The Villain

12. Closer to You

South

Tera: Oh my gosh. He’s in such a good mood!

The amount of heart and laughing emojis that follow reminds me of Shade’s caller IDs. I wonder what Tera’s is?

Me: Why?

Tera: Because he’s getting Southie time!

Hmm. That seems promising. Except she’s an optimist that splashes sweetener over every interaction. I have to apply a little salt to her stories.

I glance up from the phone to see Shade waiting for me on the sidewalk. He looks irritated at the delay. It isn’t five yet.

I toss the phone into the glove box and join him.

“Did you forget?” He asks in a grumpy tone as he starts walking.

“You leave at five-fifteen every weekday. Your schedule is off. You’re early.”

“Your voice is better.” His tone gets softer as we keep pace next to each other.

“Rest does that.”

“Phone today?” He asks out of the blue. He’s not being subtle at all.

“No.” I try to hide my smile.

“Tera warned you, didn’t she,” he pauses his steps to give me a wary look. He acts as if I’m going to berate him for it.

I lean toward him with a feral smile. Now he’s onto the game and the real fun can begin. “I asked Tera, but she wouldn’t answer. Maybe you will. Is it in your family’s bloodline? The hacking? The insatiable need to know so much?”

He chokes on a laugh and his shoulders drop in surprise. “You aren’t pissed?”

“I like this game,” I shrug and start walking again. “Now that you’ve caught up you can play with me for real.”

“Let’s get coffee tomorrow, too,” he says slyly without looking at me.

“On a weekend? First the schedule toss, now this? Anarchy. Of course, I’ll be there. I want to witness these changes as they happen.”

The bright grin he gets doesn’t fade away until we get closer to the coffee shop. We haven’t reached the doors yet, but his face has closed down tight. I take the change in his demeanor in stride and keep going.

When we get to the doorway he slides closer until our arms are brushing. The simple gesture seems to affect me more than him. No one but Tera walks that close to me. The fact that a man I could throw down on the floor and fuck right now is doing it is taking a toll.

I understand the move better as soon as we step inside. The pleasant hum of the slight affection washes away in an instant.

All four assholes are here, along with a brunette woman. I feel like I should know who she is but I’m not sure why. They’re standing by the counter, waiting for drinks.

Shade’s hand brushes across the back of mine. I take it as the silent request it is and take his hand in mine. He’s quick to intertwine our fingers and hold tight.

I don’t fight it. Even if it’s fake I’m enjoying this too much to stop.

Felix spots him first and gives him a taunting wave. “Hey, Shade.”

As if everything is right in their world. It probably is. They’re too dumb for the reality of life to be a concern. They were pissed last night and now they’re friendly. I suppose knowing I’m the one who hacked apart all of their belongings has cleared up the anger at Shade.

They watch us get into the line to order.

“We got you one, Shade. You don’t need to wait in line,” Blaze says and waves him over.

If they remove me from the situation they can treat him however they want. I don’t want that to happen but I’ll accept however he chooses to play this one.

Shade ignores them and steps forward at my side. He doesn’t even look in their direction.

I squeeze his hand, proud of his complete lack of reaction. It might just be his mask but the effect is still the same. They’re starting to get irritated.

After a whispered conversation that reminds me of bullies in high school, the brunette breaks away from the group and approaches us.

“Hi,” she extends a hand for me to shake. “I’m Melissa. I heard your name is Van?”

That name is going to haunt my dreams.

I ignore the hand and move forward again. I don’t care about this woman any more now than I did ten seconds ago. She might as well introduce herself to the woman in front of me instead. The name though. It’s familiar too.

“The silent treatment?” She laughs lightly. The sound is low, husky, and erotic. It helps that her top is cut low enough to see the upper portion of her breasts. Her heels are working for her too.

“Seems a little immature at this point,” Felix joins us.

“You know us all a little too well for that, Shade,” she leans forward, showing off her cleavage for him.

When he doesn’t give them a response the two exchange a speaking glance.

“Don’t want your new girlfriend to know about us? Is that it?” Melissa taunts.

Should I know about her? I tilt my head as I think back to the things Tera has told me about the group’s dynamic. It wasn’t much so I know there’s a secret there. Maybe she’s the secret?

Shade’s fingers begin to squeeze mine relentlessly. She’s getting to him. Why?

It comes to me as I begin to frown. This is the woman they cheated on him with. Shade caught them.

