Landon
T he longer we stood there in silence, the more my mind unraveled. Staring out over the lake brought me no peace. No sense of calm. Not like the sparkling blue water would have before.
It couldn’t anymore.
Nothing could.
I thought the other night might finally do it. Shatter me. Break me apart. Until everything inside me tore its way out. Until it all came free.
She’d been barely breathing.
And the entire time the doctor checked her over, the entire time she slept, and we waited for the drugs to wear off, I listened for the sound of it.
Barely even there.
And I couldn’t breathe.
Suddenly, I couldn’t stop moving. Pacing the back lawn, I couldn’t settle. The feeling wouldn’t rest.
The pain was relentless .
“.”
I spun around to face him, rage clawing at my chest, resentment climbing up my throat. “What the fuck, Kingston? Is that why you were working with Max Dread behind my back?”
His face, equally pained, showed more emotion than I’d seen from him in months. But he remained guarded. He didn’t respond to my question, his eyes tracking my movements on the lawn.
“Tell me why, Kingston.”
He shook his head. “I can’t do that.”
I charged him.
Realizing what I was doing at the last possible second and pulling myself to a grinding stop. Right in front of his face.
He hadn’t flinched.
“Tell me,” I growled.
He didn’t budge. “I promised you I?—”
Frustration tore from my throat. “Fuck your promises!”
His eyes widened, and he lifted his hand. Palm out. “, please…”
“No!”
The word echoed in the silence around us. It lasted for so long, our heavy breathing finally slowed, and he tried to reach for me again.
“Do you think Merle would’ve agreed to leave if his son wasn’t here? Do you think the great Drake D’Arthur would’ve pushed for it? Max Dread is a part of this now, . He has to be.”
I shook my head. “Merle? Why?”
“So, we could stand out here and have the first honest conversation we’ve been able to have in months. Do you think we’d be doing that if he wasn’t gone?”
“But…I thought Merle wasn’t really a threat?”
“Everyone is a threat when it comes to her!”
Kingston clenched his hands into fists, taking a deep breath.
“Quinn was on the Society’s radar from the minute Max stole her file. We knew that. I tried to stay away. I tried to quiet the rumors. But once they’d been spread, no one wanted to forget. Especially when they could see…”
When they could see what I refused to admit to him.
When they could see what he already knew but, for some reason, wouldn’t call me on outright.
They saw how I felt about her…All of them. And yet, for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to hurt him by saying the words out loud.
It didn’t make sense.
Why they were lodged in my throat.
But it was tearing me apart.
Kingston sighed. “I still tried to throw them off, but Quinn had become a problem. And Drake D’Arthur doesn’t like problems. He wanted her gone. If you had said yes…, I did the only thing I could think to do. The risk of not doing so outweighed the damage it might cause.”
“What?”
“I went with my backup plan.”
Frustration growled out of me. “I know that. We took plan B. I say no. She appeals. She gets locked in, but all of that happened, Kingston! So, why?—?”
“It wasn’t enough! Yes, Quinn, she responded beautifully. She did exactly what I needed her to do. She was…”
“Relentless.”
He nodded, dropping his head. I sharpened my gaze, zeroing in on his hands. Crimson palms flashed in front of my eyes.
I shook my head to clear it. “She wasn’t two steps ahead of you...She played right into your hands. You decided the move before she made it. Kingston…”
Blue-gray eyes met mine, shining in the moonlight.
“What did you do?”
“The only thing I could think of that wouldn’t mean sacrificing you.”
I spun away from him. “You…”
He stepped toward me. “Quinn is safe, .”
“No.”
“She’s here. With us. She’s safe now.”
“How?”
He released a heavy breath. “The only thing that would force my father’s hand.”
I snapped my gaze to his. “You put her life at risk.”
“No, I trusted her,” he said fiercely. “And I did the one other thing you can’t seem to bring yourself to do. I trusted myself. My gut. My instincts. Over anyone else’s fears.” He stared pointedly. “Or their prejudices.”
My jaw clenched at his accusation.
He lifted his chin. “How else was I supposed to get around him? You know him, . You know if everything had gone back to normal, he would’ve been suspicious. Waiting for a chance to take her from me, too.”
