Chapter 25
Twenty-Five
It was maddening how time worked.
When it was something boring, it was like it was standing still. But when the clock was ticking down toward something you were dreading, it flew by.
Lori drove us north. I wasn’t sure where we were going, only that the portal was nearby.
Funny, all those tourists that flocked here convinced there was a path to another dimension. They weren’t far off at all, just a few miles away.
“Looks like nothing,” Lori explained. “Humans can’t see anything, and witches can wander through to their end.”
And she was right. We pulled off to the side of a dirt road marked by the largest willow tree I’d ever seen.
Theo’s foot tapped against the floor as he clutched my hand in his lap. I squeezed it every once in a while, hoping to ground us both.
We all piled out of the car, Lori and Matteo exchanging hugs like they were old, dear friends instead of strangers who’d spent one day together.
“I’m so glad to have met you,” Matteo said, wrapping me in an embrace. “Who knows? Maybe I’ll have to come back someday. Even if your beverages are questionable.”
I snorted. “Come back any time. If we have longer, I can show you New York.”
He gave me one last squeeze before letting go. “I look forward to it.”
Theo was still holding onto Lori as she whispered something in his ear. His gaze shot up to me and I didn’t shy away from it.
Matteo backed away, patiently waiting. It was almost like a hiking trail. Theo had explained to me that so much energy and magic was used to hide it that a human would never go wandering down it. If they did, they’d black out. The same reason it could only be accessed during a full moon.
I glanced up at the sky. The moon was bright and huge. I used to like painting it sometimes and I wondered if this night would ruin that for me.
Lori pulled away from Theo and rubbed his arms. “Come back any time. The store will miss you. You helped a lot of people.”
Theo’s eyes scanned hers. I knew how much those words would sit with him.
“I’ll be waiting up there, in the car.” Lori squeezed my shoulder as she walked back up the dirt path to the side of the road. “Take your time.”
Matteo patted Theo on the shoulder and headed off further into the woods. “See you on the other side, man. I’ll wait for you up ahead.”
Then it was just us.
We stood a few feet apart and he had his hands stuffed deep in his pockets, all of his contents in a backpack slung over his shoulder.
He was leaving with everything he’d brought into this world.
He’d be gone without a trace, but his memory would loom over everything.
I worried I’d never be able to untangle him from this town.
“I guess this is it.” Like magnets flipped the wrong way, I couldn’t quite bring myself back into his orbit. Not a repulsion, but something else. I knew as soon as I got closer I wouldn’t be able to hold it in.
Theo didn’t let me make the choice. He stepped toward me, his arms wrapped around me in an instant as he tugged me into his chest.
Tears sprung to my eyes. I never wanted to let go, and I’d regret it forever if I said nothing.
I drew in a shaky breath.
“What if you stayed?” I whispered, so quietly I wasn’t completely convinced I’d said it out loud until he pulled back with his hands on my upper arms and his eyebrows drawn together as he stared down at me.
“Y-you want me to stay?”
I let out a low laugh and brushed away a tear that had escaped. “I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted anything more.”
Something flashed in his eyes. Frustration? Confusion? I couldn’t quite read it.
“But…” He frowned and shook his head. “But you said no one would uproot their life for someone they just met. You said it was crazy.”
My cheeks heated as he threw my callous, casual comment back at me. Had I really said it like that? It seemed overly cold as he relayed it back to me. At the time, I’d been trying to make everything lighter—less intense.
“They don’t typically,” I said, worried he was already fading away from me.
“Then what…what are you saying?” His exasperation seemed to be coming more from uncertainty than anger. I wished I was better at this. Could two poor communicators actually make anything work?
I licked my lips, knowing I at least had to try.
“This might be it. I might never see you again. And I can’t let you go without saying everything.”
He dropped my arms and took a step back, bending down slightly so he was closer to my eye level.
“Say it, Josie. You need to be honest with me.”
“I…I just am really going to miss you.” More tears slid down. “Can’t you stay? Winter is beautiful here. There’s the holidays…what’s the rush anyway?”
He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a sharp exhale.
“That’s really what you want? Me to stay another month? Maybe two?”
I nodded eagerly. “Why not? We could get a tree. I could show you Christmas. Unless you already have Christmas over there…but still. It would be nice to spend it together.”
