Chapter 23
Rose
It was Wednesday night and I was on my own in my flat for the first time since Harriet had left.
The place felt empty and cold, even though the heating was on, and I was under a pile of blankets with a book, one I’d picked up from Silversmiths at the opening.
My pub dinner with Carter had gone well, better than Monday when I’d been bested at bowling by the others.
Harriet had joined us for part of it via video call, which stopped us from feeling like something was completely missing, and we’ve survived that first outing without her being physically present.
Tuesday had been without a hiccup. We had a shared patient at work and Carter and I were disagreeing on her treatment programme; I was advocating for her to go home and for her parents to bring her in if she deteriorated; Carter wanted her kept in on a sectioning order so she couldn’t discharge herself.
It was a disagreement we’d probably have every few months, and we were well into our burgers before we agreed to park it because someone else would be making the decision because we were both now off shift.
It had felt like any other time when we’d been out for something to eat, only he’d never played with my fingers before, and I’d never ran my foot up his leg in a restaurant either. The touching was new and I liked it, I wanted more, the anticipation sweet and tortuous.
He hadn’t come back to mine, neither of us had suggested it.
As much as I wanted more of that touch, I needed to not let us rush into so much we burned out this flame and headed into the sedentary fields of a relationship too soon.
I said as much, knowing I needed to hold some boundaries, just like I’d advise my clients.
I was engrossed in my book, soft music playing in the background so the flat didn’t feel as empty, and I didn’t recognise the buzzer the first time, or maybe even the second.
I did notice it when it was pressed for about ninety seconds solid, during which I fought my way out of my blanket pile, put my bookmark at the right point and checked my reflection in the mirror near the door because there was always a chance I looked like Hiawatha.
I only vaguely looked like I’d been dragged through a bush backwards I was pleased to note. Laurie was on the other side of the door, looking about as kept as I was.
I opened up and was immediately presented with a gorgeous special edition copy of Little Women.
“I thought you’d like this. It’s a gift.”
I let her in, captivated by the book now in my hands. “You really didn’t need to.”
“Oh, I know, but I have extra copies and I thought you’d appreciate it. Carter told me you had bookshelf space. I hope you don’t mind me coming round; Fallon gave me your address.” She followed me through to the kitchen.
“Would you like a brew?” I remembered what she’d said about the word. “A cup of tea?”
“If it’s not too much trouble. I have something else to give you as well.” She didn’t look as confident now.
“It’s not to do with the annulment, is it? My heart rate increased as if I was about to end a hundred metre sprint.
“No, that’s all in hand. There won’t be any surprises.” She rested against the kitchen units. “It’s a gift, but a weird one.”
“What is it?”
“The man who was at the opening of Silversmiths – my grandfather’s business acquaintance – gave me a present for getting married.
It’s a night at the Ritz in a luxury suite.
” She watched me carefully. “I thought about having a night of decadence there, then figured there’d be something sweet about you and Carter using it.
” She dug an envelope out of her oversized bag and put it on the worktop.
I wasn’t sure what to say so I just stood there, holding a spoon and a tea bag.
“I hope you don’t think it’s an overstep.”
I shook my head. “No, no – are you sure you don’t want to use it?”
“Not at all. Without being funny, if I wanted a night at the Ritz, I could pay for it myself now. In fact, I was going to treat myself to a night away after the start at Silversmiths, but I’m going to go to Stratford instead.”
“And see Harriet?”
“And all these books. I can be a tourist for a few hours, and that sounds rather awesome. You have the Ritz. I’m not sure what your take on it will be, it’s all Louis XVI style and it’ll probably be completely over the top, but it’ll be an experience.”
I was grateful she didn’t make references to what might distract Carter and me from the décor.
“If you’d rather take Fallon or Erin, or the three of you, then do.
It’ll be big enough for a party, I imagine, so don’t think you need Carter as your plus one.
I just thought there was something symbolic about it being you and him.
” She looked like she was worried she’d offended me, which she absolutely hadn’t.
“Thank you – I’ll definitely use it.” I put the tea bag in the mug. “I’ll think about who I take. How are things at the shop?”