They’re flaunting her presence with them to punish him for last night. No wonder they seem happy.

Emptiness opens up inside me. Not a good sign for keeping my bans. That void hidden inside me consumes any emotion I can feed it, leaving me calm and focused. A state they won’t want me to be in, even if I make their deaths quick.

“You’re the one that likes fucking on the stairs,” I nod to myself with the flat words. Shade’s hand spasms around mine. I should tone it down. I don’t want his heart to be collateral damage in this battle. Not any more than it already has been. I need him safe and happy. I can get blood and pain later.

The empty darkness inside me settles.

“So, you do know,” she says in surprise. Her brown eyes take in the curious onlookers warily. She should have thought about witnesses before she started this. I’m not afraid to air her business in the open and watch her curl up in embarrassment and shame. It sounds like fun.

“He told you about all of us? Together?” She lowers her voice with a sly smile.

Shade slowly looks at her with disgust.

A flare of possessive jealousy attacks me out of nowhere. I want to break her teeth at the thought of her touching Shade in any way.

I know it’s a lie. Tera told me he’s never been interested in her. She’s trying to get a reaction to drive me away.

“The stairs aren’t that wide,” I point out in my deadened tone.

“Let’s get a table and have that meeting,” Felix interrupts whatever Melissa opens her mouth to say next. She looks surprised at the interference.

Shade’s fingers are starting to cut off my circulation.

“The meeting is scheduled for five p.m.” His voice is cold and flat. I approve.

“Why wait?” Melissa asks in fake confusion. “We’re all right here. It makes no sense to do a teleconference when we’re in the same town again.”

He’s had to be in contact with them the entire time they were gone? I thought their leaving town was his break. He’s been silently suffering, hidden away in his apartment, without an outlet. These fuckers.

“He’s busy,” I don’t look at her as I say it. If I look, I’ll start punching.

Shade glances down at me as we shuffle forward again. The two idiots follow like vultures after a moving carcass.

“It will only take a few minutes. You can wait outside, Van,” she suggests with a sweet smile at me.

My voice is blank as I reply. “Fuck off.”

“What?” She laughs and looks at Felix in surprise. “It isn’t anything but work. Why are you worried?”

“I’m not worried. You have no respect for his time. You need to learn.” I yawn at the end and Shade frowns, looking concerned. I need him to be blank right now. Not softening me with his attention.

“I’m just asking if we can meet up for five minutes,” she protests.

“No. Fuck off.” I tell her again.

“Does your new girlfriend speak for you, Shade?” Felix focuses on him with a scowl.

“You have to listen to someone eventually.” I tap the curious woman in front of us on the shoulder. “These dicks don’t know what the word no is. Could you explain it to them?”

She gapes at me in surprise.

I turn to the man behind us. Before I can speak, Shade yanks me into his chest. He’s grinning down at me as if I just made his day. An arm goes around my waist to keep me pressed against him. The contact leaves me breathless in a giddy way. I give in to it, melting into him as if I’ve done it a hundred times before. His body is so hard underneath his clothes. It’s another thing to obsess over.

“I can’t yell,” I whisper as I lick my lips. “You ask if someone can translate English to moron.”

Shade laughs and steps forward, moving me back as the line moves. My chest rubs against his, the strength of his thighs moving against mine makes me weaken even more. He’s starting to get hard underneath his jeans.

“What the fuck are you so busy with that you can’t take five minutes for work?” Ira asks the question coldly as the rest of their team joins us.

“Me,” I tell him without looking away from Shade’s pale eyes. His relaxed smile. It’s the truth. He’s focused on me and I’m enjoying that as long as I can.

“Matthias wants you on point,” Blaze says in warning. “This isn’t on point. It’s a distraction.”

I nod in agreement with a smirk. Bio-Boss is angry. So sad. Shade’s smile doesn’t dim and he doesn’t look at them.

“Baby, you can distract me anytime, anywhere,” he tells me in a husky voice that gives me goosebumps.

“You’re such a tease,” I taunt him back.

Shade’s phone rings and I’m quick to snatch the distraction up. It’s out of his back pocket and to my ear before he can take his arm away.

“Don’t,” Shade starts with a laugh but I’m already speaking.

“If you’re calling about the meeting it starts at five tonight. Until then, fuck off.” My tone is completely flat and then I hang up. I slowly slide the phone into his pocket with a smile, letting my fingers linger inside with the flimsy glass between us. “Don’t what, statue?”

