Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
I walk quickly off the dance floor, my phone buzzing in my hand.
I step towards the garden, where just a few days ago, I rocked up in a taxi wearing old Qantas pyjamas. I smile ruefully. How things have changed .
I find a small, cloistered spot away from the wedding party, and answer Adam’s call.
‘Gemma! Where have you been?’
‘Um, at the wedding.’
‘I just thought you were going to call in the morning, your morning, when you were feeling better.’
Oh crap, I meant to but then I woke up and there were croissants, then coffee, then hair, and I completely forgot. ‘Oh shit, it’s been?—’
‘Are you okay, baby?’
‘Yes, great. But actually?—’
‘How was the wedding?’
‘Yep, also great. Flawless. Lulu looked beautiful. Mum and Dad both cried. Marla spied her next husband. You know. A typical Evans kinda outing.’
‘So, I’ve been a busy boy.’
Boy ? I cringe. It’s amazing how when you realise something isn’t right you suddenly get the ick.
‘You have?’
‘I’ve been talking to the new executive team at Lincoln. There’s a lot of great initiatives they’re involved in. Charities. But also community weekends away, that sort of thing. Spouses too. It’s for all the managers and executives.’
‘Oh, um, great.’ Why is he talking about this?
‘And the team that go, they’re all married, and with kids, most of them. I don’t think girlfriends make the grade. And that was just a catalyst, and with you being at a wedding it dawned on me. Why not?’
‘Why not?’
‘Maybe we do it too.’
‘Do it?’
‘Get married soon. You and I.’
‘Oh?’ I laugh nervously.
His voice shifts a gear. ‘You don’t want to?’
‘Well … I…’
‘It’s a simple yes or no.’
My heart starts to beat fast. ‘Is this, like, a proposal ?’
‘Well, it would make a lot of sense, especially since we’ll be buying a place soon. We’ve already discussed it, so we can just do it a bit quicker than we had planned. We can do the formalities when you get home, but yes, let’s do this thing.’
This thing. I think quickly about the ways I’ve dreamed to be proposed to: in a bookstore, during a walk through autumn leaves… Not over the phone, like it was a business deal, or part of a goal-setting plan. And definitely not when, just moments earlier, I’d been slow dancing with someone else.
‘Gemma?’ He sounds concerned. ‘You okay?’
‘Just … shocked. And Adam, I need to?—’
‘You just wait. I’ll get a great ring. I’ll send you the photo as soon as we hang up. You’ll love it. I think I have nailed exactly what you like. Flower style.’
He’s right, I do like flower rings. But this just feels … wrong .
‘Let me know when you’re coming home. I’ll pick you up at the airport and we can talk about this. This is good, really good. Love you.’
I’m left with the sound of silence. He’s gone, just like that. I think about the Adam List that I crumpled up and put in the bin. It’s not enough , I think.
Here’s a truth: I know Adam and I are not that good. I think I’ve known for some time, that I told myself it was easy, but it isn’t. I’ve edited myself in this relationship. I was trying so hard to be someone I’m not. I’m emotional, and I will never be a robot. And I can’t keep apologising for that. In fact, I don’t want to apologise for that.
Another truth: for a small part of this trip, before he was a douche, I knew I’d rather be kissing Ben, and if you’re thinking about kissing someone else when you have a boyfriend, it’s not good. I kissed him on the tiny plane because I wanted to. That’s the absolute bare truth of it all.
I know already I can’t go on like this. And if I go back and just say yes to Adam, we’ll get a house, and a ring, and then it will be just that much harder to undo.
Still amped up on adrenaline, I think, Now, just do it now. My brain is running in circles with things to say… How do I start this conversation?
I don’t think we should…
I’ve been doing some thinking and…
I walk back towards the wedding party, where Ben is waiting. ‘You okay? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.’
Normally, I’d laugh at that. Normally . But now I’ve just been proposed to, and over the phone. Let’s do this thing.
‘Gem?’
I can’t feel my toes. My feet. My lips. ‘Ben, I think I’m…’ I can’t finish the sentence, especially not now.
I look at my phone, as if it had the answers. ‘Adam just proposed.’
Ben looks over my shoulder and his face goes white.
I look around, and there she is, in full earshot.
Marla.