Chapter 15
Standing in front of Chrissy’s door for the fifth time, I realize the blame is mine for what happened tonight. I should never have left her alone and now I’m afraid she’s going to resent me for it.
I need to make things right. Hand raised, I take a moment before knocking.
The small red mat beneath my feet bears the invisible tracks of my incessant pacing—fifteen minutes of indecision wearing a path outside Chrissy’s door.
My shoulders drop at the thought of my colossal failure tonight.
How could I have been so careless? Leaving Chrissy alone with Paige was like abandoning a kitten in a room full of hungry coyotes.
I drum my fingers against my thigh. What am I to do now?
Just yesterday, she’d finally let her guard down to reveal the person underneath. The small victories I’d celebrated as progress have been undone by the mess I’ve caused tonight. How could I let this happen on my watch? Chrissy deserves better than this. Better than me, probably.
My jaw tightens as I force my feet to stay planted, no more retreating.
This is on me to fix—if she’ll even give me the chance.
With a deep breath that does nothing to calm the swarm of hornets buzzing in my stomach, I raise my hand again.
This time with purpose. The soft knock feels inadequate against the magnitude of my regret, but it’s all I can offer right now.
“Chrissy?” I don’t know what I’m expecting—maybe some sign that she’ll let me in, that she’ll say something, anything.
Once again, silence is all I get, descending upon me like some kind of punishment I deserve.
Walking back to my room, I try to make sense of it all.
I wanted to spend time with her so badly, it never occurred to me to ask her how she felt about it—if she even wanted to go.
I thought it would be good for her to get out and let loose at a party.
But all I did was to lead her into the worst kind of setup.
My feet drag on the wooden floor, every step heavy as if all this unpleasantness stirring in my gut weighs me down. How could I have been so clueless? So selfish?
I can still see her crying face as everyone laughed at her. It seemed she would fall apart at any moment, and I was useless, watching her run away with her shoulders hunched like she couldn’t escape fast enough.
Regret hits me like a sucker punch. All this could have been avoided had I stayed by her side the whole time. I knew they weren’t friends, but I never understood the extent of Paige’s dislike for her.
No way I’m sleeping tonight. My bed might as well be made of concrete and nails. Every time I close my eyes, I’ll just see her devastated expression, the way her eyes glistened right before she bolted.
Should I text her again? Call her? What could I possibly say that would make this right? There’s nothing that can undo what happened tonight. And the worst part is, I’m not sure if she’ll ever let me close enough to try.
The next morning, after a sleepless night, I’m on the way to school, and the gnawing feeling in my gut grows.
I can’t shake it. No matter what I tell myself, I keep coming back to the same point: it’s my fault.
I dragged her out of her comfort zone. I put her in front of the people who tore her down.
Paige, who I considered to be just audacious and frank, unveiled her true colors—a cruel mastermind behind Chrissy’s takedown. The ease with which she torments others disgusts me.
Class sucks. Chrissy told her parents she’s unwell, and I don’t blame her. If I were her, I wouldn’t want to go to school, either.
Paige flips through her notes in Chemistry like nothing happened. She catches my eye and offers a smile, one of those charming ones she flashes to get whatever she wants. All along, her smile was a charade, making me believe she was just self-assured, perhaps a tad forceful, but harmless.
How wrong I was. But now I understand the true nature of that artificial smile.
Class drags on, the minutes feeling like hours. Nothing holds my interest, and I stare at the board knowing I should be taking notes, but all I can think about is Chrissy, the way she looked outside of that house, her face wet with tears.
When the bell goes off, I grab my things, ready to leave, but Paige steps in front of me, blocking my way.
“Theo, wait,” she says, her tone casual, as if we’re picking up where we left off right before she snatched Chrissy away from me. “What are you doing after class? Wanna hang out?”
A surge of anger builds in my chest. The audacity to ask me that! Is she really not aware of her own wrongdoing? I keep my voice steady as I say, “Why did you do it?”
Her eyes flash with confusion, a look I’m sure she’s practiced. “Do what?” Her tone is innocent, clueless, like she doesn’t know what I’m talking about, but I know better than to trust her bogus demeanor.
“Why did you embarrass Chrissy like that?”
She rolls her eyes, brushing back her hair. “She’s not one of us.”
My jaw locks, but I force myself to remain calm. If that’s her explanation, she better try again. “One of what?” I demand.
She shoots me a look of condescension, the one that says she knows something I don’t, like she’s in on some big secret. “I mean, she doesn’t belong in our circle, Theo. She’s . . . weird.”
