Chapter 11
I tossed and turned all night. I’d doze off, jolting awake less than an hour later in a cold sweat with my heart threatening to beat right out of my chest.
Somewhere around three in the morning, I started to think that James was right: maybe I shouldn’t be alone. But I was too proud to call him, so I suffered. I suffered hard.
The blanket was too hot. Kicking it off made me too cold. I flipped my pillow around—nothing helped. My thoughts cycled in a noose-like spiral, and damn it if I didn’t want James next to me every time a panic attack struck. Just when I thought I had a handle on my emotions, my chest would tighten again. I hadn’t slept properly since Kian stayed over. It was almost as if someone—or maybe the universe—had it out for me.
When my alarm went off early the next afternoon, I fought the urge to hurl my phone across the room. I moved through my routine on autopilot, barely stopping to think when I showed up at the bar for my shift. I didn’t even remember driving there. It took me three tries to enter the right code into the keypad, and wh en I finally pulled the back door open, it was with more force than necessary.
Shiloh jolted from their position at the register when I stormed into the room. “You look like you’ve been to hell and back,” they commented, resuming their counting.
“Careful, Shi Baby—flattery will get you everywhere.” When they didn’t respond to my brilliant quip, I plastered on an enormous grin and slowly leaned into their field of vision obnoxiously.
They squirmed and shoved my face away. “You’ll make me lose my place! I’ve already started over three times.”
It had only been a few days, but more of Shi’s personality was beginning to show through—and I loved it.
I lifted myself onto the countertop next to them, swinging my feet and staying quiet while they counted. “What are you doing here so early?” I asked when they finished.
“Couldn’t sleep.” Shi slammed the drawer shut nearly as hard as I had the back door. Even they winced at the noise.
“That makes two of us,” I mumbled. “Want to talk about it?”
They scoffed. “Why? So I can distract you from your own problems?”
“Yeah, actually, that’d be great.”
They gave me the side-eye, but I caught the ghost of a smile across their lips. “I should. It might make me feel better. But I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Uh oh, now there’s two of us who avoid our problems. Poor James.” I felt a sudden, familiar pang in my chest. I groaned, pushing the heels of my hands into my eyes.
“Well, I guess I know what your grief is about. What’d you do?”
I feigned offense. “How do you know it was me?” Shi shot me a pointed look. I sighed. “I’m dealing with a family thing, and he ’s been helping me with it. I was a total dick to him last night.”
“Let me guess: he didn’t deserve it.”
“None of it.”
As if on cue, the back door opened and shut again, signaling James’s arrival. Shi dropped their voice. “Looks like you’ve got some apologizing to do. I’m going next door to grab some coffee. You want anything?”
I shook my head but thanked them anyway, and they walked toward the door. “Shi?” They stopped short of the hallway and turned back. “You know you can talk to either of us if you need to, right?”
A small smile teased at the corners of Shiloh’s mouth. Small, but genuine. “Thanks Ryder.”
With that, they were gone. I stayed perched on the bar while James bustled around his office. I didn’t need to seek him out to make myself known—he knew I was there. Part of me groused at the fact that he was keeping me waiting, but I deserved it. My heart had been pounding since he opened the back door, and it continued until I heard the office open and shut. Despite the palpable tension between us, James’s eyes lit up when he rounded the corner and his gaze landed on me. “Hi.”
Instead of answering, I hopped off the bar and stepped into his space, grabbing him around his waist and molding into my spot in the crook of his neck. His arms closed around me.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to the sensitive skin on his collarbone. His grip tightened on my shoulders.
“I know. I don’t hold it against you.”
“I was an asshole.”
“I expected nothing less.”
I reared my head back to glare at him. “What do you mean by that? ”
James smiled, and it calmed my racing heart. “I can’t exactly expect you to know what to do at all times, can I?”
I swallowed. “Guess not.”
“And I need to be sensitive to the fact that this is new for you without the added stress from the bond.” He combed his fingers through my hair, guiding my head back down to rest on him. “I’m sorry I was so clingy.”
“You wanting to be with me shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Maybe not, but I need to learn that there will be times where you want to be alone. Even if you didn’t realize it, you’d been telling me all day that you needed your space. I didn’t listen.”
