Chapter 25
XXV.
Fireside sitting became my primary pastime.
I could have done a lot worse. I had done a lot worse.
And now, I spent my days curled up with pillows and blankets in front of the hearth, baking myself into pleasant dreaming by convincing myself that I was in Varnasia again, enjoying chilled wine and the radiant sun.
The mental gymnastics required to accomplish it in full view of a darkness that lifted just before midday and descended again barely three hours after might have astounded anyone privy to my thoughts, but I had grown desperate for peace and needed few props to set my stage.
The servants who emptied chamber pots and tended the fire adapted to my presence. No one maligned or taunted me in Alaina’s apartments. It was a nice change not to have to pretend not to hear things said about me.
Although Alaina could not always be with me either, she did not suggest that she lead me about by the leash as the tsarina did.
She even ordered regular bathing water for me although few others saw me now.
And when the servants and the ladies who assisted Alaina with her evening preparations departed each night, Alaina would join me in her anteroom and read to me.
I almost told her that I could read so that she might give me the allowance of her books, but the complications that could spring from that kept me quiet. I therefore resigned myself to the assumption of illiteracy that predominated most of Ilyichian society.
The tsarina only had me removed to her bedroom once over the next two fortnights, and she did not chain me to the bed.
“How is it going with the princess?” she asked me as she finished up.
I didn’t know if she was actually paying attention or not, so I sighed and said, “Tolerably.”
“Does she read to you?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I told her that you seemed to enjoy it when I read to you,” which the tsarina had never done, “and that she should continue the practice.”
“She has taken your advice to heart then. Thank you for ensuring that I am so provisioned.”
“I cannot have my firebird growing bored now, can I?” She stood and smoothed out her skirts as if preparing to leave.
“Are you already done?” I did not relish the idea of remaining any longer than I had to, but if I had no complaints about Alaina and showed no eagerness for the tsarina’s company, my peace would be short-lived. “I have hardly spent any time with you.”
“I am busy, my dear.”
“I know,” I said contritely. “But now that you have seen me so well-accommodated, is there anyone to look after you?”
“I am being looked after,” she said.
“How are the preparations for the winter festivities going?” I asked, desperately hunting about for any topic of conversation I could, so that I appeared eager for her attention. “And, what about your wonderful palace of ice? It sounds like a marvel.”
“It is. Once they had the exterior built, I had my engineers put to death so that they could never build one for another monarch,” she said.
“It truly is a wonder of the world. The sculptors should have the details complete in time for the planned dedication to The Kind and Fair. I considered holding the winter ball out there, but the Royal Academy has projected that this will be the coldest winter on record. They encouraged me not to host anyone out there for so long a time since it would be well below the usual freezing temperatures during the night.”
“I didn’t realize you planned to use it as a celebration space.”
“I won’t, not now, since I little enjoy the idea of my guests freezing to death, but I still plan on leaving the winter offerings there after the dedication.
And, of course, after the initial consecration of it, then the public can use it to leave The Kind and Fair offerings too.
I would offer to take you on my next inspection, but I know how much you hate being cold. ”
“I am shivering just hearing about it,” I agreed.
“I will be sure to find a way to show it to you before the season is over, even if I have to bundle you in furs.” She tilted her head as she furrowed her brows. “You were always so delicate of constitution. Ilyichians are usually made of stronger stuff.”
Delicate of constitution? She clearly forgot that I had spent more than half my life in the Ilyichian military.
I just managed not to say something stupid.
I had to maintain her delusions to divert her attention from Alaina.
Let her believe it if she liked, especially if it meant I could stay warm, but it showed me, yet again, how little of me she knew when it was her own fictional version of me she preferred.
Instead, I looked at her helplessly and shrugged.
That satisfied her, and she resumed her trajectory out the bedroom door.
Again, I waited to hear for guards. I contemplated the merits of going down to the tsarina’s rose garden to call a Kind and Fair.
Stirring in the corridor decided me against it.
Guards arrived moments later to usher me back to the princess’ apartments.
They stuck me back in the cage upon my return, still uncertain how to accommodate the elevation in my circumstances. So I settled down into the pillows and waited.
