67. Kendall
Kendall
Emma and I are standing around chatting in the children’s area of the library while Akio and Maddox play with toy cars and dump trucks.
Music playgroup had just finished and Emma is in the middle of gushing to me about her hot date with Jax.
I feel him before I see him. His scent, earthy with a little spice, floats over to me.
His confident looming presence hints at his arrival, sucking all the air out of the room.
The timbre of his voice, deep and gravelly, travels over to me, tickling my arms with goosebumps.
I don’t quite understand the science behind pheromones, the reasons why my body reacts to his, and only his, like this. But I don’t particularly care either.
“I think you should turn around,” Emma states, eyes fixed on the man behind me. I do, already knowing exactly who I’m going to see and watch enamored as Kai makes his way to us. Every female gaze is locked on his towering frame, zeroed in on him. All the moms, librarians, and Ms. Candace included.
Kai is the kind of beautiful that makes necks snap and heads turn.
He has that raw magnetism and blatant sex appeal that makes women weak with lust and drunk with desire.
Over the years we’ve been together, I’ve witnessed smart, independent, strong women melt under his charm and forget their own name.
They all fawn over him and I can’t blame them.
In college, our close group of friends and his teammates referred to it jokingly as the “Kai effect.” I wish I could say I’m immune to it having dated him for so long and known him for longer.
But I’m not. I don’t think I ever will be.
Because his true superpower—the thing that makes him undeniably mine—is his ability to make me feel like I’m the only person in the room even though every single eye is trained on him.
“Hi,” he smiles, hands tucked in his pockets. He’s wearing dark blue jeans and a long-sleeved white Henley with a backwards Boston Bucks hat.
“Hi,” I chirp, unable to contain my excitement and pure giddiness at him showing up here unannounced.
“I’m going to give you two a minute,” Emma says gleefully before walking over to Akio and Maddox.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, taking a step closer to him. He coils his arms around me, my hands landing on his broad chest. We’ve developed an audience but I honestly couldn’t care less.
“I missed you guys and I thought maybe Veronica needed to be knocked down a peg,” he smirks, mischief in his dark eyes and my heart threatens to give out.
“You came here to rub our relationship in her face?” I whisper, scandalized.
“Yes, is that immature? Insane?” he asks.
“Mhm.” It was diabolical, petty, totally unnecessary. Un-fucking-hinged. I love him more for it.
“So, should I just leave then?” he jokes, pretending to turn away from me. I grab his arm and spin him towards me, pulling him closer.
“No, definitely not,” I shake my head while biting my bottom lip.
He lifts me up, his arms hoisted underneath my thighs, so that we’re chest to chest. And then he kisses me long and deep like he’s just returned home from a goddamn war.
Like I’m the first drop of water after a drought.
Kai kisses the same way he fucks. Without holding anything back; with passion in his eyes and forever on his lips.
It happens in slow motion this kiss, at least it does in my brain.
My feet pop up wistfully like I’m starring in my very own romantic comedy, my arms swooping around his neck.
And I think happily to myself, I deserve this man who looks at me, touches me, cherishes me like I’m the greatest gift he’s ever received.
Because that’s exactly what he is to me.
I’ll never get tired of being kissed by him, like he’s drowning and I’m his only source of oxygen.
He groans against my mouth while I laugh and pull back from him slightly.
“This is not suitable for children. Let’s keep it PG here,” I whisper even though I want to do anything but that.
“Fine, fine,” he acquiesces, pecking my nose and setting me down on my feet. Akio is bounding over to us in seconds.
“Kai Kai!” he squeals, running into his arms.
Kai lifts him up and spins him around twice. “Hey little man, I missed you,” he says.
“I missed you!” Akio replies, draping his little arms around Kai’s neck and squeezing him tight. Moments later, Veronica’s blonde ponytail and made up porcelain face appear by my side.
“Kendall, can I talk to you for a second?” she asks.
“Sure.”
“Go. I’ll watch him for a few,” Kai says winking.
She walks over to the large windows that look out into the courtyard of the library and I follow her.
Veronica is clasping her upper arms and glancing down at her feet.
She’s definitely nervous. This isn’t someone who has ever had to eat her words and subsequently swallow her pride.
I’m certain of it. Kai’s little stunt has accomplished its intended effect.
So then why do I feel so sleazy about it?
She clears her throat awkwardly. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for what I said about you and Kai. I was obviously very wrong and he’s clearly crazy about you,” she observes quietly.
“Veronica, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal,” I respond. Even though it had been, even though her hurtful words had stayed with me long after she uttered them.
“No, it’s not,” she admits, picking at her nails.
“I get like that, you know? I had a hard time in high school. I was bullied pretty badly and I didn’t have a lot of friends.
It’s not an excuse. I’m just trying to say that I learned early on the best defense was a good offense.
Things only got worse in college and now I have a husband that barely speaks to me…
” she trails off. “But anyways, I’m sorry. ”
For the first time, I see Veronica for exactly who she is.
Someone who has tried and desperately needs to protect herself.
Someone whose self-worth and confidence have been chipped away at so thoroughly, the only way she can rebuild it is on the backs of others.
She isn’t some selfish cruel bitch, at least not entirely.
At one point, she’d probably been exactly like me—hiding in a bathroom stall listening and sobbing while other girls tore her apart.
Or worse. And I know intimately those wounds don’t always fully heal.
What she needs from me isn’t more anger or more hatred, more reasons to believe women are only out to get each other.
What she needs and may not deserve is grace.
“Would you ever want to get drinks or dinner with me and Emma? Sometimes we get together outside of playgroup, you know, without the kids,” I say smiling. It’s real, genuine, inviting. Probably the first time I’ve ever smiled at her willingly.
“Sure,” she replies. “I’d love that.”
I don’t envy Veronica, not anymore. And I won’t be holding a grudge against her either.
So many of us hide who we are, our pain, our secrets underneath a mask that we show the world.
Everyone from time to time has to protect their hearts the only way they know how, with fangs and venom.
But how many of us, when given the opportunity, actually admit fault, accept blame, and attempt to repair the damage?
Veronica did. At least she’s trying. And I suspect it’s taken a lot to get her here.
I certainly am not going to get in the way of that.
It seems like more than anything, Veronica needs a friend and I’m in no position to turn one of those down.
When I return to Kai and sidle up next to him, he hands Akio back to me.
“How’d it go?” he asks, slinging his arm around my shoulder.
“Better than I thought it would,” I say. He gives me a lopsided grin as the three of us walk out of the library together.