Chapter 89 #2
“I stayed when he had you. I stayed with Samkiel in that damn city even after I saw this. There was more I could have done. I could have been scouring the city, could have hunted until my feet bled, but I chose to stay. And then, I chose against my need for vengeance in Yejedin, placing Logan and Neverra’s safety over going after Kaden. ”
I lowered my head and turned slowly toward her.
The beast at my feet dissipated into smoke and crawled up my body, soaking into my soul.
Gabby swallowed and took a step back. I knew my powers had come back, felt them fill me along with the pain of finally speaking about this.
“Don’t you see? I let you die because I am selfish and cruel.
Because I just wanted it to be over. For a split second, I wanted it to be over.
You’d be dead, and Kaden would have no more power over me.
I was just so tired of being used.” My face crumpled, tears blurring my vision.
I had betrayed my sister, my heart, the one person I had loved the most.
“I’m so tired, Gabby. I was so tired of fighting and afraid of him using you against me.
And for a second, I thought I could have Samkiel.
I could have a life, and that was the evilest thought that had ever crossed my mind.
It was only for a second, but I was happy.
Then the guilt and the worry about you came rushing back and ate me alive.
I have killed, maimed, and done things that would make people wish for death, but that thought, that single thought, was the worst in my entire existence.
Maybe I could have saved you. I could have kept searching after Novas.
Instead, I listened to him, stayed with him, went back to Silver City, and I killed you then.
Not Kaden. Me. And I’ll never forgive myself. ”
I expected her to scream at me and leave. To tell me I was the scum of the world and deserved every horrible, terrible thing that happened to me. That I deserved to rot forever, to die utterly alone and miserable. But she didn’t.
Gabby watched me sitting in front of the screen and shook her head. “That’s all?”
I gaped at her in shock. “What do you mean, is that all?”
She turned back to me, her face suffused with disbelief. “That’s it?”
I just stared at her.
She tossed her hands up, groaning in annoyance. “Oh my gods, Dianna, talk about survivor’s guilt. So what?”
“So what?” I didn’t have words. I opened and closed my mouth, trying and failing to make sense of her. “Gabby, I just told you something that has been eating me from the inside out, and you mock me? I—”
“You didn’t kill me.”
“But—”
She stepped closer, the room dissipating and reforming, taking us back to our old house.
“You spent a thousand years taking care of me, looking out for me, and never yourself. Do you know what it means that you thought about yourself for one second? It means that some part of you is normal. That’s it.
You were happy, and that’s okay. You wanted a life? Great. About damn time.”
“You’re not mad at me?”
“No. How much stress do you think one person can take, Otherworld or not, before they just want a break? You didn’t let me die, and you didn’t kill me.
Dianna, you would never harm me. Kaden did.
You are not responsible for what Kaden did, and you had every right to be with Samkiel.
To be happy. That is all I have ever wanted for you. ”
I dropped my gaze, a part of me unable to believe her.
“Hey, look at me,” Gabby demanded, waiting for me to meet her gaze.
“You protected me. You always have. This? What you’re feeling.
That is just grief. You love me, and you miss me, and you blame yourself.
Okay, it’s normal, it’s real, it happens, but you gave me the best life, Dianna.
The best one. A longer one than I would have ever had.
It’s okay to want a life too. It’s okay that you love him.
Just because this bad thing happened doesn’t mean you are responsible. ”
My jaw clenched, struggling not to break, my emotions a roiling mass threatening to overwhelm me. Gabby reached out and took my hand, the familiar feeling helping to ground me.
“Kaden would have taken me, eventually. Someway, somehow, that was inevitable. You couldn’t keep me safe forever, nor would I have let you.
I lived, Dianna. For a thousand years, I lived, and you didn’t.
You have been a shell of what he wanted for so damn long, his fucking puppet.
Then Samkiel comes along, and you laugh, smile, and feel.
I couldn’t have been happier. What kind of sister would I be if I didn’t want you to be happy, too?
You didn’t kill me, D. You saved me. Only you let yourself die in the process. It’s about time you live.”
The dam broke, and I could no longer hold back the tears.
