Chapter 35
— chapter thirty-five
As Russell drove the two of them to Alliance State Park, Evan felt as if he was losing more and more of his control with each passing mile. What was he going to do if he lost Leanna? And . . . what would she do when they found her? Would she even be happy he was there?
“Daed, you’ve got to stop worrying so much,” Russell said. “Everything is going to be okay.”
“You don’t know that.”
Slowing down at a curve, Russell glanced at him. “You’re right, I don’t. But I do know that stewing and stressing and overthinking everything isn’t going to help you one bit.”
“I’m not—” Feeling sheepish, he cut himself off. “Okay, fine. I might be stewing and stressing, but I can’t help it.”
“I know. You care about her.”
“I do. I hate feeling so helpless, though.”
“I hate feeling that way too. But if Leanna really is lost, then we’re doing everything we possibly can. Officer Tombaugh is bringing some folks in, we’ll be there, Jeremy and Becca too. If she’s there, we’ll find her.”
Russell’s reminder about roping in Jeremy and Becca in the search still made him uneasy. “I wanted Jeremy to stay home with the dog, Russell.”
“I know, but Jeremy isn’t a little kid. I think he likes Leanna almost as much as you do, Daed. We needed to let him help.” When they stopped at a red light, Russell lowered his voice. “Daed, come on. Don’t be mad.”
“You shouldn’t have gone against my wishes. I’m still your father.”
“I know that. Just as I know that sooner or later, you’re going to have to see my side and forgive me,” Russell chided as he maneuvered his car through the traffic.
Evan stared at his son in the driver’s seat. Forgiveness wasn’t something to be joked about. Russell knew that. Even though he was now as English as someone who’d lived in the city all his life, it was unlikely that he would say such a thing so lightly.
When he found his voice again, he said, “I’ve forgiven you, Russell. Of course I have.”
“Yeah, I know. There’s no way you wouldn’t forgive me. It’s not your way.”
Evan knew where this was going, and he didn’t appreciate his boy’s tone. “In this instance, forgiving you has nothing to do with being Amish.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“I’m positive. I forgive you because I love you. But just because I love you and forgive you, it doesn’t mean I agree with you roping your little brother and his girlfriend into this hunt. One of them could get hurt, Russell.”
“Sorry, but that’s all the more reason that we get more people involved. We’ll all help each other. That’s why I asked Trip and Kurt to join us too.”
“You shouldn’t have called Kurt. His kinner are sick.”
“After I told him about Leanna, Katherine shooed him out the door. He went to pick up Trip. They’re on their way to the park now. And don’t say I shouldn’t have done that, Daed,” he added quickly. “You are acting as if Kurt, Trip, and I aren’t grown men. We are. We can handle this.”
“I know you all are grown.”
“I think Officer Tombaugh is more concerned than he’s been letting on. Leanna’s been out there alone since yesterday. She could be hurt.”
Or worse. Guilt slammed into Evan once again as a number of bad scenarios came to mind. Where Leanna was concerned, he didn’t seem capable of easy thoughts or feelings. His appreciation for her was always mixed with guilt. His love for her was combined with the loss he felt for Rose.
His desire to help to make her life easier was always hand in hand with the knowledge that he was likely not doing enough.
“You’re right. You were right to call your brothers. And yes, even Jeremy.”
Russell looked smug but didn’t rub it in.
Evan was grateful for that. The boy had always been too confident for his britches.
Every time he gained a little bit of knowledge about something, he’d spout off advice like he was an expert.
It had always driven his brothers crazy.
And made Rose giggle with amusement—because he’d gotten that trait from her. No doubt about that.
Which got him to thinking. Where had he gained all this relationship advice? As far as he knew, Russell had never been in love. But he sure seemed to recognize it in both Jeremy and himself.
“Are you seeing anyone now?” he blurted.
“You’re asking about my love life now?”
“I guess I am.” Besides, they weren’t at the parking lot yet. They had time.
“What made you ask?”
Hmm. A question for his question. “No reason . . . beyond that you seem to be a font of knowledge about love and relationships all of a sudden.”
“I’ve just been spouting my opinions. That’s all.” He darted a glance at him. “You don’t have to take the advice.”
“I know, but it isn’t like you to offer so much advice without having some experience in it first. Do you?”
“Have experience in love?”
“Jah.”
He exhaled. “Maybe.”
This was new. “Are you seeing her now?”
“Kind of.” Russell rolled his shoulders, as if admitting such a thing didn’t sit well with him.
“Why only kind of?”
“Because she’s stubborn,” he added quickly. “Plus, I don’t know. I don’t think she’s quite sure about me.”
“Really? But you have a good job and you’re very capable.” Wasn’t that what women needed? Rose had always told him she was grateful that he was a good provider.
Russell laughed, but it was dry and almost bitter sounding. “Yeah, I do have a good job and I am capable. But Silly isn’t too interested in that.”
“Wait. Her name is Silly?”
“It’s actually Priscilla, but she said that no one has called her that in years. Even her teachers in high school thought Silly was a good name for her.”
“Because she acts silly?”
The elusive dimple in Russell’s cheek popped—a sure sign of his happiness. “She’s not silly, per se. It’s more like she has a light about her that is infectious. She’s pretty amazing, Daed.”
“Pretty amazing is a mighty good compliment.”
“It’s not a compliment. It’s true. I know you’re going to think the same thing when you meet her.”
“I’m sure I will if you think so highly of her. I’m looking forward to meeting Silly.” Remembering how the conversation started, Evan added, “Why is she not sure about you?”
