Chapter 13 #2
“I’m so sorry.” Guilt stings the back of my throat. “I feel terrible for ending things so ungracefully. I was hurt and angry, but that’s no excuse for?—”
“Hold on,” he says. “What?”
“Our relationship.” Is that not what he meant? “I felt neglected and frustrated, but that didn’t give me the right to leave like I did instead of talking things through.” But I need to be clear on this next part. “You and I weren’t meant to be together, but I still owed you a proper goodbye.”
“Oh, that.” He chuckles a little. “I’m totally over it. No sweat, Cam.”
I must fall quiet a little too long because Hayden scrambles to elaborate. “No offense. I mean, we were great while we lasted, but we want different things.”
“You’re right.” What the fuck did he mean about being overwhelmed?
“I’m so busy right now with this merger.” He’s sounding distracted already. “I’ve billed more than eighty hours this week, and next week is more of the same. If we’d stayed together, you’d just be alone all the time.”
And there it is.
Confirmation that feeling alone in my relationship wasn’t just in my head.
Confirmation I did the right thing by moving on.
Clearing my throat, I perk up my voice with friendly interest. “I’m glad business is going well for you.”
“It’s bonkers right now.” He sounds more relaxed now that we’re talking about work. “I’m reviewing accounts for Holyfield Properties. That’s not privileged information, by the way—it’s a public merger.”
Does he even know where I am? “I’m staying at a Holyfield resort right now.”
“No kidding?” He chuckles. “You enjoying it?”
“Very much. It’s quite luxe.”
“That’s great, Cam. You deserve it. How’d you decide to go there?”
He really doesn’t know? “We booked our honeymoon at a Holyfield property. You picked it from the website I shared.”
“I did?”He chuckles again. “I’ve gotta be honest. I probably didn’t give it much thought. My secretary chose for me. I’m sure it’s great, though.”
“I didn’t go to our honeymoon resort. It’s another Holyfield property.”
“Hmm.” Has he tuned me out already? “That sounds nice.”
“It is.” I don’t know what makes me say it. Maybe an urge to see if there’s some part of Hayden that still cares for me?
“I’m here at a Jilted Brides Honeymoon Club resort.” When he doesn’t reply, I keep going. “An entire resort devoted to women’s sexual desires. It’s the same place Eve came when Brock cheated. Kit did that study here, remember?”
“That’s great, Cam.” Is he even listening? A keyboard clacks in the background, but Hayden’s always been good with multitasking.
“I’m really enjoying myself.” The clicking continues, and maybe the sound of a soda being opened. “ Really enjoying myself.”
“Glad to hear it.”
Fuck this. “I’m sleeping with Ashton Holyfield.”
The keyboard stops clacking. “Really?”
I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling guilty already. “I didn’t do it to hurt you. And I swear to God, I never met the man while we were still together. I never in a million years would have cheated or?—”
“Hey, hey, slow down. We’re cool.” He chuckles a little at that. “I know you’re not like that.”
“Are you upset?” I honestly can’t tell from the tone of his voice. Maybe this should have been a video call. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“Excited.”
I blink my eyes open. “What?”
“Yeah, this is great.” He chuckles again. “I’ve been wanting to chat with the guy about some details in these disclosure docs, but his personal number is impossible to track down. You think you could get that for me?”
My mouth hinges open. I’m too shocked to respond right away.
“Camille?”
Why would I be surprised? Hayden is just being Hayden. He was always this guy. A man more focused on his career than the living, breathing woman sharing his home and his life.
I’m the one who changed.
“Cam?” He sounds worried now. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I can’t be angry with Hayden. He’s just being himself. I was silly to think he’d get sentimental now. “Um, let me ask him, okay?”
“That’d be great. Thanks.” There’s a pause as he goes back to clacking the keyboard. I’m starting to wonder if he even remembers we’re on a call. I’m about to hang up when he speaks again.
“I’m really happy for you, Cam.”
“Yeah?”
“I am.” He sounds like he means it. “You deserve the best.”
“Thanks, Hayden. So do you.”
“I’ll be well on my way to getting it as soon as I have Holyfield’s number.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
I hang up with a weird pit in my stomach. I’m relieved. I’m unsettled. I’m a little bit needy and anxious.
And what I need in this moment, more than anything, is to see Ash.
