07. Perish the Thought
Shade
DAY TWELVE
“Please stop!”
Tera’s voice sounds muffled. Probably a pillow over her face.
“Hang up, angel,” I hear Asher suggest in a furious tone.
“ Wait! ” I yell furiously, getting a lot of attention on the street. It’s four in the fucking morning, no one should be out. My schedule is all out of whack now that I’m hunting for South.
The line has gone dead.
I call back.
“ Enough ,” Asher’s voice is enraged. “If you call her again, I will bury you, Shade.”
“Ask her to set up a meeting and I’ll stop,” I return in a flat voice.
“You’re lucky she loves you.” His gritted tooth response makes me want to break my phone. Or him.
His voice gets muffled and they talk back and forth for a second before Asher gets back on.
“She says she’ll try. Now go to sleep, son .”
I can’t. I miss her and I’ve lost it. The need to reconnect with her is more intense than my relationship with the twins. How fucked up is that?
It brings home to me what I started figuring out in month two of my self-imposed isolation. They were a crutch. They were interested. They talked to me and kept the loneliness at bay. But they never saw me. They never listened. They didn’t want to. For them it was sex. I wanted more. So much more.
I had no idea that something more soul crushing was out there. Something that felt as easy as breathing even without words. The loss of it is eviscerating me.
The feelings I thought I had for them is nothing like when I follow South. When I feel her watching me. I want that back, not the fake as fuck version I had. She’s too intense for it to be fake.
Three words and she listened.
I wasted over six years on useless bullshit instead of waiting for her.
This is fucked up.
I know it is.
Dr. Robinson said it is.
I can’t stop. I don’t want to. Nothing is the way it was before now that I know what real attention feels like. Even Tera’s doting affection doesn’t compare.
I want her back. Now .