Chapter Nineteen
Rip
The sound of our skates cutting through the smooth surface of the rink played like a familiar, comforting song. I sprinted toward the goal at the opposite end, the rest of the team on my heels. Our blades scraped the ice as we passed pucks back and forth. Coach kept the pace, shouting instructions.
“Tremaine, keep an eye on your left. You tend to concentrate on your right side. Chitson, don’t hold the puck too long, otherwise they’ll steal it right from under your ass. Varhov, Crowe, flank the centers.”
It went on for two brutal hours, pushing harder and harder, yet it was exhilarating.
I barely felt the burn of my protesting muscles when we finished.
At the end of the regular season, there were fewer games, with more time between, but that didn’t mean we rested.
We practiced every morning, watched films, and studied the plays after.
Much as I wanted to see Adrian, I was too worn out to do more than shower, eat, and sleep.
“You looked good out there, but I want it even better.” Coach strode from one end of the room to the other as he spoke. “All of you need to release your shots quicker. And try and draw Nordstrom into the crease. He tends to be vulnerable. Good practice today. See you tomorrow, eight a.m.”
Seb and I took our stuff from the locker. From the corner of my eye I watched Denis approach, and I tensed. I recognized that crafty look in his eyes. He’d grown his hair longer, holding it off his face with a headband, and stubble covered his jaw.
“You’re looking good out there, mon amour. Must be that young lover of yours. He’s keeping you on your toes, eh?” A blindingly white smile curved his lips.
“Stop calling me that.” I shoved some things in my bag. “You have a fiancé. He’s your love, not me. And what do you want, anyway?”
“Just to talk. We were friends…once. Before.”
Seb snorted and picked up his duffel. “See you tomorrow, Rip. If I don’t leave now, I might drown in all this bullshit being shoveled.” Whistling, Seb walked away.
I zipped up my bag. “The key word is before. You lost my friendship when you cheated on me.”
To my surprise, Denis didn’t leave. He sat on the bench, his grin fading. “Rip. I’m serious. Can we talk?” Big eyes captured mine.
“I’m exhausted, and I really want to go home.”
“We can talk there. C’mon. For old times’ sake.”
I’d forgotten how persistent Denis could be. And how charming when he wanted something. I could tell him to fuck off, and maybe I should, but thinking about it made me realize there was no need for me to hold on to my anger if we’d both moved on.
“Sure. Whatever. Are you ready?”
“Lead the way.”
Inside the apartment we’d once shared, he set his things down and strolled around, nodding his head. “You’ve redecorated.”
I kicked off my sneakers. “I wanted a fresh start, so yeah, everything’s new—couch, chairs, rugs.”
“Bed?” He arched a brow.
I turned away and took a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “Everything.”
He flung himself onto the club chair and ran his hand over the smooth leather. “Very nice.”
I chose the couch, across from him. “I doubt you came here to discuss my interior decorating.”
That sharp gaze returned. “How have you been?”
My lips twitched. “You must be joking, Denis. What do you really want?”
“Like I said. We were friends. I miss you.”
“I doubt Gordie would appreciate hearing you say that.”
Denis huffed out a sigh. “Ahh, yes. Gordie. I love the man, but the hero worship gets to be too much.”
This wasn’t the Denis I knew. That man loved the attention and ego boost. “Is that so?” I asked, amused by his complaint.
“You know the type. All puppy-dog eyes and agreeing with everything I say. There’s no tension, no back-and-forth.” His eyes glinted. “Like…if I said I’d want a threesome with you, he’d be fine with it.” The pink tip of his tongue swiped over his full bottom lip.
Speechless, I stared at him. “You’ve got to be kidding. A threesome?”
Was this the real reason Denis was here? To scope out my reaction?
“Come now. When we were together, we could hardly keep our hands off each other. I used to love our arguments.” In the blink of an eye, Denis moved from the chair to the space next to me.
“The make-up sex was passionate. Hot. I know you remember.” His hand clamped on my arm.
“Gordie is wonderful, but he gives in too easily, like I’m sure your lover does.
He’s sweet, n’est ce pas? But it’s not enough for us.
We like a little fight. Gordie would be the perfect in-between for the two of us.
