Chapter 3
Chapter Three
LIVIANNA
Two & A Half Weeks Before Now
The Night I Needed Him To Break Me.
There’s a line between surrender and self-destruction. And tonight, I stop caring where it is.
Iswallow my tears. There’s no way I’ll break in front of Jax if he says we’re through. No one will ever see that weak little girl again.
He runs his hand over my knee, leaning toward me. “I don’t know if we’re done. You tell me.”
“I’m the one who asked if we could try.”
“That’s not what I mean. We both know while I’m away, it will be best if we take a step back. That way, if something comes up, neither of us will feel deceived or betrayed.”
“Are you saying I’m going to lose you?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. My feelings for you won’t change.”
Why is he doing this?
I shake my head and growl in frustration. “You’re talking in circles. Just tell me what you mean.”
“While I’m in Malaysia, I’d like to speak with you when we can, but I won’t expect you to wait around for me. And I certainly don’t want to put us on a schedule to connect when we both know we’ll let each other down.”
I consider his points. He’s not wrong, but I can’t lose him. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
“Jax, when you come back, then what happens?”
“Hopefully, you’ll be single and we can pick up where we’re leaving off.”
“In a forbidden, secret affair?”
“This is more than a trite affair.”
“Is it?” I place my hand over my heart. “Not a single person knows about us. Not even my closest friends. To everyone else, you’re some mystery man I’ve been dating. The only reason they don’t push me to tell them about you is because they think I’m always working and only fit him in when I can.”
“That doesn’t land solely in my lap.” His tone is stern. “We both came to that decision when we got involved.”
I scoot my chair away even though he’s right. “Please go back to your side of the table. The server is watching us.”
Jax rises to his feet, takes his chair, and sits across from me. He gets situated and takes a drink of his wine.
He places it down and stares warmly into my eyes. “Livianna, I don’t want to leave with us strained. I care about you and want to share my last night here spoiling you, ravishing you, and remembering all we share.”
I glance down and adjust the napkin on my lap. One last night with him isn’t enough.
The child in me wants to throw a tantrum and storm out of here, but Jax would never let me get away with that. No, he’d let me flee and I’d regret it the second I did.
The server brings out our meals, giving us a reprieve from our intense discussion. I put on a brave face and build a smile as if nothing is wrong.
But everything is.
I wanted to tell Jax I love him tonight and this happens. Why?
Because you don’t deserve a love like his.
I toss the thought out of my head like Jax has taught me to do. Release the negative and focus on the positive.
Once we have our plates before us, I decide I’m going to be greedy. I love and want Jax. If it’s for only one night, then I’ll take it. He needs to be reminded of what he’s missing out on while he’s gone.
I pick up my utensils to cut into one of my scallops. “I hate that you’re going to Malaysia, but I’ve always known your career is your wife. You—”
“My wife?”
I peek up and think back.
Did I say wife?
Crap, I think I did.
Nice Freudian slip, Livianna.
“Jax, you must have misheard me. I said, your life.”
He runs a suspicious eye over me. “Continue with what you were saying.”
“You planned a beautiful romantic date and I’m not going to spoil it with a bad mood.” I place a brick in front of my heart and start building my wall.
“It pleases me to hear you say that.” He lifts his knife and fork to dig into his steak. “If all goes according to plan, I’ll be home soon. We’ll be together again and it’ll be even better than it is now.”
I wouldn’t be too sure. Nothing seems to go my way when it comes to love.
I lay another brick. “That’s what I’m hoping for too, Jax.”
We stumble through dinner, trying to pretend the evening is everything romantic and sentimental. Jax makes a point to tell me stories of our time together that he’ll always remember.
I don’t. He’s not getting that side of me tonight. We return to his Malibu home with most of my wall built around my heart.
Pulling up to the beach house reminds me of my upcoming move. We get inside and are in the kitchen getting water for the night.
I fill the glasses. “When we got back here, I thought of something.”
“What’s that?” He’s leaning on one hand on the counter next to me, staring at me.
“My place should be ready by the time you return, so what do you want me to do with the keys and the mail? Are the service people still going to need to have access to the inside of the house for cleaning?” I turn his way, handing him his drink.
He takes it from me but puts it down. “Don’t worry about any of that. It’s all taken care of.”
“It is?”
“Yes, I’ve—”
“You said you only found out you were leaving yesterday. How did you get that arranged? I’ve been with you all day and I think I would’ve noticed.”
