Coming soon… #3
“Do not apologize for me,” Jacob says. He is so pissed off that his face has gone beetroot red and he looks like he might actually kill me. He storms out of the office, not waiting for me. I follow him, because what else can I do? My legs are numb, and my cheeks are hot with shame.
All I can think about is what Jacob is going to have to say about this when we’re alone.
Chapter Three
Lily
Jacob is already halfway down the steps, his shoes pounding against the concrete, his body tense like a drawn bow.
I trail after him, my stomach somehow both tight and yet swirling, dread pressing like a cinder block on my chest. He doesn’t say a word to me until we reach the car. Then he spins around so fast that I nearly walk into him.
“What the fuck, Lily?”
I flinch. He’s not yelling yet, but often I find he is at his most dangerous when his anger simmers quietly beneath the surface like this.
And I know that anger is there, just waiting to burst free.
I can hear it in his tone, his words razor sharp, his voice vibrating with fury.
His beautiful face is twisted, turning him from handsome to downright terrifying.
His eyes catch the light, and it makes them look like they are actually burning with rage.
His mouth is set in a thin, bitter line, and his eyebrows are drawn together in a frown so deep it makes him look almost like a cartoon villain.
But there is nothing funny about this look.
This look means one thing and one thing only.
Trouble for me. I have to try and make him see that this whole mix up isn’t my fault.
I mean it’s not like I wouldn’t remember getting married. Right?
I push away the quick flash of my friend group’s drunken weekend in Las Vegas to celebrate our graduation.
Yes, we all did get quite drunk, and the weekend is mostly a blur, but surely, I would remember something that important.
Besides, even drunk, Cole White is the last person I would have married.
If it had been for a laugh, it would have been with Ricky or James. Not Cole. Never Cole.
“It’s not my fault…I didn’t… I swear …” I stutter out.
It’s hardly the rational explanation I was going for, but he’s putting me on edge, and I can’t think straight.
“You didn’t know you were married?” he scoffs, like it’s the most absurd lie he’s ever heard. “Are you actually this stupid? Or are you just trying to humiliate me?”
“I’m not trying to …” I trail off and get my thoughts together and start again. “Jacob, I’m not married to him. I never was and I never would have married him. Something must have gone wrong with the system like Janine said, or …"
“Of course it did,” he says, cutting me off, mockery lacing every word. “Poor little Lily. It’s never your fault, is it? There’s always some mistake, some glitch, some other person’s doing.”
I feel my throat tightening. “This isn’t fair Jacob.”
“Fair?” he demands. “Fair?” He laughs, but it’s a humorless laugh, cold and scratchy. “What’s not fair is me wasting months planning a wedding to a woman who apparently signed some drunken marriage certificate with another guy five years ago and then just casually forgot about it.”
“I didn’t,” I almost shout. The words burst out before I can stop them. “I never even touched Cole White.”
Jacob steps in close, too close. And I know now he’s mad because I dared to snap back at him as well as because of the situation.
I instantly regret snapping at him. I can smell his aftershave as he gets in my face.
It is sharp, chemical, and suffocating. As he berates me further, tiny specks of spittle hit my face, but I don’t dare to reach up to wipe them away.
I just stand there, take it, hate myself for being so weak.
“Do you honestly expect me to believe that? You were such a little whore in college. God knows what else you did.”
“What?” I say, shocked. Calling me a whore is a new low, even for him.
“You heard me,” he says.
He pulls open the car door and throws himself into the driver’s seat.
I hesitate, then make my way around the car and climb into the passenger seat slowly.
I don’t want to get into the car with Jacob, but what choice do I have?
I have nowhere else to go but back to our apartment and I will be in more trouble if I refuse to get into the car and make my own way home.
My hands tremble in my lap. The silence between us is as thick as tar. Jacob slams his palm against the steering wheel, and I flinch.
“God damn it, Lily. Do you know how fucking stupid this makes me look? To my family? To everyone?”
“I didn’t do it on purpose,” I whisper.
“You didn’t do it,” he snaps. “Because you’re so fucking incompetent you didn’t even notice your own goddamn marriage certificate. Who does that? Who forgets they have a husband?”
I stare down at my thighs, where my hands are clenched into fists.