“Amazing. I genuinely didn’t think it would be this successful this early on. We’ve passed all the upper targets I set for the first few weeks. I knew it would work because the model in New York has been so successful, but I didn’t expect how well.”
“What’s the next step?” I’d been in Silversmiths yesterday, not being able to help myself. Laurie hadn’t been around, which hadn’t mattered; I’d still lost myself in there for half an hour and bought a couple of hardbacks, with the excuse they’d cheer me up after Harriet moving.
She paused, thinking. “The apartment upstairs is habitable now, but I want to buy a house so my sister can come over in the fall. That’s important.
But I’ve seen a shop near St Paul’s that I think would be amazing.
There’s more storage space for all the subscription boxes too.
” She shook her head. “Sorry, I’m probably boring you with all this, aren’t I? ”
“No, I find it interesting. Have you heard from your family since the wedding?” I was curious as to what was happening there.
“I haven’t spoken to them, but I don’t expect to, apart from my sister, who’s aware of what the plan was. I’m not their problem anymore, thank fuck.”
I passed her a mug of tea and then gestured to the sofa. “Want to sit down?”
“Sure.” She headed over, curling up on the chair. “How’s things without Harriet?”
“Weird. We’ve spoken three times today already and had a video call.
She’s doing okay because she’s so busy and everything’s exciting with her house and the job.
There’re over two million books for her to go through, or to organise for her team to go through, and if there’s one thing Harriet gets lost in, it’s books.
She didn’t leave there until after seven tonight, then she was going straight for a meal with someone she’d met who works at the theatre.
” I looked around the room, noticing the empty spaces where Harriet’s things had once been.
“I’m thinking about moving. I know I’d get used to it here, but I think it might be time for another change and to finally buy somewhere of my own.
I’ve been stealing a rent off my Aunt Ava for too long. ”
“That might be the right idea. I needed a clean break from my family – entirely different set of circumstances – and I’m glad I did it, although I don’t recommend moving countries, starting a new business and getting fake married in under a month.” She shrugged. “But it’s been exciting.”
I laughed, hearing the dry humour in her words. “I don’t think I’ll go that far. Maybe just the other side of the river.”
“Nearer to Carter?”
“Your London geography’s doing well.”
“I have a map of the tube stations on the back of every toilet door. Do your parents live near Carter?”
“Yes, just round the corner. They’re still in the house where I grew up.
Fallon lives nearby too, so it makes sense to be nearer that way.
There are some nice houses around there if you want a bit of distance between you and the shop.
” It was a kind of peace offering. I hoped she understood what I meant by it.
“I need a school for my sister too. If she comes over in the fall she’ll need to do the English exams to get into college – although you call it university, don’t you?”
“We do. The school Carter and I went to is nearby. If you want someone to check out houses with you, my aunt Ava would help. She’s a property developer so she knows her stuff and she’s nosey, so any excuse to scope out a place.
” Ava was the youngest my dad’s siblings and had always been the cool aunt.
“That sounds really helpful, thank you. I don’t want to impose, especially after, you know, Carter’s favour.”
I steadied myself, still finding it sore to think about.
I knew I’d never completely get over feeling negative about it, and should things develop between Carter and me and a wedding was in our future, it would be something I’d come back to, but I knew that, should it happen, would be very different. That was all a long way away.
“They won’t know,” I said. “It’s already in the past, and once the annulment comes through, it’ll be like it didn’t happen.” Those were the right words to say, even if I didn’t feel them.
Laurie paused with her cup in her hands, nursing it like an experienced tea drinker. “I’m not sure I’d feel like that about it. I wish I’d called it off.”
I shook my head. “I’m glad you didn’t. You wouldn’t be here if Carter hadn’t had a stupid idea.”
“He thought you were going to fall in love with Theo.” She looked amused. “He was so beside himself when you kept talking about him.”
“I wish he’d said something. I wish he’d told me he wanted to be more than friends.” I tied my hair up in a messy bun with a bobble I’d just found, more comfortable with Laurie here that I’d anticipated. “But it wasn’t meant to work out that way, was it?”
“No, I guess it wasn’t.”
