Chapter 22 – Kat
TWENTY-TWO
KAT
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Jenna asks across the table as we sit in the corner of Rosie’s.
She’s been prying about spring break since we returned to campus, and while I did tell her that Elijah’s parents found me in bed with him, I didn’t elaborate about how that went. I’m a bit surprised she didn’t hear them yelling, but regardless, I’d rather not relive it by telling her.
Well, that and even I know Elijah’s response to the situation doesn’t make him look good.
When did I become this person? Hiding stuff to maintain his reputation; to ensure our shared friends still respect him . I’m so mad at him right now, but I have to hide it because I don’t want Jenna to resent him. I want this to work—this has to work.
If it doesn’t work, then what was all of this for? If this doesn’t work out, I’m stuck floundering without a clue as to how I got here and with nothing to show for it. I’m aware I went back in time, but with every passing day, I remember that fact less and less. If I don’t make this work, I’m repeating it all for nothing.
I just wish Elijah felt the same way. Based on how he’s been acting the past three weeks, I’m getting less and less optimistic.
At one point, we saw each other at least a few times a week, but I’ve only seen him twice since our return from South Carolina. And even then…it was weird.
“Nothing to tell,” I reiterate to Jenna. “I told you, they found me in bed with him.” I stir my pop with my straw, averting my gaze even as she tries to catch my eye.
“Yes…” Jenna snaps her fingers in front of my face in an attempt to grab my attention. I look at her, but it’s at best a glare. “You told me they found you naked. But that’s embarrassing—it doesn’t explain how you’ve been since we got back. I’m worried about you. Have you even been going to class?”
I’ll be honest, I’ve spent most days in bed until at least one in the afternoon. She’s not too far off about me missing classes, but all of my professors have been more than accommodating—mostly because I lied about a family emergency. I do feel bad about that, especially after Professor Augusta opened up about how hard it was for him when his grandmother passed.
“Yes, I’ve been going to class.” The lie rolls off my tongue, but I know Jenna doesn’t believe a word I’m saying. She’s gone from spending every night at Marcus’s to almost always coming home before bed. I’d like to think it’s because she just wants to hang out, but I know it’s because she’s worried.
Luckily, she doesn’t try to push me about the obvious lie. “Have you and Elijah talked?” she asks.
“Here and there,” I say as I push my hash browns around on my plate. Once my favorite breakfast side dish, they now just sicken me.
I don’t get it. My high school boyfriend broke up with me after two years and I barely batted an eye, but Elijah avoids me for a couple of weeks and I’m in full meltdown mode.
“Kat.”
I look up. “What?”
“You know you can talk to me, right?”
“Of course I know that.”
“Then why aren’t you?” she demands, her eyes locked on mine in a way that makes it nearly impossible to look away. “I’m worried about you.”
Guilt washes over me. “I’m sorry I’ve been worrying you. It’s not that I don’t feel like I can talk to you, I just haven’t wanted to talk.” The pain that blooms in her expression doesn’t go unnoticed and my stomach knots. “I promise if I need to talk, I’ll talk to you. Okay?”
She nods before looking away. My eyes follow her gaze to find Tanner over at the kiosk, ordering food. He doesn’t seem to notice us as he inspects the menu, the weekly specials offering plenty to choose from.
I look down at my food, pushing it around the plate. I don’t have the energy to be pleasant, even with Tanner.
“Did this fight between you and Elijah have anything to do with Tanner?” Jenna asks, noticing me staring.
While I wouldn’t necessarily call it a fight, I understand why she would deduce that.
Or is it a fight?
He won’t return my texts; he avoids conversation when he can…did we get into a fight and I just di dn’t realize it?
If anyone has a right to be mad right now, it’s me, and yet he still manages to make me feel like I messed up.
“No… Why would you think that?”
Jenna shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe Elijah figured out that Tanner has been pining after you all year. I don’t know.”
“He hasn’t been pining . We’re friends. He’s a good friend—that’s it.”
Rolling her eyes, Jenna again glances at Tanner, who is now walking to the counter to grab his food. “Tanner!” she yells, waving her hand.
He walks over to us with his tray in his hands. “Hey guys,” he says with a grin. I don’t miss the way his gaze pauses on me before he turns his attention to Jenna. “What’s up?”
“Nothing, I just thought you might want to sit with us.”
I think about what Jenna said. Tanner has not been pining after me. Sure, I knew he was interested when we met, but once I told him I wasn’t interested, he let it go. He’s a great friend and that’s what I need right now. I don’t need another man in my life toying with my emotions.
Tanner sits down next to me. If he notices that my eyes are puffy and that I’ve been wearing this sweatshirt for three days, he doesn’t mention it. He simply shoots me a grin before saying, “You look pretty,” without an inkling of sarcasm in his words.
I’ll admit, I’m a bit taken aback by his compliment, mostly because I know it couldn’t be further from the truth. Despite this, I smile and say, “Thank you.”
Tanner nods before turning back to look at Jenna. “Do you by chance have the notes from Global Architectural History from Tuesday? I think I might be going crazy because I can’t find the file on my laptop.”
“Yeah, I can email it to you.”
A laugh crawls up my throat for the first time in days. “Why are you taking Global Architectural History?” I ask Jenna.
She shrugs. “It counts toward my fine arts requirement and I figured Marcus could help me with it.”
“I guess that makes sense,” I respond before sticking my fork into my hash browns and lifting it to my lips.
“So, what’s your excuse for taking Survey of Rock Music History last semester?” Tanner raises a brow.
A grin crests on my lips. I set my fork down. “It sounded fun.”
“Exactly.”
I roll my eyes and reach for my fork again, this time taking a bite and surprisingly not feeling like it’s the most disgusting thing on the planet.
The rest of our meal goes by in a significantly less depressing manner. We discuss finals coming up, Flash Fest next weekend, and how the semester seems to be getting away from all of us.
After spring break in Myrtle Beach—if you’d even call it that since we were there for less than a day—the entire group has been rather quiet. While it was beyond traumatizing for me, I know that having Elijah’s parents show up as mad as they were shook everyone up a little bit. I just wish it hadn’t shaken Elijah to the point of barely talking to me.
It’s not like I did anything. We were both there, yet it’s like he’s punishing me for it.
Every time I try to see him, he has an excuse, and that’s only when he responds. Most of my texts go unanswered these days, but the conversations that we do have leave me unable to let go.
My stomach feels way better now that I’ve eaten, my now-empty plate a welcome reminder that not everything is bad all the time. Except for the bacon—that was rubbery as sin.
“Here,” Tanner says. He grabs my tray and walks it over to the trash can.
Jenna stares at me.
I pin her with a glare. “No.”
“Why not?” she asks.
“Because I’m with Elijah.”
“Are you, though?” She winces as her words come out, like she didn’t intend to say it. As if her thoughts just tumble out without preamble. And yet…she’s got a point.
I’ve spent so much of this past school year trying desperately to make things work with Elijah, but now I realize that we’ve never actually had a conversation about what we are. I mean, we were together most days for a long time, but recently it almost feels like he is expecting it to just fade away. You don’t ghost a real relationship, so where does that leave us?
I refuse to breathe life into that possibility, so I just continue to glare at Jenna. “Yes.”
Tanner reappears next to me, grabbing his backpack off the back of his chair. “I just noticed the time; I have a class in Taylor Hall in fifteen. I’ll text you later, okay?” He looks down at me with anticipation.
“Okay,” I respond quietly.
Tanner says goodbye to Jenna and hurries out of the diner.
Jenna gives me another look.
“Shut up,” I growl.