He could pleasure us while we pleasure each other. ”
The heated gaze that once melted me into a puddle of need no longer had any effect on me. I pulled away from Denis’s grasp. “There is no two of us. I have no complaints or need for a third person in my bed. Adrian satisfies me completely.”
Undeterred, he shifted closer. “Mon amour,” he purred, his breath hot against my cheek. “Don’t tell me that pretty boy satisfies you. I know what you need. I can call Gordie right now. No one has to know.”
I pushed him off me. “Did you actually come here to seduce me and think you would succeed?” At Denis’s silence, I laughed.
“I should feel sorry for Gordie, but he knows you’re a cheater.
And I’m sure you’ll find someone to satisfy your itch.
It just won’t be me.” I rose to my feet.
“Leave. I’m not in love with you anymore, and I don’t want to be friends.
We’re teammates, and I’ll defend you on the ice, but that’s where it ends. ”
Handsome face blazing with anger, Denis pointed a finger at me. “You loved me. One day you’ll get bored with your petit ami.”
They say the opposite of love isn’t hate but apathy. That must have been the reason I didn’t give a damn what Denis said. At one point, I had loved him, but when love wasn’t returned, it dried up, and like an autumn leaf, eventually crumbled into the dust of nothingness.
“And one day you’ll wake up a lonely old man because you’ll have driven away all the people who cared about you.
I feel sorry for you, Denis, because to you, love is a game.
But it’s not about scoring the most points or coming out on top.
Love is about finding that one person you don’t need to compete with because they’re your other half. They make you whole.”
Denis grabbed his bag and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Surprisingly shaken by our confrontation, I texted Adrian.
Can you come to my place after work?
He answered immediately.
Yeah. Is something wrong?
Revealing the conversation with Denis over text wasn’t something I planned to do.
Tell you when I see you.
Obviously, that wasn’t what Adrian wanted to hear, as my phone rang seconds later. “Hi.”
“What’s the matter?” Adrian asked, sounding concerned. “Did you get hurt at practice?”
“What? No. Nothing like that. It’s not important.”
“Are you sure?”
Still a bit rattled, I walked around the apartment, unable to sit still. “Yeah. It’s nothing. I mean, Denis and I talked and…look, I’d rather wait until you get here.”
“Denis?” His voice rose, then dropped to a whisper. “Oh. Yeah, sure. No problem. I understand. I’d better go.”
“See you later.” I set the phone on the kitchen island and decided to work off all this extra nervous energy at the gym. A hard session of pushing myself to the limit could only help. Plus, it would get me out of the apartment.
Two hours later and dripping with sweat, I returned and jumped in the shower. My phone was ringing when I walked out, towel-drying my hair. I smiled seeing it was Dev Summers.
“Dev. What’s up?”
“Nada enchilada. I’m just calling to see if you wanna do the podcast before or after the playoffs. My thought is before so you can hype it up for the fans. But when you win, we can have you and some of the guys again, to celebrate.”
“Shit, don’t jinx it, man. But yeah, before would be cool.”
“And Adrian is okay with it as well? You know there are gonna be questions.”
“Yeah, sure. He’s totally on board. When do you think you’ll wanna do this?”
“Sooner than later since the playoffs start in two weeks. We meant to get to you earlier, but with the basketball playoffs already going on, and some high-profile football trades, we let you slip through the cracks. Sorry, dude.”
“Not to worry,” I reassured him. “I’ve been in and out of town for the past months anyway. Not much free time.”
“Hold on and lemme look at the calendar.” I heard him clicking. “I gotta get back to you. I need to confirm something before I give you a date.”
“Sure. You know where to find me.”
“Catch you later. We’re rooting for you and the Blades.”
The call ended, and I set the phone on the nightstand. Weary from the hard practice and my gym workout, my eyes closed. I awoke to the sound of my doorbell.
“Shit. Wait, hold on,” I yelled out after it stopped. Wearing only briefs, I flung open the door to see Adrian halfway to the elevators. “Adrian, sorry. Come here.”
He half turned to speak over his shoulder. “I don’t want to interrupt anything.”
I frowned, brows drawing together in puzzlement. “What’re you talking about? I was sleeping.”
His feet dragged, reluctance oozing from every step as he came closer.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him, and he gazed around as we entered the living room.
“Nothing. Are you alone?”
