Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I try and shake off the sadness the best way I know how: with champagne. I swig half a glass, and decide I don’t want to see Ben. He’s an idiot. So it’s a good thing he’s on a plane.
The bubbles fizz about in my head, the way champers does, and when a great tune comes on I sashay to the dance floor like someone who’s just shaken off the weight of the entire world, or Pluto, from her shoulders.
I shake the moneymaker. I do the YMCA, even though the music isn’t YMCA at all, because that is far from cool. I don’t care. I am not cool, never have been cool, and I’m good with that. Cool is too much effort.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see my mum and dad looking a bit tense, and out of habit I think, Shit, no, I need to go and sort this out. I’m about to walk towards them, but I stop.
They’re adults. They can look after themselves.
Ugh. Ben’s probably a million miles away, and still I can hear his silly words in my head. Instantly, I feel sad again, thinking about him leaving, I miss him. I miss bantering with him, laughing at him. But I’m still mad at him. Livid. Editing my book… I stop thinking about it. I have to. Enjoy the night.
I walk off the dance floor to grab another champagne because I’m thirsty and I need it. I push through the crowd, who are all getting drunker by the second, and I spot Lulu hugging Chip. All is well. She winks at me, and I wink back, and it warms my heart.
Suddenly I smell a hint of fresh forest in the air. I stop in my tracks and look around. But I can’t see him. God, am I making this up now? Ridiculous .
A slightly tipsy man sidles up to me, ‘Gemma, is it?’ He’s got a bit of a paunch, but I can’t fault that because I have no curves, so he has enough for both of us. His face is warm and red, a largish nose that’s definitely Scottish, and he reminds me a bit of Santa Claus, and this is exactly why I didn’t want to come to this wedding alone.
I try not to sigh. ‘Yep.’
‘I’m Gary, by the way.’
I sip my champagne and hope he’ll get the point: I’m not interested.
‘Do you want to dance?’
Not at all, Gary . I’m about to let him down gently when he points across the ballroom where an older woman is watching us excitedly, clearly his mother. ‘Maybe just one dance?’
Oh, I get it. I feel an instant pang of sympathy for him.
I nod and let him lead the way out onto the dance floor. As luck would have it, the DJ puts on a slow track. I hate slow dances, but it’s too late to back out now. They’re just so cheesy. Dear lord.
Gary, like a gentleman, puts one hand on my lower back, stiffly, and the other he holds out for me to grab. I do, but his hand is cold, and his palm is slightly clammy, so I try not to let them touch too much.
‘So you live in Australia?’
‘Yep. You?’
‘Oh, um, England. Yes. Midlands. Work in finance.’
‘Right.’
‘Single for about four years. Wife left me.’
Jesus, Gary, that’s a bit much for a first dance , I think.
‘Sorry to hear that.’
While nattering on about dating apps, Gary tries to break the stiff side-to-side shuffle by twirling me around, and when I finish turning I’m facing the bar.
My heart stops. There he is. Weasel. Ben. Dressed in a tuxedo, and it does not disappoint. The crisp white shirt is open at the neck so I can see his tanned beautiful chest, his wall of muscle. His jacket is open, showcasing black pants that hug his legs. Black leather loafers, no socks. God, he’s even put on glasses. Glasses with black frames, like he’s a sexed-up Harry Potter. Or an Abercrombie and Fitch model. He looks glorious.
He’s holding up a whiskey and he takes a sip, looking directly at me. He winks (cocky little bugger). He puts down the whiskey slowly, and then starts pushing through the crowd. I’m so happy I want to cry. There are pieces of me that like him. So many pieces. Pieces that are invested. And I’m mad at him, but I’m also happy. I’m so fucking happy that he didn’t leave, I feel tears in my eyes.
He taps Gary on the shoulder, and Gary looks around and freezes for a second before realising what’s happening. When Gary gets it, he backs away, leaving Ben and me staring at each other. His blue eyes are bright, his skin looks tanned from the Italian sun, and his lips have never looked more inviting. I refuse to dance with him, so we just stand looking at each other on the dance floor.
‘Wow.’
‘Wow, what?’
‘So you can dress. You look … gorgeous.’
