Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
LIVIANNA/LILY
Then
The Girl Who Shouldn’t Exist
She spoke like a memory I never made. And suddenly, I wasn’t real anymore.
Iseethe inside and pace before Gia. “Did you see him checking her out?”
“Not really, Livianna.” She tucks her long blonde hair behind her ear. “I saw your brother point at her and then Cash looked her way.”
“Gia, you’re great, but you’re too nice. You don’t think anyone is bad.”
“I…don’t see the point in getting upset until you know all the facts.”
“I know what I saw. Callum was definitely into her.” I stomp behind the bar and find the Fireball my parents keep in the minibar. “Do you want some?”
Gia shrugs. “Sure, but—”
“You can stay the night. I’m not getting drunk by myself when Callum is out there with that bitch.”
“Okay. Are you sure you don’t mind if I stay?”
“I was planning on it, anyway.” I pour two shots. “You were going to be my alibi.”
“What?”
“Never mind. It doesn’t matter anymore.” I hand her the Fireball. “Cheers.”
We take the shots and both wince as they go down.
She shivers and grimaces. “That burns.”
“Hence the name.” I pour two more and repeat the process.
She places her shot glass down and slides onto a stool. “At least it tastes good.”
“Yeah.” I lift the bottle.
“Wait, Livianna. Let’s see how we do with these before we go off the deep end. I don’t want to be throwing up tonight.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
Gia’s eyes go wide. “Livianna, Sebastian just came down the stairs.”
“Yeah, so?” Then it hits me.
The last time Callum saw me with Sebastian, he was all over me. Callum knows Sebastian wants me and that gives me an idea.
It’s the only reason I was able to talk him out of pressing charges against Callum. I promised I’d give him a chance if Callum and I ever break up. If he sued Callum, I threatened to demand he get fired due to a conflict of interest.
Since I’m the star of the show, he knows I hold all the power. Just like I do in this situation.
I’m about to do something I shouldn’t and I own that. But it’s time I take back the room and bring my boyfriend’s attention back to me.
I smile at Gia. “Girl, you’re so smart. That’s why I love having you as my friend!”
“What are you talking about?”
I wave Sebastian over. “Sebastian, come here.”
He and his friend veer our way and slide up to the bar. Sebastian introduces us to his friend and we talk for a few minutes.
He apologizes again for trying to kiss me and admits he’s uncomfortable with Callum here. I give them shots to help them relax.
I move around the bar. “Come on, guys. I’d love for you to meet my brother.”
Gia gives me a side-eye glance. “Livianna, are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Sebastian loves Ur Boyz. It’s only right that he chats with them tonight. Most of them are here, so why not?” I hook arms with Gia and Sebastian. “Don’t worry. Everything will be cool.”
Sebastian peeks over his shoulder at his friend, who’s tagging along. He shrugs and shakes his head as if it isn’t up to him. And quite frankly, it’s not.
I nudge Sebastian forward. “Quit being a pussy.”
He glances at me and a flicker of fire flares in his eyes. “That’s not a name you should be calling me.”
“Then prove it.” I lift a shoulder as if I don’t believe him.
He grows taller and stares ahead. We round the corner where I find Hawke and Cooper casually leaning against the bar, watching Bren and Callum like they’re waiting for the popcorn to be delivered.
Callum’s pale face is glued to something on her chest. He can’t take his eyes off it.
Bren glances at me, then does a double take. His head falls back as his palm slams against his forehead. Yeah, this is going to be a shitshow and I know it. I step up to them without Callum noticing.
“Hi.” My sticky-sweet voice cuts in. “How’s everyone doing tonight?”
He slowly tears his eyes off her and they land on me. His fiery gaze slides from Sebastian to me, then Gia.
He stiffens, gripping the beer in his hand until his knuckles are white. “What the fuck, Livianna?”
“Callum, you’ve already met Sebastian, but I’d love to introduce you to Gia Armstrong. She’s an extra on the show. She plays Zara’s bandmate.” I smile over at Gia.
She dips her head to Callum. “Hi. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Hi, Gia. Good to meet you.” He glances at Sebastian and back at me with jealous daggers shooting in all directions.
I gesture righteously to the girl he’s been mesmerized by, who’s grinning smugly in our direction.
Callum’s jaw twitches as he faces her. “Livianna, this is Faith.”
Faith? Why the fuck did he call her Faith? My whole world falters. I drop Sebastian’s and Gia’s arms with my blood going cold.
“Who?” I shake my head and stare at Faith in total confusion. “That’s not your name.”
“Don’t get tripped up, Livianna. After all, this is Hollywood.” She adjusts a Celtic trinity knot necklace she’s wearing and smirks. “Cash and I go way back. Don’t we, honey?”
