5. Believer
5
Believer
Ben
M y muscles are still burning from my Saturday morning run. I pushed myself a lot harder than I usually would, but when my mind is racing, my body needs to move.
Yesterday evening was tense, especially when Amelia left me hanging for nearly an hour after my Good Girl comment. I thought I’d blown it. When she finally got back in touch I was close to losing my mind.
The washing machine beeps happily at me after I press the start button. I have a housekeeper Monday to Friday who does my washing and cleans my house, but if I keep my sweaty running clothes for the whole weekend to be washed on Monday they'll stink to high heaven and I really can't do that to Gustavo.
My fingers run through my hair which is still damp from the shower as I make my way back to the smoothie I have chilling in the fridge. The small utility room on the ground floor is just off the kitchen. There's also a decent-sized living room with an adjacent office that pulls double duty as my personal library. Upstairs there are three bedrooms. Do I actually need that many? Not really. But I loved the garden when I first viewed the house. And it's right next door to my sister's place. That and the amazing view of the fields surrounding the village sold me on it. Sure, with the success our company has had, I could easily afford something even bigger. But who wants all those empty rooms?
I swallow the last of the green sludge that is sold as a “healthy smoothie” when someone rings the doorbell over and over. I can't stop a grin from forming on my lips. My favourite little munchkin is here. I place my glass in the sink and head to the front door.
"Do I know you?" I ask as seriously as I can muster.
"Uncle Ben, it's me, silly," a cheeky five-year-old grins at me. His front top two teeth are missing and his little tongue pokes through the gap.
"And who are you?" I ask again and bend down like I’m inspecting him closely.
"Robbie," he sighs exasperated.
"Oh, Robbie. I think I have a nephew called Robbie," I grin making him chuckle.
"Yup, me."
"That’s yes, not yup," my sister Fiona, who has been watching us, corrects him.
"Yes, me," Robbie repeats pointing his little fingers at himself.
"Well, if you are really my nephew I think you should give me a hug!" I haven't finished the sentence when the little squirt jumps into my arms. He has the same blond hair and green eyes as Fi. She and I couldn't be more different. Fi is short, petite and fair. Aside from towering over her, I have the broody dark look that women usually flock to like moths to a flame. But we are as similar in character as we are different in looks. We are both driven people who know what we want. In her case, that was being the best mum anyone could imagine. Her older kids, Sam and Claire, are both at university, and then five years ago Robbie joined the family as a surprise. Fi struggled at the beginning, having mentally prepared herself for an empty nest with her teenagers gone. But luckily, she has a husband who couldn't have been more supportive. Once Robbie was born everyone doted on him. And the little munchkin knows it. He has us all in his tiny palm.
"How are you, Robster?" I ask him, placing a kiss on my sister’s cheek. Robbie slides his hand in mine as we walk into the kitchen. Saturdays he and Fi usually come over for lunch whilst my brother-in-law plays football for the village team. Robbie hates football, something nobody in the family understands. We are an Aston Villa family, my dad made sure of that. We all love football. Except for the little squirt.
"I'm hungry," Robbie grins at me. Of course he is. He has the energy of ten kids and runs around all day long. But he also has the appetite of ten of these little monsters.
"Well, it's a good thing that I have lunch almost ready then," I chuckle. The pasta sauce has been bubbling away in the slow cooker whilst I was out for my run.
"And dessert?"
"And dessert. But only if you eat all of your spaghetti." I reply. I’ve been told off by my sister more than once for giving him dessert too easily and now I always make sure he gets his proper food first. He hates vegetables, so the whole family has mastered sneaking them into food he will eat. Spaghetti Bolognese is his favourite and the perfect decoy. He has yet to find out. Did I mention that he rules with an iron fist?
"Okay," Robbie agrees, probably because it is spaghetti. "Can I play outside?" I built a large slide and climbing frame in my garden for him and he loves it.
"But only until lunch. It’s cold today," Fi says but before she finishes the sentence he’s already sprinting to the backdoor.
"Tea?" I hold up the kettle.
"Oh, that would be amazing," Fi sighs as she slides onto the little stool next to the breakfast bar.
“Tough week?” I ask with a frown. Fi sometimes does too much and doesn’t allow herself a break.
“Not more than usual,” she waves me off. That’s her signal to me to let it go. She doesn’t want to talk about it.
"Guess what?" I change the topic. I have to tell someone about Amelia. The only people that know what I went through back then are my family and Coop.
"You’re going to let Robbie move in with you?" she asks as she gets up again, fetches milk from the fridge and hands it over to me.
I know she is just joking, but I remind myself to make more time to watch Robbie and take some pressure off her.
"Funny, but no. I ran into Amelia."
