Incident 7 Come, My Minion, Leave Your Master Alone
Had Ross done something to offend the dating gods?
It was a legitimate question. Between one thing and another, he and Glenn had had four cancelled dates, all because of various nonsense.
Really, what did people expect Ross to do about magically enhanced marijuana plants growing in the cemetery?
Or demons summoned in port-a-potties? And who would even want to summon a demon in a port-a-potty to begin with?
The amount of nonsense that went into that plan boggled the mind, it really did.
Glenn had looked every inch the vampire master when he promised (threatened?) that the next person who interrupted their date would regret the decision for the rest of their living days.
People believed him.
They were scheduled for their first date (again) tonight. Supposedly. Hopefully. Baring something being set on fire.
Glenn insisted on taking Ross to an upscale restaurant so he could properly wine and dine him.
It was something new for Ross. He’d dated before, of course, but his dates normally involved a movie, pizza, and sex.
This was something else. Glenn wanted to properly court him.
To actually date and treat the dates as more than a prelude to sex.
And Ross wasn’t entirely sure how to handle that. The feeling was sort of surreal, to date like an adult instead of a horny teenager. But he rather looked forward to it. As he put on a suit, he couldn’t keep a smile off his face.
He went through a mental checklist as he got ready.
Wallet. Keys. Reminder in the clan chat to absolutely not interrupt them on pain of death.
Lube and two condoms in his wallet. Actually, did he need the condoms?
Maybe he could find a way to innocently ask Glenn that later.
He had a feeling vampires couldn’t contract or transmit STDs.
After all, they weren’t susceptible to any other human diseases.
He went for shoes—the comfy dress shoes (not the ones that pinched his toes and made him walk like he had a stick up his ass). His phone dinged and he swiped it open. His mom. Of course. She loved to have terrible timing like this. Ross’s date was due in two minutes.
Come over for dinner, it read.
Can’t, Ross texted back with one hand. Going on a date tonight.
He got socks on before she replied.
Oooh! Good. You need to date. Have fun. Remember your body is a temple.
Ross stared at the message like a lizard that had forgotten how to blink.
It was tempting, but he didn’t text back, ‘Sure, my body is a temple. A Zelda sort of temple, so it’s bizarre, dangerous, falling apart, and controlled by horrible monsters.
But sure, still a temple.’ She probably wouldn’t get the joke, as she never played video games.
His mother may or may not have been aware he was gay, but surely she realized that after dating for so many years, her youngest son wasn’t a virgin. Surely. In fact, none of her children were. Or did she just bury her head in the sand and refuse to think of her precious babies gettin’ some?
He went with the safe response. Thanks, Mom.
Ross slipped his shoes on. As if on cue, his doorbell rang.
One of the things he liked about Glenn was the man was always punctual.
A smile on his face, he went to answer the door.
The fact that they’d made it to this point, with Glenn picking him up, was most promising.
They’d never reached this stage before. Right. Let’s do this.
With the door open, he got his first look at Glenn and almost swallowed his tongue.
Glenn had apparently pulled out the stops tonight.
He wore a mouth-watering navy-blue pinstripe that fit him to a T, clearly custom-made for that body.
No tie, open at the collar and showing pale skin.
He’d gotten a trim at some point, his beard perfect and his hair draping over just so.
Sex was so on the agenda this evening. Because there was no way Ross could keep his hands off that.
There was a look in Glenn’s eyes, one of admiration and hunger. As if Ross was somehow the epitome of everything he wanted in that moment. Glenn extended a hand, his smile making his golden eyes glow. “Are you ready?”
Words. He was speaking words. Ross had none, his brain cells having fled further south. He stepped in, taking that hand, but tilted his face up to steal a kiss. Glenn kissed him back readily but didn’t deepen it, keeping the contact light and chaste.
“Are you attempting to lure me into abandoning our reservations?” Glenn murmured. He did sound rather tempted.
“Think of it as a pre-dinner appetizer.”
“Hm, yes, you are certainly that. Come. Before some disaster strikes again.”
Oh, true. Getting out of clan territory was definitely a must. They hadn’t made it off the property so far. Speed was required here. Glenn escorted him to the car, opening the door for him, which Ross found a little odd. He liked it, though.
