Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
T he wedding is glorious. Of course it is. Lulu is gorgeous in a floor-length 1920s-inspired ivory silk and French lace dress, with small capped sleeves. Her hair is pinned up in a soft chignon, with small wispy waves framing her face, and on her ears are slim diamond drop earrings. If ever a girl stepped off the cover of British Vogue …
The ceremony is surprisingly short, followed by an incredibly long photo shoot against another flower wall, this one covered in small pink rosebuds.
Meanwhile, I’m completely at a loose end. I really need to keep myself occupied, because anything is better than thinking about Ben, in the hamster wheel that’s my mind at present. Ben, who’s probably already in the sky, zooming back to Sydney. I try hard not to think about it because every time I do I feel guilt and then an immense sadness.
Thankfully, everyone is swept up in wedding fever and they don’t have the time to realise Ben isn’t there until after all the formalities are over and the cocktail hour has started. Mum and Dad finally notice I’m standing by myself, and when they ask, instead of making up some lie, I suck in a breath and say, ‘Let’s talk about it later.’
I thoroughly enjoy the brilliant Italian food, and have positioned myself near the kitchen to get first dig at the delicious mushroom and goat’s cheese arancini balls that keep appearing.
A waiter walks past and I’m about to say, ‘Are there any more risotto balls?’ when Chip makes a beeline for me, with a worried look. ‘Have you seen Lulu?’
I shake my head, thinking I’m the last person who would know where she was. ‘Not since the reception started.’
‘Would you mind helping me look for her?’
I swallow the urge to say, ‘Have you checked in front of all the mirrors?’ Instead, I manage to say, ‘Are you sure she’s not just off chatting somewhere with the guests?’
Chip bites his lip. ‘We … ah … had a bit of a fight. And I thought you may know where she’d go.’
Fat chance. I don’t know Lulu at all, but I’m not about to admit that to Chip, who looks rather like he’s lost a puppy.
‘Okay.’ I shrug. ‘Let me try.’
I check the bathrooms first, as they have all the mirrors, but only find two women having a conversation about plucking versus waxing, which I don’t want to stick around for. Outside, everyone is getting tipsier and tipsier. Even Aunty Janice is on the real vodkas, and seems to be hugging the grand curtains and saying to no one, ‘Shall I buy some like this for the lounge?’
I knock on Lulu’s hotel room door, check the front garden, and finally I sneak out to the side bar where no one is sitting. Just in case, I do a small walk up to the entry of the vineyard, and I’m about to turn around and give up, when I catch a flash of ivory pearl silk, and the glimmer of lace.
I tiptoe around the stone wall, and there she is: Lulu is lying, eyes closed, on the grass, as though she’d collapsed.
‘You’ll get grass stains.’
She sits up. ‘Will I?’
‘But you know that.’
‘Maybe.’ She pushes her creamy white stiletto heels off, revealing perfectly manicured pink toenails. ‘I just needed a moment.’
I raise my eyebrows. Lulu needed a moment?
‘ You ?’
‘I guess so.’
‘Um … are you okay?’
‘Chip and I had a moment.’
I’m not sure what she’s trying to tell me; it’s entirely cryptic.
‘Chip and Mia. They also had a moment.’
What ? I don’t know what to say. ‘What moments are we talking?—’
She cuts me off. ‘You’ll probably think it’s nothing. It was just a kiss. Years ago. Before Chip and I even met.’
Wow .
She picks at the hem of her dress. ‘But still, this morning, while I was getting ready, that’s what I thought about. Them. Kissing one night because they both got drunk. Then that thought grew and I found myself thinking, maybe that’s who should be walking down the aisle.’
I’m so surprised by this show of vulnerability from Lulu that I’m struck silent for a second before I manage, ‘That’s awful. Of course you’re thinking about it; it completely makes sense.’
She turns to me with wide eyes. ‘Does it?’
‘Yes. It’s part of the process: getting cold feet, questioning things. I mean, it’s a big day, one of the biggest. I think it’s normal to do it. And I’m sorry that happened.’
She shrugs. ‘He’s sorry too, but I can’t stop thinking about it.’ She picks a few blades of grass. ‘What if all this isn’t real? What if we don’t make it?’
‘The way Chip looks at you,’ I reassure her, sitting down beside her, ‘it’s clear how much he loves you. He adores you.’
She seems uncertain and I realise I’ve never seen her look like this, ever.
‘I’ve probably been horrible to everyone, a real Bridezilla, but it’s just because I wanted it all to be perfect. Because if it’s perfect, then doesn’t that mean we’ll make it?’
‘Perfect is a tough bar to reach.’
She looks over at me. ‘You seem to be reaching it. Everything in your life seems?—’
‘ Perfect ? Are you kidding me?’ I take a deep breath.
