Chapter 17
Petra
The cerulean shallows were lit by the first rays of a new day. They gave way to turquoise, and soon, there was nothing but deep navy water as far as the eye could see. No land. Only the sunlit ocean passing beneath us.
Conversation with Miles and Cal was difficult with the roar of the wind, so the three of us were silent atop our drivas.
With nothing to do but sit and wait until we made landfall tomorrow, I thought.
My eyes went blurry and unfocused, my mind swinging like a pendulum between pure confidence and utter hopelessness.
I could do this. I was doing this.
I was useless. I was out of my depth.
I had power in my blood and drivas at my call.
My powers weren’t enough.
I was strong.
I was weak .
I was foolish, foolish, foolish.
The pendulum always seemed to linger on hopelessness, always seemed to catch for an extra second on a raw edge of despair.
What the fuck was I doing?
Somewhere between the second and eighth hour — maybe it was the ninth — Adorex was in my mind. Petra. Okay?
I shifted in my seat, trying my best to stretch my hips despite the strap keeping me in place. “Yeah, I’m okay,” I answered. “Are you?”
Drivas. Strong.
A smile pulled at my lips, breaking the monotony of wind and sun and sea. “You are strong.”
Petra. Thinking?
“Yes. I’m thinking.”
About?
A humorless laugh escaped me. “One moment I feel sure of myself, and the next it all falls away. And that’s the truth, that I have no idea what I’m doing. Never really have, to be honest.”
Petra. Knows.
“No, I don’t.”
Yes.
“Unfortunately, no.”
Yes, Adorex answered again, the feeling behind the thought firmer this time.
“How do you know? How can you be sure I know what I’m doing?”
Mother. Katia. Katia. Knows.
“I appreciate the vote of confidence, Adorex, but I’m a far cry from my mother. Just because Katia knows what she’s doing doesn’t mean I do. I don’t even know her.”
Trust. Self.
Tears sprung in my eyes, hot and unexpected.
I blinked away the sudden barrage of emotion, but the question was staring me straight in the face.
Did I trust myself? What a loaded question.
Had I trusted myself back in Inkwell to find a way to provide for my family, no matter what it took?
Was that trust, or was it luck? Had I trusted myself to make the right decision about giving my mother and Castemont my blessing to marry?
Was that trust, or was it pressure? Had I trusted myself to defeat Noros, Saint of Pain, when that’s who I thought was the enemy?
Was that trust, or was it necessity? Was it a choice made for me by the blood that flowed through my veins?
I didn’t have a single answer, but those questions weren’t the ones that needed to be answered now.
The question was, did I trust myself now?
Did I trust myself to secure an army? To find Katia and Rhedros?
To defeat Malosym, somehow, some way? To step into the roles of queen and leader, strategist and champion for a cause far bigger than myself?
No. I wasn’t sure I did.
Trust. Self , Adorex repeated, now softer in my mind.
And I gave her the only answer I could muster. “I’ll try.”
◆ ◆ ◆
Sleep had been all but useless. I managed a few minutes here and there beneath the light of the moon, but there was something about the fear of slipping from my seat and plummeting into a darkened ocean that kept me from sleeping deeply, even with the strap.
And now that the sun had risen and we were somewhere in the stretch of midmorning, I could tell by the slouch of both Miles and Cal’s shoulders they’d experienced much of the same.
But my shoulders straightened, my posture stiffening as I saw the thin strip of black looming on the horizon. A low grumble reverberated from Adorex’s throat. It was… Oh, thank the Saints.
“I think I see land!” I called.
“Finally!” Cal shouted. Sweet relief pulsed through me. I couldn’t wait to feel the ground beneath my feet .
No. Land , Adorex thought.
The smile fell from my face as I squinted at the horizon. Light flashed within the black line, and it was headed towards us quickly. “Fuck,” I muttered to myself. “It’s a storm, isn’t it?”
Storm. Big.
I leaned forward, pressing my hands into the side of Adorex’s neck. “Think you can make it through?” She tilted her head up. “You want to fly over it?” An affirmative chuff, and we were sailing higher into the sky, Obitus and Gehenna following suit. “Everybody hang on!”
There was a definitive beginning to the storm — one second we could see the ocean’s midnight-blue waves beneath us, and the next all we could see were the tops of the charcoal clouds.
They roiled and stirred, thunder rumbling over the sound of wind in my ears.
Lightning crackled beneath us, illuminating the clouds from within.
“Holy shit!” Cal yelled, his voice full of joy from where he and Obitus flew at my left. “We’re flying on drivas over a damn thunderstorm! This is fucking amazing!”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it. Even Miles let out a laugh, a noise that settled something within me.
Cal tentatively pulled one hand from Obitus’ back, then the other, holding his arms out at his sides, just like I’d done the first time atop Adorex. He howled into the wind. “Come on, Miles!” he shouted to his brother. “Fly!”
I didn’t think Miles was going to listen, but I was mistaken, because he slowly, carefully lifted one hand, then the other. He let his head fall back, the wind pulling strands of his hair loose from its tie. For perhaps the first time since I’d met him, his face looked truly peaceful.
For a moment, I closed my eyes, too. A slow smile spread across my face as I breathed in the smell of rain. We weren’t at war against evil. We weren’t traveling across the sea to scare leaders into helping us. We were simply existing, experiencing joy in its truest form .
The moment was almost perfect.
Until something broke through the clouds below us and shot straight for Gehenna.
I opened my mouth to scream, to warn Miles, but it was too late. Gehenna fought furiously to right herself as she was pushed higher in the air by whatever hit her. It was…
Another driva.
Fire , Adorex thought, and I could feel her frenzied energy as she flew toward Gehenna and the intruder.
