4. AllNothing
4
All Or Nothing
Amelia
T he water slowly creeps up to the bathtub’s edge. I step out of my trousers, dropping them in the laundry basket on the way back to the bedroom where I grab my pyjamas from underneath my pillow. A tiny flashing light on my phone tells me I have another message.
I giggle nervously. So far that Ben guy hasn't said much, but he has at least not been weird like some of the other guys. I’m contemplating if I should take the phone with me when Smutty strolls into the bedroom and looks at me expectantly.
“No, no belly rubs for you now. I need a bath.” He tries to stare me down, but I ignore him and head back to the bathroom with my phone held tightly in my hand. Who am I kidding? Not checking for messages was never an option.
As I walk past the full-length mirror, I catch a glimpse of myself. It’s been a while since a man has seen my squishy bits. I casually treat my tummy to a gentle love tap. My belly gives me a wobble shuffle in response. I shrug. I wonder if Ben likes his women thin or like me? No, no. You literally exchanged four messages with him.
"Ah, Smutty, what would you think if I brought a guy with a whip home?" Smutty blinks at me in response and gives me a chirpy little meow.
Weirdly the image that comes to mind is not a certain Mr Grey but Indiana Jones. Ha, BDSM Indy, now that gives Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom a completely different meaning.
I push through the initial pain and stinging sensation when my cold toes dip into the hot water and slide into the warmth. I swear I was a water nymph or a mermaid in my previous life. I could soak in a bath all day, until my fingers and toes resemble an ancient mummy's wrinkles.
Smutty plops himself on the bathmat and keeps a close eye on me. He despises water and always gets overprotective when I take a bath. Silly cat.
I reach for the hand towel hanging from the hook next to the sink and dry my hands before grabbing my phone. I hit the little message button on the dating app, making the first message pop up.
Wilfred
I'm Lord Anal Pain and would like to explore your back passage.
Eww . I almost drop my phone into the water when trying to delete that message. Lord Anal Pain. Seriously?
But there is also a message from Ben.
Ben
And what would "this" be that you missed from your dating life?
Before I can long think about it, my fingers fly over the keyboard typing out my reply.
Me
I'm not sure. I’ve read a few BDSM romance novels and some of what is described in them is not really for me. And people that have contacted me so far are also a bit scary.
Ben
Does that include me?
Instant reply―that's a good sign, right?
Me
No!
I'm talking about Lord Anal Pain.
Me
No, you’ve been different.
Ben
Good. Happy to answer any questions about the community if you have any. Don't trust all you read in books or online.
Me
Okay. So, I googled pleasure dom. That's what you are. Right?
Ben
Yes. I've tried other areas in BDSM, but I found my niche as a pleasure dom.
Me
So I read that you get pleasure from giving pleasure. Does that mean you don't spank?
Ben
That depends on the submissive. If she enjoys spanking, I can provide that. But I don't get aroused from providing pain, it's the pleasure I provide to her that does it for me.
Is that something that worries you? Spanking?
Me
100% I'm not really into spanking or pain.
I don't judge anyone who is, but I have bad associations with that and “sexy” really doesn't come to mind when I think about being hit.
Ben
And you don't have to, if that’s not something you’re into. If anyone tells you otherwise, they are to be treated carefully. Consent is key.
Me
You mean like Lord Anal Pain
Ben
WTF???
Me
That was my reaction when I thought I had a message from you and it was from the notorious L.A.P.
I hope he doesn't think I'm taking the mickey out of the BDSM scene.
Ben
Haha.
Just be careful with the app. There are a lot of genuine members on here who are looking for something (date, relationship) but there are also a ton of bellends who’ve watched too much bad porn and haven't got a clue.
Me
Noted.
Do you have a BDSM nickname?
Good lord, if this makes me blush then what the fuck am I doing on an app like this one?
Ben
No. I'm not playing a role. I’m me. My submissives tend to call me a term of respect. Some call me master, which, to be honest, is not my favourite, but I usually go with what she wants.
Me
I don't like master. Too… elite.
Ben
What would you call me?
Me
What?
Ben
Imagine it's just us two and you are doing as I tell you to. What would you call me to show me you are mine?
Fuck! I sink lower into the water. There’s that tingling again. Imagining a strong guy above me. His big hand gently squeezing my throat asking me if I'm his good girl….
Me
Sir
My cheeks are burning and it’s not from the steam in the bathroom. I realise that I’ve started to stroke my nipples with my free hand. Flippin’ heck, I'm a second away from sliding my fingers lower. All over some messages with a stranger who is probably pissing himself laughing about my na?ve questions.
Ben
Good girl.
Shit. In a panic I drop my mobile onto the soft bathmat next to the tub like it’s a hot potato.
I sink into the warm water, letting it envelop me as I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I reach for the loofah to distract me from the feeling his messages left in me and squeeze some body wash onto it. As I begin to lather up, my mind starts to wander.
His profile did give away that he was tall and what was visible in his picture did hint that he probably works out. In my mind’s eye, he has dark hair and piercing blue eyes. Not light blue, but dark like a sapphire.
A shiver runs down my spine as I recall his words. I'm insane to daydream anything into this given when we literally exchanged our first messages only an hour or so ago. But I can't help it. It’s been so long since a man has paid me any attention. Or at least in a positive way. Maybe I can convince him to teach me. My heart starts beating a bit faster. Yup, because I can do casual sex. That's never going to happen, Miss All or Nothing.
I rinse off the suds from my body and set the loofah aside. Leaning back against the edge of the tub, I let my hands roam over my skin, tracing lazy circles along my thighs before moving higher to cup my breasts. Ben. That's always been one of my favourite names. I picture his strong hands exploring every inch of me with a hunger that matches my own. My nipples harden at the thought as I gently pinch them between my fingers. My hand continues its journey downward, gliding over my stomach until I get to my mound. I part my legs slightly and let out a soft moan as I make contact with my already swollen clit.
I start off slow, teasing myself with light strokes before applying more pressure. The sensation sends waves of pleasure coursing through me. I need this . As I continue to circle my clit with one hand, the other one moves lower until it finds its way inside me. I let out a gasp as I push two fingers in, my walls clenching around them.
"Sir," I whisper and that's all it takes to push me over the edge. I let out a soft moan, sapphire eyes still looking down at me. It’s been a while since these eyes invaded my thoughts.
The room slowly comes back into focus. Smutty is staring at me in a very disapproving way.
"Wow," I whisper. Maybe that idea of being a submissive does appeal to me more than I thought.
"Don't you judge me," I point at Smutty, "I’ve seen you lick your own balls, Mister."
I finish washing myself before stepping out of the bath. There are butterflies in my tummy. Nervous butterflies and excited butterflies. Fuck it, let's give this a try!
F orty-five minutes later I crawl under my duvet. That's how long I managed to draw my beauty regime out, and when I say beauty regime, I mean I put on face cream, brushed my teeth, and gave Smutty some belly rubs. Anything to not have to deal with reality and check the reply Ben sent me. What if he turned from a nice guy into a creep? I mean, the internet is full of weirdos and perverts, right?
My eyes zoom in on my phone on my nightstand. I grab it and then immediately put it back again. Oh, for fuck’s sake. It's not like he’ll jump out of it . I take a deep breath and swipe the screen.
Ben
Well, let me know if you have any other questions.
Where to start? I have so many questions! But can I really send them through to a stranger? In the end, I decide to keep the door open for more.
Me
Sorry, I had to get out of the bath. It's quite late, but I would love to continue our conversation another day?
Could I sound any more boring?
Ben
Any time!