I won’t blush, I won’t give him the satisfaction. I try to say with a hint of nonchalance, even though my heart is beating out of my chest, ‘What makes you think I’m talking to you?’
‘Possibly the fact that you’re talking to me.’
Damn his arrogance.
‘I want to explain everything, if you’ll just give me a chance?’
‘You have two minutes.’
‘Before you say it, I know what all of this looks like.’
I look around, my eyebrows raised. ‘Um, it looks like a dance floor that we’re standing on while not dancing.’
‘No, the book. And then coming back here now. But I wanted to apologise in person. I am your plus one after all, right?’
‘ Were. ’ I can’t make it easy for him. It goes against everything in my being, which right now is screaming that I should apologise too, sweep it under the rug, like I always do.
He grimaces. ‘Finally, Evans, you’re making this hard.’
I nod. ‘Guess so.’
He pushes his hand through his hair nervously. ‘I royally fucked up. I’m really sorry about making you feel uncomfortable.’
‘Right. Is that it?’
‘And editing your work. I shouldn’t have done that. You said no. It’s just … I wanted to help. I was out of line, and I’m sorry.’
‘Okay.’ I give nothing away, but inside, parts of my ice queen facade are melting.
‘And I wouldn’t come back for most people. In fact, I wouldn’t have come back for anyone else. But I would for you, so I’m here, and I want to make this right.’
‘How?’ I can feel myself relenting.
‘By telling you my edits were terrible, and you should throw them in the bin, and pretend this never happened?’
‘Hmmm.’
‘Are you a little bit happy to see me?’
I try not to smile. ‘No.’
‘Would you like me to get Gary back?’
‘No!’
He smiles ruefully. ‘So maybe we could just have fun together at this wedding? As a plus one, a friend. And then when we get on the plane you can swear to never talk to me again.’
I don’t want to never talk to you again.
‘Well, I guess this is what it’s come to then,’ he says with a shrug as I remain silent. ‘I’m invoking the law of pineapple.’
I try not to giggle. ‘It’s a law now?’
He looks at me very seriously. ‘Yes, they passed the bill just recently. Which means Gemma Evans has to give at least one pineapple truce to Benjamin McDonald for being an idiot, since he held her hair back when she was sick.’
I narrow my eyes teasingly. ‘Well, if it’s the law… I wouldn’t want to go to prison.’
‘So we’re okay?’
‘I guess we are.’
‘You do really look gorgeous.’
I go very still. And check his face for any signs of insincerity. But find none. ‘Thank you, faux boyfriend.’
He rakes his hand through his fantastic hair. ‘Any time, faux girlfriend.’
He’s about to say something further when the DJ stops the track. ‘And now it’s time to go out on the lawn, and enjoy the releasing of the doves,’ he croons in a low voice.
‘Dove time?’ Ben repeats. ‘Are you on dove duty?’
‘Nope, thank goodness. So much has changed since you left.’
He gives me a yeah? tell me face, but before I can, we are ushered with the rest of the wedding crowd to the front gardens. I eye up the place where the taxi left me just a few days ago, and think about how different everything feels now.
Above, the sun is setting, and the fairy lights twinkle. There’s an almost full moon. On the lawn, Lulu and Chip stand together, staring into each other’s eyes again, very much in love. To the right, Mia is gorgeous in a long aquamarine slip dress, and eyeing up Ben like he’s a snacky prawn cracker.
‘You can mingle, you know.’
‘I’m happy here.’
A warmth flushes through me.
I look out at the front lawn where the cages are being set up. ‘Do you ever wonder if those doves really get set free? Or are they just recaptured again? What a life.’
He gives me a wry smile ‘Are we about to stow away twelve doves in our suitcase?’
I nod. ‘Adventures of the?—’
‘Terrible Twosome.’
‘That’s awful. We’re editors! We can do better than that. Terrific Tales of the?—’
‘Tortured Tautologists.’
I groan. ‘Don’t give up your day job. Or actually, do,’ I tease. ‘Perhaps it would be Gemjamin. Or Benma. Terrible.’
‘Did you just say our couple names?’