“She doesn’t think I’m open enough. She wants to talk about things more.” He swallowed. “Like, all the time.”
“Women do like to share their feelings.”
“Half the time I think I’m telling her what she wants to hear, but I can tell that I missed the mark.”
“Conversations are give and take, Russell. No one should expect you to read their mind. Especially not her.”
“It’s not like she wants me to read her mind. It’s like . . .” His voice drifted off. “I’m not describing it well at all. Sorry.”
“Have you talked to your brothers?”
“Which ones?”
“Any of them.” He smiled. “And jah, I’m even talking about Jeremy. Your brothers might have more experience and good advice about dating than I have.”
Russell gave him a sideways look. “I don’t know, Daed. Here you are, in love again with Leanna.”
“If you are in love with Priscilla and she feels the same way about you, then you’ll both want to work things out.”
“How will I know if she loves me?”
Evan was starting to understand why this Silly woman was feeling frustrated with his son. “How about you tell her how you feel and then ask how she feels?”
“Do you think it’s that easy?”
“Nee. I don’t think it’s easy at all. I think sharing one’s feelings can be very difficult.” He should know. He’d sure been making his share of mistakes with Leanna.
“What if I tell her that I love her and she doesn’t say it back?”
“Then she’ll know you love her, Russell. She’ll feel secure in your love while she’s trying her best to come to terms with her feelings.”
“That’s hardly fair.”
“Sorry, but no one ever said that love was fair. It’s hard and messy.”
As he pulled into the designated parking area, Russell sighed. “You’re right. But it’s worth it too, don’t you think?”
“Of course love is worth it.” Lowering his voice, Evan added, “Russell, imagine going through life without love. What a miserable thing would that be?”
Looking stricken, Russell said, “It would be so tough. Almost unbearable.”
“There you go.” Evan flashed a smile at Russell as he unbuckled. Then he noticed that Becca and Jeremy had just pulled into the parking lot as well.
All thoughts of Silly and love flew away as he stared at the end of the paved parking lot, the fence, the steep, rocky slope just beyond it. And just beyond that, the creek.
Leanna was down there somewhere.
She’d somehow gotten down the ravine and probably wandered to the creek. Or the woods. Imagining her there, completely alone, Evan felt chill bumps form on his arms. There were so many places where she could’ve injured herself.
Maybe she had.
Then, of course, there was the weather. It had been drizzling rain for almost the entire last forty-eight hours. The creek could have flooded. She could have slipped and fallen. Maybe got stuck in a current.
What if she couldn’t swim? What if she was too weak to swim?
Or . . . maybe she was in danger. Someone could have found her.
An animal could have bitten her.
She could be very sick.
The possibilities of what could have gone wrong were endless.
Russell gripped his arm. Squeezed his bicep. “Daed, I know what you’re doing, but don’t do it. Don’t think the worst.”
He nodded. “That is good advice.”
He just didn’t know if it was possible to follow it this time.
When they exited Russell’s car, Officer Tombaugh was already giving Jeremy and Becca directions as he handed them a two-way radio. Both of the kids were dressed warmly, in sweatshirts, long pants, tennis shoes, and rain slickers.
“Don’t forget to check in often,” the officer said.
“And as tempting as it might be to separate, stick together. We need to keep the buddy system. A hundred things can go wrong, and if we have to stop the search for Leanna to hunt for one of you, it’s going to make our job that much more difficult. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” both Becca and Jeremy said.
Looking satisfied, Officer Tombaugh turned to him and Russell. He gave another radio to Russell. “The same goes for you two. I know you want to cover as much ground as possible, but do it together. See the other vehicles?”
Evan only then noticed two black SUVs with tinted windows. “These?”
“Yeah. These are two other officers. We pulled them from other jobs to help with the search. They arrived only about ten minutes ago.”
“What direction do you want us to go?” Russell asked.
“I’d like you two to cross the creek as soon as you can and head south.
Jeremy and Becca here are going to stay on this side and head toward the factory to the north.
The other officers are going in the other two directions.
Don’t forget to call out for Leanna often.
And Evan, identify yourself as often as you can.
She might be sick or half asleep and won’t recognize your voice immediately. ”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” Evan said. “I’ll be sure to say my name.”
The officer nodded. “You all, listen up. If any of you think of any other questions while you’re searching, call me. I’m going to stay here and serve as the home base.”
As the seriousness of what they were about to do hit home, Evan exchanged glances with both of his boys.
One a grown man, the other on the cusp of adulthood.
Each had a number of responsibilities and obligations to see to.
But here they were, dropping everything in order to help find a woman who was practically a stranger.
And, sure, most anyone in their town would join a search party for a missing woman if asked.
Evan truly believed that most people were good and kind.
But something more was driving them—their love for him.
They knew Leanna was important to him, and because of that, Russell and Jeremy were willing to be by his side.
He just hoped and prayed that they would stay safe and not get hurt while searching for her.
“Evan?” Officer Tombaugh called out. “Are you all right?”
He shook his head. “Sorry. Yes. Of course. I’m fine. My head . . . well, I guess my head drifted off for a moment. I’m ready.”
“Let’s go, then.”
No more needed to be said. Jeremy and Becca left first, then he headed to the fence by Russell’s side. Please Lord, he prayed. Please keep all of them in Your loving arms.
And, more than anything, help me live Your words to my greatest ability.
Evan might have imagined it, but he could have sworn he felt the Lord’s reassuring presence before he took another step into the woods.