Chapter 10
It didn’t take long for James to figure out where I wanted to go. I called my daughter as he drove, hoping I wasn’t waking her up.
“Hi, Han,” I said when she answered. “Are you busy?”
“Not unless you count my eighteenth rewatch of Buffy as busy.” How fitting. “My morning class got canceled. What’s up?”
“We had an appointment in the city that just wrapped up, and I thought we’d drop in to see you.”
“This early? What kind of appointment? Who with?”
“If I tell you everything over the phone, we won’t have anything to talk about when we get there. Do you want to see me or not?”
“Hmm…” Hannah mock-pondered. James fought to keep his snickers to himself, earning a glare from me. “I guess I could do with a visit. I’m at Kian’s apartment. I’m not getting dressed though, you’ll have to deal with pajamas.”
“Well, the deal’s off then; I’m going home.”
I could hear her smile through the phone. “See you soon, Ryder. ”
I disconnected the call, not bothering to redirect James since he’d heard every word.
Truth be told, I wanted to be left alone. I’d been fighting the urge to tell him as much the whole time we’d been driving. This time, he didn’t stop my leg from bouncing. It was as if he knew I needed some way to get my energy out, or I’d explode.
I’d probably explode anyway.
We parked in front of Kian’s building. James killed the engine and waited for me to make the first move. I couldn’t say exactly what I expected, but it wasn’t for James to get out of the car with me. I wanted to spin around and demand to do this by myself, but that wouldn’t be fair—even I could see that.
I knocked. As we waited, James threaded his fingers through mine. The act made me tense, but then I reminded myself that I liked having his hand in mine. What had come over me lately?
The chain rattled, and the door opened. Hannah stood there in a fluffy robe with her hair tied up and out of her face. “Hi! Is everything okay?”
She stepped forward and hugged me, and that was exactly what I needed in that moment. She gave James the same treatment, then stepped back in the doorway. “Get in here, that wind cuts right to the bone.”
Hannah wrapped her robe tighter around her as she led us into Kian’s cozy, two-bedroom apartment. We shed our heavy coats and shoes in the hallway, following her past the living area on the left and into the kitchen. The first bedroom and master bath on the left belonged to the two of them, and the second bedroom at the back of the apartment was reserved for their study-slash-office space. A half bath and laundry closet sat nestled in the corner of the kitchen, and that’s where James headed after kissing me on the cheek and excusing himself.
I chuckled inwardly, knowing he had no physical need for a bathroom. I was grateful for the small break .
“Coffee?” Hannah asked, already filling the well on her Keurig. I was already jittery, and caffeine was likely a bad idea, so of course I accepted.
I took in the pajama pants peeking beneath her robe. “Did you sleep here last night?”
“And the night before.” Hannah rolled her eyes, selecting a coffee pod and popping it into the machine. “I don’t know who raised Emily but it must have been in a barn somewhere. The girl’s a wreck. And don’t get me started on that boyfriend of hers. Now what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve never shown up on such short notice before. Is something wrong?”
“Can’t a man come see his kid?”
Hannah threw a knowing grin over her shoulder and damn , she looked exactly like her mother—it was scary. “I’m not a kid anymore.”
“I’ve got seventeen years to catch up on. Where’s Kian?”
“Doctor. He woke up with a nasty cold this morning.”
I accepted the mug she handed me, and stared down into the steaming liquid like it held all the answers to my problems. I’d selfishly come here for myself, because I needed to see her. Now that she stood in front of me, I had to tell her, I knew I did. When I handed Kian the information Gabriel had found, he deserved to hear the whole truth. That meant revealing who, and what , James was. Hannah needed to hear that from me. But as the bathroom door opened, my eyes met his, and I hesitated. It wasn’t just my life on the line anymore. I had him to think about—had a partner to think about, and that thought terrified me.
“What’s going on?” Hannah asked, looking between the two of us. I should have known that hesitating in any sense would tip her off. She was way too perceptive .
James had crossed the room and slid an arm around my waist. “It’s okay.”
With a deep breath, I gestured toward the small kitchen table. “Sit down. We have something to tell you.”
Wary, Hannah slid into one of the chairs and set her coffee down. I took the seat across from her, and James sat to my left, his hand finding mine the second I was no longer holding my own mug. “James is a vampire,” I blurted.
“Wow, way to ease her into it, love,” James snickered.
“Shut up! I’ve never done this before!”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Hannah interjected, redirecting my attention. “Can you repeat that please? Because it sounded like you just said ‘James is a vampire.’”
“That’s exactly what I said.”