"Amelia… the Amelia? The one whose heart you broke?" I flinch at her words. "Sorry," she adds and gives my arm a pat. She isn't wrong but it's also not quite that simple.
"Yes, that Amelia."
"Where did you meet her? I know she still lives in the village, but in all these years I haven’t so much as caught a glimpse of her." Fi asks as she stirs her tea .
"Uncle Ben, look!" Robbie shouts from the garden and we both direct our eyes to him. I wave and he waves back before coasting down the slide.
"I stumbled across her profile on a dating app." No need to explain which app exactly.
My sister knows that I'm into BDSM. We had to have the world’s most embarrassing conversation when she and I had dinner one evening and Gina decided to surprise me. I was in the bathroom, so my sister opened the front door to a woman with her coat open and not much else underneath, purring "Time for my spanking, Master." But it’s not something we talk about, and I definitely haven't told her that I’m a pleasure dom. Imagine that admission over Sunday roast.
"And?" she asks, taking another sip of her tea.
"I messaged her, but I didn't tell her it's me."
"You’re catfishing her?"
"No! It's my name, my details, but my photo only shows me up to here." I hold my hand at nose height. "I just didn't tell her that it's me."
"Ben. What do you think is going to happen when she finds out?" She gives me a dark look.
"I don't know. But if I tell her now, she'll just block me again. I need a chance to explain."
"Ben—"
"Fi, I need this chance. I need to see her. I need to talk to her. I need to apologise." There is desperation in my voice. I rub the back of my neck nervously.
"You guys broke up such a long time ago. Are you still hung up on her? I thought you’d moved on. You never speak about her." Fi studies my face.
"It's not that. I just want a chance to apologise," I defend myself.
"Ben, it's been years. Isn't it water under the bridge by now?"
"It's never too late," I sigh, my gaze drifting to the garden where Robbie is swinging from the monkey bars. "Never too late to apologise."
"So, what did she say in the app?"
"Oh, we just had a casual conversation." I grin and hope she'll let it go because I really can't tell her what we talked about.
"At least do me a favour and set your expectations low. I remember what a mess you were after she broke up with you." There is genuine concern in her voice.
"I'm just going to apologise."
A knock on my door draws my attention away from my computer, but before I can reply, it’s pulled open. I don't need to check who it is. Only one person would enter my office before I invite them in. Coop gives me a grin and plonks himself into the chair in front of my desk.
"If you are here to gloat that you’re taking a beautiful woman on a romantic trip, you can fuck off," I smirk.
"No gloating. And it’s not just a romantic trip." He places a small ring box on my desk.
"Ah, that's so sweet, but you’re are not my type so no, I won't marry you." I chuckle.
"Wanker," he laughs.
"Are you sure you are ready?" I ask more seriously. I feel as a friend it’s my duty to ask him, even if I know he’s doing the right thing. He and Lizzie are meant for each other.
"One thousand percent sure." He has a dopey look on his face.
"In which case I approve. Congratulations, mate."
"Thanks. But she hasn't said yes yet." Could he genuinely be worried she might say no? I lean back in my chair and cross my arms.
"Don't be stupid, Coop. Lizzie adores you." He just shrugs before taking the ring box and placing it back in his pocket.
"There’s something else, Ben."
"Yes, I'll be your best man," I grin. Coop just rolls his eyes.
"I'm serious. I want us to hire a general manager." My smile drops.
"What? Why?"
"Why? Because I don't want to work such long hours anymore and I don't want for you to, either. We have both worked our socks off for the last fifteen years. It's time to enjoy our hard work. We'll still be involved. Joined Executive Directors, just like now. All major decisions will be made by us and we’ll have full oversight, but we don't have to deal with the day-to-day stuff anymore."
Our company, M-)
Amelia
And once you’ve found one?
Me
You get to know each other a little and then meet up, like with any dating really. I usually meet people in a public place like a pub or restaurant first so we both feel comfortable. I mean, I told you that there are some shady characters on this app.
Amelia
Why do you hide your face in your profile?
Fair question, I guess, and I knew it would come at some point.
Me
I have my own business and some of the people I do business with and their wives are on here. I don't need anyone to know about my private life.
Amelia
Oh shit. I didn't even think about work. :-O
I grin to myself. Luckily! Otherwise, I may not have known it’s her.
Amelia
Fixed it :-)
I press a few buttons on my screen and Amelia's profile pops up. It is now a close up of her cat and she is no longer visible.
Me
So now you have a pussy as a profile picture LOL
Amelia
Oh. :-0
What I would give to see her now! I gaze out of the large window at the city. This nagging sense of guilt is getting stronger and stronger the longer we chat . I've got to come clean about who I am. I need to. The more I delay it, the worse it's going to be when we finally meet.
Me
Can I ask you something?
Amelia
Sure
Me
Do you want to have dinner with me?