“How are things with the crime writer? Jay?” Time for gossip.
Laurie shrugged. “A non-event at the moment. Our date was cancelled at the last minute because his son was ill and I’ve not really heard from him since.
Probably for the best given how many balls I have in the air.
I should just focus on the shop and my living arrangements.
He was good in bed though.” Her eyes lit up. “Ten out of ten, would recommend.”
“He was rather brooding and intense. He reminded me of Heathcliff, if Heathcliff wasn’t a toxic waste dump of cells.” I’d always had a thing about Wuthering Heights.
“Swarthy, like a pirate. Maybe more from Jamaica Inn by Daphne Du Maurier. That’s somewhere I’d like to visit – Cornwall. Maybe meet myself a hot pirate.” She tipped her head back and relaxed more. “There’s so much to explore here.”
We talked more about England and the places to visit, a list made that was too long to fit into even half a decade with work and life and everything else. Laurie was very different than Harriet, apart from the same obsession with books, which gave us something in common straight away.
Carter was avoided. His name wasn’t mentioned for the rest of the night, which didn’t end until after ten pm. I phoned Carter after Laurie had left, not having spoken to him so far that day, and I hadn’t replied to any of his three messages that he’d sent since Laurie had been there.
“What were you talking about for all that time?” he said, the background noise suggesting he was having a late dinner.
“Books. What sort of house she’s looking for. Her sister moving over. We didn’t talk about you, don’t worry.” I hadn’t mentioned the Ritz stay yet.
“I have nothing to worry about. Unless you start telling her things that she’ll gossip to Fallon about, and then Fallon will tell the entire hospital.” There were definitely concerns there.
“What do you think I would tell her that you wouldn’t want Fallon to pass on?” This was fun.
“Personal stuff.”
I smiled, enjoying his discomfort and the fact that we shared these sorts of secrets. “Size?”
“I have no issue with people knowing that.”
“The noise you make when you, you know - ”
“What noise?”
“That little squeak.”
“I don’t squeak.”
“Maybe my pet name for you should be Squeaker.”
He groaned. “Stop it, Rosie. It’s been a long day. Why did Laurie come round?”
As much fun as it would be having a girls’ night at The Ritz, it would be strange without Harriet, and what I really wanted was for it to be with Carter. Rather than overthinking it, I tapped into the streak of impulsivity that sometimes made me make the best decisions.
Or sometimes not.
“To give me a gift. The man from the bookshop, someone to do with her grandfather, gave you a wedding gift: a night in a luxury suite at The Ritz. Laurie gave it me to use.” I waited for his response, whether he’d find it odd, or something poetic about it.
He laughed. “We made a joke about that happening. What are you going to do with it?”
“Use it. I might never get another chance for a night at The Ritz.”
“On your own?” There was another question there.
“Maybe.” I left him dangling.
“It’s your choice. I saw your dad today.”
He’d saved that one. “Really? How was he?”
“His usual self. He asked me how we were getting on.”
“Did he say anything embarrassing?” I was sitting up straight now.
“It’s your dad; of course he did. He asked if I’d taken you out on a date yet.”
I almost choked.
“Rose, what’s happening?”
I managed to swallow. “Tea went down the wrong way. What did he say?”
“He asked if I’d taken you out on a date yet. Why would he ask that?” Carter sounded too curious. “Were you writing my name in love hearts on a steamed up mirror when you were fourteen or something?”
“Probably.” Bloody mother effing hell hounds.
“Ah, things are making sense. What are you doing tomorrow?” He moved the conversation on, but I knew it wasn’t finished entirely.
“Work and then a class at the gym. Nothing after that. It’s still strange without Harriet and it’s going to be like that for ages.
” I told him about my idea of moving back to Borough or Southwark so I was closer to everyone, and we ended up jointly looking at houses online, passing comment on the state of the décor and the price until midnight struck.
“Do you want to see a film tomorrow?” Carter asked. “Hang out.”
I remembered everything I’d said about taking it slowly, and wished he was here with me right now, but part of that was down to Harriet’s absence.
“You can buy the popcorn.” I paused, waiting. “Do you want to share the night at the Ritz with me?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”