89. Jenna
Jenna
Iopen the door and step out into the hallway, wrapping Kendall in a tender hug. I hope it softens the blow of everything I’m about to say.
“How’s he doing?” she asks, worry etched into her features. She’s tired and stressed; it’s clear she hasn’t been sleeping well for a while.
“He’s not at his best right now. Not even close.
He’s broken and he’s scared, Ken, and he feels like a failure, which we both know is new for him and probably the most terrifying.
” She nods her head, intently listening.
“I’m going to tell you the same thing I told him.
I’m going to give you a harsh dose of reality tea and hope you don’t scald yourself on it, okay? ”
She takes a step back, eyeing me precariously.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she demands.
“It means that I know you want to go in there arms swinging and have it out. And I’m telling you it won’t end well if you do.
That and he doesn’t have much fight in him right now.
That’s not what he needs.” I’m pushing, grasping at straws but it’s imperative she understand the gravity of the situation.
“Okay,” she looks at me tentatively. “What does he need?”
“He needs you to wrap him up in your comfort, your love, your security. He needs to know you aren’t going anywhere and that you forgive him.” The last part will be the hardest for her to swallow, I know that.
“I’m supposed to just forgive him just like that? Why? He doesn’t owe me a conversation?” She scoffs in frustration. I take her firmly by the shoulders and peer into her eyes.
“Because it’s Kai. Because he deserves it.
Because he forgave you even when he didn’t have to and even when it would have been easier for him not to.
And because to be frank, the more pressing concern here is that he’s drowning.
He needs you, Ken. Think of all the times Kai has always—and I mean always—had your back and been there for you and Akio.
It’s your turn to show up for him. His entire future has been pulled out from under him. He can’t suffer through that alone.”
She has tears in her eyes and I know I struck a nerve. “What if we just have too much stacked against us at this point?” she wonders quietly.
“Ken, I want you to think about your life in 10 years. In 20 years. How do you picture it looking? What would be the safest option for you?”
“It seems like you already have an answer to your own question, Jenna. So why don’t you just say it,” she says, wiping away a tear with the cuff of her sleeve. She intended to be rude, but it’s lacking all her typical bite and harshness.
“The easiest safest option for you would be to co-parent cordially with Kai. As friends. Maybe you stay at your current job, maybe you find one that’s just as steady and financially secure but somewhere else.
It wouldn’t look very different from what you’re doing right now.
Maybe someday you find a nice guy that treats you well and fits into your life but not seamlessly. Not perfectly. Not the way Kai does.”
“Or...” she presses.
“Or the other unsafe, wholly terrifying option would be to make things work with Kai. The man you’ve been madly in love with since we were 15.
I don’t think you want to settle. I think you want the option that scares the shit out of you.
I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think that.
It’s going to be messy and hard and it’s probably going to feel like two steps forward and one step back a lot of the time but I promise you it will be worth it.
” She’s crying big, relieved tears now as I take her hands in mine.
“How do you know?” she blubbers.
“How do I know?” I laugh. “The same way I know the sun is going to set in the west tonight and rise in the east tomorrow. The same way I know water is wet. You guys are soulmates, Kendall. Someone somewhere, cleaved a heart and a soul in two. You got one half and he got the other. You are two parts of the same whole. I don’t have to tell you this.
I know you know it. But if it helps, I’ll say it anyways.
You two together just makes sense; you two apart makes very little.
I don’t know how else to explain it. And I never really fit into our little trio, not the way I wanted to.
But I wasn’t supposed to either because what you two have is love.
It’s always been love. It used to make me mad, a little jealous.
But I get it now that I have Amir, my missing piece. And I want that for you,” I explain.
“I want that too. I want whatever option gives me Kai. All of him,” she admits.
“I know you do babe. So, go get him. Help him fix this and make things right.” I’m done meddling and playing matchmaker. How they move forward now is up to them.