Chapter Fifteen
Rip
I’d always believed I was less than because I was the poor kid, the one who’d gotten his clothes from the Goodwill and had lived with someone else’s family because he’d had no one else to take him in.
Maybe that was why I’d hopped from man to man, never allowing myself to get close, figuring they wouldn’t want to know the real me.
Even with Denis, we’d rarely gone beyond the hockey stats or what event we’d go to.
I’d fallen for his charm and all the sex appeal oozing from his pores until I’d discovered it hadn’t been reserved for me.
With Adrian, it was different. He asked questions and delved into the person I was aside from hockey. And having finally met my father, old wounds peeled open that had never properly healed. I knew Adrian would want to be by my side to help, but now I needed him for so much more.
“Rip?” He propped himself up on his elbow. “What’s wrong?”
I pushed the hair off his brow, gazing into his beautiful eyes. “Nothing.” Refusing to allow anything to ruin this moment, I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips, feeling them soften under mine. “How could there be when you’re here with me?”
Adrian’s naked body lay hard and hot next to mine, and I skimmed my hands over the firm planes of his chest and shoulders. My mouth took his, my tongue demanding entrance. Our kisses grew lingering, silk stroking velvet, and a moan broke free from deep in my chest.
When I brushed my fingers into the cleft of his ass and touched his hole, he groaned and widened his legs. “More,” he begged. “More.” His breath stuttered, and his hands clutched my hair.
Pleasure-pain streaked through me, and his needy cries mingled with my gasps. I ached to have him and couldn’t stop touching him, kissing him. Shivers ran down my spine as I stroked his skin, loving the sounds my touch coaxed from him.
Watching him come apart, something shifted within me, cracking the shell I’d placed around my heart after Denis left.
“It’s been so long,” he whispered. Moonlight played off his luminous eyes, and my heart lurched at his confession.
“Let me love you.” I kissed his lips, his jaw, and moved lower, nipping at the pulsing vein in his neck before biting and sucking his nipples.
Adrian writhed beneath me, the smell of his sweat, cologne, and precome creating a heady cocktail for my senses.
I slipped my tongue along the length of his shaft to circle his balls and raised his trembling legs, exposing his tight hole.
“Rip,” he panted. “I want…”
My fingers played with his crease. “That? You want that?”
He shook his head. “More.” He ducked his head, and I could barely hear his soft, hesitant voice. “Y-your mouth. I’ve never…”
It dawned on me what he was asking, and I dipped my head. When my tongue slid past his rim, Adrian’s hips lifted off the bed, his hands twisting the sheets. I held his thighs apart and licked, while he keened.
“Baby, I could spend the whole night playing with your sweet ass, but I gotta get inside you.”
Eyes burning, Adrian worked his dick and nodded.
“Yes, yes. Please.” The slick sound of his hand moving on his hard length spurred me on, and I jumped off the bed to get the lube and condoms from my bag.
I’d already loosened him up with my tongue and was anxious to feel his tight ass wrapped around my aching dick.
It had been months for me, which must’ve been why my hands trembled a bit as I rolled on the condom.
Overanxious, I eased past the ring of muscle and sank into the pure perfection of Adrian’s body.
Liquid fire engulfed me as Adrian clasped my cock, drawing me deep.
He was made for me, and we moved in sync, a rhythm I’d never grow tired of.
I was complete. Where I was meant to be.
Home.
I thrust gently, then with increasing vigor until I was pistoning into his willing body with a force and determination I normally reserved for skating.
“More,” he begged. “You’re splitting me apart. I need it.”
“I’ve got you, baby.” I pushed his legs up to his chest to heighten my penetration, and Adrian wailed, his eyes rolling back in his head as his body arched off the bed. His dick spurted out streams of come over his belly and chest.
My cock swelled and throbbed, held tight in his hot passage.
Every stroke in and out of him sent a surge of electricity through me.
I was on top of the world, strong and invincible.
There was no time for me to breathe—my orgasm barreled through me, and with one final pump, I exploded.
My heart hammering, I collapsed on Adrian, covering his sweat-soaked body with mine.
A minute or an hour might’ve passed—I’d lost all sense of time—before I was able to move again. As gently as possible, I pulled out, got rid of the condom, and joined him in the bed. Adrian’s eyes glowed, and I couldn’t help the smile that curved my lips. I took his hand.
“How do you feel?” I lifted his fingers to my cheek, needing our connection.
“I don’t think I have words to describe it.” Shy now, Adrian bit his lip. “I know I’m not that experienced, but—”
“Shh,” I comforted him, then kissed him, unwilling to let him diminish what happened between us. “It was perfect. You were perfect.”
It didn’t surprise me that he hadn’t been with many men. Someone like Adrian didn’t give his body away easily.
“Can I tell you something?” I whispered.
“Of course.”
I rolled to my side so I could gaze into his sweet, open face.
“I’m realizing now, after learning more about you and being with you these past few weeks, that maybe I’m not all that knowledgeable in matters of the heart.
” At Adrian’s dubious expression, I cupped his cheek, brushing my thumb over his full bottom lip, still swollen from my mouth.
“Adrian, you can live with someone and never know them. Have sex and not feel anything beyond the physical release.”
“Is that what your life’s been like?”
Instead of answering, I kissed him, a long, leisurely press of lips and silken dance of tongues. I couldn’t imagine a time feeling Adrian’s warm body under mine wouldn’t drive all thoughts out of my mind other than the need to touch him and be touched. Even hockey came in second to him.