They scalded my cheeks, but the relief was overwhelming.
The weight I had been carrying lifted from my shoulders, and I crumpled beneath the lightness.
Gabby caught me, her warm solid arms holding me as my body shuddered with choked sobs.
I buried my face against her shoulder, so thankful she was here and not just another figment of my imagination, and wept.
My body caved in on itself, and I wept until I had no more to give.
“I miss you so much. So much.”
Her hands stroked over my hair. “I know. I miss you too.”
“I don’t know how to forgive myself. Even if it was only a second.”
“Then don’t.”
I pulled back, wiping at my eyes.
She shrugged. “Hey, we’re all flawed in one way or the other.
Be selfish, then. Love fearlessly and blindly, but love nonetheless.
I would want nothing else for you. I think you are perfect the way you are.
Flaws and all. So does he. There is nothing I would change…
Well, maybe that trip to Nappale, but that’s it. ”
I stifled a laugh as I sniffled. “I’m a terrible person.”
“No.” Her voice cracked as she smiled at me. “You’re just a girl who gave up everything she had for the ones she loved. You deserve to be loved in return.”
The house trembled violently, rocking us to the side and nearly toppling us to the floor. Pictures fell from the walls, the wind howling so loud I covered my ears. Whispers and roars rode on the air, sounding like Iassulyn had opened above us.
Gabby’s eyes turned a bright gold as she jumped to her feet. “The realms are opening.”
The words crashed into me. “Samkiel. Is he—”
She shook her head. “Not yet, but close.”
“I have to go,” I said, getting to my feet and sprinting toward the door.
Gabby ran after me, reaching out and grabbing my arm, and spinning me back toward her. I didn’t realize how fast I had moved, so fast that I’d almost made it to the front door. “Wait. D, the realms aren’t just open. Someone came back. Someone old, angry, and violent.”
“Who?”
She gulped. “Nismera.”
I moved past Gabby, even more desperate to get to him, but she stepped in front of me this time, stopping me.
“Dianna.”
“Gabby, I love you very, very much, but if you don’t let me go—”
“No, listen. You can’t fight her. Not alone. She is too strong. Even Kaden fears her. Unir was the only one that could even wound her, and he’s dead. Do you understand? She is a goddess of war and destruction. One of the first.”
“Okay, well, I have to try. I can’t let her get near him. She will kill him.”
“I know, but you can’t fight her. Not yet. You have to go to Samkiel. Get to him first, no matter what. Revenge can come later.”
“How do you know so much?”
“I’ve had help. I met Samkiel’s dad and mom. They’re pretty cool, actually.”
“You met Unir?” I gaped at her.
She nodded. “I don’t think I am allowed in the Valley of the Kings, but he took me after… He needed my help since I was the only one besides Samkiel that could reach you.”
Gabby’s body stiffened, and her gaze snapped up.
I recognized the slight look of defiant anger that flashed in her eyes.
If I had to guess, I would say some power had just reprimanded and forbidden her from saying more.
When they met mine again, her eyes were glowing a bright yellow.
“I shouldn’t have told you that. That’s not the point.
Do you understand, though? Fight Nismera later, save Samkiel first. I need you to be powerful and vicious because they will be. ”
I nodded, trying to absorb everything she’d just told me. “You know me, Gabs. I’ll rip them to pieces. Nobody touches someone I love.”
“That’s my sister.” She leaned back, smiling as she held my hands in hers. A golden glow formed around her, and I knew my time with her was up.
“Will I ever see you again?”
“I never left you.” A small smile played on her lips.
“I am always with you, and I always will be. You’re my sister.
Our bond is stronger than blood or any stupid paper that says otherwise.
Remember, I love you.” Her hand slipped from mine as she stepped back.
“And hey, if you are going to be a monster, at least be a damn good one.”
She dissolved into luminescent light and shot from the room.
I dropped my hands to my sides as my entire world shifted and shook.
I thought my light in this life was gone, but I realized I had just been too blind to see I had another.
He believed in me, cared for me, and never gave up on me.
Now Kaden has threatened to take from me, and one that needed me right now.