“What?” My body empties. “I’m so confused. Why is he calling you Faith?”
Callum’s brows furrow as he studies us. He glances at Bren, who puts his hands up and steps back.
“Don’t ask me, bro. I’m as lost as you are.” Bren joins Hawke and Cooper near the bar.
Callum stands frozen with a deep-set frown as he looks between all of us like he’s searching for an answer.
“I know who she is.” I turn to him with my heart plummeting. “Why are you lying to me and calling her Faith?”
His eyes flare with rage. “I don’t fucking lie. Her name is—”
“Cash, she doesn’t know me like you do. She knows me by my stage name.” Evilness spins in her eyes as she struts closer to me. “I go by Zara Blackthorn now. Faith Thorne was just too… I don’t know. Nice.”
Callum’s head lowers as he releases a puff of disturbed understanding. “You go by Zara Blackthorn now, and you work with my girlfriend. Fucking unbelievable.”
“Girlfriend? I thought that was just for the tabloids to help create your image.” She turns away from Callum and advances on me, standing an inch before me. “I was innocent when we met, so I can see how he missed it.”
My breathing goes into overdrive. “Spit it out, Zara. What are you trying to tell me?”
“We were each other’s first.” She tilts her head like she’s sending me sympathy and cups her palm around the trinity knot. “He gave me this necklace so I’d never forget him. He didn’t tell you about that?”
“Ah, bro. That’s brutal.” Bren turns away from us, burying his head in his arms on the bar. “I can’t watch this anymore.”
Gia tries to pull me away, but I stay put.
I shake my head. “He told me that happened with some groupie.”
Zara pulls her face together as if I’m stupid for believing him. “I doubt he’d give this family heirloom to a groupie. After all, it was his mom’s, so I know it meant something to him just like that night always will.”
Her words stab me a thousand times. They were each other’s first. I’ll never be able to top that moment. Nothing I do will ever compare.
Everyone says there’s nothing like your first time. You can never get it back. He gave her his mom’s necklace to show the significance. They’ll always have that. They’re tied together for life.
He’ll never forget her. She’s forever burned into his memory. He even told me the sex was great. And they did it without a condom.
He’ll always want more of that feeling. The excitement and newness of it all. He’ll always want that, which they share.
He’ll always want her; that moment they gave to one another. It will never be mine.
He’s already halfway gone. Not if I have anything to say about it. I’ll kill her first. That internal voice terrifies me more. My thoughts trip over each other.
People speak around me, but all I hear are the words I already know to be true.
They always want her over me. It’s always her. They all want her, not me. I’m just a replica, a fraud, pretending to be the first, the only, when I know I’m just a substitute. The second or next best thing.
My stomach roils. I’m about to throw up.
“Faith or Zara. Whatever the fuck your name is, that wasn’t how it went down and you know it.” Callum steps between us.
My head still spins. I’m not the one who’s wanted.
My heart tumbles out of my chest and the weight of the truth knocks the wind out of me. I clutch at my lungs and gasp for air. I can’t breathe.
My knees buckle and searing agony floods my bloodstream. I dig my fingernails into my skin to divert the pain. Anything to keep me from losing my mind.
“Bren…” That’s all I can get out.
“Livianna, what’s wrong?” Callum takes me in his arms.
“Leave her alone, Cash.” Bren, knowing me better than anyone, pushes him aside. “She’s having a panic attack. You can’t crowd her.”
Callum stiffens and points at Zara and Sebastian. “Get the fuck out and take him with you. Neither of you are welcome here.”
With his words, everything goes black.
A cold rag wipes over my face. “Come on, Liv. Just breathe and count to ten.”
I scratch at my wrist with my pointy nails and nod at Bren. I’m on the bed in the downstairs guest bedroom. Gia and Callum stand back, giving Bren space to get me back into the present moment.
“How fucking embarrassing. I want to claw out of my skin.” I tremble and turn away, taking the cloth from Bren. “Will you make them leave?”
Bren faces them. “Do you guys mind giving us some space?”
Gia points to the door. “Sure. I’m going to go see if I can find…my other friends.”
She leaves the room, but Callum doesn’t. He gets closer to the bed and stares down at me with his hands on his hips.
He glances between Bren and me. “What the hell is going on?”
“Nothing, Cash. She freaked out and now she’s fine.” Bren slides off the mattress and gets to his feet. “I’ve gotta get something for her upstairs. Why don’t you come with me so she can get herself together?”
“Fuck that.” Callum holds the bedpost. “Go get what you need, but I’m not leaving her alone.”
Bren tries to hide his face by turning away, but I see him roll his eyes before he does. “You can be such a stubborn asshole.”