“Yes. Filled with people but always alone. Lovers eager to share my bed but never willing to learn what’s in my heart.”
Adrian rested on my chest. “I hear your heart. And I understand what you mean. Sometimes I feel the same. Like I’m walking through a crowd, but no one sees me. Or I speak and no one listens.”
His silky hair slid through my fingers. “I see you, Adrian. And I hear you.”
We lay quiet for so long, I was falling into that dreamlike state between sleep and wakefulness, but I was brought to wakefulness as Adrian spoke.
“Rip…I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”
A chill ran through me. “Doing what?”
He sat up, the comforter pooling in his lap. “I told you I wasn’t really good at pretending. That’s especially true when it comes to being physical.”
I joined him, sitting upright against the headboard. “Talk to me. Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“Caught.”
His answer surprised me. “Caught? That sounds negative, and I thought what happened here tonight was positively fucking awesome.”
His face was hauntingly sad. “That’s the problem. It was…but it’s not real. And if we keep doing this”—he waved a hand between us, casting his gaze downward—“I’m afraid I might start wishing it was.”
“I thought you didn’t want anything serious. You said that in San Antonio.”
A tiny smile flickered. “I-I lied because I thought that’s what you’d want.”
Be still my fucking heart because the way it banged double time, I knew what I had to say. If I didn’t, Adrian would pull away, and that fucking terrified me.
I licked my suddenly dry lips. “Wh-what if I feel the same?”
Dubious eyes met mine. “You don’t have to say that.”
I shifted to the center of the bed so I faced him. “I’m not. Maybe we’re even more in tune than I thought.” This was not a conversation for the dark, so I leaned over and switched on the bedside lamp. “I think we need to talk.”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing now?” He winced at the light in his eyes, but I didn’t miss the defeated droop of his shoulders.
“No. You’re telling me what I’m going to say as if you already know, when the truth is, I’m still not sure.
” I took a breath. “Adrian, sometimes things happen when we least expect them, or when we aren’t looking.
I definitely wasn’t looking for a boyfriend or someone to love because I firmly believed that Denis ruined my trust in relationships.
I was content to have sex just to get off. ”
Adrian’s cheeks turned pink.
“My focus was and had to be solely on hockey. Anything less, and I wasn’t giving it a hundred and ten percent.”
“You’re playing amazingly well—the best of your career, I’ve heard the sportscasters say.”
“I think so. But maybe it’s because I’m happy. Finally. I have someone in my corner who grounds me. Someone I can talk to about anything and be myself with.”
Adrian shook his head. “C’mon. You have great friends. Neil, Seb…they know you better than I do.”
“In certain respects, yeah,” I admitted. “But I never told either of them about my father. Or how hurt I was about Denis cheating on me.”
“Why? I don’t know Seb well, but Neil would understand. He’s like your brother.”
“We don’t get deep into the really personal stuff. Seb helped me after I found Denis with Gordie, but I’m his captain and I have to show that I can put aside my emotions, no matter what. I don’t want anyone to think I can’t handle my shit. I can’t afford to appear vulnerable.”
“I’m not sure I agree with that,” Adrian mused. “A true friend understands. Maybe you need to give him more credit. And even so, Neil would be there for you, no questions asked. You can’t deny that. You two have always been attached at the hip.”
“It looked that way, didn’t it?” I rubbed my chin and sighed. “Guess maybe I’d always been somewhat of a faker because I never told him everything. Don’t get me wrong—I love Neil, and I would take a bullet for him. But some things are better left unsaid. Even to the best of friends.”
Adrian put a hand on mine but said nothing. Waiting for me to say what I’d kept hidden all my life.
“I want you to know everything.” I turned my palm up and laced our fingers.
“About how even though your parents took me in and cared for me like I was your brother until I left for college, I still woke up every morning wondering if that would be the day I’d be taken away.
How no matter how much I love your mother and everything she’s done for me, I still miss my mom and wish she were here.
” It might be long ago, but the pain of what I lost haunted my every step, no matter what glory I’d accomplished.
“I know that feeling. On the outside looking in. Not that it was your fault or Neil’s, but it was like that with your friendship. There was only room for the two of you and no one else. I was the tagalong. It was you and Neil, and I always came in second.” He lowered his gaze.
“Not with me.” I reached out to take his hand. “Not anymore. I’d like to put you first in my heart.”
“But we only did this as a way for me to get noticed at my job,” he protested. “It’s not reality.”
“And it worked, but in the meantime, nothing has to change.” I smiled encouragingly. “People already think we’re together. Maybe we did such a good job because we’re not faking it.”
But Adrian remained unconvinced. “Neil thinks we’re still putting on a charade. I don’t like lying to him.”
It figured. I had to fall for a guy with values, but his innate goodness was what made Adrian so special. In a world where every day people judged me by statistics and what they saw on a screen, I’d allowed Adrian in, under my armor, past the mask.
“Just for a little while. We only have a month or so until the playoffs. Once that’s done, we can tell him. But please. I need you to stick by me now. Be the real boyfriend you’re pretending to be.”
His full lips twitched. “Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?”
I crawled to him. “Nothing’s ridiculous when it comes to how I feel about you.”
“I guess we can try. I wouldn’t want to upset your rhythm.”
That twinkle in his eye brought me as much joy as a game-winning goal, and I couldn’t refrain from kissing him over and over, leaving us both breathless and shaking.
“Baby, you are my rhythm. The rhythm of my heart.”
Suddenly, Adrian pulled away, a solemn expression replacing the one of pleasure.
“I have something to tell you. I hope you won’t be mad at me.”