31. Vaughn
Vaughn
What was trust when love was bait?
What was faith when devotion was doomed?
Penelope deserved better than the jealous, overprotective… captor I was.
Boyfriend?
It was a weak title for what she deserved. For what I wanted. But King Lawrence was right on the engagement, and I hated that he knew how The Order worked. I hated even more that he’d called me out over it.
I felt like Penelope and I were in a no-win situation.
Each day that we got closer to the ball was another day distracting us from the trials. She wasn’t ready to start training again yet, but I could see how itchy she was to begin again. We were both spinning in a web of everyone else’s creations but our own.
The only plus side to anything was that the tunneling for our home was almost done. There was that. But now she was leaving again… with him.
Had I prayed she’d tell him no? That she’d throw her title back in his face and tell him she didn’t need it?
It was selfish of me to want her to do that. It wasn’t as if she were telling me to abandon my own obligations. Hell, she was ready to die for mine. And yet, I hated losing her to hers… even if for a few hours.
I was greedy. A complete ass. I didn’t deserve her, and maybe King Lawrence was right about that too.
Not that he outright said that, but he didn’t have to.
I knew how to read between the lines. I also knew he was up to something.
It was the reason I was once again watching my men follow her and King Lawrence’s vehicle.
It was also why I’d gifted her the perfect, heart-shaped necklace for her to wear on her big day.
She thought my gift was out of love… and I let her believe it. Lies, loss, and love were twisted within me. They were spinning, feeding the monster within, making him more savage and beastly.
Love.
And loss.
And… lies.
So many lies.
Knocking had me looking away from the monitor in my study. I stood, heading for the door, opening it wide as I took in Theodore.
“Come in and sit. I don’t believe you’re supposed to be out of bed. You already spent hours in the Great Hall this morning.”
He headed in, taking a seat in the chair as I shut the door.
“I can’t stay in that room for another second. I’m going crazy.” He paused, his brow creasing as he took in the video footage playing on the monitor.
“I hate that she went.”
My jaw tightened.
“Me too.”
“I suppose she didn’t have a choice.”
“We all have a choice.” I quickly stopped myself at the challenge in Theodore’s raised brows.
“Don’t look at me like that. I’m fucking trying here.
Do you have any idea what I’m going through right now?
How this is… killing me? God dammit. To let Penelope leave…
To not follow her and face King Lawrence just to blow out his fucking brains or slice his throat like his family did to mine.
I can’t stand it. I start to head for the exit, barely able to stop myself. If I didn’t—If.” Again, I stopped.
“She’s stronger than we are.” Theodore’s gaze left me to look back at the screen.
“She just got poisoned a week ago. She miscarried, lost men she felt responsible for, and then, she woke up alone, traveled alone, found out you were arrested and killed a man. She could have died for that… all to save you.” His head shook.
“She’s damn stronger than we are—in body and mind. ”
“Yes she is.”
I looked over, my frown growing as I took in the seat ahead.
She was sitting forward, not even angled towards the king.
Their silence spoke volumes, and it was all because of her.
She’d shut him down at every opportunity at the beginning of their ride.
Maybe he was giving her space. Or maybe he was waiting.
“How are you feeling, Theo?”
He didn’t answer at first, continuing to stare at the monitor.
“Weak. I hate it. I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. I hurt.”
“Are you still refusing the medication Lord Oxley prescribed you?”
“For the most part. I take it when the pain gets overwhelming.”
Slowly, I nodded. “I’m sorry this happened to you. It should have been me.”
His lips pursed. “Better me than you.”
“No. Theodore.” Green eyes finally returned to me. “You will have your justice. I know that’s bothering you. We will find out who did this, even if we know who is behind it.”
“Nothing is what we believe. I keep thinking about that. About how my life has been law. It’s all pointless.
We’re taught that crimes are punishable.
To trust in the system. And to an extent that is true.
But then there’s another class of people.
The titled. The untouchable. They have their own rules.
They’re own laws. To kill comes as easily as breathing.
Sacrifice at The Order is a weekly thing.
Sometimes multiple times a week. I… I just… ” He trailed off.
“Theodore, you almost lost your life. You’re a barrister. It’s normal that you’d suddenly be aware of the significance of things like sacrifice, death, and murder. You’ve undergone something terrifying. I’ve been there, myself. Numerous times.”
“You have?” He rolled his eyes. “Of course you have. You’ve lost everyone you’ve ever been close with. You’ve seen death more than I ever have.”
“With my parents, I was still young. My uncle.” I stopped, taking in a deep breath.
“His death really messed me up. I thought about running. Disappearing. But I got my revenge on his killer, and I knew how important it was to him that I continue this path. He died for it. I couldn’t disrespect or ignore that.
This life is not for the weak. It is for the worthy, and you, Theodore, are worthy. ”
King Lawrence’s voice broke through the room, stopping Theo from speaking.
“This is going to be the longest, most uncomfortable drive in the world if you keep ignoring me.”
Penelope shifted enough to cause the necklace to move on her chest.
“Are you uncomfortable, Your Majesty?”
“I’m not guilty if that’s what you’re hinting at.”
“You said it, not me.”