Alaina entered not long after, other ladies in tow.
She paused when she spied me in the cage but couldn’t do anything about it.
The ladies were not those with whom I was well-familiar, although I had seen most of them either with Alaina or around court.
They, fortunately, did not give me much notice either, and none of them stayed long.
Alaina crouched down beside the cage when we were left to ourselves.
“I have a surprise for you,” she said, grinning like a girl.
I oozed up from my reclined position and sided up against the cage bars. I put my hand around a bar and waited to be told of her surprise.
Her smile dimmed, and she put her hand over mine. “How was your time with the tsarina?”
“No worse than usual.”
“I’m sorry you still have to endure that.”
“It’s a small price for our peace.”
“And I hate that you have to pay it.” She took my hand from the bar. “So I thought, maybe I could do something nice for you.”
“You’ve done more for me than anyone,” I assured her.
“Nonsense.” She let my hand go and then grabbed the key to open the cage door. She fit it in the lock and turned it. “I have half a mind to leave the key where you can access it, but I worry that someone else might find it and move it.”
“I can be patient.”
“You shouldn’t have to be.” She opened the door for me. “I don’t suppose she would treat you any better if she knew you understood?”
I stepped out of the cage and paused at Alaina’s suggestion.
I hadn’t prepared excuses for not revealing myself to the tsarina.
I had been a bit short-sighted in that probably, but so long as I could keep everyone ignorant of how much anyone else knew, I could keep the tsarina content and Alaina safe.
“Of course she wouldn’t,” Alaina said in answer to her own question, sparing me from having to dig for excuses.
“She wouldn’t want me around you if she thought I might speak to you too.”
“She would probably just keep you muzzled all the time,” Alaina said, her disgust so heavy as it dripped from her words that I half-expected to see a puddle of it beneath her. She crossed the room and went to the doors that led to her bedroom. “Come along.”
I didn’t follow. I trusted Alaina and did not think she had similar intentions towards me as the tsarina did, but I couldn’t make myself take another step in that direction.
“I am content out here,” I said. “Thank you.”
“Do stop being obstinate and contrary.”
I took a step backwards.
“Kaylay, come here.”
My back stiffened at her command.
“No,” I said, refusing to submit to a second minor, if slightly more benevolent, tsarina. “Use that tone of command with me again, and I will refuse to ever obey you. You will need to call the guards like the tsarina does.”
“You are so obstinate,” she grumbled. “I’m trying to do something nice for you, and you’re thwarting me.”
“You are being imperious with me. I get enough of that from her. I will not do it with you.”
“Kaylay.”
“I will go back into that cage and not come out,” I said. “You decide, right now, if you want a friend or a subject.”
“You’re my friend,” she insisted as she came over to me. “I just want to give you something. That’s all. I’m really trying here.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “You’re very trying.”
“Please, Kaylay?”
“Does it have to be in there?” I glanced at her bedroom door. “Could you not bring it out here?”
“I suppose I could, but wh—” Her eyes widened. “Kaylay, you don’t think that I— But I wouldn’t!”
“I don’t know that. Not when you speak to me like she does.”
“The Great Holy forbid that I ever become like her!”
The comparison between them bore an uncomfortable closeness.
“I would never,” she said. She reached out to stroke my arm twice, in the direction of the feathers. “Wait here.”
She disappeared into her bedroom and returned minutes later carrying a fabric-wrapped item that one of her ladies carried in earlier. With Alaina carrying it, it threatened to swallow her up. She tossed it onto the chaise to free her hands.
I stood beside her, appraising the bundle.
“What is it?” I asked.
She pulled at the fabric wrapping, revealing slivers of blue brocade and dark fur until she managed to free the wrapping entirely and discard it on the floor.
The blue shimmered in the light, and the fur absorbed it.
She unrolled the item, and though she held it above her head, the bottom still trailed along the ground.
“What do you think?” she asked.
I regarded the swathes of fabric, very fine, very attractive, in something of a dress pattern but not of the style she usually wore. And much too big for her. I could not help but reach out and stroke the sable collar though, luxuriating in its softness.
“What is it?” I asked again.
“It’s a new outfit — for you!”