Chapter 16
Nantes
Back at my house, the two of us flop down on the couch. It’s still reasonably early, all things considered, but after last night I could stand to go to bed early.
“Tonight was nice,” Vanian says. “It felt like old times, but better.”
“Better how?”
“Now I know enough to appreciate it even more.” He turns his head in my direction. “Dinner felt like a date to me. Not just friends hanging out.”
Before I can say anything, he scrunches his nose.
“Sorry. That was supposed to stay an inside thought.”
“Why?”
Vanian shrugs. “I don’t know. It just seems fruitless to say things like that out loud. We both know I have to go home at some point.”
As his words linger, I try to make sense of them. “Is there some reason you wouldn’t want to?”
He scoffs, leaning his head back and gazing up at the ceiling. “That’s a dumb question, Nan.”
“Is it? Just because you’ve had an awakening of sorts doesn’t mean I would assume it’s more than just some experimental fun for you. That’s kind of how it goes with straight guys.”
Vanian gives me a hard look. “Is that all you think I am? Just some random straight guy getting his kicks?”
Yes?
“Listen, I know we grew apart, but obviously, the connection we always had never faded. I have every intention of keeping you in my life from now on. You’re not just experimental fun for me. Frankly, it kind of stings to hear you say that.”
“I’m sorry, Vanian. I didn’t mean it like that. Maybe it’s just my self-preservation kicking in.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t want to get hurt, okay? I don’t want to lose you again.”
Understanding settles in his eyes and he nods. “Right. You think I’m going to hurt you.”
“Not on purpose, but I think you might unintentionally. I’m a gay man, Vanian. I have the capacity to fall in love and have a relationship with a man.”
“And you think I don’t?”
“Two days ago you were a hundred percent straight. It’s not unreasonable to think you might not shift to actually dating men because you got off with one once. Be for real.”
Vanian opens his mouth, then snaps it shut before rising to his feet and crossing the room to look out the front picture window. I’m worried I hurt his feelings, but I’ve got more experience with this topic, and it’s only fair to be honest.
“You’ve been hurt,” he says, calmly and softly. “And you could forget those past hurts, but not if it were me. We’d lose what we have now.”
“Exactly.”
“So you don’t mind fucking around, but you’ll keep your heart out of it. You’ll keep me at arm’s length, just in case.”
It sounds so harsh, but it’s the truth, so I simply nod in acknowledgment.
“Okay.” Vanian exhales slowly. “I understand. I got way ahead of myself. I just assumed that…” His words trail off as he shakes his shoulders out. “We’re good.”
“Are we?”
“Yeah. Even if we had a chance for more, I wouldn’t make a good partner for you. Or anyone, honestly.”
“That’s a ridiculous thing to say. You’re a catch.”
“You don’t actually know that. You’re basing it on your image of me from when I was a teen and two days of knowing me as an adult. You don’t really know me anymore.”
He has a point. “Fair, but usually if someone is a total asshole, that would show up pretty quickly.”
“I didn’t say I was an asshole.” He crosses the room and sits next to me again. “I said I wouldn’t make a good partner. My life is more complicated than you’d think.”
“How? I’m not trying to sell myself here, but I would like to understand why you think that.”
Vanian drags his gaze away and focuses on his hands resting in his lap. “It’s not something I can really explain.”
“Try.” I put my hand over his, and he looks up at me. “You can tell me anything; you know that. I won’t judge you. I never could.”
Vanian searches my eyes, and in his, I see flashes of tormented secrets. I know him well enough to know he wants to tell me, but he’s afraid of my reaction.
I lift his hand and kiss it. “You can trust me.”
Instead of speaking, he lunges forward and presses his lips to mine.
Within seconds, we dissolve into a heated kiss, Vanian pushing me back and climbing on top of me as our tongues wind together.
His weight on me is delicious, his kiss sensual, and for a guy who just realized his possible bisexuality, he sure is into it.
But he’s also avoiding the conversation. Doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. I could push him away and force the talk, but those thoughts quickly fade as I lose myself in his touch. His cock swells, digging into my thigh, and I desperately want to touch it, get my mouth on it, taste his cum.
Vanian roughly grips my hip, grinding our bodies together as he tears his mouth from my lips and moves to my neck. He kisses and sucks the tender flesh there, bucking into me.
“I want to tie you up and fuck you for days,” he whispers, biting my earlobe. “I want to discover all the ways I can make you scream for me.”
“Fuck.” I moan, clawing his shoulders. “Please do that.”
“I will, gorgeous.” His hands slide under my shirt. “Your skin is soft.”
I rub against him like an animal in heat, frustrated by the lack of contact between us.
“Ooh, you know what would be really hot?” He drags his tongue up the column of my neck. “I could tie you up and let the vibrator drain you over and over again, make your hole so fucking needy for me, until you’d literally beg for my cock to finish you off.”
My stomach flips and my balls tighten. “God, yes.”
Vanian tears at my jeans, practically ripping them open. He reaches in, grabbing my swollen cock and gently squeezing it.
“Is it weird to you?”
His brow creases. “What?”
“Touching a dick that isn’t yours.”
He shakes his head. “Not weird. Exciting. New.” He reaches farther down and tickles my hole with his fingertip. “Want to get in there.”
“You can fuck me, Van. You can do anything you want to me.”
We stop kissing and everything else and just gaze into each other’s eyes. Slowly, a smile spreads across his lips, and before I can ask, he’s tugging my jeans to my ankles and kneeling between my legs. He looks down at my hard, leaking cock, exhales slowly, then looks up at me again.
“I want to suck your cock.”
Far be it from me to block a man from his goals.