Chapter 89
Dianna
I cursed, throwing my hands up again. I had walked this damn sidewalk, ran, sprinted, trying to get out of my own fucking head. Samkiel was back on the remains of Rashearim, possibly dying, and here I was, stuck in my own head. I screamed, and not a light in any house flickered.
Sighing, I turned back to the one place that kept pulling at me. The wooden door to the first home Gabby and I lived in slowly swung open. The creak of the hinges echoed, and I squared my shoulders.
“Fine. You want me to go into the stupid house? Then I’ll go into the stupid house.”
The wind blew the overgrown shrubs along the stone path Gabby and I had built brick by brick.
The neighborhood was quiet, too quiet. I put my hands on my hips and stared at the house for a moment before starting up the path.
The wooden boards of the porch groaned. I made it over the threshold and stepped inside, a chill running down my spine.
The home was just how I had left it, how we had left it.
A layer of dust coated the furniture, doors hung off their hinges in the abandoned kitchen, and the broken banister hung crooked along the stairs.
I took a step further inside, and the door closed behind me.
“I’m here. Now what? Are you going to take up more of my time, or can I leave and get back to my body now?”
My voice echoed in the room, but I received no response, not that I really expected one. Why was I stuck here? Was I dying?
I shook the thought from my head, focusing on our initials carved into the far wall. I walked across the room, reaching toward them but stopping an inch away. My fingers curled into a fist, and I dropped my hand. What did they even mean now? Everything had been a lie.
“You know, when we were little, you always talked about locking away the things you didn’t want to think about. I just didn’t think you meant an actual house with doors,” Gabby said.
My heart skipped a beat at that voice, my breath hitching. No, it couldn’t be. I turned, half expecting a ghost, a shimmering form, but I never thought to find her whole, unbroken, and in front of me.
She pulled at the ends of the off-white flowy dress as she swayed. “We don’t really have a form where I am now, but I remember we wore matching dresses when we went to—”
Her words ended on a grunt as I grabbed her, my arms wrapping around her so tight not even I could breathe.
My head rested on her shoulder, parts of her hair tickling my nose, and her smell, gods, that smell.
I had forgotten the way she smelled. The last scent I had of her was cold and empty, with death already gripping her.
Her arms wrapped around me, and I squeezed tighter.
“How?” The word left my mouth on a broken sob.
“We don’t have that much time.”
The house creaked once more, followed by breaking wood.
I pulled back, both of us looking up. A crack started in the corner and slithered across the ceiling.
I glanced around, noticing how many fractures had formed since the last time I’d been here.
Spiderweb-like cracks ran down the walls and onto the floor.
“What’s happening?”
“You’ve suppressed too long, D.”
“What?”
A thump sounded from the hall. Gabby let me go and walked away, disappearing around the corner. The sound came again, and I chased after her.
Thump
Thump
Thump
I skidded to a stop, dim light spilling from beneath the door at the end of the hall. Chains crossed it, heavy padlocks hanging from them.
Gabby stood in front of the door, staring at it. “They said they had never heard of any being suppressing their powers before, but I told them they’d never met anyone as stubborn as you.”
“What? Who said?”
The thump sounded again, and the door bulged outward, light glowing around the edges. More cracks formed as the door bent once more. It looked as if it was breathing.
“You locked it up in there. That part of you.”
“I had to,” I said, stepping back and looking at the ground. “I failed.”
Gabby put her hands on her hips as she turned to face me. “You’re being stupid and acting weak. That is not my sister.” She reached out and grabbed one of the locks.
I ran down the hall, clasping my hand over hers. “What are you doing?”
“Opening this damned door. We don’t have much time.”
“Gabby. Stop.”
Her head whipped to me with a look of pure determination. “No, you stop. There is no house with a locked door.”
“Gabby, can’t I just have a moment to be happy you’re here?”
“No, I need you to open the door, Dianna.” Her hands yanked on a lock so heavy it barely budged.
“Gabby.”
Wind howled in the house, more cracks forming. I felt that harrowing darkness lurking like a predator on the edge of a dark forest, waiting for its moment to pounce and devour me whole.
“I need you to admit that you shoved your powers so deep because you think you failed me, they failed me, and so you turned your back on them.”
