Chapter Twenty-One
O nce the doctor, a kind woman with auburn hair and brown eyes, cleared me from head to toe—including a free pelvic exam, yay!—she helped me wash up. When she left, I was too worn out to do anything else.
Emotionally and physically.
Overcoming the rampant distrust swirling in my brain required more effort than I’d expected to let her examine me. It was only after she told me about her daughter, and what she’d gone through in college, that I let my guard down.
She offered to write me prescriptions for a rescue inhaler, too. A complement to my daily inhaler, in case I needed it. And when she asked about my sexual history and preferred methods for birth control, her gentle probing hadn’t flared the same ire I’d directed at Max when he’d pressed for details.
But the thoughts it brought up left me wrung out.
While I rested in bed, Max and Landon argued in the kitchen over who was going to make me food.
Somehow, their muted growls combined with the clinking of pots and pans lulled me to sleep. I didn’t know why it was comforting, but it was.
However, my dreams certainly weren’t.
* * *
Knock her out . Hold her…
My lungs burned. Pressure on my chest pinned me down.
Do it again.
I screamed for help, but all it did was send water rushing down my throat.
Get rid of her.
I inhaled and choked on a rush of water. No one would hear me.
Tell me.
A sharp and familiar scent filled my nose, lingering with a hint of spice.
We need to get rid of her .
Kicking my legs. Swinging my arms. I fought hard against my attacker.
And I’m yours…
What had he done?
Was any of it real?
* * *
My eyes shot open at the sound of Landon’s voice. “Quinn, shh. You’re alright,” he whispered in my ear. “I’ve got you.”
He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. Cradling me to his chest. Murmuring reassurances into my hair. Trying…always trying to soothe me.
I smothered a sob into the pillow.
“You’re alright now. You’re safe.”
A door swung open, light briefly spilling through the doorway before it closed, and the hulking presence of Max Dread stumbled through my room.
“She’s fine, Dread. I’ve got her.”
Max grunted, ignoring him and heading for the foot of the bed, since Landon had taken up the space at my back. Clambering onto the empty side of the mattress with all the grace of a drunk bear, his head hit the pillow next to my face. He searched through the covers to find me.
“Nightmare?” he asked softly, his palm cradling my cheek.
I nodded.
He grunted again, brushing his thumb across my skin. “Get some sleep, Princess. I won’t let anything hurt you.”
As soon as the nickname slipped out, Landon tensed.
But with his arms around me, and Max’s promise from our first night in the cabin washing over me, my body stopped shaking. I quickly relaxed.
Slowly, Landon did, too.
He buried his face in my hair, a tremor in his arms as he held me close to him.
I squeezed my eyes shut as it ran through me, and his voice whispered through the darkness, “You’re alright now.”
So softly, I wasn’t sure if he meant it for me or him.
“You’re not alone in the dark anymore. You’re alright.”
And I couldn’t breathe.
Because he wasn’t close enough.
So, I pulled his arms around me tighter, not caring about all the reasons I shouldn’t. I couldn’t think about them, then, because when he held me like that, it felt easier to breathe. My heart rate slowed with his against my back, tucked safely between the two of them.
And I closed my eyes.
But I couldn’t bring myself to sleep through it—this momentary peace in their arms.
I wanted to hold onto it.
Moonlight snuck in through the curtains, just enough for me to trace the outline of Max’s face. Eyebrows drawn together, they formed a dimple in the center of his forehead. I wanted to put my thumb in it, smoothing it out before lifting the corners of his mouth.
But I didn’t want to wake him.
Not while Landon’s fingers drew patterns along my skin, soothing circles that had been able to relax me enough to fall asleep.
Now, tension pulsed under each gentle caress of his thumb, and desire pooled low in my belly with each soft swipe of his palm down my arm. Like he was drawing patterns in the sand. Before a wave rushed in and wiped it all away.
In the morning, would all of this be wiped away, too?
He ran over the crook of my elbow, hitting a spot I hadn’t realized was sensitive.
My hips rocked back reflexively.
Landon froze. “Sorry, I…I wasn’t sure if you were awake. You seemed restless.”
The hushed tones of his voice warmed me with every husky word, soft breaths rippling goosebumps over my flesh.
“I thought it might help you fall asleep.”
“I…they relax me. Those patterns you draw.” He looped a circle over my bicep, trailing up into another, then right, then left. “I feel like I could sketch them in my sleep.”
Wrapping me in his arms, the weight of him at my back—his steadying presence—simultaneously filled me with the need for more and felt impossible to bear.
He paused when he reached the end, instead of starting the design back over, hovering his hand over my arm.