She shakes her head and her chin starts to wobble, and I think she might actually cry. And I don’t want her to spoil her make-up. Usually I’d just say whatever I thought she wanted to hear, but instead, I try telling her the truth for once.
‘You know, I always thought you were like the sun, Lulu, and everyone just rotated around you. And I hated that, and I think that’s why we’re not close. You always seemed the perfect one to me. Perfect job. Perfect looks. Perfect husband now.’
Her chin wobbles even more, and she lets out a half-sob, half laugh. ‘I don’t feel that way at all. Look at you, you’re off living halfway around the world, doing all these wonderful things, and Dad can’t stop talking about you: how nice you are, how you care so much about everyone. People flock to you. If anyone’s the sun, it’s you.’
I laugh incredulously. ‘Hardly. I always thought I was Pluto.’
‘Pluto? That’s not even a planet anymore.’
‘ Exactly .’
She shrugs. ‘Well, people think I’ve got it together, but I don’t. I don’t .’
‘Neither do I.’
‘But Adam, your job, everything…’
‘Yeah, actually, about that…’ I take a deep breath and feel like I’m going to faint. My hands shake because this could ruin everything. ‘He’s … he’s not my boyfriend.’
Her eyes get wide. ‘ What ?’
I feel exhausted and embarrassed saying this out loud. ‘The real Adam is at home because he’s working, and so I … brought a stand-in.’ I feel a wave of guilt. My stomach churns.
‘But … why ?’
‘Because I thought you’d all say stuff about me being single if I came alone. Gem-man can’t get a man, or something.’
Lulu bites her lip and looks at me. ‘I’m sorry about that, the whole thing. That was the only time you came to my birthday and it felt like we were really sisters , so I talk about it, even if we weren’t nice to you at all.’
‘Really?’ I let this sink in. ‘ That’s why?’
She nods. ‘And then the other night, with Mia telling that entire story to everyone. I wasn’t expecting that.’ She shrugs. ‘Sometimes she’s just a bit…’ She can’t finish the sentence.
Normally I would have brushed it under the rug, and said, ‘Oh that? That old thing. It didn’t bother me at all.’ But Weasel’s words stay in my head. At the cost of your own happiness? Stand up for yourself, because sometimes no one else will.
‘It really hurt me, and it was very embarrassing.’
She nods. ‘I’m sorry. I really am.’
I take a deep breath. ‘And while I’m being honest, I didn’t want to do your name tags. Or your music. Or bunting. I just wanted to be here as your sister.’
Her eyes well up and she nods. ‘I’m so sorry, Gemma. Can you forgive me?’
‘Yes.’ I nod and look at her. ‘Can you forgive me for bringing a stand-in to your wedding, who is actually a colleague that I despise?’
‘Despise? I’m not sure that’s the word I would have used.’ She gives me a small smile. ‘Where is that colleague now?’
‘Well … we had a bit of a fight, so I told him to go home. Ben, by the way, that’s his name.’
Lulu laughs. ‘So you’re not perfect.’
I laugh too. ‘And you’re not perfect.’
‘Maybe no one really has it together.’
I smile wryly. ‘Look at us, sitting here on the grass because we both tried so hard to be perfect, and we finally had to admit we just aren’t. No one is.’
She reaches out and puts a manicured hand on mine. It’s cool, and slender, and I grab it. We smile at each other. And it feels nice. Neither of us is the sun, just both big chunks of space granite hurtling around this vast universe, trying to find a place to fit.
She squeezes my hand and I grin. It’s such a relief to just be us. Sisters. Just the way we are.
‘And Lulu, I’m sorry for what happened with Chip, but he loves you. And you’re actually a really, really good couple.’
She smiles and the warmth radiates off her. ‘I needed to hear that.’
‘He’s going to make a great addition to the family.’
In the spirit of generosity she says, ‘If it helps, I pluck my grey hairs too. Been getting them since I was twenty. I shouldn’t have pointed yours out. I was just being bitchy.’
‘Bitchy Bridezilla.’
She laughs and I laugh, and for a moment all the years drain away.
I give her a smile. ‘Now, are you ready to get back in there? Dance the night away?’
She grabs my hand. ‘Yes.’
And as we enter the ballroom, Chip sees her and immediately beelines for her. Before he gets here though, she leans in and whispers in my ear, ‘That guy, Ben or fake Adam or whoever he is, I think he likes you too, you know. The way he looks at you… I can tell.’
I’m about to say, Of course he doesn’t , but her words catch in my mind.
The way he looks at you.
And there’s a shiver up my spine because I know the look she’s talking about. It’s the one Ben gave me after we kissed. But he’s gone. And that makes me feel incredibly sad.