Chapter 14
The chilly night air bites into my damp cheeks as I push through the front yard, scrubbing my face with a tissue.
Shivering, I dab at my wet eyes, unable to stop the tears from coming.
My chest feels hollow, like someone scooped out everything inside and left nothing but an aching void.
The sound of laughter still reverberates in my ears, Paige’s voice loudest of all.
I should have known better than to think I could step into their world without consequences. Paige has always found ways to cut people down to size—especially people like me who dare to think they belong somewhere they don’t. I’ll remember her triumphant smile forever.
A warm hand catches mine as I step onto the sidewalk.
“Chrissy, wait.”
It’s Theo. The space between his eyebrows wrinkles as he stares at me, his eyes swimming with that awful mixture of concern and pity. My belly clenches. I can’t stand that look—like I’m some wounded animal that needs rescuing.
“I’m so sorry,” he says, his breath visible in the cold night air. “That should never have happened.”
I look away, wiping my cheeks with my hands. “I should never have come here. This was a mistake from the beginning.”
“What Paige did was wrong—utterly and completely wrong.” He steps closer, invading my bubble of misery. “But before all that happened, we were having fun, weren’t we? When we were dancing and—“
“Don’t you get it, Theo?” My voice cracks, revealing how close I am to falling apart. “That’s what they all think of me. Every single one of them. I’m nothing but a joke to them. A clown show. The weird girl you brought to score some kind of social brownie points.”
He places his hands on my shoulders, his touch gentle but firm. A tremor runs through me that has nothing to do with the cold. “Chrissy, look at me.” His voice drops lower. “I don’t think of you that way. Not at all.”
As if his words could somehow make everything better, he steps closer, trying to draw me in, but I pull back sharply. My arms wrap around my middle, a feeble shield against both the cold and his concern.
“Your thoughts don’t matter,” I say, hating how my voice wavers. “Don’t you see? This isn’t some movie where the popular guy notices the invisible girl and suddenly everything changes.” I take another shaky breath. “We belong in different worlds, Theo. Tonight just proved it.”
“That’s not true.” His voice hardens with unexpected intensity. “You think I fit perfectly into their world? That I don’t see how shallow and meaningless most of it is?”
“Oh please.” A bitter laugh escapes me. “You walk through school like you own it. Everyone knows your name. Everyone wants to be your friend.” My throat tightens around the words I don’t say: Everyone wants to be you or be with you.
Everyone except me. But that’s a lie, too, because here I am, drawn to him despite knowing better.
“You don’t know everything about me,” he counters, threading a hand through his hair in a backward motion. “You’re seeing what you want to see.”
“And you’re seeing me as some charity case. The sad girl you can save to make yourself feel better.” The words taste like poison on my tongue, but I can’t stop them. “I don’t need your pity, Theo.”
His lips part as though he’s going to say something, but then he stops himself.
His hesitation is all the confirmation I need.
He knows I’m right. And honestly, what can popular, perfect Theo possibly understand about what it’s like to walk through life feeling invisible until someone decides to shine a spotlight on you just to beat you down?
“Chrissy,” he finally says, his voice softer now. “I never meant—“
“It doesn’t matter what you meant.” My fingers find another tissue in my pocket. “We should just go back to how things were before. You in your world. Me in mine.”
“Is that really what you want?” He takes a step towards me, and something in his eyes makes my heart stutter. “Because I don’t think it is.”
For one dangerous moment, I waver. What if he’s right? What if I’m throwing away something real because I’m scared? The warmth of his gaze melts something inside me, and I almost reach for him.
But then I remember Paige’s laughter. The pointing. The humiliation that will follow me through the school hallways on Monday morning.
“What I want doesn’t matter,” I say finally. “What matters is what’s real. And this”—I gesture between us—“isn’t. It can’t be.”
The look on his face makes me want to take back every word, but I can’t. Some things are just facts of life. The sun rises in the east. Water is wet. And girls like me don’t end up with guys like Theo.
Stephanie and Ian storm out the door, rushing to my side. They both look panicked, their faces mirroring all the hurt I’m feeling.
Stephanie pulls me into a hug, her arms wrapping tight. “Are you okay?” she asks, but I can only shake my head.
