15. The Fourth Day Before Christmas
The Fourth Day Before Christmas
Scene I
[The Snowspruce laundry room.]
Viola is changing into her Santa costume.
In the Snowspruce laundry just before open, I’ve barely got my suit and beard in place, when Duke walks in.
“Hey,” he says. He’s in his full Santa outfit, like me, but that sweet, lopsided grin of his shines through.
“Hey.” I try to keep my voice steady, even though my heart races madly. I can’t help but think of the way he watched me yesterday, how he whispered his questions in my ear. I can still practically feel his breath still tickling in the groove of my neck.
But that is not aloof and cold and distant.
Then again, neither is him standing in the doorway of the laundry, looking me over.
“Do you have an ornament you want me to pass on to Viola?”
Duke furrows his brow. He shuts the door behind him as he walks towards me. Suddenly, the laundry room seems to be half its normal size. “Oh, no. No, I didn’t even think of that. No, I was looking for you.”
“For me?”
He nods. “I was worried about you. You just took off last night.”
“And you were worried? About me?”
“Yeah. You climbed out a bathroom window.” He shuffles a little, lowering his eyes before raising them again to hit me full blast with his smoldering stare. “I’m sorry if I pushed you too far yesterday. I just—I just got a little intense seeing you with Olivia like that.”
My tongue darts out to moisten my lips. His eyes track the motion. “Because you’re into Olivia?” I ask, knowing that’s not it.
He takes another step towards me. “I never said I was into Olivia. You were the one who made that leap.” He shrugs my signature shrug, smiling at me with our inside joke.
He looks at me, brows raised in a hopeful expression. I know he’s willing me to ask about it. He wants to have this conversation, this conversation that I so desperately want to have, but absolutely cannot have.
“Thanks for checking in on me. That was nice of you. I’m fine, though. Ready to work, actually.” I move to leave. Duke doesn’t. He stands obliviously still, and I don’t have the inertia to leave while his gravity draws me in.
“I’m being a little selfish. I had to check that you were coming in after I thought I scared you away last night.” His ever-pleased smile pops his dimples. His eyes, though, are serious and searching. “The thought of not seeing you today made me a little crazy.”
He steps closer to me. Much closer. He makes every step look casual, but there’s nothing casual about the way we’re holding ourselves, leaning towards each other so close that we feel each other’s breath.
“I don’t understand it but watching you has become my favourite part of the day.
Seeing you light up as you work, watching your joy spread to everyone around you, it’s the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night.
Hell, it’s what I think about all day long. ”
Through Santa-gloved hands, Duke’s fingertips touch mine as he looks intently at me. “You and your sister have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t bear not seeing those eyes of yours for a day…”
I don’t say anything back. I want to. It’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
Which is exactly why I have to keep my mouth shut.
He said that the only thing he can’t do is be with a liar again, and that’s all I have to offer him.
Duke deserves sunshine and laughter, not clouds and deception.
Still holding my hands, he takes a deep breath and whispers, barely loud enough to hear, “This, us? has really thrown me. I didn’t think… I mean, it’s not just me, right? There’s something between us. You feel it, too?”
Yes is the answer to that. Yes, I feel it, too. I feel it every time he looks at me, every time he touches me. The fact that he thinks about me during the day, maybe even as much as I think about him, makes me happier than I’ve been in years. There’s nothing I’d like more than to tell him this.
But, if I tell him about my feelings, I also have to tell him about me, tell him that everything he knows about me is a lie.
No, instead of doing that, I’ll have to say goodbye—goodbye to this messy connection we have, goodbye to what could have been. I just hope I have the strength to do what I need to do.
Luckily, I’m spared from the inevitable as Maria bursts into the laundry. She looks us over, fingertips entwined and leaning so close together we can practically feel each other’s heartbeats. Just two Santas having a moment in the dim, dank laundry room.
And she doesn’t even bat an eye.
“We open in five minutes. If both of you aren’t at your stations by then, I’m docking an hour of pay.”
Duke laughs like it’s a joke. “You know that’s not legal.”
“Mistakes happen sometimes,” she answers, clearly not joking.
Duke doesn’t see it though. He only ever sees the best in people. He can’t see how terrible people can be.
“Besides,” she adds, turning her gaze to me, “you still haven’t completed your paperwork, so it’s not like you’ll be getting paid at all.”
“I’ll get you that paperwork as quickly as possible.” It’s another lie. I’m still planning on submitting it after I’m no longer working here. But what’s another lie?
I whisk past Maria without looking at Duke. Not even hesitating as he calls my name—or rather, Sebastian’s name.
Exit Viola, walking at a pace that’s almost a run.
Maria gestures at Duke to get moving. He just laughs.