Chapter 12 #2
Zara's eyes were wide with shock, her face even more pale than before. When she opened her mouth to respond, I held up my hand to cut her off.
"It's okay. I shouldn't have been eavesdropping." Although I was so fucking glad I did.
"What–what did you hear?'
I closed my eyes as I recalled the worst day of my life. "I heard you telling Bron how you understood why she left your dad. That you were sick of being disrespected. That you…that you wanted to leave me, and that you thought your life would be better if you were a single mum."
She drew her hands out of mine and twisted them onto her lap. Her breaths were coming out in hurried slopes. "I'm sorry you heard all that. I was frustrated. I was angry and hurt."
I glanced at her, trying to catch her gaze. "So you didn't mean it?" I gently pushed.
Her breath suspended briefly before she gave a quiet sigh. "You know my complicated feelings about my mum leaving dad when I was a kid. I was angry at her for so long." She shook her head before she glanced towards me. Her smile was sad.
Over the years, she would mention how she wished she and her brother hadn't been children of divorced parents.
How her whole life was upended, and that the majority of the blame went to her mother for initiating the divorce.
Even though Zara and Bronwyn were super close, there was always a generational hurt that lingered between them.
"But when I look back at it now," she continued. "I remember my mum being so chill after the divorce. I'd never seen her look or act so happy and stress-free."
Zara wanted that for herself. I knew, without her saying it, that she craved happiness again.
She wanted a life that didn't stress her out and make her sad—a husband who didn't act selfishly and completely disregard her feelings.
Knowing that I was the alternative she wanted to avoid, cut me really deep.
I licked my dry lips as I searched for the right words. Even though we were sitting side by side, our outer thighs touching, there was still a distance that kept us emotionally separated.
"Your dad...fuck. It kills me, Zar, because your dad is bloody useless. Sorry! But he is. You don't have much of a relationship with him, and it kills me because I know I'm not like him."
"No. No, you're a wonderful dad to our girls."
"But I'm a shit husband to you."
She sighed tiredly as she picked at the material of her jeans. "I'm exhausted from carrying the emotional labour of everyone. I'm tired of sounding like a nag."
"You're not a nag, babe. Far from it. I'm the child who –" I stopped myself and shook my head.
"No, actually, I'm worse than a child because I knew.
I knew that you hated me coming home late without calling you, and I knew that you hated repeating yourself when I could just check the calendar.
I took for granted that you would be there to take care of our household, the girls' activities, schoolwork, plus ensure that you and I always made time for each other.
I knew all that, but instead of making life easier for you, I made it a burden.
" My voice cracked, and I had to physically sit on my hands to avoid reaching out to Zara.
"I'm sorry, Zar. I'm just so sorry."
She sniffed, her hand coming up to wipe at her eyes. "I'm sorry you overheard my conversation with Mum. I should've just talked to you."
"But you did, babe. You did try and talk to me, over and over."
She peeked up at me, the beginnings of a smile flirting around her mouth. "Is that why you've been so...helpful lately?"
My mouth curved in a wry grin. "At first, yes.
I love you so much, I didn't want to lose you.
So I was willing to do anything and everything to win you back, to forget about leaving me.
" My intentions weren't exactly altruistic to start with.
They were performative, without a true understanding of what my wife did to keep the cog in our home life moving.
"At first, I tried to fill in the gaps when needed, before I learned through really observing you, just how you kept everything afloat.
Then, something changed for me on a profound level.
I'm not only doing this so you won't leave me.
At first, I did," I confessed. "But it's so much easier and better when we work together as a team.
Zara," I finally reached out and cupped her soft cheek, my thumb brushing her tenderly. "I love and appreciate you."
Her eyes closed, and when she opened them again, they glimmered with relief and happiness. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me. Don't thank me for something I should've been doing all along."
"I thought you were having an affair," she suddenly blurted out.
My head reared back in shock. "What?"
A soft pink colour painted her cheeks. "That's why I went over to Mum's today. You'd changed so much, I thought you were seeing someone, and that your guilt was making you act differently. To throw me off the scent."
My breath hissed through my teeth. Bloody hell…she wasn't used to me acting like a considerate human being, so her mind instantly jumped to the most extreme option.
"Christ, baby. I would never. Other women don't even exist for me."
"We also…we haven't had sex in a while," she murmured, her voice thick with uncertainty. "I mean, I wasn't in the mood to have sex with you anyway, but you usually initiate it. I thought…"
"Sex comes easy for us. I wanted to show you in other ways that I care. That I love you. It wasn't easy; believe me," I quipped. The hardest part of all of this—apart from the fear of Zara leaving me—was trying to keep my hands, and my pecker, away from my sexy wife.
Red touched her soft cheeks, making her look adorable. "Oh."
I shook my head, still reeling from something so ridiculous. Having an affair? Impossible.
"Will you forgive me? Will you please give me a chance to prove that this isn't a one-off? That I'm willing to put in the effort to make this marriage truly beautiful. To make it the best version of what you deserve."
She lifted her hand to cover mine. "You do know that it's okay for you to go out with your friends, or to go to the pub after work or play golf."
I nodded. "I know. Just don't take the piss." Don't stay out later than planned without letting her know. Communicate and help out more around the house.
Zara's mouth curved. "Right."
"I'm so sorry for not seeing you, Zar. This has been a massive wake-up call. I'll never let you down again."
I bent down and placed my forehead against hers. "I love you."
I felt the tension leave her body; the relief palpable.
"I love you, too."
***
Two Weeks Later
Zara
I sat down on the couch, clutching my bowl of popcorn. A breath hissed beside me, and I tried really hard not to roll my eyes.
James shifted around, wincing and groaning in his loose sweat pants.
"Must you be so dramatic?" I tossed a few kernels into my mouth.
His breath puffed out in a small laugh before he groaned again. "Stop it. It stings when I laugh."
I carefully slid closer to him and softly put my hand on his thigh. "Thank you for getting it done."
He groaned again, and it was really a test of patience not to remind him that I was in labour—epidural-free—for sixteen hours.
"Baby, don't thank me for something I should've done years ago. We both made the decision to have kids, but your body and your dreams were the sacrifice."
"It's not a sacrifice –"
"Yeah, no. That's not what I meant, sorry. I just meant, you shouldn't be the only one giving things up for our family. This…" he gestured towards his genital area. "I mean, this isn't even a big deal compared to what you've done."
I grinned. "So you agree? You are being dramatic?"
"Once this heals, I'll show you how dramatic I can be."
"Remember, we still have to be careful for a few months. Just until we know that it's worked."
He groaned again and carefully moved his thighs apart before turning to me, ever so slowly. "I know. At least come here and give me a kiss."
I grinned and leaned over to plant a soft kiss on his mouth. "When you're healed, I'll kiss it all better."
He choked on a laugh before wincing. "Are you trying to pop my stitches?"
I tossed my head back and cackled.