32. Penelope
Penelope
His queen?
Never.
Damn, he was a smooth talker. How much of what he said was real? How much were lies?
I didn’t know.
The responses made sense. I could almost even believe what he said.
If it weren’t for the grief that ruled me, maybe I would have.
As it was, all I could feel was the emptiness at knowing nothing was the same as it was a week ago.
Not with me. Not Vaughn. Maybe not even with King Lawrence.
It had me going over his words while I tried to focus on what they even meant.
Katia had been right on the contract, but what if it hadn’t unfolded like we thought?
The king did have a point. His words could have easily been misconstrued.
And if those closest to him wanted him to get what he wanted—me—perhaps they would have taken matters into their own hands like his physician had.
Some people’s lives revolved around the Crown.
It was no secret morality became blurred the closer one got to the king.
But maybe the truth was as simple as it appeared. Perhaps King Lawrence was a bad man.
But… bad…
Wasn’t I bad?
Wasn’t Vaughn bad?
What was good and bad anymore?
Did I even know?
“Penelope… are you alright?”
I glanced over, realizing I was wringing my hands. I quickly stopped, turning to face him.
“I’m fine. Thank you.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you. I feel bluntness leaves no room for speculation. I can’t afford to leave things unspoken between us anymore. I know I already stated them at Glenbrae, but you must know they haven’t changed. I want to choose you, Penelope.”
My hands squeezed into each other.
“Your Majesty—”
His hands lifted for me to stop. It was something he did often.
“Privately, just Lawrence.”
My lips separated, and I swallowed hard, nodding.
“Lawrence. I told you once I loved another. That has not changed.”
“Vaughn Masterson.”
Slowly, I nodded. “I love him.”
Silence.
“Can I please take your hand? I need to do this because it’s important for you to feel how genuine I’m being when I say this.”
Seconds went by, and I hesitantly eased my hand forward. He took it, holding soft, yet securely.
“I know Vaughn was the masked captor who took you. He told me. Penelope.” He stopped. “What you’ve gone through, being with him—” He seemed to weigh his words. Instead, he flipped my arm, tracing over the scars from the cuffs. “You see these, right?”
“…Yes.”
“Do you remember how you felt when you got them? It had to have hurt to cut yourself so many times. You wanted to escape. You fought with everything you had, didn’t you.”
It wasn’t a question.
My eyes lowered to the scars, and the terror I’d felt when I discovered the truth of Vaugn’s world came rolling back through. My hand twitched, and my fingers trembled in King Lawrence’s hand. I quickly jerked back my arm.
“I don’t have to point out what just happened.
Penelope, they don’t say love is blind for nothing.
He kept you for four months before you escaped.
After a year of being away from him, he came back for you.
He took you again. I know, I’ve asked. The Council told me what happened.
” His brow creased. “Does any of that seem normal to you?”
“Vaughn can’t live a normal life,” I ground out. “He is hunted. You know that.”
“No,” King Lawrence said, quietly, shaking his head. “I didn’t know that. I didn’t even know he was alive, Penelope. Are you sure he’s hunted?”
“Yes, I’m sure. His parents are dead. His uncle who raised him is dead. They’ve all been murdered.”
“By whom?” King Lawrence’s face was thick with confusion. I felt my defenses rise as I battled his questions. “No one that I sent, that’s for sure. Could it have been those within The Order? Traitors, or those in favor of the Crown?”
My lips parted, but I couldn’t speak. The truth was… I only knew what I was told.
“You know what?” King Lawrence waved away the question.
“It doesn’t matter. These are questions for you and Vaughn.
I just want to be clarity in any darkness you may have.
My intentions are with you. You know that.
And I can make you happy. I would make you happy.
Penelope.” He stopped. “I’m not going to pretend I know anything about Vaughn’s world.
But what I’ve been told.” Blue eyes kept scanning my face.
“If you went through the trials to be his… queen… would you be happy? Would being part of The Order make you happy?” He scooted a little closer, lowering his voice.
“Have you shed blood there? There’s talk of barbaric behaviors.
Rituals. Killing. Is that what you’re being exposed to? Is that what you want your life to be?”
I widened my eyes, letting them round out as I let innocence flood in.
“Is that what they say?”
Confusion.
“Is it not true?”
