Chapter 16
— chapter sixteen
The following Sunday, Evan was sitting almost directly across from Leanna at church. She knew this because it was next to impossible not to stare at him.
Every couple of minutes, Leanna would give into impulse and lift her eyes off the preacher. Though she would do her best to scan the entirety of the barn, there was only one direction her eyes wanted to go—and that was straight to Evan.
Then she realized that Evan was doing the very same thing. Their eyes would meet, her neck would get hot, and she’d squirm uncomfortably.
Evan’s son Trip whispered something to him, and she was sure it was about her. After an hour, several women sitting on the benches around her began to glance at her in concern. Edna even asked if she needed to go to the bathroom.
Thoroughly embarrassed, she replied that she was fine. That she hadn’t slept well the night before. Which, of course, was only too true.
As the sermon went on and her eyes continued to drift, Leanna lost track of what the preacher was saying. She was actually starting to count the minutes until she could leave the barn. Which was a mistake.
Best case scenario, Preacher Thomas would only speak for another hour. That was sixty minutes to sit still and not stare at Evan. Sixty very long minutes. And that didn’t even include the meal after church.
And she would absolutely need to stay for that. It was expected. Both because everyone looked forward to catching up and because she was going to be hosting church in two months.
If she didn’t do her part to help Minnie Troyer and her daughter, someone might take notice and comment on it. She wouldn’t blame them either. Helping each other was what everyone in her church district did.
Therefore, Leanna did her best to try to pretend that Evan didn’t look handsome in his brown shirt and navy sweater. That she hadn’t noticed that he’d recently trimmed his beard. It barely skimmed his jaw now. She thought it made him look younger.
After shifting again—and receiving a pointed look from Edna—Leanna turned a bit to her right.
Just as she was attempting to focus on Preacher Thomas’s story about John the Baptist, she spied Jeremy.
He was sitting with several other teenagers near the door.
As usual, the boy and girl teenagers didn’t sit across from each other. Instead, they all sat side by side.
To her amusement, Jeremy kept whispering to Annabelle Marks. Annabelle was the teenage daughter of the new butcher in town. She was blond, had eyebrows that looked windswept, and had perfect cupid’s-bow lips.
Leanna knew all that, thanks to a conversation at the most recent widows club meeting. Doreen’s eyes had twinkled when she described Annabelle. She’d even gone so far as to say that some boy in their midst was going to make a beeline for the Millers’ front door within a week.
Annabelle looked comfortable with Jeremy, too, and kept smiling at whatever he said.
But Leanna was confused. She could have sworn Evan told her that Jeremy liked an English girl. But perhaps he wasn’t as serious with that Englisher as Evan had thought.
Given the way Jeremy was chatting with Annabelle, Leanna wondered if the boy was going to pay a call on her soon.
“Who do you keep looking at?” Edna whispered when Preacher Thomas paused to take a much-needed sip of water.
“Hmm?”
“You know what I mean. You’ve been jumping around like a cricket next to a family of frogs.”
“Frogs?”
“For the last hour, you keep looking across the room with a dazed look.”
“I haven’t.” When Edna gave her a pointed look, she said, “Fine. I was watching Jeremy Keim and Annabelle Miller.”
“Hmm?” Edna turned her head and watched the teenagers for a few seconds. “Ah,” she said with a slight smile. “Now I understand.”
Since Preacher Thomas was conferring with the bishop, Leanna whispered, “Now you understand what, Edna?”
“You’ve been looking at Evan Keim. Right?”
“Nee.” Of course she’d been looking at Evan, and no doubt half the people in the room had noticed. She needed to try harder to stop doing that.
After listening respectfully to Preacher Thomas for a few more minutes, Edna murmured, “He’s a good man. Steady.”
“I didn’t know you knew him.”
“Oh, sure. I mean, me and Charlie used to get together with him and Rose for coffee and supper about once a month.”
“So, you do know him well.” If Edna and her husband had supper with Evan and Rose monthly, then they’d spent a lot of time together over the years.
“I thought I did. But maybe not. I was sure that he would only love one woman.” Smiling at her, she said, “I guess I was wrong.”
She felt her cheeks warm. “No one is talking about being in love.”
“I am,” she teased. “But I don’t think I’m the only one. Maybe you don’t want to admit that you are heading in that direction?”
“I’m not.” When two women in front of them raised their heads with scowls, Leanna felt her cheeks go into flames again. She’d been a little too forceful just then. “Sorry. Please forgive me.”
Edna took the hint too. But unfortunately, even though she was keeping quiet, she had begun glancing her way and smiling. Like she knew a big secret and was having a hard time keeping it to herself.
Leanna cringed. This was awful. Sooner or later, someone was going to ask what had put Edna’s smile on her face. And what would she say to that?
There was nothing she could say.
Feeling as if she had a half dozen eyes on her, Leanna looked straight ahead, determined to focus on the preacher’s words.
But it was all an act. She could barely focus on anything but Evan, her feelings, and how everyone would react if they discovered that she and Evan had been spending time together.
When the church service was finally over, Edna reached for her hand. “Leanna, please don’t be upset. You know I’m only teasing you.”
“I’m sorry, but you didn’t sound as if you were teasing.”
“How about this, then? I’m intrigued by the idea of you and Evan together. I don’t dislike the idea.”
“You don’t?”
Edna shook her head. “Not at all. If you are interested in getting married again, no one would blame you. Life is hard enough without going through each day alone.”