Could it be Rixa or Ventus? Could Nell or Whit have followed us for some reason? But those questions were put to bed when I saw the way its scales seemed to swallow the light, not reflect it the way Katia’s drivas did.
What the fuck?
The other driva’s talon tore into Gehenna’s side, and I watched in horror as the strap loosened around Miles’ thighs, just enough for him to slip from his seat.
Cal shouted, loosening his feet from Obitus’ scales. “I’m going after him! He can’t swim!” he called, unfastening the straps over his own legs.
“Neither can you! And the fall from this height will kill you! You take care of this!” I pointed to the unfamiliar driva as I frantically tore at my own strap. “Adorex, do what you have to!”
Petra. Idros. Wind.
Before I could decipher Adorex’s thoughts, I threw myself from her back.
“Petra!” Cal bellowed, his eyes wide with terror as he watched me fall.
The last thing I saw before the clouds swallowed me was a line of fire headed straight from Adorex’s throat into the intruding driva’s side.
Lightning flashed from every direction, the thunder rattling my brain as I fell through the storm. I closed my eyes, frantically flipping through my mind like a stack of parchment. An idea had to be here somewhere .
“Come on, Idros!” I shouted, summoning the Saint of Storms. “Help me out!”
The clouds spit me out. A black ocean roiled beneath me as I sailed through the air, the raindrops pelting against my skin like a thousand tiny cannonballs.
And there he was, about forty feet behind me and a hundred below me.
Miles’ arms and legs flailed wildly as he careened toward an unforgiving sea.
An errant gust of wind rushed by me, pushing me backwards, and it hit me. The wind.
I stilled my limbs as much as I could, tapping into my well of power. I separated the fire from the storm within me, isolating the thread that connected me to the wind, and I pulled. An upcurrent of wind shot up from beneath me, and holy shit, I was slowing down.
With one palm facing beneath me and another facing Miles, I willed the wind to slow him, too.
I wasn’t able to summon much, but it was enough to give us a chance to survive the impact.
The sound of a driva’s roar reverberated through the air, so loud that it drowned out the thunder of the storm. What the fuck had happened?
Miles was within a hundred feet of the water, and I prayed to every fucking Saint that I’d get there in time.
I pushed harder, trying to cast out more power in his direction, anything to stop the fall, but I felt my power bottom out.
Please be enough , I chanted to myself before I yelled out to Miles.
“Keep your head above water!” I wasn’t sure if he heard me over the crackling thunder, the roar of rain pelting the seawater, and the screech of the drivas above us.
Miles plunged into the sea, a massive splash quickly swallowed by the undulating waves.
I braced myself as I hit the water next, the force so great it sent saltwater into my nose and mouth.
Terror coursed through me, my throat burning as I kicked wildly, emerging from the waves.
“Miles!” I shouted, spitting water from my mouth.
Which direction had he been? Where was he ?
And like a beacon, I saw a hand reaching from the waves for only a split second before it was swallowed again, and I took off in his direction.
I wasn’t the strongest swimmer, and the massive waves and punishing rain did everything they could to slow me down.
I saw the side of his face as he broke the surface, taking in a gulp of air before a wave crested over his head.
Please, Miles. A few more seconds.
I reached for his hand, pulling his arm over my shoulder.
“I’m here!” I shouted. “I’m here. Can you kick your feet?
There you go. I’ve got you.” His weight made it harder to keep us afloat, but by the fucking Saints, I’d manage.
Another roar from a driva overhead, this one a high pitched, painful screech.
The sky illuminated silver and orange — lightning and driva fire somewhere far overhead.
No words left Miles’ mouth, only strained, gurgling breaths as he fought to keep his nose and mouth above water.
His face was pale, his hair plastered to his forehead.
“Kick your feet, Miles,” I urged again. His boots collided with my shins as he fought.
Waves crashed over our heads. Saltwater stung my eyes.
Miles surged forward and suddenly more of his weight was on me — too much.
“Miles, you’re–” He pulled me under the water.
Somehow I managed not to panic. I knew he was taking a much needed deep breath.
But as I tried to surface again, even more of his weight pushed down on my shoulders, and I couldn’t break free.
I began to thrash, trying to wrestle out of his grip.
I screamed beneath the waves, a stream of bubbles cascading from my mouth as I clawed at his hands on my shoulders.
My fist connected with his gut, just hard enough for his grip to loosen.
I managed to break free, splashing to the surface while keeping his arms on my shoulders.
“Don’t do that, Miles!” I coughed. “I know you’re scared, but you can’t push me under like that!
” I met his eyes. They were wild with terror, something brewing behind the blackness I’d never seen before.
He looked crazed as he fought to stay above water, his eyes full of…
It had to be fear. “We’re going to be okay!
” I called, but I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince more, Miles or myself.
Something brushed against my leg, and this time, it wasn’t Miles’ boot. My breath hitched in my throat. What was that? Miles’ heaving breaths suddenly stopped, his eyes flying wide as he stared down into the water. Had he felt it too?
Whatever it was hit my leg again, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Adorex! I shouted internally, down the line between us. I tried to look around us, but with Miles’ arms slung over my shoulder, I couldn’t turn myself.
Kill. Driva, she answered. Bleeding.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Another wave crashed overhead, and just when I thought it was going to pull us under, something hit me from below.
The impact was so great I was launched from the ocean, saltwater burning my eyes as I tried to cling to Miles.
He lost his grip and was gone, like an invisible current had caught him and ripped him away from me.
Help , Adorex thought, but I couldn’t focus on her as I slammed back into the water, thrashing wildly, looking for Miles.
Again, my body was hit from below, pushed out of the water just as another gargantuan wave curled overhead.
But before it crashed down over me, I saw the familiar form of a driva breaking through the clouds, limp and lifeless, plummeting into the sea.