Chapter 15
— chapter fifteen
Bright and early the next morning, Russell and Jeremy helped Leanna and Bumble get home. Russell took Bumble in his vehicle, while Jeremy insisted on being with Leanna when she drove Ginger home.
As everyone hoped, the roads were snowy but not treacherous. Ginger in particular seemed pleased about the snowy conditions. Leanna and Jeremy chuckled when her mare pranced away from Evan’s house like she was the star of a horse parade.
When they returned, Jeremy and Russell filled Evan in about what had taken place.
While Jeremy had taken care of returning Ginger to her regular stall and making sure her water was fresh and that she had food and clean straw, Russell insisted on accompanying Leanna into her house.
It had been chilly inside. Russell got a fire roaring in the fireplace and then brought in firewood and stacked it neatly on the brass holder nearby. Then, while Jeremy shoveled her walkway, Russell made sure to turn on the gas furnace as well as fill one of her kerosene lamps.
“You should have seen Leanna’s expression when she watched us in her house, Daed,” Russell said. “I don’t know if she was more surprised that we were helping her out or that I knew how to work a kerosene lamp.”
Evan chuckled. “Probably a bit of both, I reckon. I’ve come to realize that Leanna Mast is a rather independent woman.” He also thought she was very much in need of some kindness in her life.
“I guess she’d forgotten that I was raised Amish.”
“I don’t think it’s as much that as she doesn’t expect too much from anyone.” Once again, Evan wished Willis had been kinder to her.
Russell, who was rooting around in the refrigerator for leftovers, looked his way. “What you’re saying is that her husband didn’t dote on her.”
“I guess I am.” He didn’t want to speak ill of Willis, but there was no way he was going to make that man into something he wasn’t. “I don’t think he helped her much at all.”
That was an understatement, for sure and for certain.
But he wasn’t willing to reveal too much more about Leanna’s private life.
Honestly, he wished he knew more about Willis’s treatment of her.
Sometimes he felt as if he was navigating a minefield whenever their conversation veered toward their pasts.
He didn’t want to inadvertently trigger tears or bad memories, but he also didn’t want to act as if he wasn’t aware of the heartache she’d experienced in her marriage.
“I hope you’re talking about Leanna,” Trip said as he entered the room with Addison in his arms.
“Why is that?”
“Because I’m glad you’re dating her.”
“I said the same thing,” Russell said.
Rocking a bit on his heels, Trip added, “Leanna seems like a really nice lady, Daed. I think she fits in good with all of us too. Mary thought she was great.”
Russell nodded. “Katherine told me and Kurt that she likes her a lot.”
Surrounded by his boys, Evan felt a burst of warmth. There was nothing better than having their support. But it also felt awkward. After all, he’d promised himself that he’d keep Rose’s memory fresh for all of them. It had only been four years. Was he pushing things too far, too fast?
He had the sudden urge to pull on the collar of his shirt. It was feeling kind of snug.
Or maybe it was simply the fact that everything the kids were saying were things that he’d also thought.
But wasn’t that wrong? Shouldn’t his feelings for Leanna grow far more slowly? Time was what a relationship needed. Time and conversations. Thoughtful decisions about one’s future. Not this head-over-heels stuff. He wasn’t a teenager anymore.
He cleared his throat. “Leanna and I are a long ways from being serious,” he warned. “She’s a nice woman and is becoming a good friend. That’s enough for now, ain’t so?”
“Why are you saying that?” Jeremy asked as he joined them in the kitchen.
Why was he? Oh yes. Because he thought he was feeling too much for Leanna too soon. “Because I don’t want you boys to think that I’ve forgotten about your mother. She was a wonderful woman, and I loved her.”
A new tension filled the air as his boys exchanged glances with each other.
“Ah, Mamm knew she was dying, Daed,” Russell said. “She knew it and we knew it.” Though his voice sounded a little hoarse, he added, “Each of us had lots of conversations about her dreams for us. One of them was for all of us to look after you.”
“And to encourage you to go courting again when you were ready,” Kurt added.
“I didn’t know she told you that.” How come he didn’t?
“Pretty sure she didn’t want to upset you any more than you already were,” Trip said.
And . . . there was that familiar pang in his chest. “She was a good wife and mother.” Pausing to clear his throat, Evan added, “You know I’m in no hurry. Your mother hasn’t been gone all that long.”
“It’s been four years, Daed,” Jeremy said.
“Four years isn’t that long of a time.”
“Mamm would tell you differently.” When Evan drew in a breath, ready to tell his oldest that he was pushing things a bit too much, Kurt added, “Mamm thought you were too young to be alone the rest of your life. I mean, you were only forty-four when she died. You’re only forty-eight now,” he added.
Like Evan didn’t know how old he was. “I don’t want to talk anymore about this.”
Kurt frowned. “I’m not trying to be disrespectful, Daed. I’m only trying to remind you about what Mamm said.”
“I remember what she said perfectly.”
“Hmm,” Russell murmured.
Evan pretended he didn’t see his sons exchange knowing looks with each other yet again.
Sure, they might be right. And sure, he might be pretending to have forgotten the many times Rose had attempted to speak to him about the future.
His future without her. But that didn’t mean that the memories didn’t pinch.
They did pinch. Plus, he was still trying to figure out how to be the man that Leanna needed. She wasn’t a na?ve girl on the verge of her rumspringa. Instead, she was a grown woman who was both strong and strangely vulnerable.
And then, there was something else he needed to come to terms with, and that was their slight age difference and the fact that she still might want to have kids. He wasn’t sure if more kids were in his future or not.
Or how he would ever be able to tell her no if that was what she wanted.
“Let’s talk about something else, guys,” he said. “Such as when we can all get back together again.”
As Evan hoped, that started a rousing discussion centering around hosting duties, work and school schedules, and space—or the lack thereof—in each other’s homes.
He poured himself a fresh cup of coffee and sat down and listened to his four boys gripe, tease, and plan.
Just like they’d done from the time Jeremy was old enough to follow them all around. It felt like his house was a home once again.