“I emailed the house manager of my other property and asked her to take on the maintenance of this place as well. She’s happy to do it.” He takes my water and places it next to his. “Livianna, don’t try to sabotage our last few hours together.”
He slides his arms around me and pulls me into his chest. I want to resist, but his smoky, leathery cologne drifts into my nose.
Memories of us laughing, connecting through our talks, and being tangled up with him in the sheets rush to my mind. I sink into his embrace.
“Livianna, I’m going to take you to bed and make love to you.” He caresses the back of my head. “I’m going to show you how much you mean to me.”
Even though we like sex rough and raw, we still have times where we make love gently and with nurturing care. No, not this time. We are going to the bedroom, but there will be no making love.
I break away and take his hand, leading him to the other room. “I’m going to go get ready. While I’m doing that, get out the nipple clamps and restraints.”
“No. We’re going to—”
“Do what I want. Tonight we’re going to have it hard.” I peek over my shoulder, flashing him a seductive look. “Take it or leave it, king.”
He doesn’t say a word. His eyes grow dark, and he stops. I shrug, drop his hand, saunter into the en suite, and close the door behind me. He needs some time to consider his options.
While he’s doing that, I dress in the sexiest leather and chain lingerie I have. It doesn’t cover much, but it’s perfect. I comb my hair into a tight ponytail and reapply my red lipstick.
I enter the candlelit bedroom. He’s got the red satin sheets on the mattress, along with the items I requested in addition to a riding crop, flogger, a single-tail whip, and a cat-o’-nine-tails whip. It seems he’s made the right decision.
He steps into the room in his black silk pajama bottoms. His passionate gaze takes me in from head to toe.
“Fantastic choice, mon trésor.” He pads toward me. “All that’s left is the music. Any requests?”
“The Make It Hurt playlist.”
“I knew you were going to say that.” He lifts his hand and pushes a button on the remote of the wireless speaker.
Dark, ghostly-themed music filters in. The mood has been set and my sex heats as my nipples steeple.
He lifts me and throws me over his shoulder before I can say anything. He smacks my ass as hard as he can.
I squeeze my eyes shut and hold in a yelp. This is nothing. I’m in for a hell of a journey tonight. I can’t break until I can’t handle any more.
He tosses me onto the bed. The wrists and ankle cuffs are already secured to the frame.
His blackened eyes bear down on me. “Remember the safewords. I’m not taking it easy on you tonight.”
My heart rate speeds up. “Yes, sir.”
“Sit.”
I do. He takes the nipple clamps, but not the ones I asked for. The ones he picked out are attached to a chain that has a clit clamp on the other end.
I suck in a breath. He twists and tugs on my nipples until they’re hard, then slips on the nipple clamps. He tightens them to the point I’m about to see spots.
He sits back and tugs the chain. “How’s the tension?”
“Intense. Level eight out of ten.”
“Good.” His voice is deep and thick with control. “Now lie back.”
I nod and do what he demands. “Jax.”
“Excuse me?”
“I mean, sir.” I lick my lips. “Request?”
“Proceed.”
“Please don’t make the clit clamp as tight. Maybe a level five or six.” I swallow and my pulse races.
“Done. Anything else before we begin?”
“No, sir.”
“Very well. This is what you want, so I don’t expect to hear pause or final from you anytime soon. Understand?”
“Yes. Push me hard, sir.”
His fiery gaze softens for a second, then flames. “Done.”
This is the fiercest I’ve ever seen him in the bedroom. My stomach twists and knots. I tighten my muscles and place my fears aside. This is what I asked for, so I better suck it up.
“Spread your legs.” He licks his thumb and two of his fingers.
I do as instructed, and he brings them to my clit and rubs it. I thrust into his touch. My blood rushes to my bud, sending tingles and zaps of electricity between my legs. I’m wet in a few beats.
When I’m swollen enough that he knows where he wants to attach the clit clamp, he does. It’s tighter than usual but not like the nipple clamps.
He tugs on the chain. “How’s the tension?”
“A level six. I’m good, sir.”
He nods, checks my breasts, most likely to ensure my nipples are the right color, then flips me over. “Get on your knees and rest on your forearms. Ass up.”
Once I’m in place, he caresses my butt cheeks as he kisses up my spine. Shivers crawl over my skin.
The thing I love most about this type of sex is all I think about is how my body feels. I have to focus only on that or else risk being injured. There’s no room for my thoughts to wander. And that’s what I want tonight.
Jax brings his mouth to my ear. “Get ready, firecracker. It’s about to begin.”
“Yes, sir.”