Chapter 70 #2
He nodded. “Sometimes you retreat so far in your head I’m afraid I can’t reach you.”
I was an open book to him, and he read every page I learned.
I couldn’t throw my words like acid to burn him; he merely brushed them off.
I couldn’t hide behind my anger and hate because he knew better.
He always did. His words softened an unruly beast in me, soothing its thrashing body back to sleep.
He had no idea how utterly and completely wrong he was.
He always reached me, which was the problem and another reason among many why I left when Gabby died.
Samkiel could drag me out of my pain and misery, and he would help and be there for me when all I wanted was vengeance and blood.
I didn’t want his help then, didn’t want him to reach me, but now? Now I thought I was ready.
“Sorry, I’m hungry.” I squeezed his hand in reassurance to let him know it wasn’t completely a lie.
“Mm-hmm,” he said, allowing me to change the subject again. “I don’t know anything nearby that would still be open.” He was right. It was well past closing time for the rink, and since we were trying to avoid being seen publicly, our options were limited.
I caught sight of a gray van half-hidden behind the trees, and I pulled us to a stop, the ice crunching beneath our blades.
A mischievous grin lit up my face. “I have an idea.”
* * *
“I need to inquire further about your ideas before I agree,” Samkiel said with a huff.
I leaned over, digging through the cabinet. An array of every item needed to make whatever I wished lay frozen in the icebox. I smiled, the cool air brushing against my legs as I popped up, placing my arms across the short metal table.
“What do you want, handsome?” I asked, leaning through the window and pointing toward the menu on the side of the food truck.
His grin was dangerous, his pleasure at the compliment easy to see. “This is stealing. You do realize that?”
I waved my hand. “Eh, I call it borrowing, and technically, you’re an accomplice. You broke the lock, then started the truck. So…” My voice trailed off.
He shrugged. “I’m innocent. You coerced me.”
“Barely.” I snickered.
He bit the inside of his cheek, stifling his laugh, before looking at the colorful menu hanging from the side of the truck. “Can you actually make what they have here?”
I placed a hand on my chest. “You doubt my abilities?”
“You’re insufferable.” He grinned and pointed at one of the items pictured on the menu. “Okay, how about this?”
I blew a small whistle through my teeth. “A god with a sweet tooth.”
He chuckled as I retreated into the truck to gather the ingredients, the sound wrapping me in warmth.
* * *
We sat at a small table outside, bundled up in our jackets and sitting close.
Music spilled from the truck, low enough not to disturb.
There were five dishes between us. After my first two failed attempts, Samkiel climbed into the truck with me, and together we worked until we got it right.
We had fun. For the first time in so long, I’d been able to relax enough to enjoy myself, and it didn’t feel like he was avoiding me.
I would be okay if I could just have him alone like this.
“You’re doing it again,” he said, nudging me with his shoulder before taking a bite of the sweet dessert.
I tipped my head and licked my spoon. “Doing what?”
“Disappearing,” he murmured, his eyes going hot as he watched me.
I smirked at him and stabbed the circular frozen orb until it burst, chocolate dripping out in a mist of steam. “I was just thinking.”
“About?”
“These last few days have been the first time I’ve had fun since…” My words trailed off. I didn’t need to say anything further.
“Me too.”
“I’m surprised you agreed to today.” I leaned forward and took a bite.
“Why?”
I didn’t want to mention the growing tension between us, so I skipped over it.
“The last time I was in Onuna didn’t go so well. Aren’t you afraid Kaden will show up to drag me back?”
“He was not in Yejedin, and I doubt he would show up. He seems to want to stay hidden.”
My spoon stopped halfway to my mouth, and I stared at him. I felt the color drain from my face, my stomach rolling.
“You went to Yejedin?” My heart stilled in my chest. “Is that where you’ve been? Why you left me for six days?”
He sighed and lowered his spoon to rub his hand across his jaw as if he hadn’t meant to tell me.
“You did.” I felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me. “You said you’ve been busy, but this… That’s why you asked about Yejedin when we went to the beach.”
“Dianna.”
Blood pounded in my ears. “You’ve been lying to me.”
“No, I simply did not tell you all I was doing.”
“Why?”
“Because your healing is—”
“Oh, save it,” I snapped. “I don’t care about my healing, and don’t use that as an excuse. We both know you went down there to kill him.”
He just stared at me, confirming everything without saying a word. I slammed my spoon down hard enough to break it.
“It is not your vengeance to seek!”
“Isn’t it?” he snapped back, meeting fire with fire as he always did.
Never harsh or cruel, but never afraid. And a flicker of flame in me bent toward him and his indomitable will.
“You didn’t just lose a sister, Dianna. I lost you in every way possible.
He hurt you. He will pay for that whether or not you think it’s acceptable.
I didn’t tell you because you would have run to confront him.