“So much for supersonic hearing,” I muttered into his shoulder.
“Ah, there’s my smartass.”
“Am I forgiven?”
“Hm, not quite yet.”
Smirking, I pulled back to meet his eyes again. The chocolate irises swirled red, mimicking the smooth mahogany of the bar top next to us. He bit his lip, his gaze darting down to my mouth. I gave him a quick peck—only to grunt in surprise. His hands shot to my neck to hold me in place, crushing my mouth with his. I melted under his touch, leaning into him for support as he angled his head to deepen the kiss. The tips of our tongues met briefly, then he pulled away, leaving me hungry for more.
“Now you’re forgiven,” he whispered.
“Maybe you can ‘forgive’ me some more later?”
A sharp pinch to my ass made me yelp. “If you behave.”
“Don’t tease me like that.” I gave him another kiss that he broke off way too early.
“Shi could return any second,” he said, pulling away and moving for the hall. “Do you want to get caught again?”
“That was your fault. You knew they were coming and didn’t stop m e.” Though the idea of being caught had me squirming on the spot. What can I say? I’d always been a show-off.
“Oh, shit,” he muttered, stopping in his tracks. No doubt it was the stutter of my heart that tipped him off. Glancing up, I saw him looking at me over his shoulder, lust-filled eyes blazing. “You do want to get caught.”
I shrugged and threw out my best grin. “Sue me.”
“I won’t, but Shiloh might.”
“Who’s suing who?” Shiloh called, returning from their coffee run with a drink in one hand and some chocolate-covered monstrosity in the other.
“No one, because Ryder is going to learn to behave.”
“Ha! I’ll believe that when I see it.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Are you two teaming up against me now?”
James opened his mouth to speak, but Shi beat him to it. “Aw. You mad, Clark?”
My jaw dropped. “Who are you and what have you done with Shi Baby?”
Shiloh laughed, disappearing into the kitchen.
James looked… proud . “I knew they’d find their voice someday,” he said, shrugging off my glare. “With you around, people don’t have a choice.” He playfully shoved my shoulder, kicking me out of whatever trance I’d been in.
I moved closer to James. I told myself it was so Shi wouldn’t overhear me, but that was a total lie. The clanging of dishes from the back let me know that they wouldn’t be hearing a word we’d say. I just wanted to be closer to him— needed to be closer. His arm snaked around my waist as if it belonged there. I felt strangely vulnerable after spending the night alone, and I hated that more than feeling smothered.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated.
“Are we stocking up on apologies—hey! ”
I’d smacked his chest, and he was rubbing the spot dramatically. “That didn’t even hurt,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I should have cleared it with you before I told Hannah about you.”
James shrugged. “I’m not upset, love. But why are you bringing this up now?”
“Because it’s time to tell Kian, but every single person that we tell only adds to the risk.”
James weighed his options. Neither of us were under any illusion that the hunters had given up merely because we’d foiled Dani and Luke. As his thumb rubbed the same spot on my back, I fought the urge to wriggle out of his grip. Touching me clearly brought him comfort, and I didn’t want to interrupt his train of thought.
“I appreciate you wanting to protect me,” he finally whispered, “but I think it would be better to tell Kian the truth. He’s already had so much kept from him that it might backfire on you otherwise.”
“What if?—”
“Shh, love. Don’t overthink it.” James pressed his lips to my forehead and I closed my eyes, savoring the feeling. “We will cross that bridge when we come to it. Kian came to you for help. You promised Luke you’d take care of him.”
“A promise to Luke isn’t as important as your safety.”
“I’m a big, scary vampire,” he said, dropping his tone even more. “I’ve beaten death so many times I’m on a first name basis with the Grim Reaper. I think I can take it.”
I bit my lip, but James pulled it free. “Come on, love. Don’t deny me that gorgeous smile.”
Damn him . Heat crept under my collar and my grin tugged at the corners of my mouth. “You’re sure you’re ready for this? Ready for me to start telling the world that,” I took in a deep breath, “my boyfriend’s a vampire?”
