Chapter 26
Twenty-Six
One upside of heartbreak was being able to pour it into my work, which was exactly what I did in the coming days.
Painted. Sketched. Painted some more. I even briefly dabbled with water color markers I found at the local thrift store before deciding that was absolutely not my medium.
Theo’s face was everywhere in my work. Pieces I thought were abstract, all of a sudden had his eyes.
Like the sad sack I was, I’d moved out of my bedroom in the guest cottage and into the one he’d been using. The sheets still smelled like him.
Every morning when I woke up, my heart ached as I made my own tea. Most evenings, I ended up at Lori’s shop or hanging at her main house. For someone who had always preferred being alone, now I found it quite suffocating.
“Are you doing okay?” Lori asked one day while I helped her in the shop. I’d been moving like a zombie despite my best efforts to stay positive.
“Totally,” I said.
She frowned as the customer she’d just been with closed the door to the front.
“You sure? Your aura is all gray.”
“You know I don’t believe in that stuff.”
“Even after everything?”
I sighed and set down the crystals I was holding, moving them from storage in the back to the store shelves where they could be displayed. “What shade of gray?” I found myself asking.
“A dull one. Practically washed out. Come here.”
I gave in, allowing myself to be coaxed into the seat across from her.
She took my hand gently in hers and flipped it over on the table between us. She winced. “That’s a lot. I couldn’t unblock that if I tried.”
“I feel fine,” I insisted again, even though I knew it fell on deaf ears.
She tsked and her frown deepened as she took a few breaths. “How have you been painting lately?”
“I don’t feel creatively blocked at all. I’ve been painting more than ever.”
She tipped her head forward. “And has there been a certain someone who appears in those paintings?”
“Er no…”
“Josie.”
“Lori,” I responded, eyes narrowing. I didn’t like this line of questioning. It was as if she was implying I wouldn’t be okay without him or something. I had gotten along perfectly fine being solo nearly my entire life.
“You’re torn up. How can you be so casual about this?”
“Because what else am I supposed to do? I can’t wallow. He’s gone. We barely even started.” My voice cracked on the last word and I squeezed my eyes shut, cursing myself.
“You’re ignoring your soul.”
I scoffed. “Am not.”
Lori softened, her forehead wrinkling with concern. “You miss him.”
I opened my mouth but let it close slowly. There was no use in arguing. I did miss him and I felt silly for it. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Oh, dear, let me hug you.”
I stood, before folding into her and holding on tight. I didn’t realize when she pulled one arm away.
“What’s that smell?” I asked when something aromatic wafted up my nose.
“I’m burning some sage.”
“Hey!” I pulled away and glared at her while she waved it up and down my frame.