My brow dipped.
“It was the only way. So, I did what I had to do to get here.” He pointed at the ground where we stood. Then, the house. “To get her there. ”
“What did you do?”
He faced me head-on when he said, “I called for help. And I bet on Max Dread.”
“So, you have been waiting for me to fail you, then?”
I expected an answer. But still, he said nothing. He only held his hand out toward me again.
Like I was an animal—wild and dangerous—that needed to be steadied.
And I snapped.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
“No, .” He rushed out the words, his tone frantic. “You’re misunderstanding me. You’re taking my silence to mean something it doesn’t and you’re not— Please , give me a chance to explain.”
“So, then, do it. Explain.”
Pressing the heels of his hands into his temples, he shut his eyes. Squeezing them closed so tightly. Like he might see the answer in front of him.
With a deep breath, he forced the words out. “Maybe initially, I thought you’d be able to do it. Train her without…I didn’t know, and it was a risk we had to take, regardless. I trusted you to do it. Only you. But it wasn’t because— I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure if she’d be able to?—”
“To what?” I demanded. “Spit it out, Kingston. Explain it to me now, or I’m going in there and I’m telling her everything. Everything I know. I’ve had it. Give me the goddamn truth!”
His features hardened. Pain ricocheted through my head.
And I couldn’t fucking stand it.
“Tell me!” I ordered.
He shouted, his voice changing. “I wasn’t sure she’d be able to affect you, alright!” But then he shook his head, defeat written all over his face. “I didn’t know if she could…No one else had.”
Confusion knit my brow. His words pulled at strings in my mind, unraveling strands fighting to stay woven together.
“What? Why would you think that? She’s…You knew after reading her file. After seeing her picture. Barely being around her. Why would you think I wouldn’t…” I shook my head, but it didn’t make sense. “Kingston, I was always with her.”
“I had more than that, . But you…I didn’t know. Ever since you lost your memory, you’ve been different. You haven’t let anyone in or close. You haven’t truly wanted anybody, not like?—”
“What? Kingston, what are you talking about? I’ve dated. I’ve had flings or whatever.”
“Flings or whatever?” He raised his eyebrows, imploring me with his gaze. “, you’ve had a string of brief interactions with people you’ve kept at arm’s length. Canned responses. Echoes of things you’ve seen done by other Knights that you believed you were supposed to do.”
I shook my head at the accusation.
And yet, I wasn’t sure he meant it as one.
He said it so matter-of-factly. Not as something I’d done wrong, but like it was just who I was.
“The more I’ve watched you, the more I’ve seen it. Words coming out in conversation with the other Knights, but then, you’ll cut yourself off. Like you don’t know why you said it. Sometimes you’d fight it, sometimes you’d go along with it. But the point is none of it was real .”
Wrinkling my forehead, I thought back to that day in the pharmacy. The day I first saw her. All the thoughts I had.
Thoughts I never would’ve had about a stranger, if not for staring at her ass for twenty minutes.
But there were moments...
And then, she gasped.
What came after…That was real.
Kingston stepped toward me, holding out his hand. “You know I’m right. Whether you’ve realized it or not, I did a long time ago. I’ve watched you live that way for almost ten years.”
His voice broke, and I couldn’t understand it.
“All this time, I’ve had to watch and say nothing. And I’ve hated it.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve known what you are capable of…I’ve seen what you can feel when your heart is open, and I thought I’d never see it again.” He stared up at the house, to the place where she was. “Quinn changed all that.”
Somehow, she filtered through the haze. Like the sun peeking through the clouds on an overcast day…
She found me in the dark.
I didn’t realize I’d said it out loud, until Kingston nodded.
“Yes. She found you in the dark. When no one else had been able to do it. No one had come close...Not even me.”
My heart thundered in my chest, raging against a cage I hadn’t seen around it before. Now, every beat rattled its bars. It begged to be free.
“, please trust me.”
“No.”
Broken blue-gray eyes shining in the morning light, I met his gaze, and something inside me shattered. But before he could say anything else, before he could pull me away from her again, I gave him the truth.
“ I love her, Kingston.”
His features crumpled as I stepped back, away from him.
“And I don’t want to live in the dark anymore.”