“Don’t take my phone and cuss people out,” he raises an eyebrow in challenge. His smug grin tells me he doesn’t mind at all.

I shrug without remorse. “None of these fuckers have the common decency to leave you alone for ten seconds. They deserve what they get. If words don’t work my next step is mace.”

“Are you serious?” Blaze scoffs in disbelief. “This is work. He can pretend with you later.”

My expression goes flat when I look at him. “The step after that involves breaking bans.”

Shade leans in to give me a kiss to my temple. “Our turn to order, baby.”

I turn in his hold and he orders our drinks. When I reach for money Shade is quick to hand over his card first.

“Don’t argue. You bought dinner last night instead of letting the gentleman pay,” he mutters to me in his monster tone. I melt back into him, resting my head against his shoulder.

“Was the pie good?” I ask curiously.

“Yes,” his voice drops lower, making me shudder. “It could have tasted better.”

“Ice cream ruined it? Or the cherries?” I smirk.

“My company left me high and dry. Maybe I wanted to eat all of it off her skin.”

I blink in surprise. My nipples peak with excitement and my air catches in my lungs.

“Apple or cherry?” My voice has gotten more breathy as my pulse starts to thrum.

“I have to choose?” He maneuvers me out of the line but keeps me close.

“How can we have a game on which one is best if you don’t do it one at a time?”

“True,” the concession is a hot whisper into my ear.

He leans back against the wall, pulling my body flush with his. His erection presses into my backside and I push into him harder in a taunt.

“Get a room,” Melissa laughs incredulously.

“This is a room,” I point out flatly, struggling to regain the control I left at the counter.

“Are you fucking panting?” Felix laughs uproariously. “How hard up are you?”

“Is Shade not satisfying you?” Blaze raises an eyebrow and gives my body a long look.

“Why are you still here?” I ask in honest confusion.

Shade has stiffened up behind me. If he thinks I have any intention of touching that fucker he’s mistaken. Even if I didn’t know about him I wouldn’t want him.

“We’re not leaving until we can speak with Shade. Privately,” Ira crosses his arms stubbornly.

My body is shifted as Shade takes a deep breath and blows it out on a sigh. He better not be giving in. I twist to see his face and scowl at his blank expression.

He’s giving in. I can see it. I’m willing him not to with everything in me.

“Wait for me,” he says darkly, oblivious to the rage he’s kindling in me. He gives them the full effect of his blank mask. “You have ten minutes.”

Unbelievable.

Melissa and the twins have smug smiles and Ira gives me a short nod to walk away.

“I’ll be right back,” he mutters angrily and joins them on the other side of the shop.

Well, what now?

He never said he didn’t want to be around them. I just assumed. Maybe I was wrong. Is this another game? For whom? Them or me?

I try not to watch them, but my phone is in the truck. I don’t have anything to distract myself. I glance at my watch and note the time so I can start my own timer. Ten minutes.

The leader has his back to me, so I can’t read his lips. They’re all paying attention to him and nodding. Shade’s eyes have slid to Melissa. He isn’t emoting so I can’t tell what he’s thinking.

Something inside me stirs awake, despite my struggle to keep it passive. I haven’t had this much trouble with it in a long time. I need to get back on track with my bans.

The barista calls Shade’s name to pick up his drinks. I glance over and find him in the middle of discussing something. For once, they’re all listening to him. It stops me in place.

They’re paying attention. Will wonders never cease. It’s everything he’s wanted playing out in front of me.

They can’t have him.

No. This is what he’s needed. If it makes him happy how can I say no?

I check the drinks and grab mine. The rest of the cups all bear Ira’s name. I’m tempted to fuck with them but Shade is relaxed right now. Everything is going fine for him.

I look back and find Melissa leaning against him.

I almost crush my cup.

He doesn’t shove her away. He’s letting it happen.

The void opens up in my chest again.

Felix starts talking to him and his lips twist into a mocking smile. They’re sucking him back into their fold.

I debate what I should do. Everything inside me is ready to spring and drag him away with force.

There are rules to follow in public. I can’t do that.

They don’t seem to be threatening him anymore. He could easily call a halt to whatever meeting this is and walk away. He could tell Melissa to walk into fucking traffic during a lunch rush. He’s not doing any of those things.

He wants them back.

I sip my drink, trying to keep my calm. I shouldn’t be upset about this. I’m supposed to want him happy. If that means with someone else makes him that way I have to let it go.