My mind teetered between fully awake and drifting back to sleep. The tips of fingers lightly kissed my skin like a promise, one he knew he couldn’t keep.
And as he made it in the dark, echoes whispered through my head. Memories of his voice, his touch…
The look in his eyes as he asked, are you sure?
“I can give you space, too.” He swallowed hard. “He’s here with you. If it’s because of me…If you need me to go, I can go?—
My hand found his in the dark, my voice breaking. “Please, don’t go.”
I clenched my teeth to stop my lower lip from trembling.
I wanted to explain, but the words wouldn’t come. I wanted to say I didn’t mean it, but I did. And I wanted to call it a moment of weakness, but I couldn’t.
It didn’t feel like failing to want his arms around me. It felt like peace.
Like the fault had been whatever drove us apart and this was where we were supposed to be. But when I tried to put that into words, I couldn’t.
It risked breaking through the moment and crashing reality on our heads, and I didn’t want to break anymore. So, I didn’t make another sound. And I let myself have it, the moment of peace.
I let him hold me in the dark until we fell asleep.
* * *
I woke again with a gasp, frantically searching for a clue I’d missed, a hint that led me to all the answers. I must’ve hidden them in a book, tucked away for safekeeping. Yanking volume after volume off the shelf, I found nothing.
“You’re alright.”
“I have to find it. I don’t know where it is.”
“Quinn, it was a dream.”
“What did he do?”
My frantic whisper tensed his arms around me. The pressure snapped like a band over my chest, jarring me back to reality.
It was a dream.
“It was just a dream.” Landon’s lips pressed against my neck, murmuring promises he couldn’t keep. “You’re alright. You’re safe.”
He ran his hands along my arms.
Lacing and unlacing our fingers.
Breathe.
Encircling my wrists with a squeeze.
Breathe.
Drawing lazy circles up my forearm.
They soothed me before, but now…
I needed more.
A shaky breath left my lips. My legs twisting, tangled up with his. I pressed my cheek into Max’s palm where it rested. Between me and Landon’s arm on the pillow.
My face burned. My body had caught fire.
I wanted more.
Whimpering, wriggling in Landon’s hold, I couldn’t quiet the restlessness inside me. The pressure of his grip around my upper arm nearly brought me back to center.
But it wasn’t nearly enough.
“More,” I rasped.
Slowly, carefully, he wrapped his hand around my throat, the pressure constricting in my chest. And as the force of his hand increased, the strength in his gentle squeeze intensified, the pressure lifted.
“Breathe, Quinn.”
My Knight ordered it.
And I surrendered to him.
My lungs pulled in a deep breath.
“That’s it…”
His fingers flexed through a count of one, two , three, four…
“Now, let go.”
I shuddered out my exhale. He loosened his grip. And the tightness in my chest released.
He guided me through it. Again and again.
But still, my body wouldn’t settle.
My thighs clenched and hips pressed back. I rubbed them together, rolled them toward him, and still all I did was ache.
“I…” My voice pitched higher as it started to hurt. I bit my lip to keep from crying out.
Writhing, going mad from denying my body what it needed. What it couldn’t help but want. As I lay between two of the leading men in all my recent, darkest fantasies.
Fantasies about dangerous promises from Max’s lips as he lured me toward the darkness. His probing touch exploring places only he could find. Letting me give a name to desires I never thought would be mine.
Memories of Landon pushing me to the edge. Over and over until I thought I couldn’t bear it. My voice hoarse from screaming, crying out.
Before he showed me my true limits.
Before he showed me I was limitless.
My wildest dreams where they made me come apart between them.
Need built inside me.
It became relentless.
“Landon—”
Sliding his hand down past my elbow, he fisted the fabric of my sleep shirt over my hip. He slowly dragged it up my leg. Exposing my thigh. Lifting it up to my waist.
Slowly—too slowly. I whimpered, reaching back to grab his hip and anchor his body to mine.
“Quinn,” he begged. “Let me do this for you.”
He thought I wanted him to stop.
“Don’t stop,” I panted. “Please, don’t stop.”
“Are you sure?”
My fingers clenched, digging into his tight, muscular ass. “Yes, I need…”
I rocked back.
“Tell me,” he pleaded.
Arching my neck, I pressed my head back into his chest. My spine bent as my hips rocked toward him. “I need…”
His fingers curled over my leg, slipping between my thighs. “Tell me what you need and it’s yours.”
“I need you .”
He sucked in a sharp intake of breath, burying his face in the crook of my neck and gently thrusting his hips.
I couldn’t breathe.
And I needed more.
“But, Landon…” I shut my eyes, waiting for it to end, but I couldn’t lie. I couldn’t hide. I needed him to know the truth.
“I need him, too.”