“Yeah, of course. I punished myself at the gym after we spoke and was wiped out. Fell asleep after I showered. I just woke up.”
Adrian stood unmoving, hands buried in his pants pockets. Tension radiated from him, and he wouldn’t meet my eyes. “So, uh, what do you want to tell me about you and Denis?”
“Me and…oh, wait a second.” Now I understood why he was behaving so strangely. “Me and Denis? Is that what you thought I meant after I told you he and I talked?”
“I mean…I guess.” His eyes fixed to the floor, Adrian shrugged, and I held him, hating his stiff and unyielding body language.
“Let’s sit, but put your backpack down first.” I steered him toward the couch, and we sat side by side. I tipped his chin up. “Denis came to me after practice and asked if we could talk. I was curious, so I said yes, and we came here.”
Defeat weighed heavily on Adrian’s slumped shoulders. “It’s fine. I understand.”
“No, I don’t think you do. Even I was surprised.”
“What’re you talking about?”
In hindsight, I could smile at the absurdity of it all.
“He said he was bored with Gordie because he’s too much of a yes man.
Remember, I told you Denis is super competitive.
That makes for a great player, but in relationships not so much because he always wanted to come in first. Gordie lets him, and Denis doesn’t like it. He wants the push-pull.”
“And you didn’t.”
“No. I can’t lie and tell you our sex life was boring. But like I said before, competition with everything isn’t healthy.”
“So he wants you back, am I right?”
“Not exactly.” I shifted and allowed a small grin, which Adrian didn’t return. “Here’s where it gets interesting. He wanted a threesome. Him, Gordie, and me. Classic Denis, wanting his cake and eating it too.” I winked, and Adrian blushed.
“You’re not serious,” Adrian said, but at my nod, his cheeks turned pinker. “A threesome? That’s…not what I was imagining all afternoon. How did you answer him?”
With Adrian already comparing himself to the previous men in my life, no way in hell would I reiterate Denis’s subtle put-downs. What Adrian needed was validation that he was all the man I could possibly want.
“I told him to leave. I have you, and I am completely and utterly satisfied. My perfect lover.”
“You told him that? And he believed you?” Doubt clouded his face, and I hated how he still hadn’t learned to trust. In me, but more importantly, in himself and his capabilities.
“Why wouldn’t he? I’m telling the truth.” I brushed my lips to his. “Don’t you believe me?”
“No…I mean, I know you’re not a liar, but you also don’t want to hurt my feelings. It’s like I said last night—I’m not the type of guy you’re used to being with.”
“So you don’t remember my answer? That I’m happy with you, and I want us to be together? This isn’t a game that’s finished once the fans go home. I’m playing for keeps. Winner takes all.”
For some reason, Adrian was stuck on my past when I was trying to mold a future for us together.
“Isn’t this fast? I thought building a relationship takes time, and yet—”
“It was all so easy,” I finished for him.
“Like it was waiting for us to come to our senses and realize it was always there. It seems quick, but if you look at the circumstances, it isn’t.
” My hands curved over his biceps, holding him fast, aware his nerves had him dancing on the head of a pin.
“What I’m trying to say—badly, I’m guessing, because words aren’t my strong suit—is I know we started this thing between us as a way to help you in your career, but things changed. ”
“Changed how? You’re doing everything you can to help me with my show. I know you are.”
“Of course I am. And I always will because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you care about someone.
” I brought our faces close together, near enough that I could feel his breath on my lips.
“Support your partner. But it’s beyond all that now.
I’m invested in you. Your wins are mine.
I love seeing you gain that confidence and show everyone the strong, self-assured man you are.
I love how you’ve embraced hockey because you want to learn about my life.
” I cupped his cheek, the words trembling on my tongue, ready to be freed.
“I love you, Adrian. It took all these years to figure out what I needed, but I’m not letting go of you now. ”
“Rip.” He shook his head. “You don’t have to say that to make me feel better.”
I drew back to meet his stunned, wide blue eyes. “Is that what you really think? That I’m laying my heart on the line so you won’t be hurt?”
“I-I don’t know,” he stuttered. “I want to believe you. I used to dream of something like this, but dreams don’t come true for guys like me with someone like you.”
I took his hands in mine. “Maybe this time they do.”