I don’t know what to say. My skin feels too tight for my body, and I want to cry but I know if I do, Jacob will say I’m using tears to manipulate him and that will only piss him off more.
He leans back in his seat, rubbing his hand over his mouth.
“You are unbelievable. This is so like you.”
I feel the tears burn in the corners of my eyes. I blink rapidly, but it’s too late. A single tear escapes and runs silently down my cheek.
“Oh, great. Now you’re crying,” he says, his voice dripping with disdain, just like I knew it would. “Because you’re the victim, right?”
I look out the window, willing myself not to sob, wishing I was anywhere but here.
“Honestly,” he says after a beat. “You should be grateful someone like me even wants to marry you.”
I freeze. Here it comes. The words that will cut me open as sure as a blade.
“I mean, look at you,” he says, and he gestures vaguely in my direction. “You’re not exactly a catch, Lily. You could do with losing a good few of those extra pounds. You need to sort that frizzy hair you can’t figure out, and let’s not even start to talk about the way you dress.”
I turn my head sharply away so that he won’t see the rest of the tears spill out. They fall anyway.
“But I’ve stayed,” he continues.
Wow. My fucking hero.
“I’ve stayed because I’m loyal,” he continues. “Because I believe in commitment. Even when it’s hard. Even when you make it really hard.”
A shudder wracks through me, but he’s not done.
“And it’s not just about how you look. It’s the way you never think things through. You’re always floating around in your own little world, forgetting the important stuff. You know, like maybe checking if you are already married before you walk into a registrar’s office.”
“Stop,” I whisper. My voice is hoarse, and my throat feels like it’s about to close up.
“What?” he demands. “You want me to stop? You don’t like the truth?”
“No,” I say, still staring out the window. “I just don’t want to hear you say it like that.”
He exhales, the sound long and loud, and then he slumps back into the seat like he’s the one who’s been hurt. “Jesus. I didn’t mean it like that. You’re so sensitive.”
I refuse to agree with him, but I don’t have it in me to try and argue the point and so I keep quiet yet again.
The silence stretches out between us, finally broken only when Jacob reaches out and turns the key in the car’s ignition and starts the engine, but he doesn’t drive off yet.
Instead, he turns to me. He reaches out and takes hold of my chin with his fingers, pulling my head around so I have no choice but to look at him.
His expression is softening, and when he speaks again, his voice is suddenly gentler.
“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I don’t respond. Part of me wants to just tell him it’s ok, say I’m being stupid and get it over with, but from nowhere, an inner strength washes over me and tells me not to let him off so easily.
“I’m just angry. No, not angry. Disappointed. I was really looking forward to today, Lily. I had everything planned. And now we’re in limbo because of you and this guy.”
His eyes are wide, wounded. Manipulative bastard.
“Come on,” he murmurs. “You know I love you, right? I wouldn’t say that stuff if I didn’t care. I’m just being honest with you. Would you rather I lie to you?”
I shake my head mutely, knowing I have to come around eventually. He reaches over and brushes a thumb across my cheek.
“I just want us to have a good life together. I want you to be the best version of yourself. Don’t you think I deserve that from you? Don’t you want that too?”
I nod, letting go of the mini rebellion for now. It feels like the safest answer. Jacob smiles then, like it’s all been fixed.
“Then let’s get this sorted and call that woman first thing tomorrow. We’ll get that paperwork cleared, and then we’ll do the wedding properly. Maybe even bigger than we have planned. Fancier.”
My stomach twists. I picture that aisle again, the white dress, the bouquet. Only this time, the dread is stronger, deeper, more permanent. A heavy chain wrapping tighter around my ribs.
Because now I know for sure I have no one else.
Not really. And Jacob is right, although not for the reasons he asserts.
Who else would want to marry me right now when I’m so pliant, so pathetic?
I need to find that rebellious streak that came over me for a moment and hold onto it with both hands, because whatever comes next, I feel like I’m going to need it.
Chapter Four
Lily
Back at the apartment, Jacob is sulking in front of the TV.
The air in the room feels thick, like something is simmering beneath the surface and I know if I sit with him, more insults will rain down upon me.
I decide to go through to our bedroom and stay in there while I try to figure out whether or not I am actually married.