My coffee is cool. It should be hot. How long have I been standing here?

A glance at my watch surprises me.

He’s been with them for thirty minutes while I’ve struggled with myself.

Huh.

I just got ghosted. While I fucking watched.

Game over.

I’ve got stuff I need to do today.

I look over at him. His back is to me now. He’s talking in a small circle with the twins and Melissa.

There’s nothing to protect him from here. Other than himself. According to his body language he isn’t interested in that right now.

I should probably warn Tera that he’s falling back into bad habits. Her reassurance that he’ll be fine without me might make it stick.

All of these thoughts run through me, but deeper inside my rage begins to get eaten by that empty void inside me that urges me to feed it more. Any emotion will do. That dark craving is starting. I can’t let it take over.

I need to leave.

I don’t second guess it as I walk out and take one of my back ways to his apartment. The coffee is too cold to be appetizing anymore so I toss it into a dumpster on the way.

Being away from the sight of it helps a lot to get myself back under control.

Tera is going to be upset about this. I’ll leave his lecture to her. She’s an expert. And she won’t try to keep him locked away for her own amusement.

Shade

If this keeps up I’m not going to have any teeth left. I’ve been grinding them hard enough that my jaw is starting to ache. Faking being a part of this group is even worse in person. I have to pretend to respect them as adults while my mind ticks off all the flaws in their logic. There’s no point in bringing it to their attention. They don’t listen.

A glance at Melissa shows her to be exactly the same as all the rest of them. Ego and seduction with zero substance. How do they stand her? She has every inner alarm I have going off while she stands next to me. I’ve warned them several times something isn’t right about her. They ignored it. She’s sleeping with them all now. She almost has the entire team wrapped around her finger. I’m the only hold out.

She tried to make Evie believe she’s slept with me too. She didn’t have much of a reaction to the words, which annoys me. A little show of possessive feeling would make what I’m trying to get from her easier. I want to know if she’s looking at me the same way I’m looking at her.

Her complete lack of emotion over anything unless it pisses her off makes it difficult to tell. Yet she didn’t get that raspy tone when she spoke to Melissa. No anger in sight. No emotion.

Until I got close and she fucking poured over me like hot water. Fuck she felt good. I want her plastered on me like that always. I know she had a reaction there but I want more than sex. I want all of her. She called me a tease as if I’ve been stringing her along. Why? Is she playing a game on these assholes now? Making it seem like she wants me when she’s acting to play up their rage?

I don’t know and that makes me very uneasy.

When it’s my turn to speak I go through the motions. They all nod along. I’m tempted to add something off the wall to see if it sinks in. Would they even react? A smile tugs my lips as I think of what I could say. Something Evie would appreciate.

Melissa leans on me, claiming she needs to adjust her shoe. Then she doesn’t back off. I glance at Evie, but she’s picking up her cup. I’d really like to be with her right now, not over here dealing with bullshit. I pretend like Melissa doesn’t exist as Felix says something and I give the required smirk. Maybe seeing this will motivate Evie to make a move.

Give me something to work with baby. I want to make sure I’m not fucking myself over again.

Ira takes a call and Brody goes outside with him. It leaves me with the three idiots who insist on regaling me with tales of their off time while they were away. Like I give a shit. I’m sure it’s just to hear themselves speak.

I look outside to find Ira talking to Brody, his phone put away.

This is pathetic. I’m getting out of here.

I turn to find Evie gone.

What the fuck?

I look around but I don’t see her anywhere. A look at my watch tells me why.

Shit. I fucking left her over there for almost an hour. Game or not she’s lost her patience with me.

I walk away from Blaze while he’s talking and get the barista’s attention.

“Hey, the woman I was with, when did she leave?”

“Ten minutes ago? Maybe fifteen.”

“Fuck.” My teeth grind in frustration. She could have come to talk to me at least. Tell me she was leaving.

What sense does that make when I’m the one that walked away from her. Willingly.

I just couldn’t stand the way Blaze was looking at her. Like he could have her wrapped around him any second and she wouldn’t mind. I wanted to stab him in the eye for it. And I thought I was in love with him. I’m so fucked up.

I wanted them gone so I could focus on Evie and it has backfired in a big way.

“You screwed the pooch,” the barista says with a smirk and walks away.

I grab my drink and head for the door, pulling my phone out to text Tera. How pissed is Evie? At least I can get that emotion out of her.

