38
Seeing the scars on Maeve's back was too much for me to handle last night. I lost control and I lost myself.
Being a King, I’ve seen my fair share of injuries but none as severe or as intentional as the white scars covering every inch of Maeve’s back.
I have no idea how old she was when the Agency started doing that to her or what they had against her.
Maeve’s words from last night ring through my mind.
“Some things are worth the pain.”
What could she have possibly done for them to justify hurting her like that?
Nothing. There is truly no justification.
I know the Agency is fucked up but I guess I just didn’t ever want to imagine the true horrors that people go through there.
No, not just people, children. Maeve was ten when she first entered the Agency.
I don’t dare think about what might have caused Maeve’s scars. Just thinking about her in any kind of pain brings a knot to my stomach.
I’ve been tossing and turning all night, not knowing what to say to her today. Maeve would want to ignore it and move on but I can’t.
I can’t unsee what I saw or unhear the little details she shared with me.
Everytime I learn more about Maeve, I feel more and more sorrow for her and I know that’s the exact opposite of what she wants. I can see it in her eyes when I look at her, after she’s shared another shattered piece of her life.
She doesn’t want pity.
I won’t press her for more information, not until she’s ready. But I want to show her that she can come to me or even Cole, that she’s not alone anymore.
I see the sun start to rise from the window across from my bed.
I can’t take it anymore.
I pull myself off the bed and get ready to head to her room. Determined to fix this, to help her.
I don’t bother getting changed, still wearing the clothes I was in last night. All but my crown that I leave on the small table by my door.
I make it to Maeve’s room rather quickly. Determination rushing through me in a way that’s hard to flush out.
Raising my hand, I go to knock on her door when it swings open suddenly and she’s standing there.
“Oh– hi.” She says, her eyes wide with surprise.
I look down and note her clothes, she’s dressed in a long sleeve black top and her usual pants.
“Going somewhere, love?”
“Uh— yes, just a walk along the beach.” Maeve answers nervously and I hate it. Hate that I’ve made her this way with what I saw and how I tried to push her to share more about her past.
I have to fix this.
“Can I join you?” I ask quietly, hoping to the gods that she’ll say yes, that she’ll let me get us back to the way we were before.
Maeve looks down at the ground nervously, like she’s not sure of her answer.
My stomach sinks.
“Don’t you have King duties to attend to?” Maeve asks sarcastically and I let out an internal sigh of relief. Her words don’t have her usual bite but she’s playing with me, teasing me.
This is her coming back to herself.
I shrug trying to look as casual as I can.
“I’ll always make time for you.”
I almost didn’t say it, not wanting to rush back to our usual relationship of banter and flirting for fear she wouldn’t respond.
But she surprises me when the corner of her mouth starts to rise and she smiles at me.
I smile back, relief flooding my body. Hoping it doesn’t show on my face and freak her out.
“I guess you can come.” She finally says and moves past me to lead the way.
The beach has a welcome cool breeze at this hour, I look to the side and see it flow gracefully through Maeve’s hair. She’s left it out again, like this is the most relaxed she’s been.
Maeve’s dark brown hair is a stark contrast to the orange and pink sunrise next to her. It lights her skin and freckles, leaving her looking devastatingly beautiful.
I can’t tear my eyes away.
“I have missed this place.” She says finally and I try not to make a big deal out of the fact that she’s opening up to me. Admitting something without me pressing.
“It is rather peaceful.” I offer in return.
“It’s not just that, it’s the food, the smell and how far away it feels.”
“Well, we are at the very top of Aressor, I suppose you can’t get much further than that.” I joke, trying to keep our conversation light-hearted.
She gives me a playful shove.
“This is why I don’t tell you anything.” She says with a laugh and I all but get lost in it, in her.
Maybe last night didn’t ruin things, maybe it’s actually allowed her to feel more comfortable in a way she didn’t before.
“What are you staring at?” She asks and breaks me from my trance that I hadn’t even realised I was in.
“Something beautiful.” I reply with a soft grin.
“Oh come on.” Maeve says with a laugh, “that has got to be the worst, most cheesy comment you have ever made.”
I laugh back. “Yeah you’re right, maybe that wasn’t my best line but it was worth it.”
“Shameless.” She says under her breath and I chuckle.
“So you’ll be disappointed when we leave then?” I ask her after we’re quiet for a moment.
“No, this place is like a holiday.” She says and references our conversation from last night. “It’s not supposed to last forever, you’re supposed to leave.”
“Is that another reason why you said no to the Prince?”
The question comes out before I can even think better of it.
Maeve thankfully doesn’t seem to mind, different from last night. Like me seeing her scars has allowed her to drop her walls ever so slightly.
“Partially.” She says with a shrug, “and because I wasn’t ready for something that serious, my life wasn’t ready either. I was still tied down to the Agency and technically I still am, once my five years are up.”
My spine stiffens at the memory that Maeve only has three years until the Agency is supposed to take her back.
I still don’t know what’s keeping her there or what they’ve threatened but I don’t dare push on that topic now.
Not when she has been sharing her thoughts and feelings so much more freely this morning.
Maeve takes a breath and looks out towards the water, before continuing on from her last admission.
“But I’m glad anyway, it showed me the type of person he is.”
I nod gently as my heart rate increases, preparing to ask a question that’s been on my mind since I found out Maeve had been with Raylin.
“Did you love him?”
She looks at me and raises her eyebrows. The look in her green eyes shows she’s suspicious of the reason behind my question. No doubt more suspicious than usual because of my confession last night.
I smile at her before nudging her softly with my elbow. “Just curious.”
She pins me with a look that says she doesn’t believe me but answers anyway.
“I thought I did at the time but now I’m not so sure. I think I just loved the freedom of this place. It felt like I was living another life, one that wasn’t my own.”
I nod my reply but stay silent, hiding my sudden relief at her words. The relief that’s quickly drowned out by the sadness in her voice with her second admission. Maeve had fallen in love with an escape from the place that hurt her.
My blood runs cold at the thought.
“Have you ever loved someone?” She asks me suddenly, pulling me away from my thoughts.
I feel my cheeks heat slightly and I smile to myself before looking up and answering her.
“Careful love, I’ll start to think you like me.” I joke, earning a death glare from Maeve.
“So you can ask all the questions you want but when I ask it’s too far?” She replies, her voice exasperated.
“I’m just joking, you can ask me anything you want. But to answer your question, no, I haven’t.”
“In all the years you’ve been alive, never once?” She says in shock.
“I’m going to ignore the jab at my age, yet again.” I reply, rolling my eyes at her. “But no, never. I’ve had relationships but none that serious and despite what you think, I really am quite busy.”
“I’ve never seen you be busy at all.”
“Come join me for an entire day when we’re home and I’ll show you.” I say with a smirk.
“I think I’d die of boredom.”
I laugh at her. “Probably but at least I’d be having fun for once.”
Maeve smiles at me and I realise that I could do this forever. The casual conversations, talking and laughing with her. This is the most at peace I have felt in a long time.
I savor the feeling for the rest of our walk and as we head up for breakfast.