I try to say something, tell her I’m fine, that I want to go home and forget any of this ever happened, but the words won’t come out; instead, I swallow back another sob.
She tells Theo to take us home.
The drive is silent. Ian sits up front and Stephanie stays next to me in the back, holding my hand. Aside from occasional glances in the rear-view mirror, Theo keeps his eyes on the road.
I want to tell him I don’t blame him for what happened, but that’s not how I really feel. Things will never be the same after tonight, and it would be better for all involved if we keep distance from each other—like before he arrived at my house.
What did I ever do to deserve this? I keep replaying every small interaction I’ve had with Paige over the past two years, every time I tried to stay invisible and avoid her attention.
No matter what I did, she still found a way to belittle me.
Just for the fun of it. To remind me I’ll never ever fit into their carefully curated world.
My chest aches with each breath. If only we could just keep driving, follow this road until the lights of this town disappear behind us.
We could drive all night, windows down, music loud enough to drown out my sobs.
We could find some place where nobody knows my name, where nobody has ever witnessed me painted as a clown.
Stephanie gently dabs at my cheek with a makeup wipe to remove the harsh streaks Paige and her minions painted across my face. My skin burns raw.
“Almost got it all,” she says, frowning at a particularly stubborn smudge near my temple.
I stare at my hands, noticing the ragged edges where I’ve been unconsciously picking my fingernails to shreds.
Monday looms before me like an execution date.
The hallways will be a gauntlet of stares and laughs.
Those videos and pictures are probably circulating in group chat, preserving the worst moment of my life in high definition for everyone’s entertainment.
Nausea sours the taste in my mouth. How am I supposed to go back to school like nothing ever happened?
I don’t know why I expected things to be different.
The car stops at a red light, and I catch Theo watching me, concern etched across his features.
Something inside me comes apart. Not only did I get humiliated tonight, but I’m losing him too.
Whatever fragile friendship we’ve built since the beginning of the school year is surely going to crumble.
Rain starts pelting the roof of Theo’s car. I turn toward the window, watching raindrops race down the glass. Which one will reach the bottom first? A stupid game I played as a kid, back when my problems could be solved with a Band-Aid and a hug from mom.
If there was a pill I could take to erase tonight from memory, I’d swallow it in a heartbeat. Erase the party, erase the looks on everyone’s faces, erase the feeling of my heart shattering when I realized it was all a setup.
When we pull into Stephanie’s driveway, she squeezes my hand one last time, telling me she’s here for me, that she’ll be there tomorrow, too, if I need her. After a long hug, she climbs out and gives me one last worried glance before heading inside.
Then we drop off Ian. He pats my shoulder, saying something about not letting it get to me and that he’ll see me in school. All I want at this point is to transfer out and never step foot in that place.
It’s just Theo and me now.
The streetlights zoom past in a blur, the roar of the engine the only sound between us.
He glances at me occasionally, like he’s trying to read the jumble of emotional mess that I am right now, but I can’t look at him.
I don’t want him to see me like this—raw and vulnerable, with no walls left to hide behind. He’s already seen too much.
When we arrive, he turns off the engine and looks at me with sincerity. “I’m sorry about what they did.”
I remain silent. The knot in my throat prevents words from coming out, and I know if I try to say anything, I’ll just break down. So instead, I nod, slip out of the car and run inside.
As soon as I’m in my room, I bury myself under the covers, pulling them up to my chin like they can protect me from the world. My face still tingles from the scrubbed-off makeup.
I keep thinking about Theo, the look in his eyes when he saw me break down.
But it’s pointless, isn’t it? We don’t belong together.
Theo’s so . . . easygoing, someone everyone loves to be around.
And I’m—well, I’m the girl who got made into a joke for everyone to laugh at.
I close my eyes, feeling the hot tears slide down my cheeks, and I sink further into my bedsheets.
In the quiet of my room, I can finally be myself, free from the need to pretend. Here, at least, I can fall apart without witnesses.
Things might feel different in the morning. I might put it all behind me and pretend like none of it happened. Maybe I’ll be able to face the world again, but not right now.
Right now, all I want is to disappear.