Chapter Thirty-Four
Thirty-Four
Auntie sat down on the couch next to me with a groan. “Ugh, my knees ain’t what they used to be.”
I blew on the mug of hot tea she made me after we finished dinner, already feeling a little better being home.
“So, you ready to talk about it?” she asked.
“Oh, it’s so bad,” I groaned, and sank farther into the couch.
“I figured, seeing as you haven’t said anything except ‘I brought dinner’ since you showed up.”
She was going to be so disappointed in me. I just knew it. Sage was the fuckup, not me. I was the dependable one. I was, if you could believe it, the honest one.
I set my mug of tea down on the worn but loved coffee table and opened my mouth, but no words came.
“Just let it out. Rip it off like a Band-Aid.” She patted my knee, lending me her strength with her kind heart and gentle soul. I really did not want to tell her and have her worry about me too. The seconds ticked by, and I picked my tea back up, slurping to stall the inevitable. I couldn’t look at her face as I told her what happened.
“I told a lot of lies and made a huge mistake at work—well, quite a few huge mistakes—and was fired. Because of my lies, Danuwoa also dumped me.” I stared at a stain on the brown carpet, bracing myself for her censure and judgment.
She gasped.
“Ahhhyyy! That does sound like you fucked up bad.” Her eyebrows reached her hairline in shock. Okay, I wasn’t expecting her to say that. I thought she would provide a little comfort at least, then launch into a lecture.
“Auntie!”
“I’m here to tell you the hard truth.”
“I already know I fucked up. I need help fixing this mess.”
“How am I supposed to fix it? This is why I chose never to leave the country. The city is too complicated.”
“Auntie,” I groaned, setting my hot mug down again. Where was the elder wisdom to fix the situation when I desperately needed it?
“Relax, you’re young. Have you learned from these mistakes?”
“I know I’ll never tell another lie again so long as I live.” I threw my head back into the couch cushion, my arm coming up to shield my eyes.
“See, there you go. Learning life’s lessons. It’s normal.”
“None of this is normal. And I can get over losing the job—I was overpaid and underqualified—but I can’t get over losing Danuwoa. He was nothing but good to me.”
“Do you love him?” Her voice dropped to a whisper.
“I…” Yes. Deep down I somehow knew that I loved him the moment he changed his name in the company chat to Native Daddy. As crazy as that sounded. That humor was once in a lifetime. His smile, his kindness, and his kisses were all exceptional, all Danuwoa. He deserved someone far better than me. I couldn’t say any of this out loud, but with my auntie I didn’t have to. She already knew.
And just like that, I was going to cry again.
“Oh, sweet girl, don’t cry.” She wrapped her arms around me to hug me, rocking us both from side to side. “This is new. I’ve never had to nurse a broken heart for you. What you need is a distraction.”
“What I need is a job,” I sobbed into her shoulder.
“C’mon. Up.” Auntie slowly pushed herself off the couch.
“Why?” I was really enjoying that hug.
“I’ve never known you to be a quitter, Ember. I’ll allow you to be sad tonight, but tomorrow we’re going to see about how we can get you back on your feet.”
“That’s it?” I swear when Sage was upset about anything, she would go and get Neapolitan ice cream and let him watch Tomb Raider on repeat. All I got was a short hug and a dismissal.
“You need more help than I can give, and the employment office and higher education center are closed now.”
I wiped the tears and snot from my face. “You’re just gonna drop me off at the employment center?”
“Ember, you’re twenty-five now. I know you and Joanna couldn’t wait to move to the city and away from here, but there is a whole community who loves and supports you.”
“I don’t know, Auntie. Every time I go to the store or an event here, there’s always someone who likes to ask about Mom or Dad and bring up stories about ‘the good ol’ days,’ and I just can’t stand to sit there and smile at the same stories I have heard all my life. Especially when I never had any ‘good ol’ days’ with my parents.”
“Our people have long memories; no one means anything bad by it. I love you, but you have an avoidance problem. Have you ever asked anyone to stop mentioning your mom and dad to you?” Auntie asked.
I answered her with silence, because, no, I had not. I never wanted to make anyone uncomfortable around me. It was just easier moving to the city to distance myself. Home was still close, but not too close. I could still get lost among the people in OKC, but a short drive and I could be home to have dinner with Auntie and check in. It seemed like the best solution. Also, there was just so much more to do in OKC than in Ada or Sulphur. More bars, more movie theaters, and a larger dating pool that I never really tapped into. It was just more fun.
Auntie put her hands on her hips, her patience at my nonanswer running thin.
“You never ask for help, Ember, so I am proud of you for coming here and asking for it. But I don’t have any power or money to help you. You’re lucky, you’re a part of something much bigger than yourself, and you have a history that goes back beyond this country. You were born into it.”
Auntie had said stuff like this to Sage and me all the time before, but right now was the first moment I actually really heard her. I was part of something greater, and I tried to get ahead on my own. I tried to work and go to school and not inconvenience anyone by asking for help. And where did that get me? Nowhere. I was worse off than I ever was and back home with nothing to show for all my hard work.
“You’re right,” I said.
“I’m sorry, what? Did those words just come out of Ember Lee Cardinal’s mouth?” she teased.
“Shut up.”
“No, I don’t think I heard you right. Can you repeat that?”
“You’re right!” I threw my hands up. “I need major help. I need to go back to school and maybe get a job that is a bit less ambitious for the time being.”
“You can get a job with the tribe. I was talking to Nancy down at the casino, and her son was like you and wanted to get away, except he went off to California. It’s so expensive there, so he came back and got a whole certificate with the tribe’s help.”
“You can’t tell Nancy or Fran about any of this. They are the worst gossips.” I leaned back on the couch. They were Auntie’s best friends and had nothing better to do than be in everybody’s business.
She leveled me a look that said, Have you learned nothing in the last few minutes?
“Fine, point taken.”
“Great, now off with ya. Wheel is about to start, and I don’t want you killing my vibe. I got three phrases right yesterday.”
I rose and gave Auntie a hug and went to my old room I shared with Sage. I wasn’t in the mood for Wheel of Fortune anyway. Solving those phrases wasn’t going to help me.