I said nothing, tears swimming in my eyes.
“You know I’m not wrong. I know you. You’re the same woman who hit a boy twice her size when we were little because he stepped on my foot, the same one who stole an orange when mom said no because I cried I couldn’t have it.
You are the same one who tied my sandals when I didn’t know how and the same one who gave me her shirt when mine ripped and took the blame so Mom wouldn’t be mad.
This is you, every good and bad part is you, and I’m tired of you pretending to be something you are not.
Regardless of how you feel, I love you for it, every single part, and so does he. ”
A crack on the house spread above us, and she glanced up.
“That’s what scares you? You think no one could love you?”
The house shook, the floor buckling beneath our feet. A low-pitched growl made the hair on my arms stand up.
“No one should,” I said.
“Dianna.” Gabby dropped the lock, turning to me.
“Tell me I’m wrong.” My voice cracked. “You’ve seen everything I’ve done. You think I deserve love? I’m not good like you and him. I never have been.”
“You’re wrong, D.” Her gaze softened. “So so wrong.”
“You think I am?” I scoffed, the final part of me splitting wide open. “Okay. I’ll show you just how wrong you are.”
I ripped at the locks, chains, and bolts. Gabby stepped back as I tossed and threw the mass of metal to the side, leaving the cracked door bare. “Just know I’m sorry.”
She looked at me. “For what?”
“For what you’re about to learn.”
The door swung open. White stone shot through with gold swept forward, replacing the wooden floorboards of our home.
A labyrinth of books and shelves hung on the walls, a staircase spiraling toward the upper levels.
A large, oval table covered in scrolls and ancient texts sat in the middle.
Gabby’s eyes went wide, and she turned toward me. “What is this?”
Voices rose inside the room, and Gabby whipped her head around to see what was here and what I had hidden.
“It’s when it happened.”
“When what happened?”
I nodded toward the balcony area where Samkiel and I stood. “I lied to Logan in the tunnel. In Yejedin. I did think about a future.”
My heart raged, and my eyes stung, but I clenched my fists, holding back the tears.
I saw my Ig’Morruthen form step from the shadows.
She walked on all fours, padding on silent paws, her body sleek and lithe.
Her eyes burned ember red, and her coat was the color of night, with deep shadows of violet rosettes.
She circled Gabby and me, coming to rest at my heels, her long tail swishing behind us.
We watched as Samkiel took a breath, then another, my hands steady on his forearms. I hadn’t noticed it then, but I saw it now. Samkiel looked at me as I spoke with so much admiration my heart clenched all over again.
“He had just recovered from his near earth-shattering panic attack after we’d gotten back from talking with Roccurem.
He had almost lost himself again. I calmed and comforted him like I did you during bad storms, and it worked.
He was so scared, Gabby. So alone. This myth, this legend throughout the cosmos, was scared.
He had the entire world on his shoulders, and all he wanted to do was help others.
Samkiel doesn’t care about himself. He never did.
He was prepared to train armies and do anything to keep everyone safe, and there he was, breaking. I knew it then.”
Gabby looked at me as I continued to watch. “Knew what?”
Fear squirmed through me, but I said it. “That I love him.”
Gabby’s eyes softened. “Dianna, why is that a bad memory? Why lock it away?”
I stared at the memory of Samkiel and me. A part of my heart shattered again as I looked at Gabby.
“Because something else happened, too. I knew I would do anything to make sure he never looked like that again. I never again wanted to see that kind of fear in his eyes. Never alone.”
Gabby’s eyes softened. “Dianna.”
“It was just for a second that the thought crossed my mind. Only a second, but it made me the worst person in the entire world.”
“Dianna, love isn’t—”
I cut her off as the other me looked at her, too. “If Kaden had you and Samkiel? If he forced me to choose?” I took a shuddering breath. “I’d hesitate, and I did.”
“What?”
Logan burst through the door, the memory of Samkiel and me fading.
This time, the room spun, taking us to the memory I had fought to bury deeper than most of the others.
Silver City, a city of skyscrapers and lights, sparkled outside the large window.
I kneeled on the floor, immersed in what was happening on the screen. Kaden spoke, Gabby in his hands.
Gabby shifted uncomfortably. “Why this?”