
I’m going through boxes Logan managed to save that were in the back room, which I’m thoroughly confused as to how they weren’t destroyed in the fire. It’s mainly papers, and old receipts from sellers I’ve purchased from in the past. I’m not sure why I still have this box to be completely honest.
I pick it up to set it in the trash pile, and as I do a paper falls from the bottom.
I’ve never seen this before? It's a sealed envelope, with my name on it. My brows pinch together in confusion as I brush off the dust, and go sit on a pile of wood.
Carefully, I open the envelope.
A sob escapes me as I recognize Sam’s handwriting. It’s shaky, but it’s his.
I stare at the letter, not really taking in the words, just staring.
He wrote me a letter and hid it? But why?
It must have been before he went into the hospital, just before things took a turn.
I suck in a breath, preparing myself.
My dearest Charlie. girl
If you're reading this letter, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to leave you. My body hasn't felt like my own these last few days, and I can just feel that my time is limited with you. I want to write a couple things down for you, so you don’t forget.
First, I love you. So much. Even now. Even though I can't hug you, or smell your sweet perfume anymore.
I love you more than you can imagine.
Second, please don't be sad. I know how much you love me, and how you've always told me you can't survive without me but, I promise, you can. You're strong.
Third, don't let the milk go bad. I know I’m always the one to catch it because, let's face it, the kitchen just isn't your area of expertise.
And finally..
Please pay attention to this one, because it's the most important.
You are too young and too beautiful for this world to miss out on you. Please don't spend the rest of your beautiful life in so much pain that you can't love again. I know you, and I know that's exactly what you will do; but I’m asking you not to, for me.
If a man comes along who is deserving of your heart, and will be good to you, please don't dismiss it because of me.
I love you, my sweet Charlie girl, and I’m sorry I couldn't stay longer.
I fold up the letter that now has tear stains on it, blow out a shaky breath, and wipe my eyes with the backs of my hand.
Sam. Of course my Sam would think to leave me a letter. Is this the only one? Did he hide more? I hate that this has been here and I didn’t know it, and I hate that he felt he had to write it, but I also love that he did.
It still doesn't help me feel less guilty about having feelings for someone who isn't him.
I slide the letter back into the envelope, and put it in my purse so I don't lose it. I think that's enough cleaning and going through things for today.
I take a hot shower, rinsing off soot and dust from my shop. I placed the letter on my nightstand next to my bed. I think having it there will help me feel closer to Sam; like he isn't completely gone.
After I dry off, I pull my bathrobe on and stare at my two outfits I laid out.
T-shirt and jeans, my go to.
Or brown pants, with a sage green knit tank top.
Logan has only ever seen me in jeans and a t-shirt, and usually not the nicest ones. Maybe I should switch it up tonight?
I toss on the brown pants, rolling them at the ankles, put a belt on, and then grab the top. It has buttons down the front that add just enough detail that I don't really need to add much to the outfit.
I add some loose curls, then take a claw clip and put half of it up, basically the only way I ever wear my hair.
Sliding on my flats, I check the time.
6:30.
He should be here soon. Why am I so nervous?
You can do this Charlie.
I tell myself.
I pace for what feels like forever, then check the time again.
6:32.
“Ugh.” I groan, getting frustrated with myself. When did this happen? Wasn't I dead set on not liking him? I still am; or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. However, knowing that Logan will tell me what was bothering him is giving me motivation to go through with this date…regardless of my nerves.
Is this a bad idea? Probably. It's not going to help my situation at all, only make it worse really.
“You can go out to dinner with a man and it not be more than that.” I tell myself, and as I’m speaking, I hear a knock on the door.
I freeze, and check the time again. He’s a few minutes early.
As I open the door, I see Logan standing there with flowers in his hand.
“Marigolds.” I breathe.
“They're your favorite. It wouldn't have been right if I picked you up without them.” he smiles softly at me, those dimples coming out.
I look him over, and my heart beats a little faster as I do. He looks amazing. He’s wearing dark jeans, dress shoes, and a light brown sweater shirt.
“You look..” I start to say, then suddenly feel self conscious about complimenting him.
But god he looks good. That shirt hugs his arms just right. I let it go, not finishing my sentence, he just chuckles, and then looks at me.
His eyes trail from my head to my toes, taking every inch in.
“You look absolutely beautiful, Charlie.” his voice is low, and it does something to me.
Everything about this man gets some sort of reaction out of me, and I don't know how I feel about it.
Logan clears his throat, “Are you ready to go? I know I’m early, I just couldn't wait any longer.”
“Yeah, I’m ready.” I say as I close my apartment door behind me. Then his words register.
“Wait, what do you mean you couldn't wait any longer?”
He chuckles again, and brings his hand up to his face, “I uh, I’ve been sitting in the parking lot for a good 15 minutes.”
My steps halt, and I gasp at him. Then I can't help but laugh.
“Why didn't you just come up?”
“I told you 7. It wasn't 7 yet and I wanted to give you time to get ready.”
I look at him and just smile. The fact that he was just as impatient as I was calms my nerves just a little bit.
“So where are you taking me?” I ask him as we ride the elevator down.
Logan turns his head towards me and smiles.
“You’ll see.”