“Penelope.” He paused. “Be honest with me. Do you think that I had you poisoned? Intentionally?”
Silence.
The camera shifted, and suddenly King Lawrence was in view. His blonde hair was styled back, and concern mixed with sadness drew in his handsome features. My fists clenched as she continued.
“I’m not sure. I don’t have evidence. Do I put it past you?” Anger laced her tone. “You tried to have Theodore killed. What is a little poison or the murder of a baby compared to that? It’s all the same.”
More, the king’s face grew with emotion.
“I swear I didn’t know about the baby. And the poison, it was because of me but not because I said I wanted it done. I feel sick about it, Penelope. I killed the physician. I don’t know what else you want me to do to prove that I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“And Theodore?”
The king’s cheek ticked, and he turned more towards her.
“Possibly…”
“What do you mean, possibly?”
“You don’t understand how the Crown works.
I could say anything, and people think I’m making orders or hinting for them to do my bidding.
Sometimes my temper wins. I just—Dammit, Penelope.
I’ve been trying for years to get you to see me.
Not the Crown. Not the palace. Me. I thought we shared something when you came to see me all those years back.
If you recall, I didn’t want you to leave at all after our first talk.
Not that day. Not the second time we met.
Yes, I had appointments, but I told you that you could stay.
That I’d be done as soon as I could. But you left.
Every time. You just left as if you couldn’t wait to get away from me.
Then… your scandal. Another amazing meeting together only for you to turn around the same night and—” He stopped, turning to the window, flexing his jaw repeatedly.
I felt myself mirroring him as I listened to his confession.
“Then, you disappeared. I’d been so close to calling on you again before that despite knowing you probably felt nothing for me.
I’m the king. You were probably being cordial.
But I couldn’t help myself. I thought maybe you weren’t ready before.
It was obvious after I heard you were meeting with Lord Shorelam that you were finally searching out what I was.
Marriage. But then you disappeared. I was sick when no one could find you.
If I would have stopped being so angry or—You can’t imagine the regret I felt.
It ate away at me. I had everyone searching for you.
I had your picture posted everywhere. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t think.
“But you surfaced. You escaped your captor and survived some horrifying captivity… only to still reject me after I’d done everything I could to try to find you.
And then to find out you chose… someone else?
Someone handsome and real? A man without obligations or life under a microscope?
” His head shook as he turned back to face her.
“I was jealous over Theodore. I was hurt. Maybe I said something that insinuated more. Maybe I even mentioned a contract in those heated moments. That does not mean I took one out.”
The room became quiet as we all waited for Penelope to say something. She didn’t. But King Lawrence did as he continued.
“I know how it looks, and I hate that you have that impression of me, but Penelope please, you have to believe me.”
“You want me to believe you?”
His gaze studied her, going back and forth between her eyes as he took her in.
“I do. More than anything.”
“Then you’ll make it up to Theodore and apologize to him for what someone may have taken out of context.
That is the responsibility of a king. It’s to his people.
To those who look up to him.” Penelope turned more towards him, and I felt my stomach drop as she reached to hold his hand.
“I so badly want to believe what you’re saying. ”
“You can. It’s the truth.” His hand tightened, pulling hers more in his direction as he drew it closer to his chest. “Penelope, I never wanted anyone to get hurt. Especially you or those close to you.” His other hand reached up, joining the one used to hold to hers.
“I have to ask. At the beginning. Not when you got sick and we met, but when I asked you back. Why not stay to get to know me better? What did I do that pushed you away? Pushed you… to some stranger at a party? I thought we hit it off. I thought—”
Penelope drew her hand back from his but stayed facing him.
“It had nothing to do with you. Nothing at all. Honestly, I never in a million years thought you’d choose me.
I figured I was too young, too much of a risk with my parents.
Maybe it’s the reason I sabotaged it. If I screwed it up, it wasn’t me being rejected because of my family’s situation. Does that make sense?”
King Lawrence nodded. His lids were narrowed as if he were desperate to read every emotion that flashed on her face.
“I had a lot of growing up to do. I guess I still do.”
A smile tugged at his mouth.
“You’re off to a strong start. I don’t think I’ve met anyone like you.” His head shook. “So, it wasn’t me that drove you away. It was you.” A small laugh. “I’m right, then.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing is as it appears. Is it, Penelope? You can play soft all day long, but we both know that’s not you anymore.
I met the version your parents created. She only comes out now as your defense.
” His hand came up to stop whatever she was about to say.
“I’m not saying it as an insult. The woman who’s been reborn captivates me.
She’s strong. She’s smart. She still has compassion.
That’s important. But I feel you misplace it just like you’ve done in the past. And it’s not your fault.
You’ve had to grow up so fast, you don’t know who you are anymore. But I know who you are.”
Seconds passed.
“Who am I, Your Majesty?”
“Who I’ve known you were all along. My queen.
” His hand came back up again. “You may think I’m crazy.
Maybe you even think I’m dead wrong.” He paused.
“I’m not. You can’t see it through your love for Vaughn, but I do, because I see you.
You were meant to be a queen, Penelope. Before it’s over with, you will be mine. ”