I send him a text, fingers trembling unexpectedly as I type.
You free?
My belly flutters when reply bubbles float to the screen.
In lndry rm w/ fucking sfty inspctr.
Gotta admire how he expedites texting with four abbreviated words but meticulously spells out fucking . I type my reply while scuffing my feet into sandals.
Can I see you after?
I know he’ll suggest we meet later at a restaurant. Or maybe he’d rather come here and speak—or not speak—in the privacy of my room.
But I’m not sure I can wait that long.
Done in 5.
I’m already out the door with my key in one hand. I remember a sign for laundry in that hallway near the boiler room. It takes less than five minutes to sprint across the resort, at which point I wonder if I should have checked a mirror before dashing out the door.
No time. I need to see Ash right now.
I weave down the hallway, passing McFly on his favorite branch by the indoor waterfall.
“Felching!” he shouts. “Felching!”
“Not really my kink but thank you.”
The boom of Ashton’s voice guides me to the laundry room. I’m ready to knock when the door swings open.
“Camille.” He’s stone-faced as usual, but the spark in his eyes says he’s happy to see me. “We’re just finishing up.”
A friendly-faced guy in a tan uniform nods, sizing me up like he’s guessing whether I’m a guest or a maid or Ashton Holyfield’s mistress.
“Ma’am.” Tipping his blue and white baseball cap, he maneuvers around me and heads down the hall. Ash turns to face me with a hand still gripping the door. “Did you want to grab a drink or?—”
“No.” I launch myself at him, lips finding his as Ash stumbles back into the room. The door shuts behind us as he regains his balance, dragging me tight to his chest.
We’re kissing and tugging each other’s clothes off, desperate and not too concerned with where we land. His hands grip my butt and I twine my legs around his waist as he carries me over to a big industrial washing machine.
“You know,” he says as he boosts me up onto it. “We do provide beds at this resort.”
“Later.” I yank off his tie and toss it aside, working the buttons free at his throat. “Be grateful I’m not destroying another dress shirt.”
“I’m grateful for many things.” He peels my gray sundress over my head and his heated gaze travels my body. “For one, that you’ve chosen to go bare beneath your dress.”
“It has a built-in bra, and I just washed my panties in the sink.” Why am I still talking? “I ran out of clean ones.”
“I see.” He’s kissing his way down my shoulder, making me shiver as his teeth graze the top of one breast. “You’re aware we have laundry services here.”
“Maybe you can show me later.” I unhook his belt and drag down his zipper, freeing his cock from his boxers. “God, you’ve got a great dick.”
I’m aching to have my mouth on it, but Ash has other ideas. Pulling me right to the edge of the machine, Ash lines himself up with my entrance. He looks deep in my eyes, as locked in the moment as I am.
“Camille.” He sinks in slowly, his breath hissing out. “My God.”
“I know.” A whimper slips out of me as he buries himself to the hilt. I cling tight to his shoulders, not sure what’s happening between us right now. Whatever it is, I don’t want it ever to end. “Ash.”
“You feel amazing.” His breath hitches sideways as he draws back and thrusts in again. “You really are extraordinary.”
“I thought I was exquisite.” I’m trying to tease, but my voice doesn’t sound like my own. I’m locked in his gaze, locked in this moment with Ashton.
Then all other thoughts slide out of my brain as Ash begins thrusting in earnest. I cling to his shoulders as he fills me up almost to bursting. It’s a sweet sort of ache, our bodies fused snugly as my ankles lock tight at the top of his ass.
But that’s not our strongest connection right now. It’s not even the space where our bodies are joined, slick and hot and so right.
It’s this eye contact between us, raw and unfiltered. Ash isn’t blinking, and neither am I. It’s like he’s staring straight into my soul.
“You are exquisite.” He groans but doesn’t break eye contact. “And brilliant. And funny. And so fucking sexy I can’t quite believe you walked into my life.”
“Ash.” I feel it too, and so much more. It’s the moment I know it. We’re on the same page, not willing to release this magical connection between us. Not in a day or a week or a month.
We’re meant to be together. He knows it and I know it and— oh my God .
“Ash.” I’m panting now, desperate. My toes start to curl as he slams in harder. “Ash, I want you.”
“You’ve got me.” His hand slips between us, finding the slippery button of my sex. Eyes searing mine, he coaxes me right to the edge of the fire we’re both chasing. “I feel you squeezing me.”