I’m hidden in the doorway when I hear Ira’s voice.

“He said to keep watching him.”

“Why though?” Brody asks in exasperation. “We’ve been doing this for too long and you know it. Something hasn’t been right about this from the beginning.”

I slide to the side, head angled to listen and pretending to text. They won’t see me here unless they start back inside. They’re shit at subterfuge and checking blind spots. I think I know who they’re talking about and I’m starting to get pissed.

Ira doesn’t answer so Brody goes on.

“We haven’t been able to find anything dirty on him. He’s the best we’ve ever had on our team. Why are we still babysitting him like he’s a fresh recruit?” Brody insists. “You know something Ira. This takes us off watching Judge Fullerton. How are we supposed to be giving Shade reports when we aren’t watching her? I’m done with the bullshit.”

Babysitting. Dots begin to connect, making a bittersweet picture I was too emotionally invested to see.

I was being watched the whole time. I thought I was away from the majority of the manipulations when I was tangled in the web this whole fucking time. I got too caught up in being around people who wanted to pay attention to see why they were paying attention.

Matthias has them watching my every move to find different ways to play me. He told them I’m dirty. It explains why they’ve been so convinced that I’m leaking information where I shouldn’t be. It also makes sense why the twins were suddenly so receptive to a relationship. If I could even call it that. I had just come back from the wedding at that point. The timing makes my teeth grind with anger.

These motherfuckers. All of them.

“Fine,” Ira growls out. “I called Matthias last night to update him.”

A silence falls and then Brody snaps impatiently, “And?”

“I told him about that bitch and he started getting paranoid. He wants eyes on Shade because of the shit with the twins and her. Matthias thinks this is the perfect time to catch him off balance and get him back in the fold. We need to find out as much about Van as we can and report back.”

“Like any other job,” Brody says flatly.

“Something is off about her.”

“Yeah, but how off? This might just be a show for the twins. Someone he hired?”

“I don’t know,” Ira sighs with frustration. “He could be talking in bed. If she’s dirty she could be using him before she splits. That puts us all in jeopardy.”

“Felix says the likelihood of Shade pillow talking is zero. The man has always been shut down hard. Now it’s even worse.”

A leak. I was Matthias’ most trusted man before I found out he was my father. I know more about the operations and assassins in the fold than they know. Info I’ve never even been tempted to let out.

They don’t know that any more than they know Matthias is my biological father. I’ve kept those secrets close to my vest and so has dear old dad.

Does Andi know about this?

We were assigned here so I could take care of a woman who had no idea I was her half-brother until I told her. She had to have questions for Matthias when she found out. Did he tell her I was in a team of people whose sole focus was to keep tabs on me? Why wouldn’t she tell me?

Or was spilling the truth to her the catalyst for this?

My trust in the closest allies I have left is starting to go into the negatives.

“I want to speak to him in private and try to clear shit up. Get him closer and away from Van,” Ira tells Brody in an aggravated tone. “With her around who knows what’s going to happen next?”

“There’s no way he’s going to fall for it.”

“The twins think he’ll come back to them. He’s been alone too long. You know how much he likes attention. I can see it happening,” Ira mutters. “If we get her to walk he’ll be desperate to find someone else. If she’s innocent she can leave, if not she’ll be dealt with.”

They all know about my fucked up need to be the center of attention. The twins were sleeping with me to keep me close and get info. What effective team members we have all of the sudden.

It hurts more than it should. The blow is more to my ego, knowing for a fact that they never had any intention of having anything with me. It was all a setup. The miniscule things I revealed to them about my personality and the mocking I endured. I’m nothing like how I was as bio’s right hand man. Now I’m nothing like the shade I created to fit in with them.

Add on to that they’re a threat to Evie. I don’t think she knows about me. Then again, with how everything else has turned out, who knows? Tera hasn’t told anyone that I know of. She assures me she never will. Even Evie says she won’t.

I still want to risk it. And I’m ready to skin someone over these reveals.

The door creaks and I go back to texting Tera with a small frown.

“Did she leave?” Melissa appears behind me with a fake pout. “I wanted to talk to her more.”

I step out of the shadows and continue texting while Melissa pretends to complain about Evie bailing on me. She sounds too smug for it to be genuine.

I would have bailed long before. Evie has a fuck ton more patience than I do.

I owe her. So fucking much. For shit she doesn’t even know that she’s done for me.