‘Oh, no, not couple. Just um … putting our names … like combining … a moniker…’
‘Right.’ He gives me a sneaky smile, and my stomach twitches.
Once the doves are released, we are led to a makeshift dance floor set up outside, and the DJ plays a few last tunes whilst the six-piece orchestra waits to play. Of course.
It’s all very Lulu. I wouldn’t be surprised if she left via helicopter. Or a gigantic blimp. The things we do to try and be perfect. Just thinking about it makes me smile.
Ben offers, ‘Are we dancing?’
‘We can, I suppose.’
‘Don’t know where those hands have been though…’
‘Just saving doves.’
He laughs and I follow him onto the dance floor. It’s an upbeat song, and we start dancing next to Mum and Dad, who both have left feet and keep going in the wrong direction, but look like they’re having a lot of fun.
‘By the way, Lucas asked me to say hi.’
My eyebrows rise, as if to say, You were talking about me.
‘Yes, Gemma, I did mention the unpredictable quirky girl I happened to be holidaying with, who kinda sent me home.’
‘But I thought he couldn’t speak.’
‘Video chat. He can make some hand movements. But I’m sure he smiled when he heard about you. He’s not an easy win either.’
Suddenly the music cuts to a slower number. I’m about to leave the dance floor when Ben whispers, ‘Shall we?’
My stomach flips and I feel faint. I’m nervous because it’s Ben … and I really want to dance with him. For some reason I want his warm hands on me and I don’t want to walk away.
I step towards him. Unlike that first night, I’m closer now. His hand on the small of my back. His jaw twitches as I lean in. A loose lock of hair falls across my face, and he pushes it back gently. I can smell him everywhere around me. Delicious and warm.
He pulls me towards him, strongly, carefully, until I’m pressed against his chest. God, he smells good. I turn my face to the side, and I can hear his heartbeat and it’s going so fast, like crazy.
He whispers into my ear, ‘I missed you. I missed fighting with you. I missed talking to you.’
I gulp. I missed the same things.
Finally, I lean back and look at him. ‘I took your advice and told the truth.’
‘And?’
‘I told Tony no. And I told Lulu how I felt. And it kinda worked out.’
‘Ah, so that’s why I saw you and Lulu walk in holding hands. So the day went well?’
I grin at him. ‘Really damn well.’
‘You look happy.’
I tilt my head. ‘I am. Really happy.’
‘Good.’ A slow smile spreads across his face. ‘It’s funny, I took some of your advice too.’
‘You did?’
‘Yep. Several things. I sent Lulu some good-luck flowers, and told her her sister is amazing and a great support.’
I feel the world disappear under my feet, and I’m floating. ‘You did?’
He nods. ‘And I had to call the office and speak with Gavin, so I made sure to ask him how he was doing, and how his four kids were.’
I’m surprised. ‘Unironically?’
‘Unironically. And … it kinda worked out. He seemed happy that I’d asked. And after he told me that his kids had drawn all over his wall in permanent marker, he told me about an author he thinks we could get for the new luxury brand, and it’s pretty exciting.’
‘See.’ My eyes glimmer.
‘See.’ His eyes glimmer. ‘So, we’re okay then?’ he says, a smile playing across his warm lips.
I grin at him. ‘I guess we are.’
‘Good, I’m glad.’
He rests his chin on my head, and it feels so natural that I lean into his chest. I can hear his heart beat. Feel the smoothness of his chest. We rock back and forth gently and I close my eyes and breathe in his deep woodsy Christmas wonder smell, which I’ve grown to love.
‘This is nice,’ I say into his chest.
‘Hmm?’
I look up at him, into his piercing eyes. ‘I never would have thought you and I would be doing this.’
‘I’m glad we are.’
My small lace purse starts vibrating. ‘Sorry.’ I look down at the phone and see it’s Adam calling. Not now. I haven’t even considered what I’m going to say to him. I press decline.
My bag vibrates again. ‘Shit, sorry.’ I look down at my phone, and a pang of guilt erupts inside me. I need to talk to Adam; I had thought of waiting until I was back at home, but maybe it’s something I have to deal with now.
I step away from Ben. ‘You know, I should really get this.’