That’s not all I’m feeling as Ash keeps pounding me. I feel passion and heat and so much affection for the man possessing my body. I need him to know how I feel. Right here, right now.
“Ash.” I moan as he hits something achy and deep. “I want to—” What? What do I want?
“Come for me, Camille.”
Pleasure bears down on me, breathing hot on the back of my neck. But I can’t let go until I tell him. “Ash.” I cry out as the first wave hits. “I want to be with you. Not just now, but after—after— oh my God .”
Fear fills his eyes, or maybe confusion, but two seconds later, a raw, ragged roar rattles out of him.
He squeezes his eyes shut as I drag my nails down his back.
I’m dizzy and dreamy as my eyes go unfocused.
A bright haze of images plays through my head.
The two of us together on his boat. A kiss on the beach, a hike in the forest near Portland.
The two of us saying our vows, which is nuts.
We’ve known each other a week.
But that’s what I feel in that moment; connected to Ash like I’ve never felt anywhere, ever, with anyone. Both of us tremble, coming apart in each other’s arms.
“Holy shit.” I cling to him fiercely, aware that what’s happened here isn’t just sex. This is something else. Something precious and rare and so unlike what I expected when I came here.
Is he feeling it, too?
It takes a while for Ash to open his eyes. He withdraws and zips up, turning to grab me a hand towel from a shelf behind him. I take it in silence, doing my best not to panic. That was intense for us both. We all have different ways of processing.
He’s still not meeting my eyes. “Ash?”
“Yes?” His gaze lifts to mine, and before I can ask, he reads the question in my face. “Yes, I heard what you said.”
My shoulders tense. Dropping my gaze, I mop up with the towel he’s handed me. Taking my time, I slide off the washer and pull on my still-warm dress. Maybe there’s no cause for alarm.
Carefully, casually, I probe. “I take it we’re not on the same page?”
“It’s not that.” His jaw clenches tight as he does up his shirt. “You just caught me by surprise. I need a moment to process.”
I can’t fault him for that. Swallowing hard, I watch his fingers work the buttons. “That’s an impressively healthy response to what I said.”
“Thanks.” He takes back the towel, tossing it in a bin by the washer. Then he draws a deep breath and turns back to face me. “I’m sorry. I’m—not very good at this.”
“It’s okay.” My heartbeat drums in my head. “Whatever you’re feeling, just say it.”
“That’s just it.” Gaze holding mine, he shakes his head slowly. “I’m—not entirely sure.”
“That’s all right, Ash.” I feel like I’m coaxing a timid forest creature who’s likely to startle. “Hey. We don’t need to rush anything.” Maybe I’ve spoken too soon.
Then a warmth fills his eyes and his arms go around me. He hugs me so tight as relief sluices through me.
“I’m afraid,” he says softly.
“Afraid of what?”
“Of feeling.” He squeezes me tightly, then draws back to look in my eyes. “I know it’s not very manly to admit that.”
“It is actually the manliest thing you’ve ever said to me.” I cup a hand to his cheek, hoping he grasps how deeply I mean that. “I’m serious. It takes a big man to admit he’s afraid. Enormous. Huge . Gargantuan.”
His mouth twitches. “I adore you, Camille, in case it wasn’t obvious. You’ve shaken me up in ways I wasn’t expecting. I’ve come to care for you a great deal, and that’s terrifying, to be honest. I just need a little time to think about this.”
“Understood.” I push aside the ache in my chest. This isn’t bad news. It’s good that he’s not freaking out. That he’s taking the time to be thoughtful. To sit with his feelings instead of fleeing or stuffing them back in a trunk. “I’m not in a hurry for answers. I just needed to tell you.”
“I appreciate that.” He kisses me softly, lips brushing mine as his hands tumble over my back. “And I truly am enamored with you, even if I don’t know what the future holds.”
It’s all I can ask for. The most anyone could ask of a man who’s been hurt the way Ashton Holyfield has.
As he kisses me softly, I lose track of worry and fear. I let go of my own insecurities and let myself feel. I bask in the pleasure and joy and steady connection with this man in my arms.
But a mean little niggle of worry wriggles around in my brain. It’s pesky and cruel and I struggle to push it aside. Even as I try, one question squirms to the surface.
What is Ash feeling?