“Shade,” Ira clears his throat and Brody shifts on his feet with discomfort. The twins come out behind me and prop their elbows on my shoulders. I used to like it. That feels like a murky dream to me now.

“We done here?” I ask in my normal cold tone. I doubt they realize what I overheard. They’re suspicious, but they’ll blow it off. I walked out with Melissa right behind me. They won’t have anything to be concerned about unless she blabs. By then I’ll be gone.

A text pulls my attention away. I doubt they have any murderous intentions towards me right now, so I can afford the distraction. Even if they did, I could kill them all in my sleep. I hid a lot of those skills when I joined them to blend in better. I’m not that fucking slow or weak.

It’s Tera.

MoralCompass: I’m disappointed in you.

“Uh-oh,” Blaze laughs as he reads her text. “Is someone in trouble with the morality police?”

“What’s she mad about?” Felix asks curiously. “I can’t believe you still talk to her after she dumped you for three fucking guys and we don’t even get the time of day.”

“What kind of punishment will she put you through?” Blaze’s laughter gets louder. “Ignoring you?”

“Tera’s too sweet for that,” Melissa protests. It would be a nice statement if she didn’t sound so disgusted.

Me: How fucked am I

I turn to walk away, sipping my drink. I wince at the cold beverage and toss it into the trash.

“Bye, Shade,” Blaze calls mockingly. “Tell Van we said bye too.”

“Hope things work out with your new toy,” Felix adds. “I’d like to see her more often.”

I could kill them all right now. It would be so easy. Now that the blinders have been fully yanked from my eyes, the old version of me is coming out with a vengeance. That’s not who I am anymore.

When the phone rings I don’t hesitate to pick up.

“Why?” Tera moans dramatically.

“Because I’m a fucking idiot,” I hiss back, taking my anger out on her. She doesn’t deserve it, but she’s my only outlet. I can’t be myself with anyone other than her. I don’t want to think about Andi right now.

“Obviously,” she snaps back, making my lips tilt in a smile.

Tera has no fear of me. Even knowing all of the things she does, her behavior towards me has never changed. I thought at first she didn’t believe me. Then I thought she was just incorporating my life into one of her we’re living our own book theories. Now that I’ve met Evie, a lot of things have come into view about Tera that I never would have seen coming.

Her oldest friend is literally a psychopath.

I fit into Tera’s world perfectly.

“How do I pay?” I ask with a clenched jaw.

“Pay?”

“I owe,” I spit back.

“Wait. What do you mean?” She sounds confused.

What the fuck does she think I’m talking about? With Tera, who knows.

“I mean I told her I would be ten minutes and they dragged that shit out for as long as they could. I autopiloted my way through it and when I realized it she was gone.”

“Oh. So she misunderstood? Or is she right? I’m confused now.”

“What are you talking about?” My feet stop as dread creeps into my gut. It’s weird that I felt a light sting at the reveals from a second ago and now my heart is hammering as if I’m about to have a panic attack for the first time in my life. I know the signs from Tera.

“She thought you were falling back into old habits and gave me a heads up so I could support you.”

“She thinks what ?” I yell. Nevermind. I’ll have a rage meltdown instead.

“She thinks you’re getting back together with them. Like I would ever support that. Anyway, you don’t owe for choosing your own way.”

This owe and pay back shit is confusing.

“You did the old Shade act and she left you to it. No biggie.”

“ No biggie ? I’m trying to fuck the woman, not watch her walk away.” Not all I want from her but Tera doesn’t need to know how bad I have it for her best friend. She might warn her away from me.

“Ew! No! You can’t talk to me about this. Call Max.” She hangs up on me.

I call back. Like the sweet person she is, she picks up.

“Don’t,” she says warily.

I stay silent so she’ll get on with advising me how to get out of the hole I just dug myself.

“ Anyway , you don’t owe anything to Southie. She’ll make sure nothing happens to you no matter what you choose to do. I still think you’re a jerk, but she’s fine.”

She’s fine with it? She better fucking not be!

Shit. She won’t listen if I tell her I’m not interested in them anymore. But she will listen to Tera.

“Tera,” I grit out, “Tell her I want nothing to do with them anymore.”

“Don’t you?” She asks slyly.

“You know I don’t.”

“No. You haven’t used words to tell me.”

“You smug little shit,” I let out a deep breath of frustration. “I want nothing to do with them. That bridge is fucking ash. I want Evie.”

