42. Kai
Kai
Two weeks. It’s been two weeks since Kendall slept over and we’ve already reverted back to horny lovesick teenagers again.
If I’m not with her, I’m thinking about her and when I’m with her, I’m trying my hardest to get her alone and remove as much clothing as possible.
Practice, games, and visits with Akio and Ken eat up most of my time.
Which doesn’t leave a lot of room for anything else.
Realizing I haven’t heard from Aiden in a while, I drop by his apartment on my one free afternoon in weeks.
Whoever opens his door is the most haggard, unhinged version of him I have ever met.
A gaunt, pale face I almost don’t recognize peers back at me.
His hair sticks up in random places, bones peek out from underneath his skin, and his eyes are red rimmed and glassy.
And somehow, he smells worse than he looks, which is pretty fucking bad.
Like he hasn’t bothered to shower in days.
“What are you doing here?” he mutters, hand gripped firmly on the door that’s barely open. Which I assume is intentional—if this is how he looks, I’m a little terrified to see the rest of his apartment.
“Nice to see you too, asshole,” I remark with a smirk. “You realize it’s like two in the afternoon, right?”
“Yeah, so?” he grumbles.
“Don’t you have work or something?” I ask suspiciously.
“It’s a work from home day, what’s it to you?” he scoffs.
“Nothing,” I shrug. “I just came over to see if you wanted to hang or grab dinner or something. Maybe catch the beginning of March madness?” I ask hopefully.
“Tonight’s not a good night, Kai. I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on,” he replies and it’s obvious it’s a blatant lie.
“Okay, what about—"
“I’ll text you when I’m free, okay? Sorry man. Tonight won’t work,” he repeats, closing the door in my face.
What the fuck just happened?
I’m tempted to knock on his door again and force him to tell me what the hell is going on. But the state he’s in doesn’t exactly scream stable. I doubt he’d listen to what I have to say right now anyway. I text Kendall on the way to my car, needing someone else to weigh in on this.
Hey, random question. Have you talked to Aiden recently?
No why?
I was just at his apartment and he was being really fucking weird
Weird how?
Idk he seemed out of it
Drugs maybe?
Yeah I haven’t talked to him in a while.
Jenna still keeps in touch with him though. Maybe ask her?
Okay. Good idea
Thirty seconds later, Jenna’s chipper yet threatening voice answers my call, right as I open my car door.
“Hey stranger, to what do I owe the pleasure? You better not be fucking things up already with Ken.”
“Hey, Jenna. No, things are good with me and Ken. How are you?” I ask, attempting to make small talk.
“Things are good. Amir and I are doing well. California is gorgeous and sunny and about as perfect as you’d expect it to be in early March. But let’s cut the bullshit. I haven’t talked to you in ages. So, what’s up? Spill the tea, my guy.”
I sigh, resting my head against the steering wheel. “I was wondering if you’ve heard from Aiden recently?” There’s a pause so long I begin to wonder if she hung up on me.
“Why?” Her tone shifts from bright and cheery to deeply concerned in a matter of seconds.
“I don’t know. Things just seem off with him lately. I was just at his apartment and he was acting really fucking weird,” I reply. I didn’t even really know how to explain his behavior and what I just witnessed, but it definitely was out of character for Aiden.
“Look, I'm not sure if I should be the one to tell you this. But I guess if you’re calling me, you probably already know.” I hear chatter in the background and then it suddenly goes quiet, like she’s moved to somewhere more secluded and private.
“Aiden was in California last year for work. He stayed with Amir and I for a day and he didn’t leave on great terms.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean the morning before his flight, he asked me for a loan and I honestly thought he was joking at first. But he wasn’t. He told me he needed the money and that he would pay me back,” she explains.
“Did he say what it was for? I’m assuming you didn’t give him the loan.”
