Chapter 11
Zara
Iwoke up to the sound of light rain and James' side of the bed empty.
Since today's forecast called for bad weather, he'd taken the day off and informed me last night that he'd get Kehlani sorted for school.
Usually, when James had a day off, he'd stay in bed while I got the girls up and ready.
He would take Kehlani to school, but he usually waited until twenty minutes before they left to hop out of bed and start getting ready.
He always used the excuse that he didn't know what lunches they liked, how to do their hair, or even where Kehlani's uniform was.
There were times I resented him for staying in bed while I rushed around to get them and myself ready, but there was no point in harping on about it all the time.
Besides, I had everything down to a fine art, so I just got on with it.
By the sounds of things, it appeared that James had the hang of everything.
Apart from a few gripes from Sienna, all seemed calm and quiet.
By the time I got out of the shower and made my way downstairs, the girls had finished breakfast, and Kehlani was in her school uniform.
Sienna was attending her local Playgroup with me today—a parent-run, child-led kids' centre we both loved.
She was dressed in shorts, sneakers and an old T-shirt.
I hid a smile as I took in her wonky pigtails with the mismatched bows.
James had never done the girls' hair, apart from a quick brush, which he usually gave up doing after a few minutes when they started crying about it hurting.
James handed me a hairbrush with a sheepish look. "Sorry, baby. I tried to do K's hair, but she wants some complicated plait."
"I want two plaits like Anna!" Kehlani exclaimed, referring to her favourite Disney princess.
"It's okay. I can do it." I took the hairbrush off him, and our fingers brushed during the exchange. I felt a crackle of electricity between us, and I breathed deeply to rid myself of the low pulse of desire.
James watched me closely as I started separating Kehlani's hair down the middle with a comb.
"How about I take Sienna to Playgroup today?" He suddenly offered.
I frowned at my task, my nimble fingers making quick work with one side of her hair. "What?"
I'd always encouraged James to attend a session with Sienna when he had a day off, but he always declined.
He did help out whenever they had a working bee or needed things fixed around the centre, which was appreciated, but it would be nice for him to integrate more into the activities.
I was always a little envious when a dad showed up for a session; for some reason, the kids always seemed to gravitate toward a male presence.
"Yeah." James smoothed down Sienna's hair, his brow furrowing as he tried to even out her pigtails. "It's about time I showed my face and met some of Sienna's Playgroup friends."
"Um..." I was trying so hard to concentrate on Kehlani's hair, but at the same time, my mind was twisted over what James was telling me. This was so out of left field, I didn't even know what to say. I was happy and grateful, and a little surprised. Okay, a lot surprised.
"I–I guess that would be okay."
With my mind still in a haze, I gave him brief instructions on what to do when he arrived—how to sign in, the gate code and alarm code in case he arrived first. "Clean up is at midday, and you can leave straight after.
Don't forget to sign out with the same code.
I'll message the parents to let them know you're coming.
They're all very friendly and will help you out. "
I swiftly packed both bags with their lunches before kissing the girls—and my husband—and waving them off.
***
James
What was going through my wife's mind? It was a thought that ruminated with me on most days.
Okay, every day.
Sometimes Zara would look at me with an odd expression, as if I were a new organism she was studying under a microscope.
We still hadn't made love, and this was definitely the longest time I had gone without touching my wife intimately.
I was desperate and so horny for her that even the sight of her bare ankles had my cock punching through my briefs.
Was she still planning on leaving me? What if she'd fallen out of love and nothing I did or said would make a difference?
It didn't matter to me if I was wasting my time—not until Zara said it was over.
Not until I had exhausted all avenues to save our marriage.
I'd never stop trying to prove to her that I finally saw her.
Not just as a mum and wife, but as a partner; as my equal. As someone I loved and appreciated.
April twenty-seventh came around too fast for my liking, and before I knew it, Bronwyn arrived home from her jaunt abroad with a bag full of gifts for the girls.
My face burned with shame when I greeted her, recalling everything my wife had confided in her with—all my sins and shortfalls and the ways I mirrored her ex-husband.
I'd always gotten along well with Bronwyn. For someone who jetsetted at least twice a year, Bronwyn was super involved with Zara and our girls' lives. She was warm and funny, and we always had a great laugh together.
"Hi James, how are you?"
"Fine, Bron. You're looking well." I bent to hug her and tried to gauge whether her embrace felt different. What must she think of me?
"I'm making fish and chips for dinner tonight. Hope you're hungry."
"Starved." Her smile looked normal, and there was nothing frayed or stilted about the way she was looking at me. But then again, Bronwyn was the type of person who showed everyone love and kindness.
I made dinner while my wife sat on the couch, a soft smile on her face as she watched her mum play with her grandkids.
Now and then, I'd refill Bronwyn's wine or check whether they needed anything.
All the while, Zara would glance at me with that same odd expression, like she was seeing me for the first time—and she wasn't sure she liked what she saw.
"Wow, this all looks so good, James. Thank you."
I smiled my thanks at my mother-in-law before subtly glancing at Zara. Was she impressed with what I made? I felt like a school kid trying to show off in front of my crush.
My fears were heightened later on when I urged Bron and Zara to relax in the living room while I cleaned up the dishes. Their loud chatter and laughter had started to quieten down, and a wave of panicked suspicion knocked against my heart.
Whenever I glanced up, I spied Bronwyn and Zara whispering away in the corner. Now and then, Bronwyn would flick her eyes towards me before giving me a soft, almost guilty, smile.
That foreboding in my chest deepened. Christ, what if it really was too late?