Vandy 30.
I twist my hand this way and that, admiring the giant ring on my finger. After group, we came back to the family compound to celebrate. Devorah outdid herself with dinner tonight. That woman is a miracle worker.
The best part was her forcing Tovah into the kitchen to help. She said she could finally claim Tovah as her daughter-in-law openly, she can start teaching her all the ways to please her man…gastronomically speaking. Masud blushed so hard and slapped his hand over Tovah’s mouth before she could respond to the lovely older house manager. I had no idea how close Devorah and Masud were, but I’m glad that he had her in his life. It must have been so hard to live such a harrowing childhood, then relocate across the world with people he didn’t know. My soon to be sister-in-law is lethally scary, but she’s got a soft, squishy middle…that I will never point out to her because I do not wish to die.
Especially now that I’m engaged to Tevye. It’s amazing how you’re moving along in life, thinking you’re happy and content and then BAM! A big behemoth of a grouch walks into your life with a giggly little boy and it hits you that you never knew true happiness until them.
And now I get to experience it every day for the rest of my life.
“It’s weird having The Pharaoh at the family dinner table,” Jonah states too loudly not to be heard by the entire dining room.
His sister Sophie smacks him in the back of the head, while his wife Harper holds his hands down so he can’t retaliate. “What’s weird is you still calling him ‘The Pharaoh’. Masud. It ain’t hard, dude.”
“Whatever,” Jonah says, rolling his eyes. “All I’m saying is, you watch a guy utterly and completely decimate an enemy or two, passing him the salt and pepper at the dinner table is weird.”
Tovah snorts, “You think that’s weird? Let me describe in detail how he decimated my pussy—” The aunts and uncles and my in-laws throw food at her while Masud kisses her to shut her up. Meanwhile, I’m giggling as the dinner table devolves into chaos.
Tevye lifts an empty plate and uses it to block us from getting pelted with food. He steals a quick kiss. “Let’s elope. And move. Far, far away. I heard Finland is like the happiest place on earth.”
“I thought that was Disneyland?”
“Too expensive. And you have to wear those fucking ears. Ain’t my scene.”
“But Finland is?”
“Sure, why not. It’s got the Northern Lights.”
“A wonderful basis for completely uprooting our lives and moving to a foreign country.” He scowls at my sarcasm, drops the plate just in time for me to get pelted with a slice of prime rib. He bites his lips to keep from laughing while I use my cloth napkin to clean up as best I can. “Finland it is. But I won’t fly anything but first-class. I’m to be a mafia wife, I expect luxury.”
He smiles and it transforms his face. Softens him, he looks years younger. Light. Unburdened. “You marry me, I’ll give you anything you want.”
“Just you.” I lean in and kiss him softly, moaning into his mouth when he deepens the kiss.
“We’ll probably have to bring my parents. They’re attached to Arlo.”
I groan and drop back into my seat with a frown. “Just our dads. My mom is crazy, and your mom might try to take me to a séance.” The room silences at our exchange.
Gertie stares at me with narrowed eyes. “One time.”
“I heard that’s all it took to bring evil into your womb.” Steven throws his hand up for a high-five which I return.
My future mother-in-law points her finger at me, “You, that was good. You’ll do nicely in this family. But you…” she turns to her husband, who looks a lot less giddy than he was a moment ago, “Kill. Bill.” Steven swallows hard, as an uneasy hush falls over the dining room.
“Gert. Baby—”
“I will roar. I will rampage. And I will get bloody satisfaction.”
“Now I see the family resemblance.” Harper comments, her eyes flashing between Gertie and Tovah.
Blanche stands up from her seat and saunters, that’s the only word to describe the motion of her hips as she floats to Gertie’s chair on the other side of the table. She runs her hand along Gertie’s back. “ Enchantee .” Blanche practically purrs at Gertie’s ear. “You can call me Bloody Satisfaction.”
“Get away from my wife!” Steven yells, throwing his napkin down, pulling his wife from her seat and away from a laughing Blanche, and carrying her over his shoulder out of the room. She gives us all a thumb’s up.
“Our parents are gonna bone,” Tovah tells her twin unnecessarily.
“Yes, thank you for that,” he replies drily.
“I think Masud and I are gonna bone too.”
“Hey, Vandy?” I glance up and smile at Ruthie. “Can Zeppo and I come to Finland with you? We promise not to make it awkward.”