“Not in my experience. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Oh.” He paused. “Maybe you’re not exposed to that part of the life yet. But if that’s true, could you take part in something like that? What if it’s forced on you? What if—”
“Lawrence.”
I kept my voice sweet. Luring, even. Anything to get his mind off The Order.
“I don’t think I’m going to have to worry about anything like that.”
“But what if he doesn’t leave you with a choice? Everything I’m learning. He’s a savage. I truly fear for you.”
My lips tugged back. “Vaughn would never hurt me. He’d never force me to do something I didn’t want to do.”
“You think that now. You never really know someone until it’s too late. You don’t have those scars for nothing.” Once again, he studied me. “You were assaulted. It’s in the reports.”
“He did not do that to me. I ran—I… shouldn’t have.”
“Shouldn’t have tried to escape? Do you hear yourself?
And you got raped for running? At The Order?
” Horror masked his face. “If that’s what you meant, he allowed it to happen, and that is a failure on his part.
He can’t protect you. Dammit… it is dangerous there.
I can keep you safe. God, I want to. I am afraid for you.
The more I uncover, the more I don’t like it. ”
“I’m fine. I’m not in danger. Vaughn takes exceptional care of me.”
“Define exceptional?”
I went to tell him to stop. That it wasn’t his concern, but I couldn’t find the words as I took in the large manor in the distance. It was just as it appeared in the painting in my father’s office. Pride swelled in my chest, and tears burned my eyes. Had I thought this day would never come?
“Rosemoor,” I whispered.
King Lawrence’s head turned, and I saw his own pride as he faced me. For seconds he didn’t speak.
“Seeing you like this makes up for the pain of losing her. Rosemoor has always been my favorite.” He lifted my hand, and I watched as he brought it to his lips. “Making you happy, makes me happy. Welcome home, Penelope.”
I could barely keep my attention on him as I took in the honeyed limestone mansion with dark green shutters.
In the background were paddocks and horses grazing.
With the lush deep green countryside and towering trees, I couldn’t stop the emotion that came with the years of getting lost in that family portrait.
How many daydreams of what-ifs? How many times had my father pointed at it while hammering his anger home within my mind?
And now I was here, and Rosemoor was mine.
It didn’t seem real. It was a dream. It was breathtaking and left me with a painful awe that contradicted reality.
“Oh, darling, shh.” King Lawrence leaned forward, wiping the tear that escaped. “No need to cry.”
“I never thought I’d see this day.”
“But you have, and it’s only the beginning.
” His fingers lingered on my cheek, pulling back as he seemed to catch himself.
“You deserve so much, and I’m going to make sure you get it.
Maybe you don’t choose me. Maybe you don’t choose Vaughn.
One thing you will choose from here on out is yourself.
I will make sure of that. You are not obligated to marry anyone.
” His hand hesitantly lifted back to me.
I leaned back but didn’t jerk away as he came forward anyway to cup the side of my face.
“You’ve been told your entire life who to be, who to marry, and what you should and should not do.
I think it’s time you become the duchess you were meant to, and to hell with the rest. I want you as my queen.
But first… I want to see you thrive on your own. You deserve that peace.”
We turned onto the long drive, and I couldn’t stop the racing of my heart. His words stirred something. They called to a part of me that had been buried long ago under family obligations. Buried… under my love for my captor.
Who was I?
Who could I be?
… Who did I want to be?”
There was never a Penelope, Duchess of Rosemoor. But there was now. What did that mean?
“It’s so beautiful.”
“Yes it is.”
Even though he spoke the words, King Lawrence’s eyes never left me.
I didn’t focus on him as I put distance between us and kept my attention on the circle driveway we approached.
The large fountain was surrounded by benches and short hedges, and the closer we got, the more I noticed the staff waiting ahead.
I closed my eyes, stepping into the role of Duchess. I was made to do this. To be someone.
King Lawrence could try to play me, guilt me, feed me a buffet of lies. The truth remained the same. My future was up to me, and no one was forcing me into a life I didn’t want. Not the king… Not The Judic or new Magister. Not even Vaughn.
It was time I step out of the box and evaluate not only my future, but all the moving parts around it. Without a plan I was vulnerable. With one, I was unstoppable.
The only question was, which life did I choose? Was there a way to merge more than one? It seemed impossible given the location, but where there was a will, there was a way. And I’d find it, even if I had to do the unspeakable to make it happen.