6. Kendall
Kendall
To move forward, we need to go back, back to the beginning.
Well, almost the beginning. There are some moments in life that serve as a demarcation, a line in the sand, when something so pivotal occurs that you categorize time into before and after that moment.
This was one of those moments, so small yet so impactful I felt like time itself was frozen.
I stare at the pregnancy test, tears sliding down my face and fear settling in my gut.
The two pink lines are like a sledgehammer to my heart.
Unable to accept what I already knew to be true before I peed on this stick, I chuck it in the small garbage can and sink down to the bathroom floor.
I peel my knees up to my face and wrap my arms around my legs, letting loose uncontrollable sobs.
How did this happen? I mean, I know how it happened, I was familiar with basic biological processes.
But we had been so careful. I was on birth control and if I had forgotten to take it, Kai would use condoms. Then I remember the day we found out Kai had been drafted to the NHL.
We had a celebratory dinner with both our families.
We went out for drinks with our small but close-knit group of college friends.
We had both gotten so drunk we called an Uber to take us back to my apartment.
Then Kai and I had celebrated privately on the table, in the shower, and again the next morning in my bed.
We had clearly been too far gone to use any precautions.
Fuck. I cry harder thinking about how I could possibly break this news to him when he had his whole future and career ahead of him.
We both did. God, I love him so much and I know he loves me.
We can figure this out. He’ll know what to do. Everything will be fine.
Right?