“No one is talking about marriage, Edna.” She hoped her firm tone was helping her words sink in. “Please don’t say anything to anyone.”
“I won’t. I mean, not beyond Charlie.”
“There’s nothing to tell Charlie.” If they were that good of friends, he would probably say something to Evan. How awful would that be?
Edna chuckled. “All right, all right. Not even Charlie. But please, try to stop thinking the worst. I’m not judging. Just interested.”
She smiled wanly. “I understand,” she said at last. Because there wasn’t anything else to say. She waited a few moments for Edna to get on her way, then began making her way out of the barn.
Just as she reached the barn’s entrance, she spied Doreen making her way toward her. Her stomach sank. She would’ve given a lot to avoid her.
“I’m glad I caught you,” she said. “Let’s eat together.”
“Um, I was going to help Minnie and her daughter.”
“There’s no need.” Pointing to the buffet that was set up, she smiled. “Everything is running like clockwork today.”
Leanna scanned the area. Doreen had a point. Minnie and her daughter and two girls in their twenties had things well in hand. If Leanna asked Minnie if she needed help, it might even sound like a criticism.
“I guess you’re right,” she murmured to Doreen. “We can relax and enjoy our meal.”
“Indeed. Now, how did you enjoy the sermon?”
“I enjoyed it. Did you?”
“I did. Though I have to admit that sometimes when Preacher Thomas speaks, my mind tends to drift. His voice is so peaceful.”
She smiled. “I’ve done that from time to time too.”
“I don’t think we’re the only ones. I happened to see quite a few people looking around the barn or whispering to someone next to them.”
Leanna froze. Was this Doreen’s not-so-subtle way of letting her know that she’d been spotted whispering to Edna? She decided not to comment and focused on getting her sandwich, salad, cup of soup, and cookie. “Where would you like to sit?”
“Let’s go back into the barn. It’s warm, and we could have some privacy.”
Leanna kept her smile in place, but her pulse was starting to go double time. After they sat down and bent their heads in silent prayer, she broached the subject at last. “Doreen, are you upset with me for some reason?”
“With you? Not at all. Why would you ask?”
“I don’t know.” But Doreen had sought her out and wanted to sit alone with her.
“I only wanted to see how you were enjoying the widows club. It’s hard to check on you during the meetings.”
“Oh.” Relaxing again, she replied, “I am enjoying it very much.”
“So you have no regrets about joining?”
“None. All the women have been welcoming and kind.”
“The women in the club are welcoming and kind, Leanna. Even though we’re from all walks of life, they can become your best friends.”
“I’ve noticed many of the women are close.”
“Many are,” Doreen said with a nod. “I heard that you decided not to go on the retreat. Is that true?”
“It is. I’m not ready to do that yet.”
“I see.”
Feeling uncomfortable again, Leanna said, “I have a new puppy, you see.” Plus, there was Evan . . .
The line between Doreen’s brows smoothed. “Oh, of course. Puppies do take a lot of time.”
She was glad Doreen understood. “A lot of time.”
“Leanna, I might have forgotten to tell you something when you joined the club.”
“What was that?”
The older lady leaned back. Seemed to take a moment to choose her words. “If you one day elect to have a relationship . . . you know, become engaged or marry again . . . ”
“Yes?”
“Well, then, I’m sure you can understand—your membership in the club would end.”
“I would no longer be able to attend the meetings?”
“I’m afraid not. Our purpose is to support each other through widowhood.”
“I see.”
“Leanna, if, for any reason, you did decide to leave the widows club, it would be appreciated if you could refrain from talking much about the group, all right? Though it’s known among some people, it works best not to be talked about too much.
” She lowered her voice. “There are too many people who might prefer we disbanded altogether, you know? Not everyone understands how important it is for women to have strong friendships with other women going through the same things.”
“Since I am not in a relationship, I don’t think that’s cause for concern, but I understand. You have my promise that I won’t gossip about the group.”
Doreen’s smile grew brighter. “I’m glad to hear it.”
“Me too.” Leanna tried to smile, but she had a feeling that the result was a bit sick-looking. Doreen was acting as if they were having a chance conversation, but it sure hadn’t felt that way to her.
“Oh, you know what? I should probably get on my way. I promised some women that they could stop by my house later this afternoon.” Doreen stood up. “I’m so glad we talked, Leanna.”
“I am as well.” She didn’t get up when Doreen left and remained seated even after she finished her lunch.
She needed the time and the silence to wrap her head around Doreen’s words.
She was disappointed to think that if she opened one door for love and marriage, she’d be closing the door to the widows club.
“Leanna, there you are!”
She turned to see who had found her.
“Evan.” Of course, it was both the man she wanted to see the most—and the last person she wanted to be seen with. “You found me.”
Walking into the barn, he said, “Once I knew you hadn’t left, I was determined to figure out where you were. I can’t believe you were hiding in the barn.”
“I wasn’t hiding. A woman asked if I would join her here.”
“Doreen, right?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s nice you agreed to chat with her. Do you know her well?”
“Not really,” she said quickly. “Was there a reason you were looking for me?”
“There was.” Smiling slightly, he added, “I was hoping that we could spend the afternoon together. Maybe I could go with you to take Bumble for a walk.”
His company did sound nice.
As they walked down the Troyers’ driveway, she glanced at him. “You don’t give up easily, do you, Evan?”
“I don’t. Never.”
And just like that, the wall of ice that she’d kept around her heart began to thaw just a little bit more.