Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
‘“B en”?’ Marla is flipping her head between Ben and me like she’s at a tennis match. ‘Don’t you mean “Adam”? What’s going on?’
Marla’s tone of voice is shrill, and it’s already attracted the attention of anyone within a five-foot radius.
‘What the hell is going on?’ Marla demands, and the scent of musk almost sets me off again. She calls over Lulu and soon Mia and Mum flock around as well. ‘I think the bride deserves to know what is going here. At her very own wedding. Like … like treachery! Treason!’
I will not indulge her, because she is an over-reacting monster. I will keep calm. I haven’t plotted to remove my half-sister from her throne of matrimony. It’s just a little case of mistaken identity.
‘This isn’t Adam.’ Marla’s voice has shifted up an octave and a hundred decibels as she declares this to anyone within a hundred yards.
Mum grabs Dad, who happens to be walking past. She whispers something in his ear and they both look at me, waiting as if I’m about to tell them Marla has made all of it up. But she hasn’t. It’s me who’s lied.
Ben looks down at me. I open my mouth, but no sound comes out. He whispers, ‘You don’t have to do this. Just call me Adam.’
But he’s wrong. I do have to do this. I have to tell them, and why. I always planned to, just never like this.
Finally I say weakly, ‘His name is Ben. And he’s not my boyfriend.’
Marla gasps. ‘You’ve brought a stranger to our WEDDING?’
Mia almost looks gleeful. She turns to Ben. ‘I knew Gemma could never get someone like you.’
‘Is this true, Gemma?’ Mum looks like I’ve broken her heart.
Lulu is staring at me, the hard stare of a bird, but instead of anger, I feel waves of something else coming off her. Protection. She steps towards me and holds my hand. ‘I already know. And it’s fine. Gemma can have whoever she wants to at this wedding.’
‘But I think we deserve an explanation, Lulu,’ Marla demands.
My mum looks crestfallen.
‘Not really,’ Lulu says, still clutching my hand. In this moment, right now, I love her. I feel that for the first time in forever, we’re sisters . ‘Since this is my wedding.’
Mia is eyeing Ben up like he’s the last morsel on a buffet table and she’s about to pounce. ‘So you’re single?’ I hear her saying.
Marla is demanding that I tell them what is going on, and why she is paying for another seat at the table, and who the hell is this guy? And Mum looks like she’s about to cry and Dad is asking if I’ve made it all up.
And God, I feel so guilty, and I don’t want to hurt anyone else, and I have nothing to say that will pull me out of this. Yes, I lied. I brought my colleague to a wedding and pretended he was my boyfriend. Yes, I have no idea what is happening with my actual boyfriend. It’s all too much.
I feel like I’m going to faint. ‘I … uh…’
Instead of dumping me in it, Ben stands strong behind me, and whispers in my ear, ‘You have got this.’ And my heart starts to beat faster. I open my mouth to say something, but no words come out. I just gob a bit like a fish.
Ben clears his throat. ‘What I think Gemma wants to say is how much she loves you all.’
‘So much she lied to us?’ Marla is livid. ‘And on our day ?’
‘Well, really it’s our day,’ Chip says and shrugs. Marla glares at him.
Mum clears her throat. ‘Gemma, honey, is it true? Did you lie?’
‘Well, the truth is…’ But I can’t continue. God, what a mess. My throat has something stuck in it, something that is stopping me from saying how I truly feel. It’s the fear that gave way to Nelly Nicepants. The fear that if I admit the truth, maybe they won’t want me around anymore, maybe it will be like that time my dad left, and maybe Mum will leave too this time.
Ben squeezes my hand and tries to speak for me again. ‘The truth is my name is Ben… I’m just a colleague, helping out, because the real Adam is back at home, dependable, and secure and setting them up for their future.’
‘No. No ,’ I say a little too forcefully. I won’t let him say things that I’ve discovered aren’t true. ‘Well, yes…’
‘Gemma, make it quick, the mayor is just over there,’ Marla hisses.
Ben looks at me, and mouths the word ‘Basilisk’. It’s exactly what I’m thinking. ‘C’mon, Hermione,’ he whispers.
I nod, then turn around to face them all. ‘Ben’s telling the truth. The real Adam is at home. He couldn’t come because he has a new job to focus on. And he is nice. And, well, he’s just proposed to me. Over the phone.’
‘You’re engaged ?’ Mum looks like she doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
For a moment, I picture my life with Adam for the next ten, twenty, thirty years. Successful. Stable. Easy. We’ll be the type of people that have Saturday plans, cycling around Narrabeen Lake, maybe two houses, one a holiday cottage by the beach that we let out. A really nice remodelled kitchen. A stash of expensive red wine. Great coffee. A French press fit for a king.
But that’s not what I want anymore.
‘No. I, um … no, I’m not.’
I look at Ben, standing beside me like he’s protecting me, keeping me safe. Then on the other side is Lulu, holding my other hand. I’m telling the truth and no one is leaving me. In fact, I feel more loved and cared for than I have in my entire life. I feel so choked up I get tears in my eyes and blink them away.