“Ah, beauty and brains,” she jokes. “I didn’t give him the loan. But I had a feeling he was in trouble. I didn’t have that kind of money to blow without a guarantee I would get it back. I mean, I’ve loaned him money once or twice but never this much,” she admits, her tone somber.
“How much did he ask you for?” I wonder.
“Five thousand dollars,” she answers quietly. I realize with sobering clarity that this is way worse than I thought it was. Fear settles in my gut while cold dread slithers across my skin.
I mutter a string of expletives under my breath. “What do you think it is? Drugs? Gambling?”
“I think it’s probably both. And I think he’s in over his fucking head, Kai.” I can tell by her tone that she’s serious, that she’s already come to terms with the gravity of the situation. But then why wasn’t she freaking out like I was?
“Fuck. So, what do we do? How do we help him?” I ask, panicked.
“I don’t think we can. Not yet anyways. Not until he’s ready to accept help. You of all people should know you can’t save someone that doesn’t want to save themselves,” she answers firmly.
“What are you talking about?” I demand, confused about the detour this conversation had taken.
“Kai…”
“Jenna…”
She sighs heavily. “I know you stopped drinking your first year on the Bucks. Kendall told me.”
“So? What does that have to do with Aiden? I’m not an alcoholic. This isn’t the same thing,” I respond defensively.
“Maybe not. But I saw the headlines. Your very public fall from grace. It seems like you were trying to drink yourself out of a tough spot, or maybe into an even worse one—"
“Are you nearing the point, Jenna?” I interject.
“Yes Kai,” she says curtly. “The fact remains that you decided to stop drinking and you’re still sober.
But would you have listened to anyone if they asked you to stop drinking?
Aside from Ken?” It’s a question, but she asks it with such unwavering certainty that it sounds like an accusation.
And we both know that she’s right, that she’s got me.
Because I was in such a fucked up place at the time, that nothing would have stopped my downward trajectory, aside from the threat of losing my career.
Aside from hitting rock fucking bottom. Which for me, was a DUI that almost got me killed.
“No, probably not,” I murmur.
“Exactly. You had to decide for yourself that you wanted to dig yourself out of that hole. That has to come first. Otherwise, best efforts, good intentions, interventions, rehab—none of it is going to stick.”
“So, you’re saying there’s nothing we can do? We just have to sit back and watch while he spirals and self-destructs?”
“I’m saying you can try talking to him, an intervention. Maybe reach out to his parents? But I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”
“Okay,” I respond, feeling defeated.
“And Kai? I’m proud of you for digging yourself out of that hole. I’m proud of you for a lot of things. I don’t think I ever told you that. Becoming a professional hockey player is no small feat. Losing her wasn’t small either. I know that.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you more when Ken left and everything happened. I should have been. That was shitty of me,” she admits.
“It’s okay,” I pause. “Did you know about Akio?”
“Yeah. But it wasn’t my secret to share. I had to respect her choice,” she reasons.
“I know…you’re going to make a great therapist, Jenna.”
“Thanks,” she chirps. “I got to get going, Kai. Keep in touch, okay?”
“Okay. You too.”
The line goes dead and I reflect on how blunt and honest that conversation had been. Exactly like Jenna. But also cathartic in a way I didn’t even realize I needed.
Last I knew, she was studying to be a licensed marriage and family therapist, undoubtedly spurred by her parents’ ugly divorce when we were in high school.
She’s going to be a damn good one. That phone call makes me realize how much I’ve missed her over the past couple years.
It feels good to finally have the band back together. Kind of.
But Aiden is a whole different beast, one I don’t feel confident I can tackle on my own.
Or at all. I thought this conversation would be illuminating and it was, but not in the way I had hoped.
I wanted to walk away with concrete solutions, something I could do.
But now all I have is more questions and crippling anxiety.
I feel the familiar hum of it buzzing underneath my skin.
It seeps into my chest and starts expanding like a balloon ready to burst. A frantic, crazed energy that’s itching to be released.
I’m terrified that the only person who can help Aiden now has already given up.