You’re a fool to think I’d let you near him without your powers. You mean too much to me.”
My anger pulled back a fraction, even as my chest ached. “Don’t try to calm me down with pretty words when we both know the truth. You’re doing it again. Shutting me out. Just like at Drake’s. You’re avoiding me. I had to practically beg you to get you to spend even a day with me.”
“No, I’m not, and no, you didn’t. I told you I was busy.”
“Yes, searching for him to take away the last thing I have….” The words died in my throat.
It was the last thing I had of her, the last thing I could do for her.
I’d had the chance, and I’d chosen to flee, to return to the god king staring at me.
“Look, I get it. You don’t need me anymore.
You have them. They can help and fight with you while I wait in a fucking castle for you to return. ”
He recoiled as if I had slapped him. “That is the farthest thing from true.”
“Well, how would I know?”
“Listen, yes, I opened Yejedin to find him. I wanted to kill him so it would be over. I want you safe, Dianna, and I am willing to eliminate anything that would hurt you in this world and the next. But when we got there, we found something I am uncomfortable discussing in the open like this.”
“Well, it’s not like you will discuss it when we get back. You’ll leave. Again,” I snapped, leaning a fraction away from him.
“I am not the one who left, Dianna. You did.”
And it was the truth, the absolute truth. Yet, here I was, acting as if he needed to tell me everything he did when I left, when I hurt him in every way possible, lied to him, used what he had taught me, and spat it back in his face. I had no right.
“You’re right,” I said. “I did leave, but killing Kaden feels like the only part of her I have left. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“I understand. I do, but death, even by your hands, will not bring you the peace you wish.” His gaze met mine, every bit of care and compassion swirling in those depths. I nodded, swallowing the growing lump in my throat.
“Is this all we are going to do? Argue?” I sighed. “I miss how we were.” Shock slapped his expression. “I miss how it was before it all went to shit.”
A soft smile curved his lips. “I mean, we still argued.”
I nodded, my anger fading as quickly as it had come.
“Dianna, I am trying. I really am trying to keep my head above water, help you, help the world, and defeat this psychopath. So, please, bear with me. I am not trying to keep things from you. Your life is more important than anything. I just can’t lose you again, and I am not sure how to handle all this. ”
“Well, you don’t have to handle it alone. We used to rely on each other more.”
“I know. I just want you to… heal.”
“And I want to help.”
Samkiel sighed and pulled his hat off, running his hand through his hair, exhaustion etched into his features.
It hit me, then. Just how tired he had been lately and how I was not helping but only adding to it.
I didn’t want to hurt him anymore, not in the slightest. I pushed my anger aside because the truth was, I cared for him enough that I was worried about him.
“I’ve ruined this.” I blew out a long breath.
“This?”
“Yup, this was supposed to be a date.”
His eyes gleamed, his throat bobbing nervously as if he had been waiting to hear those exact words. “A date?”
I nodded. “I wanted it to be.”
“Well, I do not think you’ve ruined anything.”
“Agree to disagree.” I huffed, placing a hand under my chin. “We kinda got into a fight.”
He shrugged nonchalantly as he crossed his arms and leaned on the table. “A slight misunderstanding, at the most. We’ve had many.”
I couldn’t help the small smile that curved my lips. “Well, I don’t want to fight with you or have any slight misunderstandings. I want one good day.”
“I agree. I don’t want to fight with you, either. I know you are not used to it, but your safety comes first for me. You cannot be within an inch of Kaden without your powers. Not because I think you are weak, but if he hurt you again, touched you, I’d level the world.”
I met him stare for stare, knowing he had the power to do it and he wouldn’t hesitate. Something must be wrong with me because it was the sexiest thing I had ever heard. “Just let me stab him. Once.”
“Dianna.” He said my name as a warning.
“Look, I know killing Kaden won’t make it better or bring her back, but it would be done at my hands, and that would give me some solace. A way for me to feel like I wasn’t a complete failure when it came to her.”
His eyes bore into me as he contemplated that for a moment. “Fine.”
“That’s it? You’ll let me.”
He picked up his spoon and took another bite. “Sure. You may deliver your final blow once I am done with him. I’ll make sure I’ve incapacitated enough that he cannot hurt you if your powers are not back. Will that suffice?”
My lips twisted in a smirk. “You’re cute when you’re homicidal.”
He made a noise low in his throat. “Do not be mean, then flirt with me.”
“Why? It’s our whole dynamic.”
He grumbled as he ate.
“Besides the ice skating, I brought you here for a reason.”
His eyes widened a fraction, the spoon stilling in his mouth as if he thought I had brought him here to kill him. He picked up a napkin and wiped his mouth.
“Is it more painful ice activities?”
I shook my head. “Nope. No pain involved.”
Interest danced in his gaze. “Alright. Enlighten me then.”
“I want to show you something.”