If I could get him to stay, maybe I could convince him to never leave. Forever was a hell of a lot to ask in this moment, but maybe I could ease him into it. Show him a life here could be just as magical without the actual magic. Convince him this realm wasn’t so bad.
To my surprise, a sadness plagued his expression. My smile dropped as soon as I noticed it.
“That’s it? That’s really what you want?”
I had the sickening feeling this was some sort of test I wasn’t passing. What did he want me to say? I was already laying my heart out, completely vulnerable, asking him to stay. What more did he want from me?
“Do-do you not want to stay?” I stumbled over my words.
He dragged a hand along his face and let out a bitter laugh. So unlike him I nearly flinched.
“That’s an impossible question,” he said. “What I want…is a lot bigger than that.”
“What does that mean?” I begged, reaching for him. I gripped onto his sweatshirt, like I could somehow keep him there with me.
“Do you want me or do you not want to be alone?” he asked, the words quiet and low.
I sucked in a breath, the tears now flowing more aggressively. He wiped them away with his thumb.
When I didn’t respond, he continued. “You asked me to stay another month…maybe two. You say you’re only here temporarily on your way back to the city.
You say you don’t know what your future looks like.
” He sighed deeply, squeezing his eyes shut before staring down at me again.
“You said people don’t rearrange their lives for someone they just met. ”
It was the second time he’d brought those words back up. I had delivered them so flippantly and they had been consuming him for days.
“I-I…” My voice caught. Did I take what I’d said back?
Tell him I would rearrange anything for him?
But it scared me. What could we be? What capacity of a life could I offer him?
I was still figuring myself out. I was a wanderer, unsure of what I was doing.
What kind of stability could I offer? What could I even say?
His jaw tensed as he looked at me with glassy eyes. It was like he was begging me to say something but I couldn’t quite get it out.
“What do you want me to say?” I asked. “I already asked you to stay. Can’t that be enough for now. Please don’t go.” I choked on the last word.
This was more than I’d ever asked of anyone. Didn’t he realize that? “I’ve always been alone,” I added. “I like being alone. This isn’t about that.”
His head tilted up toward the sky. The universe must have been playing a cruel trick on us, because ice cold rain drops started to fall after days of no storms. A few hit my face before they stopped. I didn’t have to look up to know that Theo had placed his forcefield over us.
He looked tortured as he glanced back down at me and then behind him. Where a whole other world existed. His world.
Here it was just me.
And who was I? Certainly no one to stay for.
“I think you’re the most significant person I’ll ever meet,” he said. “I’ve learned more about myself these past few weeks with you than I ever have before. I would do anything for you…but I need…I need you to say it.”
“Say what?” I cried.
I could see it then as an outsider. As if I was drifting above us. Two people who had never been loved right, scared to death, begging the other person to choose them. To make the first move.
We came from different worlds but we were two sides to the same coin.
The clarity didn’t make it easier. The mountain between us was still insurmountable.
He waited for more while I stood there shaking.
He finally sighed, squeezed his eyes shut, and stepped away from me to sling his backpack off his shoulder.
“Here,” he said, fishing something out of his bag. It was a small, soft-spined, leatherbound book with ragged edges.
His grandfather’s journal.
“Don’t forget about me,” he said, handing it to me.
“I can’t?—”
“I want you to have it,” he said, cutting me off and slipping his bag back over his shoulder.
“But—”
“I like that you’ll have something of me,” he continued. “And this is the only thing that matters.”
Tears now spilled over as I clutched the journal to my chest. A piece of Theo.
“Come here,” he said before crushing me in his hold. I wrapped one arm around him, the other holding the book between our chests. I breathed him in, memorizing everything about this moment.
“Goodbye, Josie,” he whispered into my hair.
The fight had left me. I didn’t have what it took. I wasn’t brave enough to deserve him. He’d have to uproot his entire life. His sense of being. His world.
For what?
Someone too scared to utter three simple words because it was too early. Because I was scared he wouldn’t say them back even though I could see them all over his face. I was a coward and I deserved to be left like one.
“Bye, Theo,” I said, taking in his face as he let me go.
He backed up a few steps before turning and walking away.
He didn’t look back.