So that’s how she sees it. Weird, meaning not worth respecting. Someone you can ostracize like they don’t matter, like they’re somehow less than everyone else.
“This isn’t some country you’re in charge of, Paige,” I lash out. “We’re all just high school kids. And if you think being part of some popularity pack means you get to treat people like trash, then maybe someone needs to teach you a lesson in ethics.”
Her smile fades, and in her eyes, I see a flicker of shock.
But I don’t stick around for her reply. I turn and walk out of the classroom, pushing through the crowded hallway.
The further I get from her, the calmer I feel, as if the distance between us cleanses her influence off me like the rain washes away a layer of grime after football practice.
I’ve barely made it ten steps when I hear her voice behind me. “Theo! Wait up!”
My shoulders stiffen. Every muscle in my body screams to keep walking, to not give her another second of my time. Not getting the hint, she cuts off my escape route with a swift sidestep.
“You can’t just walk away from me like that.” Her voice carries that entitled edge I’m finally beginning to notice. The hallway bustles around us, but she stands tall, unbothered by the curious glances from passing students.
“Watch me,” I mutter, attempting to step around her.
Paige shifts, blocking me again. “Why are you being so dramatic? It was just a joke. Everyone thought it was funny.”
I never knew anyone could make my skin crawl the way she does in this moment. “Everyone? Or just your little entourage who follow your every command like brainwashed sheep?”
“Wow.” She crosses her arms, her French-manicured nails tapping against her tiny bicep. “Since when did you become so sensitive? You used to have a sense of humor.”
“There’s nothing humorous about what you did.” I step closer, lowering my voice so only she can hear. “You set her up. You specifically invited her, made her feel welcome, then humiliated her in front of everyone.”
Paige’s expression doesn’t change, not even a speck of remorse crosses her face. Instead, she lets out an exasperated sigh like I’m the one being unreasonable.
“It was just a harmless prank,” she says, examining a nonexistent chip in her nail polish. “Everyone goes through it. It’s practically a rite of passage.”
“A rite of passage?” My voice rises despite my attempt to stay calm. “Making someone cry? Filming them without consent? Sharing that video with the whole school?”
“God, you’re making it sound so serious.” She rolls her eyes so dramatically I’m surprised they don’t get stuck in the back of her head. “It’s high school, Theo. This is what happens.”
I shake my head, loathing coiling in my mid-section. How did I never see this side of her before? Was I blind, or was she just that good at hiding who she really was?
“No, Paige. This is what happens when people like you think popularity gives them the right to torment others.” My hands tremble, not from telling her off but from restraining the anger that wants to explode. “Did you see her face? Did you even look at Chrissy when she ran out of there?”
Something shifts in Paige’s expression—a microsecond of doubt, maybe—before her face hardens again. “If she can’t handle a little teasing, that’s on her, not me.”
“You call what you did teasing?”
“Whatever.” She tosses her hair again. A gesture I once found charming now annoys me to no end. “You’re blowing this way out of proportion. She’ll get over it.”
“She’s not at school today because she told her parents she’s sick, but we both know why she’s really absent.”
“Not my problem if she’s that sensitive.”
My hands ball into fists, and I have to remind myself we’re in the middle of a crowded hallway. “You know what? That’s exactly the problem. You don’t think anything is your problem. You don’t think about how your actions affect other people.”
“Spare me the preaching.” Paige’s voice sharpens. “Don’t act all high and mighty with me. You’ve been right there laughing at plenty of my jokes before.”
I get right in her face so she can sense my aggression “Don’t put me down to your level. I should’ve called you out a long time ago. Maybe then Chrissy wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”
She studies me for a moment, her head tilting slightly. “This is about more than just some stupid prank, isn’t it? You actually like this girl.”
I neither confirm nor deny. It’s none of her business.
“Wow. I never thought you of all people would fall for someone like her.“ Her voice drips with distaste, but I couldn’t care less. “What is it? Do you feel like some kind of hero saving the social outcast?”
My patience snaps like a dry twig. “The only person who needs saving here is you. From whatever made you think treating people like garbage is okay.”
She stares at me, clearly not used to being spoken to this way. The bell rings, signaling we’re both late for our next class, but neither of us moves.
“You know what? Forget it. But don’t come crawling back when you realize where you belong.”
“If belonging means becoming someone like you,” I take a deliberate step back, “I’ll pass.”
As the day drags on, one thing emerges clearly: I have to make things right. And it’s not only because of what occurred at the party, but because Chrissy deserves someone who will support her and treat her with respect, admiration, and love she merits.
I’m not sure if I’m worthy of that. All I know is I must do better.