The silence seemed to bounce off the walls, rebounding and slamming into me, ringing my ears. The words lingered between us like a bomb detonating in slow motion. I couldn’t bring myself to meet her eyes yet. I felt them boring a hole through me, but I couldn’t move.
“Ryder?”
“Hm?”
“Look at me.”
Slowly, I raised my head. Hannah was watching me with a concerned expression. She scanned my face as if looking for any sign that I was messing with her. She didn’t find one. Aside from James, I could typically lie my way out of anything. This , however, I couldn’t make up if I tried. The last thing I wanted to be doing was sitting in front of my daughter and telling her that my boyfriend was a vampire. It had become a part of everyday life for us, but in telling Hannah, we’d burst our happy little supernatural bubble.
“You’re not joking,” Hannah finally said. I could only s hake my head. Seeming to sense that I wasn’t ready to continue, she said, “Did you just find out?”
“No, I found out pretty early on.”
“So last year when you caught me and Kian and accused us of being drunk, you?—”
“Didn’t know,” James finished, jumping in to defend me. “He found out after that, Hannah.”
Hannah sat back in her seat and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “So, why are you telling me now?”
Attempting to find courage in my coffee, I picked it up and took a drink, letting the warmth—and James’s hand—ground me in the moment. “I’ve had a year now to settle into dating someone who’s… not human. We knew we couldn’t keep it a secret forever.”
Hannah traced the rim of her mug, contemplating her response. I wasn’t sure what I expected, but it sure as hell wasn’t, “Okay.”
I flinched as if I’d been hit. “Okay?” I echoed.
“Mmhmm.” Hannah sipped her coffee. “I mean, I can accuse you of being drunk and delusional if you’d prefer a different reaction. Besides, for all I know, I’ve passed out watching Buffy and this is all a dream.”
“I could pinch you if you want,” I offered, and nearly choked on a mouthful of coffee at the glare that earned me.
“I dare you to try.”
“Do you have any questions for me?” James asked.
Hannah pursed her lips over her cup. “Of course I do. You can’t drop that you’re a vampire on a girl and not expect a question.”
He spread his hands. “I’m an open book.”
She sat forward, an eager look in her eyes. “Is that why you love the classics? Did you know Charles Dickens? We’re studying A Tale of Two Cities in class, and… ”
And just like that, she and James fell into an easy conversation over their shared love of classic literature. I nursed my drink while I listened. Her reaction felt almost too good to be true, but I wasn’t about to question it. It was enough to take my mind off everything, and that was exactly what I needed. That fist around my lungs loosened its grip, and by the time the coffee was gone, I felt relaxed enough to leave.
We respectfully declined an invitation for lunch—Kian was on his way home and I wasn’t ready to face him yet—and Hannah gave us both rib-crushing hugs as we left.
“Don’t be a stranger,” she whispered in my ear. “You’re always welcome here.”
I pressed a kiss to the top of her hair. “Just give me a heads up if I have to face your mother,” I quipped, earning a slap to my chest.
Utterly exhausted, I was grateful that James was driving. Though he remained silent for the most part, it was charged, like there was something he wanted to say—but I had no desire to push. I could barely summon the energy to walk through my front door, and it seemed as if the moment I stepped through it, every ounce of stress from throughout the day crashed into me. My head hurt, and my body ached.
I let Carlos outside, then leaned against the door frame to wait for him; I didn’t trust my legs to hold me anymore. I stiffened when James wrapped his arms around me from behind, then forced myself to relax. What the hell was wrong with me? Two days ago I could hardly keep my hands off him. I didn’t so much melt into his touch as flop, and the kiss he pressed to the back of my skin only irritated me where it would normally have me arching my neck for more. “I’ll make you something to eat.”
“I’m not hungry.” I attempted to soften my next words by leaning into his touch and letting him kiss me again. I sighed, frustrated. I was on edge, and I didn’t know why, much less how to fix it. “Why don’t you go home? I won’t be good company tonight.”
“You shouldn’t be alone.”
“Don’t tell me what I need, James!” I snapped, the words coming out too hostile. I immediately regretted my tone, but I lowered my voice and doubled down. I could already feel my walls building up again. “I just want some space, please. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I didn’t turn around. Not when he hesitated, not when his arms slipped from around me, not even when he kissed my cheek again. I couldn’t bear to see the hurt in his eyes as I pushed him away.
“Okay.”
I let out a deep sigh when the front door closed, rubbing away the ache in my chest. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so close to punching something. Probably when Erin served me those termination papers.
It took too long to get Carlos inside, wearing my patience down further. By the time I fed him and set up the pointless baby gate—he could easily clear the damn thing—it was all I could do to undress and collapse into bed.