Glenn settled into the driver’s seat of the Aston Martin, casting Ross an appreciative look from head to toe before starting the engine. “You ever surprise me when you put on a suit.”
Ross only had the one, so he didn’t see why. But he did like the way Glenn looked at him—like he appreciated the view and would come back for more. “I love the suit you’re wearing. It’s perfect for you.”
“An old favorite,” Glenn admitted easily as he backed out of the driveway.
“I don’t wear it often. I’m trying not to wear it out.
It’s one of the hazards of living so long, you know.
You get attached to certain articles of clothing, and eventually they wear out, and there’s no way to replace them.
I had a shirt I loved to pieces—literally—and still have no hope of replicating it.
The process for creating the material and such has died out.
They don’t make clothes the same way anymore. ”
Ross thought about that. How frustrating it was just to buy a second pair of shoes the same style and brand as the ones he liked.
It had to get harder the older something was.
“And of course, you don’t think to get a duplicate of it at the time, as you don’t know until you’ve worn it a while if you’ll like it that much. ”
“It’s a frustrating problem. The maker of this suit, for instance, has already retired and closed business. Otherwise I’d have several more made.”
“Ah. Pity.” Yes, they were past the gates! Progress! “Where are we going, anyway?”
“Umami Omakase. You said you like Japanese food.”
“Adore it. Rarely get it.” Oh, yum. Alright, Glenn got brownie points.
“I thought afterward, we might—” Glenn scowled as the car’s Bluetooth ran a call through.
For that matter, Ross was scowling. It fucking figured. They weren’t even five minutes out yet. “I did warn them death awaited anyone who interrupted us tonight.”
“I saw your warning. And seconded it.” Glenn sighed, already reaching for the button to accept the call. “So this is likely urgent. What?”
The caller sounded nervous. A very, very nervous Keane. “Hi, guys. Sorry, so sorry, but, um…Glenn? Your mom’s here.”
Glenn, already pale to begin with, went white. “I’ll be there in five minutes.”
“Thank fuck. We’ve stalled her some, but be quick.”
“We will.” Glenn hung up, hands gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles.
Ross took in this reaction with alarm. Come to think of it, Glenn had never really spoken of his parents. Or his maker, whoever that was. There was a lot Ross didn’t know, and hoped to learn more as they started dating. Seemed he was about to get a crash course. “Mom as in biological mom?”
“No.” Glenn grimaced, slowing the car so he could do a U-turn. “My maker. She married my father, when he and I were still human, and turned us both. It amused her to do so at the time. She’s…eccentric.”
“Eccentric as in ruthless, unpredictable, and crazy? Or eccentric in the sense that she does random things, causes trouble, and doesn’t really understand what rules are?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Joy. And, um, does she normally just drop in like this?”
“No, far from it. I haven’t seen her face-to-face in at least twenty years.”
“Ah boy. Okay, I can see why you’re worried now.”
“That’s the least of it.” Glenn shot him an apprehensive look. “She doesn’t really like most of the people I’ve tried to date. And I’m not sure how she’ll react to you. Let me take you home first.”
“How about you worry about intercepting her and I can walk myself across the street.” Ross was already resigned to this evening being a bust. He might have to find a way to cheer Glenn up later, after his mom left.
In the meantime, he’d order pizza, crawl into his bitch cave, and just have a quiet evening in.
The old-world manners in Glenn warred with practicality, and Ross could see the battle across the man’s face. Eventually, practicality won and he sighed in agreement. “As you will. I’ll make this up to you later.”
Ross waggled his eyebrows outrageously at him. “Looking forward to it.”
That put a smile on Glenn’s face, briefly. Then they turned into the complex, and his smile vanished as worry hit with the subtlety of a freight train.
The clan was obviously up and active, every light in every house on, which wasn’t a good sign.
Not everyone in the clan were night owls.
Hints of people peeked out behind curtains, a few brave souls leaning out of doors to get an idea of what was going on.
Glenn pulled into his own driveway, and Ross was quick to get out, wanting to leave Ground Zero before the mother could arrive.
A breeze gusted over him as he closed the door, turned, and felt his spirit almost leave his body. Shit! Just when had she gotten here?!