James shook his head. “No, I’m not ready. But it seems like it’s supposed to happen this way, so I’ll stand by your side no matter what.”
I leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. “Thank you for offering to risk your life so I don’t have to lie to my daughter’s boyfriend.”
“I’d do anything for you, love. You know that.” My stomach flipped, and I ignored how much I liked hearing him say that. “Would you help Shiloh with the prep, please?”
Meaningless prep work seemed to be exactly what I needed to get my mind off of things. “Happy to.”
James retreated to the office, and Shiloh joined me behind the bar. I looked over and snickered. “You’ve got chocolate all over your face.”
They reached for a napkin—and wiped the wrong side of their mouth. God, they were adorable. “Other side.”
With flushed cheeks, they scrubbed at the spot, then looked at me inquisitively.
“Almost.”
They hesitated, then handed the napkin over in defeat. “Help?”
I took the napkin with a smirk and softly brushed the spot they had missed. Their skin was so soft, not like James’s rigid muscles at all. Realizing how close our faces were to each other, I hurriedly wiped the smudge away. “Was that your breakfast?”
They shrugged. “It’s no sticky bun, but it’ll do.”
I grabbed a lime and placed it on the cutting board. “What the hell is a sticky— ow !”
The blade missed the fruit and sliced clean down my finger instead. I cursed, grabbing the nearest towel to stem the flow of blood.
“Are you okay?” Shi asked, white as a ghost.
“Squeamish, Shi Baby?” I managed, though the cut hurt like hell. They glared at me, and I sobered. I peeked behind the towel. “I’ll be fine, but I need to clean it.”
“Should I go get James?”
“Absolutely not. I’ll clean this up, bandage it, and I’ll be right back.” I indicated the mess behind me on the bar top. “Don’t touch that. I’ll handle it.”
Shi nodded, and I went to the kitchen to grab the first aid kit, knowing that James would’ve smelled the blood before I even felt the pain. Sure enough, he was waiting for me. I sighed. “I’m fine. It just needs to be washed.”
“You’re right. I have something in my office that’ll help.” And something told me he didn’t mean antibiotic cream.
I didn’t bother protesting. James tugged me behind him, out of the kitchen, and across to his office. The door barely shut before he flung the towel to the floor and sucked my finger into his mouth. I suppressed an immediate moan, squirming on the spot. He pulled off, cursing when my finger still bled. With one hand, he reached back and undid his chain, letting it fall to the floor between us. On the second try, I bit down on my tongue, using the various sources of pain as a distraction from the erotic way James’s tongue swirled around the cut on my finger. When it still wasn’t healed to his liking on the second try, I tried to jerk my hand out of his grip.
“I’m going to come in my pants if you don’t stop.”
He sucked, hard, releasing my finger with a pop and finally the cut was sealed, already fading to a light pink. James peered up at me, crooking a brow. “Is there anything that doesn’t turn you on?”
“Not much.”
He gave me a filthy look, then went to his desk and produced a roll of dressing. “I’ll wrap it so no one gets suspicious. Why don’t you chill in here for a while? I think Shi and I can handle it. ”
Skeptical, I cocked a brow at him. “You trying to get rid of me?”
“Just the opposite. I’m trying to keep you, which means I need you to stay sane—and in one piece.”
James was right: I was stressed to say the least. I had boyfriend stress, kid stress, and now my kid’s boyfriend stress. “The bar’s covered in blood.”
With a glint in his eye, James said, “A little blood doesn’t bother me, love.”
I still hesitated, my hand held tightly in his. My finger brushed an edge of the bandage that was sticking out. “You’re sure?”
“Yes, love. I promise I’ll come get you if it gets crazy.”
“Thank you.”
I went back to the bar to make sure I hadn’t left anything behind, only to find that the area had already been cleaned. Shiloh, green in the face, was sanitizing the bench. “You okay?” they asked.
“Think a little scratch is enough to take me out?” I teased. “I’m fine. Just taking some time to let it rest. Don’t miss me too much.” I accepted the kiss James pressed to my cheek and turned for the office.
“Oh, I’ll be happy to ignore you some more later.”
Two minutes later, I was settled into my corner of the couch with Dracula in my lap—and I was still grinning.