Her squeal of excitement cuts off abruptly and the line goes silent.

“What now?” I groan in frustration.

“You know her name?” Her voice has gone wary again.

“It was on her coffee cup, Tera,” I scowl.

“Oh,” she breathes in and out slowly.

“Why are you freaking out?” I ask suspiciously.

“I’ve been changing her name on everything so the A-holes can’t find her. Have you called her that in front of them? Please say no.”

“No. I’m not sharing anything about her with them.” Now more than ever.

“Oh, good,” she lets out a heavy breath of relief.

“Tera,” I hesitate with my next question. I’m not sure if I want an answer.

“She doesn’t know anything about your life. Don’t ask me about hers,” she warns me quickly.

“What emotions does she have?” I ask heavily. Am I stuck on a woman who is literally incapable of feeling anything for me? Is that why she’s ok with me walking away?

“Oh. That question’s ok. It’s a little confusing so I’ll make it easy for you. In black and white terms, South terms, you’re hers or you aren’t. Nothing else matters.”

“I’m dragging my people out of it.”

That’s what she told Andi last night. Not Tera. My people .

“I’m hers, aren’t I?” I ask warily, more thinking out loud than expecting an answer. I want to be. So damn bad.

“I’d say yes but she’s been reacting to things differently since she came to town. It’s harder to read her. She’s more suspicious, quieter and sneaky. I’m used to her being upfront but she’s holding herself back.”

I can hear the pain in her voice over it. Evie is still upset with her for not calling when she had her breakdown. If I didn’t know it from our conversation last night I would definitely know it now. Tera just emotes and Evie doesn’t.

“She’s also not asking if her reactions to things dealing with you are ok or not. She’s just doing it and I can’t tell if she’s following the rules. They did something to you that she actually felt and that’s not the best thing for them.”

“Is that why you didn't tell her I was getting flak from Matthias about the damage?”

“Yeah. They hurt you, she made them pay, and you tried to take the blame for it. She’ll never let you sacrifice yourself for anyone, Shade. Not even for you. Owing is her way of showing remorse like she’s supposed to. She doesn’t feel bad, she just wants to acknowledge that what she did affected someone in a bad way and she’s willing to pay it back to make things even.”

“Then she’s faking emotion?” The thought twists something in me. A deeper wound than knowing my supposed exes were using me to keep tabs on me.

“South never fakes anything. She doesn’t want to. It’s pathetic to pretend to her. She bases her reactions on what you show her. If you’re upset she owes you something. If you’re happy she’ll play games with you. Games are a sign of affection for her. Do you understand?”

I’m not sure how to take this. Was she acting interested in me because I started it or is it real? How the fuck can I tell?

“The phone cloning. She wasn’t mad when I brought it up. She said she liked the game,” I mutter thoughtfully. “Keeping something from me that I want.”

“You’re already playing keep away? I’m proud of her for accepting you so quickly! It took me a year for her to play games with me. I mean normal people ones.”

“You imprinted on her,” I shake my head. I want to be imprinted all over her for everyone to see.

“Yup! She felt something when she saw me. If she didn’t I’d probably have permanent scars. When someone makes her get an emotion, she obsesses. She can’t let it go.”

“She told me how you met,” I mutter absently. She was angry about Tera’s reactions to confrontation. What did she see from me?

“She did?” Tera asks in surprise, drawing me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah. I told her she had to tell me something about herself and the story of how you met was what she gave me.”

“Really,” she sounds enthralled with the simple story. “She definitely likes you.”

“Because she told me something that could have been a simple sentence in your diary? She basically had zero emotion talking about it,” I scoff. Inside, I’m so fucking confused and hopeful. You would think removing emotion from a person would make things easier.

“She told you about something that she has feelings about. It’s something simple to you. For her, she just gave you a very private glimpse to the fact that she has emotions. It took me years for her to show me that. This is so exciting!”

“There’s a chance that she can feel something for me?” I sound so fucking needy. I swipe that thought aside and focus on what I want. I need this info.

“She already does , Shade,” Tera tells me smugly. “South is doing so much for you and you don’t even realize it. She warned me to be nice to you. She gave you a personal story just because you wanted one. She’s playing games with you. She hasn’t hurt you for upsetting me. She met up with you and she never meets with anyone unless she owes me. All little things to you. To me, those are big effing signs. You’ve unlocked my Southie and I’m so happy about it!”

Fuck. Yes!