‘Anyway, like he said, Ben is my colleague back in Sydney and, despite a rocky start, he was the best pretend boyfriend I could have asked for. He even came on a tiny plane for me even though he thought he was going to die. So everyone, I’d like you to meet Ben. My uh … uh…’
‘Your new boyfriend?’ Lulu suggests, eyebrows raised as she gives me a small wink.
Mia looks shocked. ‘What?’
I shake my head. ‘No. But I do like him. A lot. He’s actually pretty great. He quotes Shakespeare and he’s funny and kind. Actually, I think he’s wonderful.’
I look at him. He’s guarded. Of course he is. I’ve just told him I’ve been proposed to, and now he’s standing in front of my family, which feels a bit like facing the firing squad.
‘You all deserve the truth.’ I look around at them. ‘I don’t know why I’m admitting this to everyone, but I don’t really feel like I fit in here. In this family. I never felt enough. I was always trying to be so nice, to fit in, to not cause a fuss, but it never seemed to work.’
‘Oh Gemma.’ My mum’s eyes mist over.
‘And the other night, with the … the Gem-man jokes and then getting sick. It was horrible. And I think I would have left, except for this guy.’
I look over at Ben. ‘He looked after me when I cried and while I vomited.’
‘Like a walrus,’ he adds.
I laugh. ‘Apparently like a very ladylike, beautiful walrus. And he helped me stay, rather than pack my bags and leave. And he made me see that I’ve exhausted myself trying to be nice to everyone else, so I’m not going to anymore. I’m going to tell the truth.’
His eyes tell me that he has been wanting to hear those words for ever. I can see the bottom of his jaw twitching, and his hand clutches mine a little tighter.
‘So, truthfully, there are some things that I would like to say.’ I can’t stop now because I’m on a roll, and I’m nervous but doing it. ‘Lulu, I loved our conversation earlier today and I want things to be more like that between us from now on. Mum and Dad, it’s weird hearing about your sex stories, but I’m glad you’re happy. And Marla, well … so many things. But mainly, no one cares if the fucking mayor is here.’
‘Gemma!’ Mum looks shocked but also pleased that someone other than her is putting Marla in her place.
‘Apologies if any of that came out wrong, but it’s going to take me a minute to get used to being vulnerable, and telling you how I really feel.’
‘I’m sorry about the Gem-man night. I didn’t know how much it bothered you,’ Mum says, still looking teary. Dad nods in agreement and Lulu mouths, ‘Sorry’.
Mia sniffs as though all of this was so unnecessary.
‘And Mia, I don’t even know why you’re in this little huddle. You’re not family and I’d rather not discuss this with you. And Ben isn’t for you. So I think you’d better give up and move on to someone else.’
Mia huffs and strides off. I feel an urge to call out something to get her to come back, and realise old habits die hard. But I resist. I stand silently and let her sulk away. Ben grins at me and I can’t help but smile. Who am I ? My inner voice says, Slay, girl, slay .
‘Lulu, I apologise if I stuffed up your wedding, or took away any of the focus. I really needed to share all of this though.’
‘Consider it all forgiven.’ She gives me a warm smile. ‘Especially if one of you gets me another one of those pink fairy floss things.’
‘Done. I’ll get you thirty.’ I turn to look at Ben. ‘Finally, Ben. Ben Thomas, you annoy the crap out of me, but also, you’re lovely, a true stand-up guy and so genuine. So thank you.’
Marla sighs. ‘Well, this is just a waste of time really. I’m going to see the mayor. Some of us do care that she’s here.’
Dad and Mum smile at us, and Mum hugs me and tells me she loves me, and that really makes me glow from the inside. Then Lulu winks and says, ‘Where’s my cocktail?’ and we all laugh. But they know to give us some space.
‘That can’t have been easy.’ Ben stands close, and just by being there, it feels like he’s absorbed some of my worry. ‘But you did the right thing. Ten points to Gryffindor.’
I grin. ‘It felt pretty darn good too.’
I see a hint of trepidation in his eyes. ‘Since you’re on the truth wagon now, tell me, how do you really feel about me doing those edits?’
A flush of residual annoyance runs through me. ‘Beyond annoyed. Livid.’
He’s not affected. ‘I bet you haven’t even read them.’
‘Correct. I deleted the file.’
‘I knew you’d do that. Check your Writing folder.’
I lean back and stare at him. ‘You saved two copies?’
‘I know you.’
I laugh. ‘You make a good faux boyfriend.’
‘Yep, if that’s what we’re doing.’
I want to ask, What are we doing? but I don’t. Because there’s still one thing to clear up.
‘So, five people down, one to go. Adam.’ I give a deep sigh.
‘You’re going to say no?’
‘I need to tell him it’s over – we’re over.’ I shake my head. ‘We ran the course. I don’t hate him, we’re just … different.’
I have some things to take care of I should have dealt with a long time ago.